I make my way out of the apartment once again. How many times will I have to do this? Will it finally end some day?

The fast coffee tastes shit, as usual, and I’m too tired to even care about anything around me.

Why do I have to live in this shitty ‘regular’ world? There is nothing to aim for, nothing to progress in, and nothing that I can pursue.

God, I wish there was something that I could just pursue forever, something that would never end, and that I could be more than a regular human.

This world is just a bunch of regular humans who use schemes and cunning tricks to deceive the world and get what they want.

But how can they truly be happy with that? Do they not want to become something more? Something more than human.

I exhale loudly before drifting back to my thoughts about my life. I have never had a bad life according to other people, I was born with two loving parents, who were not rich, but were somewhere in the top middle class.

They, to this day, love me. I had one good friend, who after a while could not take it to stay a friend. My life started going worse after a couple of incidents.

Just because I tried to kill myself, why would you stop being friends with me!? It’s not like I want to be here!

I got heated in my thoughts again. No reason to be mad. I was just not lucky enough. After a couple of failed attempts, I got to where I am now.

Walking a fine line between life and death. I was not really suicidal anymore, but my parents say I should go to a therapist. That’s where I’m going now.

Right, back to the line between life and death. I am not searching for death anymore, but if it comes, I will welcome it with arms open. I just don’t think I was meant for this planet, galaxy, reality, or whatever it is.

I’m only going to the therapist as my parents were begging me with tears streaming down their faces. I have almost lost the feeling of things, but I still don’t want to see them like that.

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Finally, I’m on the bus. It felt like it took a year to get here. Let’s see, are there any free seats? Great! The entire back row is free.

I make my way towards the back of the bus as I continue to listen to the music in my headphones. I finally get the chance to sit down, and Jesus, it felt good. It’s like a 5km walk to the bus station, and it doesn’t even have a bench.

Today feels like a day I would love to die. Maybe if I’m lucky, something happens. Probably won’t, but I can always hope.

I will just close my eyes for the rest of the ride. Damn, this music is good!

“Hmm?” I quietly sound out as I open my sleepy eyes. There stands a short and skinny old man with an unkept beard. He keeps saying something to me but I can’t hear for the music.

It takes a while to wake up completely, but I take off my headphones and listen to him.

“Young man, we are on the last stop, get off.” Oh, so it’s the bus driver. Shit, I fell asleep, and now I’m somewhere far away.

“Do you know how I can get back? And where am I now?” I ask as I stand up, ready to get out.

He looks at me with a nod of pity before answering.

“We are in Uppsala. If you walk about 500 meters that way, you will find another bus station, that one will take you back.” He says, pointing to my left.

I sigh and make my way off the bus. The driver was nice, though. Most people wouldn’t even answer my question.

The way to the other bus stop was beautiful. The trees were in full bloom due to the coming of spring. There was an absence of people on the road, and the air was crisp.

All the people I see look so happy. How are they happy with their life? There should be nothing they can be happy about. We will never be something, Agh, it annoys me so much that they are that stupid!

I can’t really do much for them. If this is what they want, there has to be something wrong with them. But I can’t understand it, sometimes I wish I thought like them too.

Ah, finally the bus stop. I have walked long enough today that I won’t need to do cardio for my workout. The bus should arrive in like 2 minutes. I’m very lucky the other driver pointed me here, otherwise I wouldn’t have made it in time.

There I see the bus. Is he not going a bit too fast, though? Well, I mean the bus drivers are usually not very good at holding speed limits.

I stand up at the ledge to the road to make sure he sees me, and then I go back into Spotify to save my new favorite song that I found on my playlist.

The volume is really high, as I think metal music loses its worth if it’s not loud.

Right when the song ended, I look up to get ready and board the bus, but what meets my eyes is not the bus stopping right in front of me, It’s the bus about 5 meters to my left, heading towards me at full speed. The bus driver is waving his hands all over the place and seems to scream something at the top of his lungs.

“What!?”