She sniffed the air again. The smell of fire burning was faint, but what caught her attention was the scent of bread and fish. Her mouth watered. How long had it been since she had eaten? At least a day based on the order from the kitsune. She couldn't see the food, but it was there. She was sure of it.

"For finishing your mission, you can eat. Being a tool isn’t all you were meant to be. Remember that well as we build you into a powerful weapon. Your soul will always belong to the clan no matter how much you fight it.”

Shizu reached the table. Her hand brushed against the cold floor. She sidled onto the cushion and folded her legs under her to sit upright.

She didn't wait for anyone else to give her permission to eat and grabbed a bowl and brought it close to her. It was hard to see what she was eating, but she could brush her hands across the table to find different foods awaiting her. Her fingers swept across the bowl. Fish. She picked away at the flesh, mixing it into a small bowl of rice she found to her left.

The tang of the fish melted down her throat followed by an acidic taste. She took another bite, thinking it was just her imagination. The second one still had the burning sensation. She pushed the fish to the side and took a drink of water. The cold liquid washed the remainder of the burn, but it had an aftertaste that reminded her of soap.

She sat back and took a deep breath. The food wasn’t the best, but it was at least filling. Better to not complain either with how the kitsune loomed around her.

Her stomach grumbled and she wrapped her arms around her abdomen. Knives dug into her sides as the food churned. She leaned forward, folding herself into a ball. Tears welled in her eyes and she started to shiver. Shizu grasped for the cushion, pushing it against her body for comfort. Neither it nor the cold stone helped against the onslaught of her body attacking itself.

"I think I'm sick," Shizu whispered through the pain.

"Nonsense," the kitsune growled. "You've been performing fine all day. Of course, you wouldn't be able to rest after stuffing your face as you did." His voice distorted like he was underwater.

"No, I think I'm actually—" It all came up, burning her throat the entire way. The scent of rotten meat with bile made her gag.

"Kuso! Someone get her out of here!"

A whooshing sound came from where the other kitsune had been hiding. In seconds, two men lifted Shizu into the air. Her feet brushed against the ground before her legs caved underneath her body. More of the food came up mixed with bile. It splattered across her feet

"Disgusting..."

"Humans..."

The eldest kitsune interrupted their grumblings. “To be expected. Her body can’t handle it yet. Give her time.”

The two kitsune dragged Shizu out of the room. She placed a little weight on her legs to help before they caved again. Her legs refused to take on any pressure without turning to liquid. The two lifted her fully into the air. A pleasant relief compared to her attempt at walking.

They stopped and the crak of what sounded like a door swung open. There had been no doors that they traversed from the training hall into the dining room, so she had no concept of where they were now. The kitsune dragged her in and planted her onto something soft. She brushed her hand against it. Soft cloth filled with fur. No doubt a bed and far better than she expected them to provide her after everything she went through. She dropped her head onto the pillow, closing her eyes to the spinning world around her. The soft, cool cloth adding some comfort to her struggle. Shizu wrapped her arms around her legs.

"Tonight, you sleep. In the morning you will eat again. Then you practice.” The orders sounded to be a struggle for the kitsune to get out, and many of the words were more like growls than language.

Shizu didn't question them. She nodded her head as best she could from the sideways angle. "Thank you for getting me to the bed." It felt strange thanking them, but neither of them had done anything wrong.

She laid in silence with her thoughts. It would be easy to kill herself once she returned to training. Slice her throat and fall over, and let the kitsune finish her off. She had no memories of her life before the kitsune, and this wasn’t the life she wanted. Even if she had chosen it willingly before her memory loss, she regretted every moment of it.

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“Kuso!” Shizu cursed and rolled onto her side.

She refused to let the kitsune win. They poisoned her and attacked her countless times within her short period of existence. They didn’t deserve the enjoyment of her death. She’d push through and survive. She would escape and find where she belonged in the world. Not with the kitsune. Not with the clan. Someone out there needed her and she needed them.

Once the two were gone, Shizu closed her eyes fell into a dreamless slumber.

#

“Ichi. Ni. San. Yon. Go!” Shizu counted.

It wasn’t much, but counting down made the time pass faster. Even meals didn’t upset her stomach nearly as much as before. She had lost track of how many days it had been since she started this training.

“Put the dagger down, Shizu,” the kitsune growled. Since their second day, Master called her by her name instead of girl or human. New respect he granted her, or so he claimed.

Shizu obeyed and turned to face her master. Her sense of hearing had grown to the point that the kitsune couldn’t hide as easily anymore. Every claw clicking on stone. Every breath they took. She didn’t need her sight to hear them.

“You’ve been training to hold the dagger like an extension of your arm for over a month. Now we must strengthen your mind.”

“Strengthen? But—”

“Don’t talk back!” A whip cracked through the air. “You will follow all of the training.”

Shizu nodded and bowed. “As you say, sensei.” She couldn’t believe that it had been a month. Her memories of before still hadn’t come back. Perhaps she didn’t exist before the kitsune. “What do you need me to do now?”

A rock rolled next to Shizu, tapping the side of her foot.

“Take that stone and every other stone behind you. Then place them into the sand at the other side of the room." He paced to the other side of Shizu. “Each one represents a promise to your clan. This one is your first promise. You are their tool to perform their will as they see fit.”

She pushed aside the lecture. She would dwell on that while she performed her training. "How far is that?" Shizu asked.

She bent to lift the stone. Her fingers wrapped around the rough-edged bottom of it and lifted it. It was far heavier than she expected it to be and she grunted after bringing it only up to her knees. The edges threatened to cut her palms open if she released them carelessly.

“You will find it yourself as you walk through the promises.” His voice was cold again just as it had been when she started her training.

She let out another grunt and took a step forward. There was another smaller stone she had missed and tripped over it. She tumbled forward, dropping the stone and hitting her chin on the ground. Shizu hissed from the pain and rubbed her chin. No blood. She took a deep breath and crawled over to where the stone lay and attempted to lift it again. Her fingers were going numb from the strain and barely lifted them above her feet.

"I can't! It's too heavy, sensei."

"Too heavy for whom?" the kitsune asked.

"Me!”

“You will bear each promise on your back henceforth. The weight will become part of you. Never forget that.”

“I'm not a farmer or a warrior.” At least, she didn’t think she was. “I can't do this anymore." She held her fingers out. She didn’t need to see them know how red they were. “There’s too many, sensei.”

Murmurs filled the room. Most of the sounds of agreement with her statement. It hurt that no one seemed to want to cheer her on. There once was someone who did. A woman? No. A man who praised her for even the smallest accomplishment. Where was he? Who was he? She couldn't remember and thinking about it made her head hurt even more than it already did.

Shizu relaxed her body and fell to the ground. Tears rolled down her cheeks, wiping away weeks’ worth of grime that had caked on her face in the darkness. She wanted to be a child. To go out and play like one and not worry about daggers or stones or kitsune wanting to kill her where she stood.

The room fell silent and she lifted her head. There was no clacking of claws on the ground. No growls of hunger. Just absolute silence. She let out a sigh, thinking they had finally left her alone and laid down. The stone was hard and covered in straw and cracks that made it impossible to find any comfortable position. Her exhaustion got the better of her, and she soon fell asleep on the cold, hard ground.