“Death”, said the being who was Death itself “is very strange, peculiar even, some might say.”
“How so?” asked it’s apprentice.
Death considered this and then in a tone which implied a slight detachment from the current conversation replied, “For one thing, the recipient of our services cannot apply for a refund, nor can they apply for a loan, reimbursement, pension programme or healthcare plan ”
The apprentice paused for a while and mulled this statement over seemingly trying to recall whether or not it was aimed at it, then with a slightly concerned sounding voice replied “Really? but Mr. Sharp sounded so sure of himself”.
“That may be the case, but he should most definitely be dead, a lifelong coma as well would have been acceptable. He should certainly not have walked away from an encounter with you gaining possession of 25 million dollars, dental and” Death stopped for a moment to let this sink in “a loyalty card.”
There was a pause as the apprentice struggled with this new information before it let out a quiet curse.
“I’ve buggered up then”
“Something like that, yes” said Death with a chuckle so quiet even he almost missed it.
“Oh” said the apprentice, still struggling with the information it had been given.“bollocks.”
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An awkward silence settled between them then, for they had only been introduced to one another about a hundred years ago or so and because of this conversation between them was still a little stilted and neither side was entirely certain of how they should treat the other.
Then the pause in their conversation began to reach an unbearable level of awkwardness, so much so that that the potted house plant in the corner of death inc began to wilt slightly from exposure to it. Death, unable to stomach the silence any longer let out a small sigh and said to his apprentice not unkindly. “Don’t sound so upset, these things happen. I did something similar when I first started.”
“Really?” came the apprentice's rather skeptical reply.
“Yes, though I don’t like to talk about it nowadays.”
Another silence descended.
“Oh all right then!” came a rather forced response from the apprentice ”It can’t have been worse than that loyalty card, I had no idea what I was thinking!” the apprentice opened its mouth to say something else but closed it when it saw Death deep in thought
Death was thinking, as Death often does in it’s freetime, and Death realised that his apprentice and all of it’s bumbling attempts at conversation and failed attempts at reaping souls rather reminded it of itself when it was young. It thought about how lonely it had been ever since his teacher had retired all those millenia ago and it thought about how much it disliked the awkward silences which were very common between the pair. If it wanted to change things it knew what it had to do.
It decided to take a risk and tell quite possibly the most embarrassing story of it’s entire career.
“Well… I suppose it couldn’t hurt too much to tell you… It would be very instructional from a certain viewpoint I guess” and with that half hearted attempt at justification Death began his tale.