Maybe it's wrong to live for happiness.

Sure, it brought many a human a reason to endure life’s many sufferings. Like embers that scare away the dark, those fleeting moments drive away the everlasting dark thoughts dredged by one wading through the many swamps and islands which compose one’s psyche. The journey of self-discovery, a lottery, in which one either starts in the swamps or on an island. Yet, one’s choices can lead to both negative and positive destinations, or, even no destination. That's me, like most, a wanderer.

But, its fleeting nature, a source of the toil and torment of many, brings to light a series of questions.

‘Why does this feeling exist? How can evolution ever lead to such a thing? Why does everyone want to feel it? Why?' Perhaps, consciously or unconsciously the thought may be. But why does it matter, why bother, or even pay attention, it’s not like you can escape for this cycle brought to man by nature, or if to your preference, God(s). Many religions have been brought forth with the promise of an answer in which some have claimed, and still claim, to do so. But, I know that to me at least, no such answer exists, they being just a facade in which people coat the world to hide its mottled, cracked, and discolored appearance.

But, enough of this train of thought, let's go over the causation of events that led to my current situation and state of psyche.

Hm, how do I start, lets take a perspective tainted by optimistic mania; don't want to reveal too much of what I'm going through right now.

In one moment, the rush of endorphins from my happiness imbued into me an interesting phenomenon of human experience. My surroundings came alive, previous stimuli which previously annoyed me, and were summarily ignored, were brought into the foreground. The biting chilled air of mid-winter brought to me a sense of freshness, the smells of the various curries from the surrounding restaurants brought enjoyment instead of repulsion, and colorful flashy signs trying to beckon one’s attention were no longer as annoying. It felt like I was… no, I am alive, the life I lived felt real and in the present.

But in the next, it's back again, a murkiness to your existence, like you’re drowning in a pool at night. The cold no longer felt fresh, just painful. The smells brought nauseousness. The signs made me seriously wonder if they were designed to give seizures to epileptics. Thus, a series of questions passed through my mind once again.

Maybe one should live for balance instead. Impartiality to one’s stimuli. That’s what Buddha taught right?

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Well, no matter, because right now I am currently falling into a hole in the ground! Not a figurative hole in which the abyss depicts one’s despair, even though I have a real feeling of despair right now, but a real hole in the ground, with a real abyss. An abyss which now is transforming suspiciously to look like space; stars, nebulae, galaxies… wait… is that a black hole?

What did I do to deserve this? I’m just a poor little Indian boy, trying to make a living in the wallet-hostile streets of the Big Apple. Honestly, my previous happiness was due to getting a position at INTA-Tech, a subsidiary of … I don’t know. Honestly, no one knows. One day the company just shows up pushing out a plethora of new technology at an unbeatable price; the holographic smartphone was one of my favorites. It quickly became one of the Fortune 500 Companies and became the leader of many markets. A dream job for any prospecting engineer.

Of course, the competing companies tried to investigate the source and even try to lobby the government with their in-pocket lawyers and politicians, but surprisingly they were somehow silenced in the next few days. Even the blood-sucking media was silenced. This of course led to an explosion of chatter in social media and forums of various websites blaming this phenomenon for a myriad of reasons ranging from aliens, conspiracies to god. Honestly, I was just happy I got a job in such a prestigious place, ignorant of all except the fact that I would be getting a fat paycheck every month.

Well, there I was, counting the number of extra takeouts I could have this month and thus avoiding the bane of all single males, maybe the bane of young adults as well, COOKING. Mad respect for my mother for putting up with such bullshit, and even feeding a family of four for a WHOLE month on a budget most people spend weekly on Starbucks.

“heuk, heuk…gulk, mmmm.”

Never mind one of those ‘stars’ just went into my mouth. Tastes like lemon candy. Well, when life gives you lemons, scream like a donkey being fucked in the ass. Shit, a stray nebula…smells like oranges. Actually, this isn’t so bad, now only if I could stop screaming!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“…1546, 1547, 1547… wait did I count that before?”

Now it has officially been longer than I could count, well if each number I counted equals a second, which I highly doubt, plus the amount of time I had spent screaming, I have been here for…well…damn I suck at mental math. WHAT an engineer who sucks at math! OH MY GOD!

To be serious I blame my calculator; too convenient.

Let’s just say 20 minutes…yeah feels like 20 minutes, I’d trust my internal chronometer over my math skills any day.

Ooh, a green star… come here apple-flavored morsel, come to daddy. What's next, a beige star, let's see… alter arm position, changing aerodynamic profile, opening ingestion orifice…ENGULF! Yum, chocolate with caramel, this place is Willy Wonka’s dream. Wait is that? Three in a row, initiating Waka, Waka, Waka. Delicious!

I now know the pleasures of packman, but hopefully, no ghosts exist in this place.

Well, as you can tell, my imaginary narrative audience, I am alive and breathing. Thus, there be air in this pseudo-void. Pseudo, because honestly, I have a sinking suspicion that I fell into a cosmic being’s version of a bag of m&ms. Very delicious m&ms mind you, but I can’t help thinking that if I was that cosmic being, I wouldn’t appreciate a random insect-eating all my goodies.

“Gulg…,” Meh, I never believed in greater beings in the first place.