The hungry masses file in as soon as lunchtime comes around. Hungry men are fed solid fare, simple ploughman meals today. Hard cheese, cold meat and bread, with a generous helping of the horrible beer. The longer I stay here the more I’m convinced the villagers here have some sort of stockholm syndrome relationship with the sludge they keep imbibing. As an experiment, I pour one of the nicer beers for a random farmer. I’m rewarded by a much happier, more talkative customer who regales me with stories about his day job, working the fields. Useful information, but not exactly what I’d expected, and the landlady notices something off almost immediately. I quickly clean up the evidence before she makes it across the room, rushing to fill a different order. On my way to the kitchen, I run into Betha again. She avoids looking in my eyes, opting to stand aside to let me pass. I stop for a moment, contemplating.
“I’m sorry..”
She shrinks back, about to run away. I move past her to let her go where she was heading. No sense in torturing the girl further. I keep an eye on her as she leaves towards the common room, and when I turn towards the kitchen, Yadra is standing in the doorway.
“I thought I made it very clear, that you were to stay away from her.”
With the cleaver in her hand, it’s clear she’s making a threat. I could feel annoyance well up inside me.
“I’m getting pretty sick of your attitude, Yadra. I fucked up, fine, but keeping this up isn’t doing any of us any favours. We should be working together, not against each other. Now either use that cleaver or put it away, I’m not having it anymore.”
Her eyes narrow as she considers my words, and I can see her hands tighten around the grip. I brace for an attack when she scoffs and turns, leaving me in the hallway. Following her inside, I find her at the butchers block, cutting up the leftovers to make pies. I decide to press my advantage.
“Tell me about the kegs downstairs. What’s the actual difference between them?”
She doesn’t look away from her work.
“Weak heavy beer near the stairwell for easy access. Helps workers keep their strength up without getting drunk. Stronger beer further away for evenings and special occasions. The last keg belongs to the mayor. He makes it himself, but keeps it here for storage.”
“And why does the weak beer taste like ass?”
She lets out a short laugh.
“Because only the mayor knows anything about making beer, and he hasn’t volunteered any help, for whatever reason. Why are you being so nosey about the beer?”
“I can’t help but think this place could turn a tidy profit if it was run more like a business and less like a.. A common food house with beds and..”
She turns around, arching an eyebrow at me, daring me to say something.
“Entertainment.”
“Good save. Don’t worry about stuff like that. The miss makes a good living, and we all chip in, in exchange for food and good lodgings. For a little shithole town like this, it’s pretty good.”
I move over to help her prepare the food, and she shows me how to cut while she works the dough. A minute later, she calls my name. When I turn towards her, I’m blinded by a puff of flour, followed by her giggling at me. I stumble to the sink, exaggerating my blindness then pretending to stub my toe on a table leg. The ruse works, and she rushes to my side to check the damage, apologising as she goes. When she gets close enough, I grab a pitcher standing in the sink, showering her with what must have been stale dishwater. I see her reaction in slow motion. Her eyes narrow when she realises she’s been had. They go wide when she understands what’s about to happen. Then she tries to shield them, just a moment too late, when the water strikes her full in the face. When it’s over, she stands perfectly still, hands away from her body, soaked. The delay in her reaction makes me think I’ve crossed a line, and I’m torn between helping her, running away or laughing my ass off when she suddenly grins an evil grin. In a blur, she grabs a handful of beef from the table, turning towards me, about to throw it when we’re interrupted by the door slamming behind us. We turn as one to see Betha standing there, a furious look on her face.
“So it’s like this, is it? You comfort me, tell me to stay away from him, and then you start flirting with him like this?”
Yadra and I look at each other, covered in flour and drenched, then we look back at Bethas furious countenance. Her angry stare turns into one of shock and disbelief.
“No.”
Yadra grins wider as she moves closer, meat cuttings in hand, as I grab some vegetable peels we’d set aside.
“Don’t you dare!”
Betha turns around to run, but fumbles with the door a second too long. Yadra gets past her, blocking the door from opening. Betha backs into the kitchen proper, just to be showered with the discarded rinds and cuttings. As she shouts in disgust, Yadra attacks, pelting her with cold meat, laughing gleefully. The situation quickly degenerates from here, until I’m being pinned against a wall by two women throwing garbage at me.
“I yield, I yield!”
They finally stop, letting me assess the situation.
“I think we need to clean this up quick, nobody’s serving the customers.”
They look at each other, then back to me.
“You’re the cleanest one here. Brush off quickly, and I’ll help Betha clean up. If the miss comes in before we’re ready, we’re in trouble.”
I follow her advice, doing the best I can to get the flour off, rinsing my face, generally just spreading the dust thinner. I rush downstairs to grab some more mugs before heading to the tavern hall. The customers seem to not have noticed our little skirmish, allowing me to breathe easier, until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around with my most customer friendly smile.
[Skill increased: Butchery.]
[Skill discovered: Customer Service.]
The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
My eyes meet those of the landlady, a grim expression on her face.
“What do you call this?”
She picks a leaf of lettuce off my shoulder, holding it in front of me between her index finger and thumb. I mentally smack myself, scrambling for a reply.
“.. Garnish?”
Her darkening expression tells me that was not an answer she appreciated.
“You were doing very well until now, young man, but this kind of sloppiness cannot be ignored.”
[Your standing with the landlady of the Salty Swine has dropped to Annoyed]
I look down petrified that this may affect my time served.
“I.. I’m sorry.”
She scoffs at this.
“Can’t even apologise like a man. Get back into the kitchen with you. Send the girls out, then start cleaning. Start with the food preparation areas, then move downstairs to the beer cellar. Empty the first cask and scrub it well, inside and out. Be finished before dinner.”
She stares at me for a long moment as I wait for her to dismiss me. As soon as I realise she already did, I walk stiffly to the hallway, trying my best not to show the panic I feel. In the kitchen, the girls are nearly finished cleaning, although Yadra had to change her dress. Hopefully the landlady won’t investigate that too closely. I relay the instructions, mouthing an apology to Betha as she passes. Now that the barrier has been broken, I notice her looking at me in a different way, happier. I ignore it for now, considering the things Yadra told me before. I sigh, grabbing the cleaning supplies available, and start scrubbing.
**
The keg in question was nearly empty already. She hadn’t told me what to do with the remaining beer, so I pour it into mugs, place them on trays, and leave them in the kitchen for the others to serve. I stop counting at 20, filling at least twice that before I reach bottom. Getting inside the keg was a different matter. I’m forced to climb to the top, squeezing between the ceiling and the rim, dislodging the lid as I go along. As it hits the ground with a crash, I’m left wondering how I’m supposed to get it back in place. Shrugging, I lean over the edge, slipping into the massive vat.
Sitting on the bottom I can’t help but wonder how they manage to fill this thing. I start scrubbing the inside, removing what must be years of residue, ages of stale hops. No wonder this beer tastes so bad, not to mention the smell. It’s like being inside.. Well, inside a beer keg. There’s hardly enough room in here for me to lie down, not to mention if I grab the edges and rock it a bit and.. I stop for a moment, holding my hand out in front of me. It floats around, making it impossible for me to focus my eyes, making me stumble quite a bit too. The alcohol fumes, they’re starting to make me woozy. Obvious, really. I sit down heavily, squishing in the sludgy mix of soap and beer. No, not alcohol, this is the weak beer. The weekday beer. Maybe I should get out of here.. Yeah, getting out is a good idea. I just need rest, a little nap.
[You have died.]
[You are in the between. This is the place where adventurers go while waiting for respawn. You can spend this time studying your quest log, play one of our selection of minigames, or meditate. If you wish to make the perceived passage of time go faster, select the respawn now button. Your current respawn point is unset. Respawn point defaults to last place you slept. *error* last place of sleep considered dangerous zone, going back one sleep. Acceptable location found. Your current respawn point is your room at the Salty Swine. You will respawn in one hour.]
Well this sucks. In hindsight, the effect of the fumes that killed me couldn’t be clearer. At least I get to see how respawns work in this game. Hopefully the death tax isn’t too bad. I wonder if I have to get my stuff back from the keg. I wonder if my body despawned yet. With a thought I bring up my character sheet. May as well check my status before I go back to life.
[TeeCee]
[Path of Soil and Water]
[Abilities:]
[- Strength: 2]
[- Endurance: 4]
[- Focus: 1]
[- Charisma: 1]
[- Curiosity: 2]
[Skills:
[- Crafting: 2]
[- Perception: 3]
[- - Social Perception: 1]
[- Bludgeoning weapons: 1]
[- Athletics: 1]
[- Butchery: 2]
[- Customer Service: 1]
[Resistances:]
[- Resist Poison: 1]
[Known standings:]
[- Salty Swine: Neutral]
[- - Landlady: Annoyed]
[- - Yadra: Careful Optimism]
[Quests]
[- I’m Innocent!]
[- Strange Conspiracy.]
I select the respawn now button, and the world fades to black for a moment, before I find myself back in bed, naked, except for the stylish tighty whities provided by the game.
“What the fuck!”
I turn to one side, seeing a person halfway out the window. Black clothes, black cloak, black gloves and shoes. They had a theme going. I couldn’t see if they were heading in or out, but my respawn seems to have thrown them off balance, mentally. I stand up fast, trying to get to them before they get away. I’m barely on my feet before I feel dizzy, stumbling instead of running. Slamming into the wall, my arm brushes against their cloak as they vanish, injuring my pride more than my health. I sit down and try my best to make the world stop spinning.
[You are affected by Respawn Sickness: Level 4. 10 minutes remaining.]
What the hell were they looking for? I have literally nothing in my room. Everything I own is currently marinating in the barrel downstairs. I sit still until the timer runs out, and my debuff changes.
[You are affected by Respawn Sickness: Level 3. 30 minutes remaining.]
The dizziness is gone now, and I can move around normally, even though everything hurts. I sneak out of my room as best I can, hoping I won’t encounter anyone on my way. I’m definitely not letting the money I’ve gathered stay behind to flavour the beer. I get to the ground floor before I see the door to the main hall open up in slow motion. With no time to think, I enter a door next to the stairs, closing it as quietly as possible.
[Warning: You have entered an area you do not have permission to be in.]