Samantha McKinney stands in front of the door to her new apartment, holding a suitcase and a phone.

"Well." She says. "Here it is. Six-oh-six. See you in five years, sis." There's a beat. "Love you."

There's a garbled noise - most likely a returning "Love you." and Sam hangs up and opens the door, dragging her suitcase inside.

The lights flicker as soon as she walks in. Likely faulty wiring, she supposes. She strolls through the rooms, making sure the lights turn on - and back off, and back on again. The mattress is thin and ratty, and the bathroom sink is more likely to help put bacteria on her hands than it is to get it off. She flips over a cushion with a stain that she doesn't want to know about on it and sits down on the couch. It may not be much, but it's hers.

"All mine." She mumbles to herself.

"All yours," Says a voice from next to her.

She jumps off of the couch and scrambles to her feet, only to run into someone behind her, someone who had somehow gone unnoticed before.

"All yours indeed!" The person on the couch spits. There's a tone - they're indignant, she realizes.

She turns to the door, only to be met with another face. Sam spins around, and realizing she has no out, shouts "Who are you?"

One of them props themself against the person on the couch and yawns. "Calm down, we're here to help. We're just-," They fall asleep before they can finish their statement.

The person on the couch pushes themself up and clears their throat. "We thought it would be obvious. Clearly, you're not as smart as we originally assumed. We're the Seven Deadly Sins, of course."

"Of course," Sam mutters. "Wait, if you're the seven deadly sins-,"

"Speak in capitals, please."

"Wha- then why are there only six of you?"

"Because apparently, Envy has better things to do!" Screams one of them, throwing their hands into the air.

"We don't talk about it." Says another, jabbing a thumb at the one who'd just stood up. "It makes Greed cry."

Indeed, Greed does appear to be tearing up, but they wipe their eyes and continue speaking. "And this isn't your apartment. It's mine."

"It's ours." Says the one behind her. "And whoever else I bring home's."

With that comment (and their way-too-short skirt) She presumes they're Lust, and the one asleep on the couch must be Sloth.

"You never bring anyone home." Says another one. The biker jacket and fingerless gloves scream Wrath, and Sam puts another name to a body in this mental logic puzzle.

"It's not my fault we're incorporeal! If I had a body I would get so many dates, I'd like, set a record for the most dates in a day. It would be fantastic."

"Wait," Sam says. "If you're incorporeal, how can I see you?"

One of them pulls Sam away from Lust."Well, since you're going to be living with us, we've decided to grace you with the gift of being able to see my pretty face. Like a welcome present. Besides, it'd be inconvenient for you to report this place as haunted to the authorities.

"I'm Pride. Ignore what Greed said - about this not being your apartment. He doesn't know what he's talking about. You can live here so long as you can stand living with us."

"Are you going to eat my food?" Sam asks, an accusatory tone in her voice.

"Sloth, Lust, Wrath, and I won't. Greed and Gluttony will. Especially Gluttony."

Sam sighs.

"Yeah, we know." Pride rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed. "She's constantly complaining about being hungry, too." There's a muttered "somehow, before a woman in an overlarge sweatshirt interjects.

"It is not constant!" Says what must be Gluttony, yanking at a lock of Pride's perfectly curled hair with a chubby hand.

"Hey!" Pride shrieks, and for a second, their eyes turn deep red, their teeth sharpen, and their skin gets a shiny plastic sheen. Then it's gone, and Pride is just as put-together and human-looking as they were before. "Is there anything you needed?" She asks Sam. "We have a schedule for showers and things over the week under the bed - there's an 85% chance that you can do anything at Sloth's scheduled times, she just stays asleep on the couch mostly - ooh, pronouns, those are important."We have a schedule for showers and things over the week under the bed - there's an 85% chance that you can do anything at Sloth's scheduled times, she just stays asleep on the couch mostly - ooh, pronouns, those are important."

"Uh, yeah...,"

"I'm a she. As are Sloth and Gluttony. Wrath and Lust both go by 'they' and Greed is the only one who uses he/him. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go fix my hair, seeing as Glut fussed with it." Pride says and skips away into the bathroom.

Sam is glad she's gone - she had been nearly sure she'd never stop talking. Then she realizes it's gone silent and looks around. Wrath, Greed, and Gluttony are sitting in the corner whispering to each other, while Sloth remains snoozing on the couch, and Lust sits at the table and sucks on a popsicle they got out while nobody was looking.

"Hey, what's the big secret?" Sam asks, walking up to the three in the corner.

"You're a problem." Spits Wrath. "Do you have any idea how long it's been since we've chosen a human?"

"Yes," Greed says. "Three hundred years is a long time, Ra-Ra-,"

"Don't you fucking dare call me that."

"And it's all the more reason for us to get another human," Sam swears Greed's eyes turn a deeper shade of green. "Besides, I've been lacking in new things ever since we agreed to stop shoplifting."

"Would you be willing to become our human?" Gluttony asks. "You'll be hunted, you know, but at the same time, there'll be certain things that happen to you, certain...well, I wouldn't call them powers, but...you'll get something, at least."

Sam takes a deep breath. "I need a walk. Take it in. Give me a moment to think about it. I'll have an answer by the time I get back."

So Samantha McKinney stepped back out into the world of men, and, locking her door, she saw that the middle number on it had changed from a zero.

It now read 666.

Sam McKinney steps back into what is 1/8th her apartment and finds complete and utter chaos.

Sloth was on the couch when Sam left, but she certainly isn't anymore. Someone has draped her over the table, in a position that makes her look less like a human and more like a deflated balloon.

Lust is hanging from the light, which for however tall Lust is, still has them above the ground.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Pride is watching tv, if you consider, "flipping through channels so fast you can't tell what's going on," watching tv.

Greed and Gluttony are just sitting on the counter eating sandwiches, but they certainly aren't stopping Wrath from seeing how high they can pile up their china and still stand on it in their seven-inch heels.

Sam yanks Wrath down from their plate stack and tells them to and tells them to go and get Lust off of the light.

"Is this a yes to being our human?" Gluttony asks.

"Well-,"

Whatever Sam was going to say is drowned out by Wrath's shout as they pick up Sloth and throw her limp body onto the couch.

It lands on Pride, who shrieks, suddenly broken from the trance she had been put in by the television. Sloth does not wake up.

Then Wrath starts screaming at Lust to get down, and Sam injects herself into the situation, tackling Wrath and holding them down until they stop making noise.

"You can't scream like that. People will hear you." Sam says.

"No, they fucking won't." Growls Wrath. "You're the only one who can hear us."

"What?"

"Or see us!" Greed chirps.

"Yeah, I knew that. I just figured you had some form of communication with other people."

"We write letters sometimes, but that's about it." Lust says, finally dropping from the light.

"To who?" Sam asks.

"To whom. Just people who've lived in the same apartment as we have." Greed says. "We used to leave sticky notes around for them to find while they lived here."

"It was hilarious how they freaked the fuck out." Wrath says. "Well, except for that one time when shit hit the fan, and we nearly got exorcised."

"Yeah, that was less than fantastic." Pride sighs. "And before anyone says it's my fault - because it's not - I'd like to say that Greed possessed them first and weakened their will. Also-,"

"Nobody cares," Sloth says, raising their head off of Pride's lap for a minute to readjust herself before laying back down.

"To switch topics," Greed says. "Are you willing to be my human?"

"Our. Our human." Lust corrects.

"Mine." Greed mumbles and Sam sees that same flash of dark green from earlier in his eyes.

"I suppose that'll be the biggest shot I get at differentiating myself from my family, huh?" She says.

Wrath nods. It's got to be the first time Sam's seen them answer anything without some big dramatic show, and while Sam hasn't known them long enough for it to be distinctly jarring, it's also a little unsettling.

The room is silent.

"I'll do it," Sam says, and then, to herself again, "I'll do it." Like she's in shock.

Sloth is awake, her lidded eyes leaking a cloudy blue, and the dark, sickly green from Greed is becoming more and more prominent.

"You're sure?" Asks Wrath, smoky red fumes pouring from their mouth with every word. They're breathing heavily, as though the sheer amount of willpower it's taking not to pounce on top of her and bond to her is enough to get her out of breath.

There are implications with the phrasing of that thought that Sam is well aware she wouldn't come up with them on her own. She realizes they've already begun to claim her - claim being another word she would never have considered. The concept of it is slightly disquieting, but also a little exhilarating.

Sam nods.

There's a silence - cold and wet.

Then Pride takes her hand, and her head explodes with a flood of words. She can't think right, can hardly breathe right. After what feels like a million years but is probably only a few seconds, the messy jumble slows into a stream of what is still more words than she can handle at a time. The message, however, remains crystal clear.

She is better than anyone else she knows.

Greed lunges at her, and she feels the others' surprise - this was not the plan, not the designated order, but still, they manage not to freak out.

She is better than anyone else she knows, and she wants - no, deserves things. Anything she wants should be hers and hers alone. She reaches out to grab at something, anything and comes in contact with Gluttony.

The desire to have becomes the desire to consume, and it only gets stronger when Lust grabs her shoulders and tries to hold her in place.

Oh, she thinks she likes that. It's not a thought she can properly form or figure out, though. Her mind is hazy, and she can't think things through. She's tugged towards the wall by - she thinks it's Wrath?

Anger, panic, and confusion overwhelm her senses. The world is spinning like a top, and she wants it to end. She doesn't know what's happening or why and if it isn't going to stop on its own she's going to make it.

Then Sloth drags her onto the couch, and she blacks out.

When Sam wakes up again, she's alone, but she has the distinct sense of not being alone at the same time. It's like the feeling you get when you read a book in the same room as someone else.

She also feels distinctly hungover, and the knock-knock-knocking at the door certainly isn't helping.

It's nobody she knows, which, given that she has only just moved in today is to be expected. It's late afternoon - though it feels later - and that's the thought she's caught up in as she opens the door.

"Sorry to bother you, but I thought I heard a scream coming from this direction earlier. Are you okay?" The person standing in the doorway asks. They remind her immediately of Greed - something that feels both natural and very odd at the same time. They have the same curly black hair and emerald green eyes - not to mention the perfect posture and high, chirpy voice. They are a bit shorter, and a bit rounder, but the two of them are alike nonetheless.

Sam nods. "Yeah, of course. I just, ah, was a little surprised. You know when you think you see someone, but nobody's there?"

"Well, yes,"

"That's what happened. Oh, and don't be sorry to bother me. I'm sorry to bother you."

"Well, I'll be seeing you- what's your name?"

"Samantha McKinney, but my friends call me Sam."

"I'm Kent - it's short for Kenten, don't ask - Kent Rabbits. Well, it's nice meeting you," He winks. "Sam."

Then he's off, and Sam is closing the door behind him and sinking to the floor.

"How do you feel?" Pride asks, leaning over her.

"You six are going to be the death of me."

And Pride launches into another one of her speeches.