Sara put her back against a wall and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She didn’t want to tell anyone about her family, least of all someone who had serious potential to kill her. Still—Raul earned it. He had sided with her, fought for her, and tried to save her. If she wouldn’t trust him, she didn’t deserve his sacrifices.

“I have a family here,” Sara sighed.

Raul looked up abruptly. “You?”

She snorted breathlessly. “Yeah. I know it’s hard to believe, but I was in a relationship for seven years. We were….” Needles pierced her heart. “We were getting married. I finally said yes. Didn’t want to because it felt cheap. You’re going to fight Agronus? Let’s say vows before you die. What a joke.”

Raul swallowed and then looked at the floor, more crushed than ever, it seemed.

“I had a sister, too,” Sara said. “She was suffering from tyrexis, and if I didn’t save her, she would’ve died. If I didn’t come back—she would’ve died.”

He sank lower.

“I had a life. A family. And I had gone through so much suffering my biography would read like a snuff film.” Sara chuckled bitterly. “I sacrificed everything to kill Agronus. Not for me, but because people forced me to. Duty. Moral obligation. Guilting. Self-hatred. And so I did, and right after I did it….” She snapped her fingers. “I wo~ke up as if it had never happened.”

Raul looked at her.

“Can you even imagine what it’s like for everyone you love to forget you?” Sara asked. Tears welled in her eyes, and her throat bobbed. “If you think losing your family hurts, imagine if you lost them twice and they forgot you. That there was no welcome home, I missed you. You just didn’t exist….”

Sara raised her hand to throw the bottle of wine she brought at the wall, but she didn’t have the energy, so she let it drop to her fingertips as her arms fell to her sides.

“Well that happened to me,” she said. “And after losing you, and Emma, and my parents, Edico, my friends, my life, my whole fucking world; after being chased down by Jason’s forces, living in gutters, killing, Killing, KILLING for others, getting my limbs broken and mended, only to lose my family—the one thing I had left… I’m sorry. I didn’t give a fuck about any of you when I walked into that classroom, and I wasn’t going to risk the summoning spell switching classrooms because someone was missing.”

Raul chuckled, tears welling in his eyes. “So that’s why.” His tone wasn’t sarcastic—it was pitying—and that made her feel worse.

The two of them shared the space in silence for about ten minutes before Raul finally spoke. “You know, this really hasn’t been a bad life.”

Sara studied his expression.

“Since I came here, I kinda got allured to the whole hero thing,” he said. “The food’s not bad. We’re rich. The work oddly fits me. That’s why I never resented you.”

Sara stayed silent, letting him speak.

“And I noticed. I guess we all kinda noticed. The way you were interacting, helping people. You were kinda a bitch about it, but you were helping people.”

He chuckled, and she joined in.

“So you and that hero life just kinda meshed,” Raul said. “You know?”

“And you never questioned it?”

Raul paused and sucked his teeth, rubbing his eyes with circles. “I did. But the thing was, I could see it. Jason’s point about you sabotaging him? I knew it was happening. But the way he changed…. That darkness. I knew something was going to happen sooner or later. Mary too. And I guess that just reinforced that you were doing the right thing by ‘thwarting’ them,” he chuckled, emphasizing the word almost sarcastically as if she were some superhero.

“Do you still think I was right?”

“Of course not,” Raul laughed. “You’re just as bad as he is…. Kinda.” He exhaled and looked at the ground. “But that’s the wrong question. The real question is whether I think you did the best thing given this whole fucked up situation, and for that question….”

Raul cupped his face in his hands and then rubbed his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. All I know is that you didn’t do a bad thing. If I thought that, I wouldn’t have helped you to begin with.” He looked at her. “What about you? Do you think you were right?”

Sara looked at the bottle of wine in her hand. “I don’t think I was wrong.”

“But?”

“I regret it.” Sara uncorked the bottle of helshma and took a long swig, tasting the delicious twang of fermented dockberries. She shivered. “If I could do it all over again, I’d have gotten a few bags of gold and run away, praying my lover would take me back. Then I’d trade silverblooms for resources, build power, get Qualth, and sit back until the demon war.”

Raul looked into her eyes. “What would’ve happened if you did?”

“Who knows…” she said. “Probably nothing, knowin’ my luck. Jason would’ve stayed the best and stayed magnanimous, Mary would’ve got counseling, King Escar would’ve… look, I have no fucking clue what would’ve happened. All I know is what did happen before.”

“What did happen?” Raul asked. “Will you tell me?”

“Sure.” Sara took another drink and let her back slide down the wall until she was sitting. “Where to begin….”

Sara started from the beginning, detailing the events of her life. Emma’s death. Jason’s coup and the trials. Raul’s execution. Mary’s rise to power. Sara’s rebellion. The demon war. Personal details on her relationship and the hardships she went through, and finally, about Agronus’s death and how she was certain that Daniel was the person who caused it all.

Once she finished, Raul shook his head with blurred eyes. “That’s pretty much what Brandon said. But his version was so… warped.”

“If you’re gonna tell a lie, inject truth into it,” Sara said, taking a drink. It was almost finished.

Raul raised an eyebrow. “Are you going to share that thing, or did you just come here to drink?”

Sara ignored him, downing the rest of the bottle. He frowned. She ignored that expression, too, activating her spatial ring and casually pulling out two bottles of wine. “For you.”

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Raul caught one and looked at the new one Sara was uncorking. “Seriously?”

Sara uncorked the bottle and ignored him, taking a drink and sitting in silence. He uncorked his and joined her for about an hour until his sleep deprivation overtook him, and he passed out. Sara covered him up like a mother and walked out of the room, deactivating the lighting crystals before she left.

2

When Sara returned to the Royal Chamber, Edico was waiting for her outside the door. Just seeing him carved anxiety through her ribs to her stomach, and she wanted to turn away. If Kyritus and Tiber died because she prioritized a political plan over her family’s safety….

“Let’s go inside,” Edico said.

That made her feel worse.

“Okay,” she said, moving past two other guards.

Once inside, she activated all the privacy arrays and reached into her spatial ring, pulling out another bottle of helshma.

“It won’t be needed,” Edico said. “They’re safe.”

Sara collapsed on the ground, biting back tears. The relief she felt was beyond imagination. “What about the border? Do you think they can pass it?”

Edico shrugged and sat down in a chair at the edge of the room. “Worst case scenario, they’ll get caught,” he said, “and troops will follow Telskal’s orders and bring them to the capital.”

Sara understood, and part of her wished that would happen. At this point, hearing of their safety, Sara was prepared to kill Daniel just to be sure. She missed them so much she’d kill for them.

“Thank you for letting me know,” she whispered. “What else?”

Edico wiped his leathery face. “I hear you’ve declared war.”

“I’ve declared the threat of war,” Sara said. “Unlike with the Battle of Corruption, I’ll make a full demonstration of strength.”

Edico frowned. “Is that wise? You’ll just tell them to bring more troops. You can’t be everywhere.”

Sara considered it, remembering how Jason had dealt with the same situation in her last life—and how much stronger she was than he was. “I think that you still underestimate how powerful I am.”

3

Sara discussed her power, strategy, and tactics with General Sullsburg for a few more hours before he left. Then she lay on the bed, world spinning, lost in a state of revelry, peaceful for the first time in god knows how long. “They’re… alive,” she mumbled. “Alive….” Three minutes later, Sara fell asleep, and for the first time in what felt like years, she rested easily.

4

Rokus, Kyritus, and the little one were riding east toward Telsenlore, where a supposed safe house was. It was hot out. Real hot. They were going through a desert, and he was sweatin’ buckets. Worse, the kid next to him was struggling to keep on a monta and was still constantly worried his sis was still dyin’. They were stopping every hour, and every minute taken was another he’d have to live without knowing the fate of his family. They could’ve been dead, for all he knew, and it took all Rokus’s willpower not to just turn around and make sure that Lady Reece had followed through with her end of the bargain. But…. Against Rokus’s better judgment, he felt that they would be okay.

It was because of that damn look. Edico warned him about it.

It’s the way she looks at you. Just meet her. You’ll understand. That’s what Edico had said to sum up everything about Lady Reece—his relationship with her, the reason he paused his post as head of the sycounts to be her mentor, the reason he was going on missions and worrying his wife since. Just meet her. You’ll understand.

Then Rokus met her—

—and he understood. Cruelly. But he understood. That look on her face when she blackmailed him into helping her…. It had depth.

You think I’d help you over some shit that happened a decade ago? Rokus had asked when she threatened to expose an affair he had from his war days. It was a minor thing in the grand scheme of things. He was away at war for a long time. He had seen some shit. He had done some shit. He just needed someone for a night to release pent-up steam—and regretted it. Then Lady Reece came out of the blue with that exact pain point as if by magic, stabbing it into his gut and twisting.

I know you will, Lady Reece said. And that look, the way her eyes trembled, the pain and sorry and fucking hurt in her eyes as she did it…. That wasn’t some oracle shit. She didn’t see some dream and then walk up and say, I saw you’d solve my problem, so solve it. It was like she was betraying him; it was the same look he had in his eyes for cheating on his wife. It haunted him. It was so cruel, but that other look, the desperation when she asked him to help these kids. She was pleadin’.

That's the only reason he considered it. He turned her down the first time but said he'd consider it if push came to shove—and shove happened really fucking fast. Then he followed through, and he still wasn't sure why.

Rokus’s eyes glided to Kyritus, holding onto the little one, who was red as a yongo fruit and frail as a princess. Just the look of ‘em pissed him off. Not cuz they were kids. He loved kids. He had a boy and loved his little smile and personality. But that’s what pissed him off: they were kids.

Lady Reece was a fuckin’ monster. Accordin’ to Edico, she was the strongest person next to Agronus, had the mind to make Tyran her slave, led a coup, seized the throne, and now nobles were collapsing like grain under scythe. The woman was a fucking calamity, but she was hangin’ around a bunch of normal kids with shit lives? That pissed him off. Just on principle, if nothing else. The only reason that it didn’t drive him completely insane was because Rokus didn’t understand his relationship with her, either. He didn’t even understand why he was helping them. Why he had committed treason to be here. But he knew. It was that fuckin’ look. Edico was right. That shit was haunting.

“Hey, Mr. Rokus?”

Rokus furrowed his brow and looked over. The little one was looking at him with her large brown eyes, blinking at him. “Yeah?” he asked.

“Thank you.”

He frowned. “For what?”

“Helping us.”

“I’m not doing this for you, kid.”

Tiber’s cheeks puffed out in a pout. “Why do adults always gotta lie?”

Rokus scoffed and shook his head at the sky, ready to lay into her. But when he looked back, he froze. Kyritus was laughing and pinching her cheeks, and she was squirming.

“Forgive her,” Kyritus beamed. “I’ve run a tavern since I was twelve, and our dad ran it before that. We’ve met just about every type of person, so Tiber’s pretty good at picking up these types of things. It’s kinda a necessity.”

Those words lanced through Rokus’s heart. He was helpin’ them—he didn’t need that moral attachment to it. Ultimately, his family came first, and if he had to leave…. Fuck. “I gotta ask you, kid,” he said, turning to Kyritus. “How do you even know that girl?”

Kyritus developed a rueful smile. “I don’t.”

Rokus knitted his brow. “How the fuck did we end up in this desert because of some girl you don’t know?”

Kyritus shook his head. “I… don’t know. She just showed up one day with the cure for Tiber’s illness and….” His cheeks turned rosy.

“What’s that look for?”

“N-Nothing. Honest. She talked to me for a few minutes, if that. She didn’t even tell me her name before she left.”

“Wait. You’re sayin’ that she dropped that flower and left?”

“Yeah.” Kyritus swallowed hard. “It makes me… sad.”

Rokus’s internal temperature cooled. “Sad?”

“Yeah. It’s what she said to me. You don’t know who I am, and that makes me really, really bitter. Those were her words before saying that she knew Tiber here and about her sickness and gave her the flower.”

“Did it leave the impression that you guys were… lovers, but you forgot?” Rokus asked.

“Yeah.” Kyritus gripped Tiber.

“And I think you should be!” Tiber said. “Delina’s the best!”

Rokus raised an eyebrow. “Delina? The Goddess?”

Kyritus gave him a helpless smile. “Yeah. She kinda beat up all my customers to talk to me.”

Rokus stared at him for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. Kyritus and Tiber laughed, too, but the former tapped out. His legs were raw, and his breathing shallow. They rode for another few hours, and every break, Kyritus would say sorry to him. Tiber would hug his neck and say it was okay, turn around to face Rokus’s exasperated expression and stick her tongue out. That annoyed him, but it was drowned out by her virtues. Every so often, she’d ask him small questions like, What’s your kid like? or How old is he? and follow it with sharp, pointed statements like, You must have a reaaaaaally good wife, and You could use a drink. And after all of it, Kyritus would give him rueful smiles and say, Forgive her. She’s a tavern girl. It was a universal excuse for everything.

Before long, Rokus had to admit that he had taken a likin’ to the two kids. He only wished his family was there with them. But for now, he’d follow through and protect the little one. Now, more than ever, he knew that there was no way that Lady Reece wouldn’t have protected his family in exchange.

5

Sara woke up the next morning refreshed. She stretched her arms, body brimming with vitality. It felt like there was this film on her mind that made everything around her damp and dark and gray, and it was suddenly lifted. But now, she didn’t need motivation to do what needed to be done. She could face it. “I need a safe way to practice my power,” she thought. Twice, she had gone overboard with Qualth. She needed control, and control came with practice. Most importantly, she had to learn the extent of her core. That’s what she would do today.