The farthest back I can remember in my life was when I started first grade it was the start of my despair.

That morning was completely normal. I put on my normal clothes and ate my normal breakfast and got driven in the normal car to school.

Upon arriving at school what I saw was a horde of kids filling the entire front part of the school I guess they were waiting for school to start.

After getting out of the car because I hated crowds and being around others the first thing I did was find a corner with the littlest amount of people went there and waited until the bell ringed signaling the start of school.

When I entered I could smell the scent of different cleaning products I guess they tried to clean the school. This school was at least 100 years old so even if they try to clean it obviously would go so well I mean there where still stains all over the floor and walls.

The halls were pact tight with kids of different grades hurrying trying to get to their respective classrooms.

I on the other hand wasn't in that much of a hurry I'd rather jump in to a tank filled with sharks then jump in to that fray of kids I figured waiting would be my best option.

After an amount of kids I deemed was a good amount had left I headed off to my destination.

When I arrived at the front office I was surprised by the fact that there wasn't any students there besides the one sitting at the desk. Seeing as how it was the second week off school one would think that there would be students here but I didn't ponder about it to long and walk up to the girl sitting at the front desk.

She looked she looked to be five maybe six years older then I was, dressed in the same deep black shirt and light beige slacks that I was in.

Hi my name is the ironically named, Clover, whose life has been laden with misfortune.

The desk was taller than I was. I had to stand on the tip of my toes just to be able to see her but even then that didn't work and the only thing she could see was the top of my head.

I hesitated before speaking. You could say I was was a very timid person I didn't like being around others. I loathed going to parties or any kind of social gathering and even if by some miracle I happened to go I’d never speak to anyone beyond what was needed. I was a lone wolf of some sort.

“Ex....Excuse me but this is my first day of school.”

She looked at me with a perplexed expression before answering.

“Could you say that again I couldn't understand you?”

“it...It....It's my first day at this school.”

I said it with an easier tone then before as to way she couldn't understand me before and I had to repeat myself well it had had something to do with my voice of which I’ll get more into later.

“Then may I have your name?”

“Its Eric.....Eric Simmons.”

“I see then Eric wait here while I go get the teacher.” She said with a prim and proper expression.

She left and came back two minutes later with a teacher.

“So you are Mr. Eric Simmons?”

This lady had an immensely intimidating air surrounding her. She was clad in a laden black dress suit with a broad black bob to match, her eyes dyed with crimson red and seemed as if they’d suck me in at any moment. Her skin as white as the first snow fall on a sharp winter day.

Seeing her my breathing stopped and at that one second beautiful was all I could think. My heart thumped my mind blanked, in the short span that is my life that was the first and only time I'd had ever felt like this. Though she was clad in pure black she was radiant she glistened burning my eyes somewhat. She was so close to me yet she seemed so far away the distance between us was that big. I stuttered before speaking still in awe of her alluring face.

“ye.........Yes Ma'am”

It seemed as if she had already known what I was thinking because a smile that would charm any man appeared on her graceful face.

“Your a week late but I guess that is fine this girl here will show you to your class.”

I looked at the prime and proper girl next to her she gave off a displeased expression it was obvious she didn't want to do it. I gave her a sympathetic look, but even then I still looked at this compelling teacher with the corner of my eye.

“Welcome to our school Mr. Eric.” She then bent down to my point of view as we locked pupils I was struck by extreme unease I inadvertently shivered. “If you ever in any way cause even an ounce of trouble at my school then I promise you with every fiber of my being I’ll make you regret it do we have an understanding Mr. Eric.”

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I could do nothing but nod at those cold words if I weren’t in front of two women I might have pissed myself.

She said nothing more and walk away leaving me and the proper girl standing there dumbfounded.

She said “hey come on lets go” and then swiftly left the office.

I promptly followed after her as fast as my little legs could take me

As we hurriedly walked to my classroom we exchanged no words I guess she was still pretty annoyed. It seemed like the teacher earlier had already informed her of my classes location because she didn't ask me for it.

After about five minutes we finally arrived at my class.

So there I was standing in front of the door dreading the questionable stars I was going to get as soon as I open that door

I resented the thought of that gob of people staring at me.

I fucking hated it!!!

But I didn't have a choice so I built up as much courage as I could possibly

obtain and walked through that door.

There wasn't any way to described it other than hell one of my greatest fears had come to pass.

Because someone he didn't know walked inside his classroom the teacher got up and greeted me.

“Are you a new students”

I didn't speak the fear of my own voice stopped me I just nodded my head vertically.

“I see well the can you please tell me your name”

I handed him my paper and didn't speak again.

He read the contents of the paper nodded and directed me to my seat which was in the back row of the class room.

After two hours of teaching the teacher announced that it was time for break as soon as he did the classroom started getting rowdy. I raised my hand to go to the restroom I had been holding it those two hours of class. The teacher said yes handed me the bathroom and I walked out the classroom.

I came back two minutes later to find out that my stuff had been stolen. I didn't know who it was but I knew I had to tell the teacher.

I put up my hand and waved the teacher over. When he got there he had asked me what had happened and the second I said my first word everyone in the class laughed.

I didn't say anything else I just stood there to afraid to say anything.

An unimaginable amount of self hatred had over come me. I abhorred everyone in that classroom for laughing at me, but I hated myself even more for having this voice and thus I had condemned myself to a fate of being made fun of and picked on all for just speaking.

For the first part of my life I had been deaf. When I was a newborn all the way up to five years old I couldn't hear but with the help of medicine and hearing aids I started to get my hearing back. But by then my speaking wasn't right I couldn't pronounce any of the words right so usually I never spoke in front of a lot of people but I made this one mistake and it fucked up my life.

From that moment on it was a life of both ridicule and heart ache. They'd steal my hearing aids out my ear and hide them, they would force me to talk just so they could laugh at me, I'd get punched and hit it wasn't limited to just boys it didn't help that I was a very overweight kid. I remember this one time I had thought I'd made some friends but on a certain day they met some girls and I was with them one of them pointed and started laughing saying look at this fat ass.

I that about killing myself on multiple cations but I was to much of a coward to do it.

Home was no better I was treated like filth there. One day I couldn't take it any more and went outside with a knife before I left one of my sisters said I hope you kill yourself I remember it like it was yesterday and couldn't forget it I had completely broken.

This continued throughout my entire life and even now in my first year of high school it continues but by now I was entirely painted black I could feel it a certain sense of darkness had enveloped me.