After the sounds of the battle had died down, the air felt heavy and still. Blood that coloured the ground red, created a contrast of cruelty on the green grass. The beams of the moon highlighted the bodies on the ground, bathing them in bright and eerie light.
The Shadows that were still alive crouched down under the trees where they had gathered the dead. They whispered parting words to their comrades, sending them to their final rest. The bodies of Tasar and her people were gathered on a pile and left there, disregarding their burial. Lianne and Kendel stood further away, letting the others say their farewells.
"You control the Shadows?" Lianne asked, staring wide-eyed at Kendel who nodded as if it was the most obvious thing.
"Yes."
"But..." Lianne started but paused, frowning and trying to get her thoughts straight. Suddenly a person was standing in front of her who could give her answers and she didn't know where to begin with.
"You must have a lot of questions and it might take a moment for me to answer them. Sit down and let's talk," Kendel said with a surprisingly gentle tone, seeing how she struggled.
Lianne sat on a large rock, her legs unsteady. She had been tense through the fight and now all the strength seemed to escape her as her body relaxed. Lianne sighed, trying to gather her thoughts while glancing at Amra and Faolin behind her.
Amra averted her gaze, shifting on her feet anxiously as if she wanted to leave. She tried to act as if she didn't care what Kendel had to say but she still stayed and listened. Faolin stood still, his back straight and arms folded, staring straight at Kendel.
"So, what do you want to know?" Kendel asked while leaning against a tree.
Lianne turned her gaze back to Kendel, watching him closely. His hair was blond but not ashen like the others. He didn't have the same dark eyes that the rest had either. "What are the Shadows exactly?" Lianne asked.
Kendel laughed while lifting his eyebrows in interest. "You had to start with the hardest question," he said brightly, almost happily. Then he took a deep breath and started, "The Shadows are somewhere between the living and the dead, the light and the dark. You could say we are outcasts since we are neither of them," he said and glanced at the Shadows crouching down under the trees. "They all made a deal with Yugtrass that went wrong."
"Wrong how?" Lianne asked.
"Yugtrass makes deals to lend his magic to whoever is ready to pay for it. I presume that you had something you wanted and you made a deal with him. When it was time to seal the deal, it didn't go as you had planned, and now something is slowly pulling you into the darkness. Am I right?" Kendel asked, closely observing Lianne.
Lianne nodded. He had described her situation accurately. "You're right. The dark spell that I was going to use backfired. Ever since then I've had something inside me that is trying to take over me, or control me."
"Exactly," Kendel said firmly.
Lianne let out another deep sigh while considering Kendel's words. She had always thought that the darkness inside her was the spell that was supposed to revive her brother, but now she realized that it must be something else. Only one of the Shadows had used magic while fighting.
"That darkness inside me isn't that spell I used, right?" Lianne asked.
Kendel shook his head. "Not all of them can wield magic," he said while nodding toward his companions.
"What is it then?" Lianne asked, staring at the Shadows as they said their farewells to their dead comrades. One by one they kneeled next to the bodies and spoke words that she couldn't hear.
"It's a part of the deal you made with Yugtrass. Not all deals end up well and that's why some people end up like you," Kendel explained.
Lianne frowned. "That doesn't explain it. I want to know what it is."
"It's Yugtrass' magic, possessing people. He lends it to them for a short time when making the deal, whether it is used as a form of a spell or some other kind of power. It is not the spell that changes you, but the remnants of his magic," Kendel said, trying to speak as clearly as he could.
"There are two kinds of people under his command. The ones that are powerful enough and mandatory to his success and those that he can use in different ways," he continued before he leaned closer to Lianne, looking straight into her eyes. "That darkness is his magic and it's eating you from the inside. It is slowly taking over your body, first controlling you and then blending into your consciousness."
"How can he do that?" Lianne mumbled, her thoughts a mess.
Kendel shrugged and leaned back against the tree trunk. "He can. He's powerful."
Lianne leaned her head to her hands, trying to absorb everything that Kendel said. He spoke openly to her and as an equal which she appreciated, even if his words made her confused. Despite that, she had a feeling as if she saw the true Kendel for the first time, without a mask covering his true intentions.
"What does he want from you? Or me?" Lianne asked, frustratedly rubbing her forehead.
"He needs people who can do things for him. It's that simple," Kendel answered nonchalantly.
Lianne sighed. It was that simple but she still had a hard time trying to accept that she was only a pawn in someone else's game. "I met some people that were on their way to the Shadows. They looked like them," she said while nodding toward the people with their ashen hair and dark eyes.
"That's possible. A lot of people are on their way to us, even as we speak."
"Those people told me that I was changing to one of the Shadows...to one of you?" Lianne asked, an uncertain tone lingering in her voice.
Kendel smiled confidently. "Yes, that is happening."
"Right," Lianne sighed again, taking some of her hair to her hands and looking at the ashen strands. They had been brown when she had left from home and now all the colour had been drained out of them. "But why does it change the way I look...I mean why is my hair changing? Why is everyone's hair the same, except yours?" she asked, first glancing at the other Shadows and then at Kendel.
"Because I'm not like the rest of you. That's why."
"So your deal didn't go wrong?"
"You're getting it," Kendel grinned before getting serious. "Look, even I don't know everything, but the more the magic takes over you, the more you change. It's when the line between life and death blurs and those two merge together," he explained before pausing as if he also needed to gather his thoughts. "When you consciously used your powers on me in the woods, the line between the light and dark faded more. You understand?"
"Yes, I get it, but will I die?" Lianne asked.
Kendel's eyes widened. "What?"
"Those people that I met were later piled up next to the Scavenger's fire. I didn't see any clear reason for their deaths, so I thought they had died because their time had run out. Is there a time limit?" Lianne asked hesitantly, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.
"Yes and no. Every Shadow changes and that is beyond anyone's control. If they are not able to control their powers when that happens, then their lives will end. The flicker of the flame burns out," Kendel answered.
"I get it, but what if I don't want it to go that far? Is there any way to stop it?" Lianne asked, looking at Kendel with pleading eyes. She was afraid that he would say no.
"I can't answer that," Kendel shrugged.
"Please, tell me."
"No, don't get me wrong. I don't know, so I can't tell you," Kendel corrected.
"Oh..." Lianne said, disappointed that he couldn't answer all her questions after all. Then she frowned. "But why does everyone come to you?"
Kendel showed Lianne a bright smile. "Because of my charms," he said and laughed by himself. When his laughter died out, he let out a deep sigh and got serious again. He sat down on the ground, leaning his back against the tree. "If they get to us before their end comes, we can help them get between the light and the dark."
Lianne closed her eyes, feeling exhausted. "So, you're saying that if I want to live, I have to do as you say? Otherwise, I'm going to die when the darkness takes full control of me? Those are my two options?"
Kendel pondered silently for a moment. He turned his eyes at the branches of the trees, his gaze forlorn. "Yes," he only replied.
A silence fell between the two of them while Lianne pondered what he had said. When the silence grew longer, Kendel cleared his throat. "I used to serve Yugtrass when I noticed that some of the people ended up changing and eventually dead. They were only a temporary solution to him and he disregarded them as useless," he spoke while turning his gaze back to Lianne.
"Those people hadn't made the deal of their own volition, or they didn't actually know what they had gotten themselves into. When they got some of his magic, it overwhelmed them and they tried to resist the effects but ended up slowly taken over. I started to gather those people together, promising them a prolonged life after their change. I taught them how they could live in the shadows and use the remnants of his magic. I gathered everyone first under Yugtrass' command..." he paused, looking at Lianne with an intense gaze, making sure that she was listening to his every word. "And now under mine."
"Why did you fight against them now?" Lianne asked, digesting Kendel's every word.
"As I said to Tasar, I'm tired of being someone else's lackey. I've had enough of Yugtrass and I'm going to overthrow him," Kendel said, his demeanor brightening as he grinned again, not even a hint of hesitation in his voice.
Lianne's eyes widened as she leaned on her legs, closer to Kendel. "Do you think you can do that?"
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"Of course I can," Kendel replied quickly, nodding at the same time. "Let's just say that I prefer my freedom without any restraints."
Suddenly Faolin's voice interrupted their conversation. "How come I did not know about you or the Shadows when I was with Yugtrass?" he asked, doubt clear in his voice.
Kendel's gaze turned serious again as he turned his attention to Faolin. "Because we were a secret. How do you think the people who made the deals would have reacted if they knew what could happen?" he asked Faolin, his tone almost accusatory.
"Who are you? I could not sense you," Faolin said, disregarding Kendel's answer, squinting his eyes as he observed him closely.
Lianne suddenly realized something, gasping at the same time. "Oh, so that's why you knew so much. You were in the shadows without us noticing," she said, a bright tone of revelation in her voice.
Kendel grinned widely again, shifting his attention back to Lianne, leaving Faolin glaring at him. "I already told you that the trees have ears and houses have eyes."
"You can see and hear more than most," Lianne said, a lot of things suddenly more clear to her.
Kendel nodded proudly. "I'm the shadow that nobody notices. I walk in the dark among the people."
"How is that even possible? Is it some kind of magic?" Faolin asked, his voice still skeptical.
Kendel pondered for a moment while staring at his hands, his fingers intertwined and his lips pursed. "It's not exactly magic. As I said, the Shadows are somewhere between the living and the dead. We aren't fully attached to this world but have not exactly gone over to the other side yet. We are between two places. We're alive but not as much as the rest of the people. We are in the shadows...that's the best I can explain it to you," he said before pausing and focusing his gaze back on Lianne. "You will find out about it when you get there."
Lianne considered Kendel's words carefully. He spoke truthfully, even if she couldn't believe that he didn't have an ulterior motive. He seemed to be on her side, but she couldn't trust him enough to accept his words right off. "Why did you want to make the deal with me? You seem pretty capable yourself," she asked.
Kendel leaned against his legs, replying firmly, "I saw when you broke Edwin's magic. I cannot do it, so I need you."
Lianne flinched at hearing her brother's name. Then she let out a sigh, realizing that she had been played again. She was truly a pawn for others to play with as they liked. "You knew that he's my brother all along, didn't you?"
A small smile appeared on Kendel's lips but soon disappeared. "Of course I knew. Yugtrass is the kind of person who takes what he wants. If he wants someone, he plants the seed. And when the time is right, he reaps what he has sown," he said, speaking almost in a riddle.
"Why did he want Edwin?" Lianne asked with a weak voice.
"For his powers."
"But why do you need to get rid of Edwin? What's he done to you?" Lianne still insisted with more questions. Edwin had always been good at magic. He had taught her too but she had never even gotten close to his level of skill.
"Yugtrass is getting more powerful and I'm getting rid of it one person at a time," Kendel replied, and as if to persuade her more, he still added with a firm voice, "He wanted your brother and you were a casualty."
Lianne's heart sank, feeling her whole body lose the last bits of strength she still had left. She still couldn't believe that her brother was even alive, let alone that he was now working for Yugtrass. Maybe she hadn't known her brother at all?
"Is our deal still on?" Lianne then asked and Kendel instantly nodded.
"As I said, I can't let anything happen to my partner before you have done your end of the agreement."
Lianne pursed her lips before smiling mockingly at herself. She had driven herself too deep and she felt like something was pulling her even further down. She had gotten involved in bigger things she could handle. The whole journey was going downhill and she had dragged her best friend and the man she was fond of into that mess too.
Lianne once more glanced at Kendel, feeling exhausted. "Is your real name Aiken or Kendel? What do I call you from now on?"
"Neither, but you can call me whichever you want," Kendel shrugged.
Lianne laughed at the answer. It suited him well and the whole situation felt almost absurd. What else could she do but laugh?
When the laughter died out, Lianne turned to Amra and Faolin, to see how they reacted to all the new information. To her disappointment, Faolin was the only one standing behind her anymore. "Where's Amra?" Lianne asked him, feeling her eyes burning with tears that wanted to surface.
Faolin nodded toward the woods where Amra walked between the trees, looking at the ground as if she was searching for something. She crouched down and then got back up again, walking a bit further while looking around.
"Did she hear it all?" Lianne asked Faolin, who nodded.
"Most of it."
Lianne sighed and stood up, her legs faint and her balance unsteady. She had to support herself to the nearest tree before starting to walk toward Amra.
As Lianne went past Kendel, he still whispered to her, "Try bribing her with something shiny."
Lianne smiled shortly but continued ahead, her every step heavy. She wasn't looking forward to the conversation with Amra but she couldn't avoid it either.
When Lianne walked to Amra, she didn't lift her gaze. She kept on searching the surroundings, looking around and kicking the ground every once in a while. She tried her best not to acknowledge Lianne even if she stood right next to her.
"What are you doing?" Lianne asked, but Amra didn't react to her voice. "Amra?" she called out her name, trying to get her attention.
Amra hesitantly stopped for a moment before continuing on searching the bushes, still not lifting her gaze. "I'm looking for my knife," she said, her voice repressed. She had lost it when distracting the man who threw explosive pouches.
Lianne nodded and started looking around the surroundings too. "Did it fly over here?" she asked, but Amra didn't answer. She only walked further away, searching from another spot.
Lianne walked in the other direction, scouring the surroundings carefully. The blood on the grass indicated the places where the bodies had lied just a moment ago. Lianne walked past them, keeping her eyes on the ground, trying to spot Amra's knife.
She didn't have to search for long when a small glimmer caught her eye. Lianne crouched down and picked up the object that shone in the moonlight. It was Amra's knife with a brown leather hilt and a slightly tarnished blade. She had gotten it from her parents when she had turned fifteen, and even if it was already worn out, Amra had kept the blade sharp.
Lianne got up and walked back to Amra. She stopped right in front of her, handing out the knife. "Here you go. I found it," she said silently.
Amra turned to Lianne and stopped, almost as if she had hit an invisible wall. She stared at Lianne's hand but didn't make a move to take the knife. Lianne shoved it closer to her but she stood still, not reaching out to it.
Lianne frowned, her hand stretched out, baffled by her inaction. She was about to speak when she saw a glimmering tear falling down Amra's cheek. Lianne froze in place, staring at that single tear, suddenly not knowing how to react. "Amra...I..." she started saying when Amra lifted her gaze, a gleam of anger shining in her moist eyes.
"I never agreed to this," Amra said through gritted teeth before she wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt.
Lianne instantly averted her gaze, feeling the guilt weighing her down. "I know," she answered with a whisper.
When Amra had finally opened her mouth, everything seemed to pour out of her like a waterfall. "How could you take that deal? How could you do something like that behind my back? That also affects me and Faolin since we're traveling together. You, against your own brother. Really? Did you even think of what you have done?" she spoke, the pitch of her voice rising the more agitated she got.
Lianne listened to Amra, staring at the ground. She felt like a child who got scolded by her parent, but she knew that Amra was right so she didn't argue back. Her words would only add more fuel to the fire and even if she tried to explain her reasoning, she was sure that Amra wouldn't understand.
"You have changed. You would never have agreed to that before. I don't think I even know you anymore," Amra continued to speak, her breathing getting more erratic. "Are you going to get rid of your brother? Are you going that far?" she asked firmly before she finally got silent, waiting for Lianne to answer.
Lianne pondered Amra's words and whether she was right. Had she changed so much that she couldn't even consider her actions objectively? Why did she have difficulties seeing things from Amra's point of view? Would she have agreed to the deal before?
"What else could I do if I wanted to get to Clandmere? If you heard even a part of what Kendel told me, you know that I'm right," Lianne said, her voice silent while still holding Amra's knife that felt heavy in her hand.
"We got this far without Kendel and we could have gone all the way. You should have told us that you took the deal. This affects me too and I didn't agree to this. I don't want to travel with someone so selfish," Amra replied hastily.
"I thought it would stay secret until we got to the mountains..." Lianne said, her voice riddled with guilt.
"That only makes it worse. I'm supposed to be your friend...and you fooled us," she said firmly while folding her arms and glaring at Lianne intensely.
Lianne wanted to say something but hesitated. She knew her every word would only make her angrier. She wanted to soothe her emotions but she didn't know how.
"I agree with Amra, but I do understand why you did it," Faolin said calmly, interrupting the conversation and speaking as if he tried to reconcile their fight. "What I do not understand is what made you keep it a secret? It was going to come out eventually," he asked while walking closer to them.
Lianne furrowed her brow and shifted on her feet anxiously. She squeezed the hilt of the knife tightly as if she needed something real to hold onto. She knew what she had done when agreeing to the deal behind Amra's back, but she thought her actions had been justified.
"I knew you wouldn't agree to it. I'm sick and tired of everyone having to help me all the time. I feel so helpless," Lianne said with a repressed voice, first turning her gaze at the knife and then bravely at Amra. "People are getting hurt because of me. You and Faolin were. I'm no hero and I don't want you getting hurt because of me," she continued, her voice slightly trembling.
"But..." Amra tried to say before Lianne stopped her by speaking.
"I feel guilty because of what I did to you and I can't get rid of it. I can't let anything like that happen again. I need to get to Clandmere as soon as possible," Lianne retorted, silencing Amra. Then she glanced at Faolin, trying to appeal to him too. "I don't want what happened to your mother to happen to you too."
"What does my mother have to do with this?" Faolin asked baffled, furrowing his brows.
"When you told me about your mother..." Lianne started before averting her gaze and taking a deep breath. "I could relate. You told me that using the Qesser and the skill takes a toll...and I..." she paused as if she had trouble saying those words out loud. Then she cleared her throat. "I don't want you to diminish from this world as your mother did. You have already helped me so much and I don't want you to lose yourself while helping me," she said, breathing out a sigh of relief, finally able to get her thoughts into words.
Faolin held his breath, his posture tense. His expression was complex, surprised, and perplexed at the same time. He opened his mouth to speak, but Lianne interrupted him before he could say a word. "I asked if you would have stopped your mother from using the skill if you knew what would happen, and you said that you would. So I'm stopping you now," she said, looking straight into Faolin's eyes.
When Lianne stopped speaking, a silence fell among the three of them. Her words hung in the air like heavy clouds that gathered around them. For a moment the only sound filling the space was a gust of wind that howled through the trees. Lianne held the knife in her hand, feeling it starting to weigh more and more all the time. Nobody wanted to take it.
Suddenly a strange sense of clarification dawned on Lianne. In that silence, everything seemed clear. She knew what she had to do if she wanted to continue the journey without the fear of others getting hurt because of her.
Lianne glanced at Faolin and then at Amra. Her gaze was hesitant and her mouth dry, but she had to speak her mind. "Maybe I should continue the rest of the journey on my own," she said, her words heavy as they rolled off her tongue.
Amra instantly lifted her gaze, her wide eyes shocked. She opened her mouth as if to say something but shut it instantly, pursing her lips together tightly. Faolin stayed silent, his tense posture and squeezed fists revealing his mixed emotions. Nobody said a thing and the heavy silence dragged on, emphasizing the gravity of her words.
"Amra, you could go back home, as you have wanted," Lianne said, breaking the oppressive silence. She was calm, regardless of what she was saying. Then she glanced at Faolin. "You don't need me anymore to find Yugtrass. He's trying to find you."
Neither Amra nor Faolin still said anything and another moment of silence filled the space between them. "I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me," Lianne repeated, stressing her every word as she looked at her companions. "Do you understand?"
Neither of them answered Lianne. They stared at each other while the wind whistled through the trees and danced around the branches. Specks of dust lifted in the air before silently falling back on the ground. The moonlight shone down on them with a pale light, emphasizing the loneliness that started to grow in Lianne's heart.