Night 24
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Waking up, feeling completely relaxed and lightheaded, felt weird for some reason. It was, as if, I have had a headache, for the longest time, which had all of a sudden, vanished.
I shook my head and smiled in relief, which soured quickly as the events of the morning came rushing back.
'Yeah…no.' I scowled. 'That is so not going to work. I will evolve. There is no doubt about it. And I will not let some silly little Title change me. Nor will I let some stupid bodice tell me who or what I am. Nothing that makes me, me, is up for discussion. I am who I am and it is going to remain that way. No matter the cost.'
I cracked my neck and saw the shell left behind after my evolution. I frowned. 'Didn't I gain a level after eating it last time?'
'I did, didn't I? Will I gain another one if I consume it now?' I didn't know the answer to that. 'But let's find out.'
With that, I began devouring the cocoon that had guarded me while I had been evolving.
Ting.
[You have consumed The Gift.]
Ting.
[You have Leveled Up! Level up bonus of +2 HP and +2 MP granted.]
I grinned and stretched my newfound body; causing my eyes to fall on the egg that I had vomited. 'Eh? Just what will come out of that thing? I hope whatever comes out, doesn't consider me its parent; that would so not be a fun thing.'
Shaking my head to clear it of that absurd thought, I sighed. I had two things to do; both of which were of extreme importance. The first thing being finding a way to evolve, while the second thing being leveling up my {Occlumency} to stop the Title {Trickster} from fucking with my head.
I don't know how the Title would fuck me up, but its description said that it effects the mind of the bearer. And that was enough for me to consider it a priority.
I also had to find a way to be sure of my gender, but it wasn't that important, because it didn't matter which body I currently occupied, I was a man and I knew that; nothing was going to change that fact. Nothing.
But that brought me back to my current problem; which one of two problems should I focus on, at the moment? Problem of how to evolve or the problem of how to level up Occlumency; which one should I focus on first? Then there was also the point that it wasn't as if I would be able to start working on either of them, the moment I made my choice; I had no idea how to solve either of them.
I grimaced. 'Not knowing is so not fun.'
Anyway, if I were to make a logical decision, then finding a way to level up {Occlumency} would take priority, after all, {Trickster} was something that was altering my mind. But not being able to evolve was something that was bugging me something major; also, I hadn't forgotten the little fact that it was something that had almost caused me a panic attack.
With a sigh I decided to find a way to continue evolving. 'But how will I do that? How will I find a way to evolve!? I have no what evolution is, let alone how the damn thing even worked!'
I took a deep breath in, as I closed my eyes. Losing my mind over it would do me no good; I needed to think this problem through with a calm mind. 'So how will I go about solving it, when I have no knowledge about it?'
Well, obviously, the first thing that I needed to do was gain more knowledge about it. But how would I do that? It wasn't like I had someone that explained each and everythi-
Oh.
But I did.
Sure I didn't have someone that explained everything to me, but I did have something. I opened my eyes and smiled.
Ting.
[Skill {Meditate Lv.7} has leveled up to {Meditate Lv.8}. While meditating, MP regeneration will be increased by 8 MP/Hour.]
'Yes, yes. I made a breakthrough using meditation; I connected more with myself and came closer to being and acknowledging who I am. Can we move on now?' I almost sighed in exasperation before calling up my status; 'almost' because I was in too good a mood to actually sigh.
[Name: Unnamed]
[Species: Doxy]
[Race(s): Insect]
[Level: 5]
[HP: 260/260]
[MP: 160/160]
[Titles: {Sentient}, {Reincarnated}, {Survivor}, {Bullheaded}, {Master of Death}, {Masochist}, {Gourmand}, {Fire Elemental}, {Trickster}]
[Skills: {Animagus Lv.1}, {Ant's Will Lv.3}, {Apparate Lv.6}, {Beast Tamer Lv.1}, {Crawl }, {Dig Lv.8}, {Doxy Shield Lv.1}, {Drone Eggs Lv.1}, {Fire Manipulation Lv.1}, {Fly Lv.6}, {Ice resistance Lv.1}, {Invisibility Lv.1}, {Leglimens Lv.2}, {Mana Control Lv.1}, {Masochism Lv.3}, {Meditate Lv.8}, {Molting Lv.4}, {Night Vision Lv.3}, {Observe Lv.6}, {Occlumens Lv.7}, {Overdose Lv.1}, {Pain Resistance Lv.6}, {Poison Resistance Lv.9}, {Poison Creation Lv.5}, {Rise Lv.1}, {Scent Lv.3}, {Sensor Lv.5}, {Slide Lv.3}, {Stealth Lv.3}, {Stubborn Lv.4}, {Survive Lv.3}, {Trap Lv.3}]
[Spells: {Lumos Lv. Max}, {Incendio }, {Expelliarmus Lv. 10}, {ExpectoPatronum Lv. 10}, {Protego Lv.10}, {Reparo Lv.9}, {Aguamenti Lv.9}, {Stupefy Lv.9}, {Episkey Lv. 9}, {Immobulus Lv.9}, {Lumos Maximus Lv.8}, {Confundo Lv.8}, {Fianto Duri Lv. 8},{Protego Maxima Lv. 8}, {Repello Inimicum Lv.8}, {Accio Lv.7}, {Bombarda Lv.7}, {Petrificus Totalus Lv.6}, {Diffindo Lv.6}, {Reducto Lv.5}, {Wingardium Leviosa Lv. 5}, {Transfugiration Lv.5}, {Silencio Lv.4}, {Glacius Lv.4}, {Confringo Lv.3}, {Alohomora Lv.3}, {Sectum Sempra Lv.2}, {Imperio Lv.2}, {Muffliato Lv.2}, {Crucio Lv.1}]
I read my status, carefully this time; paying great attention to each and every word. I frowned when I noticed the extra '(s)' besides Race. 'Why would there be an option for multiple in races?'
Ting.
[Race(s) allows for different evolution pathways to manifest. Current evolution path completed: Insect.]
I frowned again, in thought, this seemed promising. 'If I understand this correctly, then multiple races are possible. And with new race, new evolution pathways will materialize.'
I smiled. 'Alright!'
So I could evolve again by acquiring a new Race. But how would I do that? Maybe if I focus on it again, something will pop up.
Nope. Nothing popped up. Maybe if I used {Observe} on it instead? Dismissing the current screen, I returned to the status screen. 'Observe.'
Ting.
[Race(s) allows for different evolution pathways to manifest. Current evolution path completed: Insect.]
[Races are either granted by Titles or by Skills and turn you Completely into another being.]
'Well, it worked. Though, I had expected more information.' Still, it was better than nothing. 'Hmm. As far as I know, Titles are generated by the Will of the World, or something, which controls the blue screen, and I can't effect their creation as I wouldn't know what will trigger it.'
Still, I should probably confirm it. 'Observe.'
Ting.
[Title is a label awarded by the Will of the World, to the living beings, for performing specific tasks or for meeting certain specifications.]
[Titles either grant a skill or affect the behavior of the bearer. Titles need not always have a positive effect.]
I scowled; though there was extra information available now, it was nothing that I didn't know.
This left me with just the second option, skills. 'Though, when it was talking about Race, what did it mean by, 'turn you Completely into another being'? And why was there such an emphasis on the world 'complete'? What was the meaning of that?'
I frowned and turned to the list of my skills. Did I have any skill that that could turn me completely into another being?
Well, obviously, yes.
I had the skill {Animagus} which would allow me turn into another being. But, the thing was that it would turn me into another creature and I don't know whether it would qualify for the complete transformation or not.
Still, it was better than nothing.
So I somewhat sighed in relief; finally I had an idea about how to achieve what I was looking for. I finally had found something that might lead me back to the evolution road. This was good; this was very good.
With a small smile, I closed my eyes and began to meditate.
Now, it wasn't as if I didn't have any idea about being an animagus or how to turn into one; I did. When I had found out about my Dad being a stag animagus and his reasons behind learning the skill, I had found curiosity bubbling in me about the skill; something which had resulted into me researching about the animagi and the animagus process.
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Though nothing ever came out of it, as the next year, the debacle of the Tri-Wizard tournament had happened, which had let to the resurrection of Voldemort and, suffice to say, after that, everything had just turned into one big cluster fuck.
Please don't excuse the language; it's well suited here.
So here I was, using the nostalgic association with the skill, in a situation that I had never thought I'd be. Hell, I hadn't even known that situation like these actually come to be. I shook my head to clear it of the random thoughts.
But it had little effect.
So I decided to Ignore the thoughts and with a deep breath, I tried to remember what I knew about the whole process.
Small bits and pieces of recollections came floating back to me, as I dug deeper and deeper into my memories, before they reconciled to form a somewhat complete picture. I smiled.
From what I remembered about the process, the method required me to immerse in myself and be in touch with my magic as it removed any outward binding, any worldly attachments and allowed me to view myself in my most primal forms; instincts, magic and memories. After all, these were what constituted a soul.
Soul.
What an interesting thing, with even more interesting components.
Its first component ware Instincts. Instincts were something that every being reacted on the basis of. It was because of these instincts that different people reacted differently; that was why no two people were the same. It was because no two set of instincts were the same.
Memories, on the other hand, were at work when people made decisions, as decisions are based on experiences which are retained in memories; thus souls. A soul with no experience was a soul with no memories.
And the last piece of the puzzle was magic; which, actually, didn't need any explanations.
These three were what constituted a soul; instincts, memories and magic.
Now, these three parts were represented in a soul –or better to say in a mindscape- though different means; magic formed an entire realm to soothe the memories and the instincts, to soothe the individual as a whole.
In that serene realm, memories formed a semi-corporeal shape of the soul bearer's body, to represent the bearer and its desires. While instincts, on the other hand, condensed to manifest as the primal animal that was a representation of the mind of the soul bearer.
It was due to this fact that only magical being could create a mindscape. Muggles just didn't have the magic to create one.
Now, though the beast was the representation of the soul's instincts, it also contained within itself the aspects of soul's memories, soul's magic and everything else that was the soul bearer.
This beast was the animagus form. It was the magical being's soul laid bare.
As the memories continued to come, I frowned at the next bit.
For a beast to represent a soul, and its bearer, it would have to have its own magic. It had to be so because the magical being that it represented had magic. And also because the beast formed in the mindscape, contained within it, the magic of the magical being's soul.
It could not, not, be magical in nature.
This, in general, caused a problem. The problem being that the beast's magic needed to be merged with the soul's inherent magic. The beast magic will have to be merged with my magic; which was a risk as it may lead to the beast's primal magic overwhelming my magic, causing me to be lost in my own mind, leaving me comatose.
It was this risk that caused most people to forgo allowing their magic to be represented in the manifestation of the beast, which they achieved by taking the animagus potion that forced the magic to support only the realm and stopped its interaction with the manifestation of the beast. This hindrance, though, resulted in manifesting of only non-magical animals.
'But I didn't have the luxury of animagus potion.' Despite that last thought, I opened my eyes with a smile plastered on my face. Now I had a working plan of what I had to do.
Ting.
[Skill {Meditate Lv.8} has leveled up to {Meditate Lv.9}. While meditating, MP regeneration will be increased by 9 MP/Hour.]
Ting.
[Skill {Occlumens Lv.7} has leveled up to {Occlumens Lv.8}. Your Mental Fortitude has increased.]
I raised an eyebrow in question. '{Meditate} leveling up, I can understand but why in the world did {Occlumens} level up? I hadn't been using occlumency, or at least I don't think I had been. Did it level up because I was using it to try and jog up my memory? But that is not what Occlumency is, now is it?'
As far as I knew, Occlumency meant shielding one's mind from foreign presence or foreign attacks. There hadn't been any attacks while I had been meditating; I was sure of that. I would have felt them if there had been, after all, blocking intrusions from the mind of a psychopathic murderer was good for something.
Shaking my head at the insane direction my mind had taken, I frowned. My joints felt stiff and muscles felt cramped. Just how much time had passed?
I tried to stand up-
Thud.
'Ouch!'
-but my head hid the roof of the hideout. It seemed that while I had taken my size into consideration, while expanding the hideout just before evolution- I hadn't considered my newfound height.
Groaning, I began to dig my way out of the burrow. As I dug and made my way out of the hideout, I felt the earth began to loosen up more and more. I hoped that it wasn't what I was thinking it was because I did not want to lose the place that had catered to me ever since I had been born in this world. It was my home.
But as I began to surface, I knew my wish was a vain one. The earth around the entrance had loosened up a lot and the expansion that I had done some time ago, the one that had weakened the foundation, was finally coming to bite me.
My home was going to collapse.
And just as I finally dug my way out and resurfaced, the entrance collapsed.
…
..
I stared.
I stared at the depression where my home used to be and I did nothing else but stare. It was an empty feeling; the feeling of losing one's home. It made me feel hollow and lost; so very lost. Where would I return to now? Where would I burrow to heal?
I didn't cry. I didn't feel sad. I just felt hollow. I just felt empty inside.
'I guess this is really it, huh.' I turned around and began to walk. It wasn't as if it mattered anymore; after all, I didn't have any possessions that I would have los-
The Egg!
Oh My Fucking God! That stupid egg was buried underneath it all!
FUCK!
'Why can't I have just walked away? Why do I have to desecrate the remains of my home?' I panted.
I debated leaving the egg buried; it was not as if I cared about the creature that would come out of it. It would be just some stupid doxy that wouldn't even have a proper brain if what I had read, had meant, what I thought I meant. Bu-
I shrieked in rage.
It sounded like screech, even to my ears. The hollowness was suddenly filled with rage; red hot rage! 'I do not want to do this! I so did not! But I can't let something be born underneath all that mud just to die afterwards! Uhhh! Fuck you world! Fuck you!'
I took a deep breath in and slowly, ever so slowly, let it out.
It did not help.
I repeated the process again. And again and again until it helped.
'It was just a hole; just a hole in the ground and nothing else. That egg was something that had a living being inside it. I shouldn't leave it alone; not when its claim to life was me.'
I took another breath in and began to dig. I dug and I dug and I dug as I desecrated the memory of my lost home.
I panted and gasped and yet I dug.
I used the rage that filled the hollowness, to fuel me and my digging.
By the time I had reached the egg, I was exhausted; both physically and mentally. I could no longer deal with these emotions that had been hitting me for the past few days. I was tired. So very tired. Of my emotions. Of myself. Of this word.
I was just so very tired.
But I couldn't give up. I had to survive.
I will survive.
But I didn't want to.
With each passing day, I didn't want to survive a little bit more. Something within me died a little bit more.
What did I have to survive for? What did I have to look forward to?
An empty hole in the ground? And I didn't even have that with me anymore. Even that was taken from me.
I laughed.
A hollow, bitter and cruel laugh.
A laugh that should have been a cry.
Or maybe I was crying.
I didn't know.
And I didn't care enough to know.
All I knew was that I had to dig.
So I dug.
Soon enough, even that was over and I was left with an egg infront of me as I laughed, or maybe as I cried.
I couldn't care less.
Clutching the egg in between my hands, I opened my beetle like wings, and flapped them to take to the air. It was harder than I had thought it would be. The cylindrical egg was heavier than I had assumed it to be and strength was so not the best attribute of a doxy.
As I tried to fly, and failed, and tried again, only to fail again, I calmed down. My hollowness subsided but wasn't forgotten. It was like a dull ache that wouldn't let itself be forgotten.
With a shaky breathe in, I used the skill {Ant's Will}.
Ting.
[-10 HP]
The effect was immediate as I felt energy rush into my veins and the flight become easier. Flying out of the now massive hole, I soared towards the nearest shelter, which just happened to be a bush of some sort. 'Observe.'
Ting.
[Poison Bist. It is a plant with mild poison that causes rashes and pain; can kill small creatures.]
[You are immune.]
'Well, good to know about the immunity part; I guess, leveling up the skill did some good after all.' Dismissing the thought, I began digging underneath the bush with my tiny hands. I grimaced. 'This is going to take a lot of time.'
As I continued to dig, my thoughts ran back to my old home and how I had to constantly expand it. 'Do I want that? Do I want to dig again and again, each time I needed more space?'
Ting.
[Skill {Dig Lv.8} has leveled up to {Dig Lv.9}. Digging speed has increased.]
No. I didn't. Dismissing the screen, I stopped digging. I needed to find another and hopefully better place to live. I frowned; now that I had hands and opposable thumbs, I could make a home for myself. Sure it would be out of mud or wood but it still would be something that would resemble a house.
As I pondered more and more on the idea, I liked it even more; that is, until a thought crossed my mind, causing me to grimace. I did not know what the next evolution would be as I didn't even know what Race I would acquire from my animagus form; or if I even would.
But that wasn't the point; the point was that once I evolved, my size could wary from anything to my current size to double or triple my size. This would mean that I would have to take some unknown size into consideration when I made my house if I wanted to live there for a long period of time.
I grimaced, again. How would I even begin to do that? And even if I decide to ignore the possible change in size, I would have to put a lot of work to make something that I would have to leave behind sooner or later.
I scowled; I did not want to do that either. Leaving behind something that I had made –least of all my home that I had made with own hands- was not something I could do, not in my current fragile state. I could not emotionally invest in anything at the moment.
That left me with only one option; finding natural burrows or cavities in trees to live. With my decision made, I left the bush and took to air, only to notice that the moon had already crossed the sky and was about to set.
Ting.
[Skill {Night Vision Lv.3} has leveled up to {Night Vision Lv.4}. Your ability to see in night has increased.]
Dismissing the screen, I sighed. 'I guess I would have to search my home tomorrow then.'
Starting to dig again, I dug a shallow temporary shelter and rolled the egg in before settling down. Lazily, I called up my status.
[Name: Unnamed]
[Species: Doxy]
[Race(s): Insect]
[Level: 5]
[HP: 260/260]
[MP: 160/160]
[Titles: {Sentient}, {Reincarnated}, {Survivor}, {Master of Death}, {Masochist}, {Gourmand}, {Fire Elemental}, {Trickster}]
[Skills: {Animagus Lv.1}, {Ant's Will Lv.3}, {Apparate Lv.6}, {Beast Tamer Lv.1}, {Crawl }, {Dig Lv.9}, {Doxy Shield Lv.1}, {Drone Eggs Lv.1}, {Fire Manipulation Lv.1}, {Fly Lv.6} ,{Ice resistance Lv.1}, {Invisibility Lv.1}, {Leglimens Lv.2}, {Mana Control Lv.1}, {Masochism Lv.3}, {Meditate Lv.9}, {Molting Lv.4}, {Night Vision Lv.4}, {Observe Lv.6}, {Occlumens Lv.8}, {Overdose Lv.1}, {Pain Resistance Lv.6}, {Poison Resistance Lv.9}, {Poison Creation Lv.5}, {Rise Lv.1}, {Scent Lv.3}, {Sensor Lv.5}, {Slide Lv.3}, {Stealth Lv.3}, {Stubborn Lv.4}, {Survive Lv.3}, {Trap Lv.3}]
[Spells: {Lumos Lv. Max}, {Incendio }, {Expelliarmus Lv. 10}, {ExpectoPatronum Lv. 10}, {Protego Lv.10}, {Reparo Lv.9}, {Aguamenti Lv.9}, {Stupefy Lv.9}, {Episkey Lv. 9}, {Immobulus Lv.9}, {Lumos Maximus Lv.8}, {Confundo Lv.8}, {Fianto Duri Lv. 8},{Protego Maxima Lv. 8}, {Repello Inimicum Lv.8}, {Accio Lv.7}, {Bombarda Lv.7}, {Petrificus Totalus Lv.6}, {Diffindo Lv.6}, {Reducto Lv.5}, {Wingardium Leviosa Lv. 5}, {Transfugiration Lv.5}, {Silencio Lv.4}, {Glacius Lv.4}, {Confringo Lv.3}, {Alohomora Lv.3}, {Sectum Sempra Lv.2}, {Imperio Lv.2}, {Muffliato Lv.2}, {Crucio Lv.1}]
Nodding at what I saw, I used {Molting}.
Ting.
[- 140 HP]
As the sluggishness rushed in me, I scowled and dismissed the screen. This skill was still consuming more than half my HP. I really wished the cost would decrease; instead, it seemed to increase every time I used the skill.
I sighed and closed my eyes. 'It is not as if there is anything that I could do about it anyway.'
With that irritated thought, I fell asleep.
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P.S. Unbeta'ed but edited to the best of my ability.