> “I know I’m being selfish,
>
> but this time,
>
> I want to feel alive.”
I wait in front of the academy along with a few hundred other people. The crowd is mixed with seemingly every type of person, with the only common aspect being that most of them are fairly young although there are some exceptions. Blowout and Certain Future went ahead of me, having duties they need to perform. The time is early in the morning; fresh dew clings to greenery within my sight. While waiting, I entertain myself by observing members of the crowd. I make assumptions based on their appearance, on what I think their abilities will be. It isn’t unconfirmable because as Blowout told me earlier, the ‘test’ is a demonstration of abilities. And that it isn’t even meant to be an evaluation of the abilities themselves, but of how passionately or creatively their user is making use of them.
The past few days we spent working on the method for making the method of teleporting something to a pocket dimension where time is frozen. With both me and Perenia working on it, we accomplished most of it surprisingly fast. We only have yet to work out the actual implementation of it. I also gained as much information as I could on the academy in front of me, for the sake of being better prepared.
Your plan is to first look at what is around average for abilities, then do something very slightly better while I make my energy signature disguised, right? Perenia asks, repeating what I told her earlier.
That’s right. Standing out in any way wouldn’t be great. For being unnoticeable, blending in with everyone around me is best. That said, it is possible to stand out by accidentally being too ordinary. So be careful.
You’re going to be the one visualizing what to do. I’m going to be shaping whatever that is with my energy. It shouldn’t matter much if you haven’t done it before. It should come naturally. Just go with the flow of your creativity.
Right.
A few more minutes pass in an atmosphere filled with anticipation. I can’t help but feel anxious for a reason I can’t name. The tips of my fingers feel as if they are filled with static electricity, and my arm muscles flex slowly. These are unusual behaviors for me. I take slow breaths to regain full control of myself.
According to Blowout before she left, the Goddess of Justice’s first angel, Unyielding Righteousness, is going to be here to commemorate the opening of the academy. I couldn’t get much more useful information other than how cool she is and other similar remarks. Assuming she became an angel soon after Perenia created the technique, that would put her at over 150 years old.
At the precise scheduled moment when the opening is supposed to begin, the doors to the academy open. An angel with silvery white wings leading thirty people—I assume faculty—walks through the grand doors. Blowout and Certain Future are among them. The angel has well-kept blond hair and wears a white and gold robe with two golden rings around her waist. Her posture radiates experience and commands the respect of all those around her. Her stern face and clear green eyes don’t look a day over thirty, but something imperceptible about them seems ancient. Her wings are the exact same shape, size, and style as Healing Devotion’s but with different colors of white and silver.
She speaks without a method of amplification, but it easily carries to everybody in a voice that is firm with conviction. She says what is clearly a prepared speech of formal thanks and of the general importance of justice. Afterwards, she invites everyone in.
The gates are open for people to go through, and they start to flood into the academy. I allow myself to fall into the back of the crowd. When I registered, I made my slot in the back 80%. Not last, but far enough back so that people can get tired.
A spot on a balcony seems perfect for overlooking the large room being used. I observe as people start to demonstrate their ability. Certain Future and one other person I don’t recognize stand with the person demonstrating and take notes on a pad they each have. The angel is somewhere, but I didn’t catch where exactly she went.
Mentally, I keep track of the abilities of everybody testing. They are truly diverse. Twenty-eight percent of them use something primarily related to the natural elements, but even in them no person is the same as any other. Twenty-one percent involve the manipulation of existing physical objects, from bending swords to writing in books telekinetically. I can’t help but label the other fifty percent as pure miscellaneous. One girl weaved clothing from thread she created while another guy created balls of energy that explode like miniature grenades. The last one percent either admitted they couldn’t demonstrate in this environment or refused to. Fascination beats in every pulse of my heart.
As it becomes my turn, I nonchalantly walk to the spot the others before me stood to demonstrate. Certain Future gazes at me with a watching stare.
Taking a deep breath, I stare down the iron target ten paces away.
I can do this. I just need to visualize a basic ball of fire and then throw it at the target. Anticipation rises from within me.
Alright, let’s do this. I raise my right hand and close my eyes.
I’ll give you a portion of my energy now. Use it as you will.
I know that people are watching, but I tune everything out to focus.
Forcing myself along a mental blueprint, I visualize a ball of fire and strictly nothing else. God energy trickles into my awareness. It catalyzes something in myself I refuse to accept.
But why restrain myself? Isn’t this exactly what I always wanted?
Capability. I feel something unlike anything before. It brushes the tips of my finger; it wraps the edges of my consciousness. Self-created desire rushes through me like a pent-up dam bursting with overwhelming force. My heartbeat soars as my breath shortens. Pressure weighing on my heart for so long that I’ve forgotten it exists now weighs on my mind. Feeling of tense lightning rushes through my body, making my hairs stand on their ends. I see nothing but blackness, yet my perception narrows with tunnel vision. Purpose is forgotten as long-repressed creativity blooms from the deep fringes of my soul.
A memory of desire, long forgotten, flashes before my eyes. It begs me to experience what I know is within my reach.
I simply let it loose.
In the spark of a moment when I do, overwhelming release of freedom makes my entire body feel lighter than I’ve ever known.
My eyes open to vivid color.
Everyone is staring at me.
Floating beyond the tips of my fingers is my repressed fantasy personified. It is vaguely cylindrical in a monochrome royal purple with the forward end having spikes. I don’t need to see it as I inherently know every detail.
Beyond me is disintegration streaking from my construct outwards, annihilating both the target and the walls behind it. Realization of consequences is dulled by the rush of my repressed emotions.
Silent disappointment radiates from Perenia.
I stare forward, too overwhelmed to fully comprehend what just happened.
“I’ll give you one chance to explain why you just used the energy of the Goddess of Power.” Certain Future dangerously lowers his voice, pointing two of his fingers inches from my head.
Martial arts training kicks in.
Grab his wrist, shift my foot to adjust center of balance, throw him to ground.
Heart still beating at a thousand beats a minute, I look around. Shocked spectators hold still, unsure.
What did I just do? Why could I not repress my feelings for just a little longer?
Use my power to boost up to the window. We can escape outside from there.” Perenia guides with little inflection.
I follow her instructed actions.
Throwing my hands back and jumping, I once more let her energy flow through my body. I visualize raw force to propel me into the air. A purple explosion is created at my fingertips. The force ripples through my body in an uncomfortable shockwave as it propels me upwards.
It launches me through a glass window. Shielding myself with my arms, I somehow avoid getting cut.
The momentum carries me outside the wall of the city. As I reach the peak of my parabola, I get a true appreciation for how high I am—roughly 30 meters up, easily lethal.
I quickly readjust the angle of my body and prepare to release energy to break my fall. Wind roars in my ears. I unleash Perenia’s energy, once, twice, and a third time to land without injury. My skin pricks from the thrill of unbound movement.
My impact on course grass feels like a jolt attempting to remind me of the reality of this situation. Realization of my mistake mixes with the rush of excitement from wielding power, creating a pure chaotic melody of emotions swirling inside me.
There is a forest straight ahead about half a mile away and nothing but a stretch of open grassy field between me and it. If I can make it there, I can find a way to lose my pursuers. I didn’t have to be in this at all if I had just kept control of myself though.
I sprint forward with all my might.
Perenia sighs. Letting out the raw energy like that is horribly inefficient. I would conserve some for the fight when my sister’s angel catches up.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
I wince, fighting another person is the last thing I want to do while I’m this—not myself. This was supposed to be when I changed how I live. I had a chance, yet I had to ruin it. Why?
Clenching my fists, I grit my teeth. “I don’t want—”
I’m interrupted by the angel from earlier before I can say something pathetic. “For the sake of justice, stop now, and you will be granted a fair trial.” I glance back to see her create roughly fifty cylindrical objects vaguely looking like rods or wooden staffs on either side of her. “If you refuse, I will have no choice but to use force.”
The wave function collapses. There is now no way to avoid conflict without surrendering. Can I really handle this as I am now?
“Fair” as in whatever it takes to destroy me? Same as always. Perenia chides before directing her attention to me. So, what are you going to do? It’s kill or surrender, which will you choose?
“I refuse to live that kind of life, not anymore. If there isn’t a third option, then I’ll make one.”
Oh, and how do you plan that? she asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Do you think you can complete what we’ve been working on?”
“Hmm, I’ll find a way.”
The angel calls out, now a distance away. “You had your chance.”
I skid and turn around to prepare for what her action will be.
Two of her projectiles launch straight at me.
My whole body is in fight mode. I take every relevant detail and rapidly make plans of action.
Reacting barely fast enough, I jump to the side, dodging the first projectile then unleashing more raw energy to knock away the second. My arms ache from the repeated stress.
There is no respite—the other ones she created come streaking towards me in a mixed array.
I take a deep breath as I closely analyze the movement paths of each one. I need to precisely execute each movement, or it will be an even more disappointing end to this emotional outburst.
I weave back and forth, dodging while the wind from around them whips sharply against my skin. One wrong move is death.
The angel takes the opportunity while I’m preoccupied and flies toward me, making several more weapons on her left and right.
There needs to be a way for me to fight back if I want to win. Before then, I need to do everything I can to not get injured or killed. I don’t have the advantage of enhanced reaction times that others in this world have, so I’ll have to make up for it with sheer predictions.
She pulls into an arc above me, and the projectiles head towards me without room to dodge.
I need a way to block. I need a barrier. Perenia already gives me the energy I need.
Closing my eyes, I reach out a hand.
Straining myself, I visualize the lines of a circular barrier.
Perenia shapes the energy as I unleash it.
Energy pulses through my body till it's unleashed from my palm. The incoming projectiles scatter with a dull clang against it while the angel files overhead to block my escape route.
Alright, that should work. Let loose. Perenia finishes my concept amazingly fast somehow.
If I don’t go all out, then I don’t go at all. I mentally piece together my TAC-338 sniper rifle as Perenia enables me to put thought into reality. It forms firmly in my palm with the exact shape I’m familiar with but is in the same monochrome royal purple as everything else she creates.
I point it directly at the opposing angel’s chest, no time for hesitation.
A way for me to fight without actually killing my enemies? This feels weird. At least I could finish this before reinforcements could catch up.
I fire.
The angel creates another staff and smoothly parries the bullet, chipping the staff on impact.
A part of my gut drops in disbelief. People can block bullets apparently.
All tactics I’m used to get thrown out. Raw exhilaration of feeling true combat pulses through my veins.
I throw my sniper aside, making it disappear. In my other hand, I create a P90 submachine gun, firing instantly.
Reacting even faster than before, she makes three of her weapons in front of her, spinning at a rapid enough rate to deflect my bullets. Every movement of hers is controlled without anything unneeded.
A full clip is expended; her staffs are damaged but intact.
I could keep going like this for a while, trying to keep wearing her staffs down and hope a shot makes it through. But didn’t she just prove that she could easily make more without much effort? Time is not on my side, so I need to win before any reinforcements arrive. But how?
A solid, lightweight sword appears in my hand. Perenia raises an eyebrow at me.
I had never thought I would be using a sword in legitimate combat, yet here I am.
Gathering strength in my legs, I burst forward, every movement in sync with my rising flow of battle trance.
I jump into a rough swing with all of my body weight. She blocks.
To not be thrown into vulnerability, I let out raw energy to force the sword down and cleave through her staff, narrowly missing her body. Close.
She fully surrenders initiative and creates distance by flying backwards.
I follow my momentum and strike in a backhanded arc.
She makes another parry, this time catching the flat of my blade and thrusting upwards, disarming me.
She clearly has experience in close combat, where I have little. Is there any way for me to win?
Wait, am I kidding? Of course there is—there always is; I just need to find it.
To get out of my terrible position, I boost myself to the side with another explosion to preemptively get out of the way of a counterattack and also see how she defends.
She creates several staffs in a rectangle without gaps, protecting her from my attack.
I gasp out a breath as I land. Every thought of mine is directed to absorbing the situation in front of me. This is the blood rushing embodiment of the living the fantasy I denied myself.
Am I—
Am I having fun?
Me and the angel make eye contact. She takes a defensive stance while holding her weapon in one hand, remaining steadfast. I crouch down to lower my profile. We both wait for the other to make the next move.
The grass in the field brushes against my legs from the slight breeze. The faint smell of burning wood drifts from points where my bullet contacted her staffs. I can’t hear anything except the sound of blood rushing in my ears. Perenia wordlessly watches on the edge of her seat.
“You will run out of her energy soon. Surrender before you get hurt,” the angel commands, standing to her full height to look down on me.
That probably would be the logical answer here, but I’m done with restraining myself to perfect logic. This sense of free movement calls to my deepest desires like nothing before.
You know, maybe it’s time to stop repressing myself. Why not allow myself to finally enjoy a moment?
I contort my face in determination as I make a choice that will change fate one way or another.
Closing my eyes, I create exactly what I want. My nameless construct floats free of gravity to my side. It will charge up energy to fire a laser either exactly when I want or whenever ready. Because why not? It, like everything else that Perenia makes, will teleport whatever it hits into the timeless realm we created.
“I know I’m being selfish, but this time, I want to feel alive.”
Righteousness tenses in preparation.
If I can’t win from range and I can’t win from close up as I am now, why not mix it up with a freestyle combination?
For the first time in my life, I allow myself to act on feeling as I run forward with my life behind me.
Thanks to Perenia, a sword forms in one hand, a sniper in the other. I mentally time the beam of my nameless construct to sync with my actions.
Bursting forward I strike down. She blocks.
I push downwards to propel myself up, firing a shot down. The angel dispels her previous weapon to create another to deflect my bullet in time.
My nameless construct releases a straight beam of energy. She sidesteps its vector, predicting its purpose with milliseconds to spare.
Before I can touch earth, I already have several projectiles attempting to make their way through my chest. My arms strain forward to create another circle shield to block.
Instead of dispelling it after impact, I kick it forward to provide visual cover for hiding my creation of two swords and a blast grenade. God energy rages like a fire through my body, leading me to a further zeal.
She flies above my airborne shield to be immediately greeted with two downward slashes that she blocks, and I propel upwards like before.
This time I twist, turning around to fire my sniper not at her, but the grenade I let go in front of her.
Her eyes widen as she spins her staffs into a cone to disperse the shockwave.
The rate at which she predicts attacks she has never seen before is a true testament to her experience in battle. For the first time ever, I’ve met an equal. Thrilling.
I catch my breath and refresh my plans—I really thought that would work.
She flies upwards spreading her arms, creating many more rods in an array above her, predicting my pursuit. I send mental instructions to Perenia to create constructs chaotically in a large circle around me in preparation to jump.
If using raw energy to boost is wasteful, then how about using it to instead apply constant upwards force? I have a feeling that Perenia’s wings work using a similar concept. Mentally arranging how to work it, I launch myself to the sky.
Righteousness’s weapons rain down, royal purple lasers from constructs fire upwards, and my internal organs scream from the strain of g-force.
Before me are flashes of reaction as I create shield after shield, protecting myself.
Sword cuts into staff once more, causing her to retreat back in the sky. Her defense isn’t perfect. I can probably overwhelm her if I can get her to take a powerful enough blow.
I burst to get the needed speed while creating swords on my sides that telekinetically launch themselves at her in ninety-degree angles.
She makes a surface that the swords impale themselves onto.
I make a sniper rifle, planning something entirely new to me. As I approach, I overload the cartridge with energy and release it point-blank.
The force shatters her defense, grazing her side and forcing her to the ground. Stolen energy from Perenia’s aspect empowers me, feeling as a second wind.
The angel launches more projectiles at me. I’m getting tired of such simple attacks. I pull myself down faster than gravity can before reversing and breaking my fall.
Again, she stands, waiting to react to me. She really is committed to outlasting me. Unfortunately for her, she doesn’t fully understand where I’m getting my energy from. Even still, it might work if I can’t finish soon.
I spread my arms to either side of me, making a row of constructs. They are fakes. I don’t have enough energy to actually fire all of them, but she doesn’t need to know that.
Tapping tip of the one nearest to me, “These can fire at any time, so watch carefully.” Psychological warfare to split attention.
She steps to the side of its trajectory. “I will not falter. Come, let’s end this!”
As you wish.
She dodges the attacks she doesn’t think she can take and blocks the ones she thinks she can. My path to victory is to restrict her movements then expend the last of my energy for a hit to break her defense. I can do it because I am faster than her in bursts!
I dash back to her with another sword-hits-is-parried-to-the-side. I land, immediately placing a construct and dashing through her again. Continuing this, I chain dash to dash, making more lines of bluffs she can’t cross as she attempts to get out. Perenia is in perfect sync with my actions, predicting what I want to make before I even know myself.
Dash up, create, diagonal spin down, deflected to a side, skid, dodge, burst forward. My body is alive in every movement.
On every side of her now is a web of bluffs. She can’t risk crossing the lines of the constructs I make in case one of them instantly fires. Which of course, they can’t, but she doesn’t need to know that.
She is ten paces away from me and one step to the side from the position where my first construct is aimed at.
One final time, I create my sniper in my right hand and a sword in my left. My muscles scream in protest as I make my way toward the finale one way or another, due to the amount of energy I have left.
She sees my gun and preemptively makes a rectangular shield.
I pour energy into my sniper’s cartridge. It glows from the excess power inside of it.
Five paces away, I pull the trigger.
She pulls the shield to parry and side steps.
Two paces away, I burst into a full two-handed swing. Particle streams launch outward from the sword.
She grasps her damaged shield, sweat dripping down her brow.
My sword makes contact. Instead of cutting, it explodes knocking her back into the beam of my construct the moment I trigger it.
The beam intersects with her torso, seemingly passing through her without interaction. I can feel, however, that the god energy is spreading through her body, hungrily consuming her energy and converting it to fuel the upcoming teleportation.
Her final look is of raw resolve, staring me in the eye without hatred.
Purple energy engulfs her body, and without flair or notice, suddenly there is nothing where she stood.
Sudden silence seems completely non sequitur.
She undoubtedly had an incredible amount to still live for until I ended her. But there is still more—she isn’t dead, right?
As I feel myself on the verge of collapse, a new wave of the angel’s stolen energy rushes through me.
Just like you conceptualized, she is in a space I created where time doesn’t flow. At any point we want, we can return her to exactly how she just was.”
“Good.”
Looking back, multiple wings in a variety colors fly above the city, getting closer. On the ground bursts a small ball of concentrated air .
The forest is only a few paces away now. I have enough distance to have hope that if I run into it, I can lose my pursuers.
One way or another, I refuse to do anything but live the way I want to.