Chapter Two: Dark Hours of Depression

My eyes flew open. My breathing was ragged and I felt sweat pour down my entire body. Sitting up, I put my hands over my face as if trying to yet again block out a forsaken memory. I heard a knock at the door and practically jumped out of my skin as Sunny barged in.

“Wake up freak!” she exclaimed.

She nearly pulled me out of bed by my hair.

“Ow! Stop that hurts!” I cried, tumbling onto the carpeted floor.

“You better believe it hurts!” she said dryly.

I curled up into a protective ball and coward in a corner, Sunny was about to advance towards me when a figure appeared in the doorway.

“Stop it Sunny!” Ryan yelled running over to me and held me.

He stared at Sunny anger flaring in his eyes. Sunny narrowed her eyes.

“So, now you have our baby brother to protect you because you’re too weak to defend yourself! Ha!” she scoffed.

She stomped out of the room. Shaking, I grasped Ryan for comfort.

“Thanks buddy” I whispered my voice quivering.

He hugged me again and stood up.

His brown-black hair was ruffled and messy. Ryan smiled down at me: it was the kind of smile and happiness that was contagious. I smiled weakly and got to my feet, Ryan left and I got dressed in a black and mauve hoodie with navy blue jeans, the black of the hoodie brought out my pale complexion. I passed the mirror without looking at it, I didn’t want to have to see myself, my demon self. I saw Ryan in his room packing his backpack for school, I closed my eyes and groaned, I hadn’t done my homework! I ran to the kitchen table and zoomed through my homework. Before Ryan, who had come downstairs and was rummaging through the fridge, could tell me to eat breakfast, I flew out the door and into the misty morning.

It was chilly out, and I hugged myself trying to warm up. My normally pale skin now looked white. I stood there looking at the horizon, it seemed darker than usual, it was almost lifeless.

‘Something’s off’ I thought to myself.

I touched the necklace on my neck and held it for a moment. I saw Ryan came out of the house and, still clutching the necklace, I waved to him. He looked directly at me, but he didn’t acknowledge me. I was confused, Ryan always returned a greeting. Ryan looked the other way and frowned

‘He is looking for me’ I thought. ‘But why can’t he see me?’

Ryan went back inside the house with a puzzled look on his face. I started to panic.

“Ryan!” I screamed

I looked down. Then I gasped. I didn’t have flesh and bones anymore, I was pure black. All black; just darkness. I noticed two red gleaming eyes shining from where the necklace should be. I let go of the choker with a screech, and some crows, startled, flew away. My hands trembling, I lifted them to my face. I was flesh and bone again, in a flash I had the necklace off being careful not to touch the frame. I opened my hand. The string was there but, where was the coin? I pulled out my phone and opened the camera app. I let out a muffled gasp, the coin, that used to be on a string. Was glowing a reddish purple and somehow sinking into my skin! I dropped my phone and regained my wits to look at it again. It was now not a physical coin, but a tattoo on the side of my neck. I scratched it, but it wouldn’t come off. In the distance I heard the first warning bell ring and I ran off to school. As I reached school, the tardy bell rang.

“Uh Oh, maybe I can at least get there before the teacher.” I huffed.

I into the classroom and into my seat, and, thankfully, nobody noticed, the teacher came in a few minutes later and we started our lesson, Mr. Fornicuff taught on the matter of cells and asexual reproduction for what seemed like the longest time. I was relieved when the bell finally rang and I could stretch my legs. I entered math class and saw exam files on the desk. I shuddered as I took my seat. Algebra II was my worst subject by far. It took so much time for the students to do their exams and turn them in, that the teacher didn’t get to the lesson that he was supposed to teach. I was glad about that, but the exam took me most of the hour and a half. When the bell rang I grabbed by books and ran out the door. I couldn’t wait to see Autumn and Avery! When I reached the lunch room I looked around for my friends. I couldn’t find them where we normally sat, and it was starting to get crowded. I spotted them entering the lunchroom, but they were talking with Micah and Ethan! I was confused and I decided to go over there, as I neared my friends Autumn looked over to me, hurt filled her eyes and she turned her back to me. Even more confused, and a little worried, I waved to Avery to get his attention. He didn’t even acknowledge my existence.

Now I was worried, I made my way through the growing crowd. I tapped Autumn on the shoulder.

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“Autumn?” I whispered.

She turned to me, what I saw tore my heart out, it made me want to sob. Autumn’s eyes were filled with rage, the kind I had only seen towards Zori. Her green eyes filled with tears, hurt, and betrayal.

“Autumn? What’s wrong?” I asked, fearing the worst.

She couldn’t speak, she tried but it was all she could do to hold back tears. Autumn turned her back to me and covered her face with her hands. Avery spoke up, his voice wavered, but it wasn’t filled with anger. It was filled with sadness, the kind that can break your heart just to know that you were the cause of that hurt.

“Why Alexandra? Why? I thought. We thought you were our friend. I guess-” here he stopped and choked back tears.

“I guess we were wrong” he finished.

I never thought that I could feel so bad as I did now. Sunny’s horrible words were little compared to this. Little compared to how my friends were treating me. I could stand the truth, but I can’t stand the guilt. Tears swelled up in my eyes and I glanced over to Micah. His face revealed all. A lump came into my throat, and I wanted to scream at him. A smirk, that's all that was there. A satisfied smirk. I turned my back to my friends, but they were strangers now. Guilt, sadness, and pain filled my emotions. I couldn’t think, I didn’t want to. I wanted to make things right. I went out into the hall and kicked the wall in frustration, and anger.

What happened? I wondered. “What did he say”.

Again the vision of my demon self came to me, I slid to the floor my back against the wall, and cried. I heard footsteps, no, not those footsteps, but the one made by humans.

“I told you, that you would pay” Micah said, he sounded happy.

As if somehow seeing me in misery made him feel better about his dreadful existence. He came over to me and I shrank back in fear.

“But I’m not done with you, you worthless freak” he growled.

“If I'm a worthless freak, then why give me a second thought. You’re only bothered because I had real friends. You’re only bothered because you want to see someone else suffer so you can feel better about your sorry life” I said just enough so he could hear.

He grabbed me by my shirt collar and threw me to the otherside of the hall. I smiled sadistically, pain never felt so good. Pain never felt so well deserved. He started to kick and throw punches, I smiled all the time, enjoying each beating.

“Why are you smiling freak!” he shouted.

Tears of happiness rolled down my cheeks, he stopped and stood back.

“Monster” he said, he sounded scared.

I felt myself stand up, but I wasn’t controlling my movements. I felt myself jerking and twitching, everything seemed like a nightmare, like a bad dream. I stepped closer to him, he backed up thoroughly frightened. I was now smiling wider than I had in my life. My smile was wide, I felt blood gurgling in my mouth and trickling down my face, onto my shirt. Onto the floor, staining the white concrete slabs.

He was shaking “You’re a monster!” he screamed his voice frantic.

He was now sobbing with fear his legs trembling.

“You better believe it” I felt myself reply.

But it wasn’t my voice, it sounded shrill and like many voices spoke at one. I felt my hair raising and I lifted off the floor. I looked at my hands, they were black and foggy. Red light shined from my eyes onto the floor.

“I’ll t-tell them it was a lie! L-let me live!” he stammered he crumbled to his knees.

I looked at him, still smiling.

“You tell them? Ha! I will let you tell them, but then you will die!”

I flew over to him and threw him into the wall like he had done to me. He leaped to his feet and ran as fast as he could go. I landed on the ground and fell to my knees weak and struggling to breath. My sides hurt so bad, but like I said before. It felt so good.

I walked slowly, I was in no rush to get home. Ryan was at his best friend’s house, Sacrah, and I knew that Sunny would take advantage of him not being there. It felt cold and I tried to warm myself up as I walked through the metal gates leading out of the school. Water was on the blades of grass, a sign it had just rained and the concrete was wet and slippery. I made my way carefully as I walked home. Light rain sprinkled from the sky, I was cold, and wet and sad. Someone lightly tapped me on the shoulder and I looked back. A boy stood there, he was tall and had a kind smile on his face, and an umbrella in his hand. I stood there gazing into his eyes, something about him made me smile. “I noticed you didn’t have a coat, and since we are going the same direction I thought that maybe you would like to share my umbrella” He said. I smiled and nodded gratefully. As we walked the boy talked on different subjects, asked my name and if I had siblings. The walk seemed shorter than usual and I was sad to depart from the handsome fellow when the time came. I walked up the sidewalk to the door and looked back, I saw the boy walking in the rain, and a smile on his face. I watched as he faded from sight. Then I noticed.

‘I didn’t even get his name’

I frowned, maybe we would meet again. I hoped so. I entered my house and the feeling of loneliness returned. The house was empty, I went silently up to my room and sat on my bed. I sat there for a long time thinking of the days events, and crying. Until I heard the front door close gently. I knew it must be Ryan for he never slammed the door closed. I heard someone busy in the kitchen, but my focus drifted to the strange boy. I must have been smiling because moments later Ryan walked into the room and said.

“Good to see you’re in a happy mood”

I nodded and looked at the plate of steak in his hands.

I frowned and said “I’m not hungry”.

He gave me a look that meant

‘I know you are and you are going to eat this’.

I sighed and took the plate from him planning to dump it in the trash can. He left and I looked at the simmering meat with distaste. My stomach churned and I got up and threw it into the metal waste basket. I put the plate and utensils onto the bed and lay down again.

I stared at the knife, until finally picking it up. I fingered it gently I pressed my finger on the tip and a single drop of thick red blood slid down my finger. I watched it, it hadn’t hurt and I put it to the skin on my wrist. It would be so easy just to end my misery, end this suffering. I gently dragged it across my wrist willing myself to press harder.I rubbed it faster but still gently, until a streak of red could be faintly seen. I rubbed faster and a sharp pain made my skin tingle.

I rubbed until a deep scar with blood was made on my wrist. Watching the blood run down my wrist was satisfying. As if a portion of my sadness and depression went away with each cut. I smiled weakly, and turned the knife and made another cut so that it was intersecting the other, making a red X mark on my wrist.

I watched the blood seep into my covers, and smiled wider. I heard the front door open and close and I heard laughter from downstairs. Quickly I hid the knife in my dresser drawer and went into the bathroom to wash and dress the scars.

Once finished I lay back down on my bed with ‘Michael Vey Cell 25 Book 1’ in my hands. I read the words on the page for what seemed like the millionth time. Laughing when Michael shocked Jack and company. Smiling when Taylor read Michael mind and found out he liked her, and all the while envying the friendships in the novel.

Somehow, books always got the better side of friendships. But they never mentioned, betrayal, and deceit. I closed the book after reading to the 24th chapter. The sun was setting and the room began to grow darker. The darkness was comforting, my wrist started to hurt but I still smiled. I put the book away and got ready for bed. Curled up in a warm ball in my bed, and for the first time in many years, I slept without fear and nightmares.