I wrapped my furred hands around the handle of the metal mace that was currently serving as my gavel, smiling as I viewed the gathering of the Clan. It had been two hours since the game had launched, and now it was time for all the groups to report in. My eyes rated around the room, verifying everyone was there. Let's see, SlutMaster was present, her... his... its purple and pink form always standing out in the crowd. The Clan Rats were mostly here, though some opted to keep farming the local monsters, letting their partners fill them in on the details. Across from the Rats stood the Pointy Hats, though most lacked their namesake, a frustration for many of them.

Finally, the Blueberries held the center. They were the ‘stalwart’ arm of the Clan, acting as the good guys to our baddies. They would be the fulcrum of the great Plan. The warriors  were all arrayed in blue armor with white trim, wielding swords with ornate gilded pommels and crossguards, looking very much the Noble Knight group. Satisfied that everyone was hear, I banged the rusty iron mace against the wooden table, the slightly rotten furniture creaking in protest. The noise slightly echoed in the cramped farmhouse, silencing the small crowd that had gathered

I slowly stood from my seat at the head of the table, lifting the hood from my face. And what a glorious face it was. I had spent hours pre-launch designing every detail, nearly down to the individual whiskers. I stroked the whiskers in question, before giving a giant smile to the crowd. From the uneasy shifting of some, I had done an excellent job with the facial structure. "Greetings, fellow Fun-Loving Clansmen, it is good to see you have all arrived. Now, time is always of the essence, so we shall skip the formalities” I said, wanting to get to testing out my combat abilities as soon as possible.

The order got grumblings from the Pointy Hats, but it was mostly to stay in character, and not actual annoyance. Well, hopefully. One can never be too sure about the Pointy Hats. Seeing that there was no direct challenge, I continued, saying "Given that there has been no challenge, I shall begin. Clansman Ordrick, please inform us about what the scouts have discovered." My voice summoned one of the Rats forward, the greying rat’s long beard nearly touching the ground. He bowed, his beard scraping against the floor, gathering plenty of dust. With a few strokes of his impressive beard, the man launched into his report. “Thank you, Illustrious Leader. Reports from the scouts indicate that rumours of the… chaotic nature of the world are well-founded. We have found biomes of completely incompatible types located right next to each other. In addition, two different scouts report finding the terrain… well, changed as they made their way back through.”

The words caused quite the kerfuffle amongst the crowd. Excitement, worry, and plenty of theorizing and planning started almost immediately. Unfortunately, now was not the time. I slammed my makeshift gavel on the table, leaving a sizable dent. The sound silenced the crowd fairly quickly, especially after SlutMaster started turning its gaze on anyone who did not heed my warning. After a bit of patience, and a quick cough, I said “This is important news, but it does not affect the agenda of the current meeting. Let us continue with Ordrick’s report.”

Nodding at my command, the man continued. “In addition, it has been made obvious that the strength of various monsters vary widely. Why, one of our scouts was killed with a single blow by a scorpion out in the desert. Fortunately, this led to us discovering the death penalty. First, the Scout lost quite a bit of the experience he had earned up to that point, then lost ALL of the items he had looted, while keeping only that which was granted at the beginning. In addition, the scout claimed that his death led to finding himself in a completely different location, and only managed to return after stumbling upon a merchant transport, which led him to the nearby city of Dulthor. We have had two others test this theory, but they have yet to return.” More murmuring, but not quite enough to merit another call to order.

I sat back down on my chair, stroking my whiskers as I contemplated the many issues surrounding this type of death penalty. If the lands did indeed change, then finding oneself at a random location in the wilderness was…. well, quite the penalty, to be blunt. Loss of XP, all items lost, AND a good chance of taking forever to find your way back to civilization, and even the possibility of dying multiple times over due to lack of equipment and knowledge of the location. A very dangerous penalty, but one that would make things all the more… enjoyable.

I let the multiple conversations continue for a short while, letting my fellow clansmen stew on the issue at hand. Give the men time to figure things out on their own. They were more than smart enough to figure general details out. That’s why I didn’t have a strict hierarchy between the separate branches. We were all liable to ourselves, and only when someone screwed up royally, or refused aid to a clansman in dire need would any cross-group reprisal be necessary. Well, that, and if we were in a joint operation, but those were rare. We worked together on a broad scale, and rarely in specific, coordinated missions.

Another gavel strike, and things quieted. “Very useful information indeed. After the general meeting, those seeking information regarding specific hunting zones should contact Ordrick, who will remain in the area for one hour. Plan accordingly. Now, onto Niomi-.” The individual in question interrupted me immediately, its hideous, yet tantalizing form striding to the center of the area, standing atop the table. “It’s SlutMaster64 now, Nathan. I don’t want to remind you again.” I swallowed audibly at the words, knowing that the not-so-veiled threat was oh so serious. I had indulged myself in the person’s skills in a previous game, and, well, I try not to think about it anymore. Kept away the nightmare turned wet dreams away.

Nodding, I let… SlutMaster64… God, was I seriously going to have to call it that? Surely, being Clan Leader gave me SOME privileges. Eyeing the pair of tentacles hanging from its rear like tails, I swallowed again, thinking twice about trying to use my authority on the crazy person.

“Gal Pals and Boy Toys, I’m pleased to announce that we have brought three new members into the fold, who have graciously given us access to this farmhouse as our base of operations! Please give them a warm~ welcome!” The woman’s voice echoed through the room once more, a slightly-entrancing voice, one that hinted SlutMaster had focused much of its early customization on what it does best. No, I can’t keep thinking of her as an it. She was a person, and I couldn’t just think of her as an it. It… well, it just didn’t cut it. Besides, she had giant breasts, so clearly she was a woman. You just had to ignore the bulge between her legs, covered only by a thin layer of… not clothes, but… a second layer of skin? That was probably it. A layer of skin to keep... things hidden. Wouldn’t want to show off all the goodies before she had you in bed, and after you couldn’t say no without EXTREME effort.

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Proceeding her announcement, three exhausted looking farmhands slowly stumbled into the room, their eyes mostly vacant after what could only be described as a day in both heaven and hell. Mostly hell. The figures garnered some applause, which they seemed to react to, smiles growing on their faces. It was a good thing all of the members were oldies, and were used to SlutMasters ways, or else we’d have to cull the ranks a bit, some of the newbies bemoaning the use of such deep mental manipulation. Fuck that, it was just a bunch of half-assed AI taking control of the NPC’s, and most spanned dozens of individuals, so the trauma would be insignificant at worst, non-existent at best. Besides, they got payed for it, so what was the big deal?

A twirl from SlutMaster drew everyone’s attention back on him. Yah, it was definitely a him. There was NO way there was anything other than a massive dick under that skin-cover. She blew a quick kiss to the lead Pointy Hat, before continuing with her report. “From what we’ve gathered from our new friends, it seems like the outer farmland lacks serious governance, each farm-owner owning the land in their own right. This should make it easy to hide our presence, so long as some bi-weekly shipments are sent to the caravan’s pickup location. Also, apparently farming doesn’t make much money, since there are costs to keep the land stable. So we won’t be getting much profit from here. Thank you, that is all.”

The first bit of news was great, because it would be a serious pain in the ass if we had to move a day after settling in. A base was vital to the operations, at least for the Rats. The others would only visit occasionally, but still, they needed a spot to mingle, as well as trade and share information. The second was rather disappointing, if better than the alternative. After all, if the farm made lots of money, that would just make this place all the more difficult to keep as a base. No way were we the only bandit group that chose Dulthor as a starting location, and money attracts attention from all sorts of nosey folk. No, better to have a small, remote, and under-the-radar location for our first home-base.

"Thank you, SlutMaster64, you may be seated" I said, knowing full well there were no other chairs available. I just couldn't be bothered to think of something more clever to say. "Grand Ecclesiarch Poppy, please regale us with your findings."

With a flourish of her grey cloak, and a careful readjustment of her white pope hat, complete with red and gold trim, the woman strode to the center of the room, also jumping atop the table. She took a deep breathe, before launching into her usual monologue voice. "My fellow worshippers of Fun, it is my great pleasure to be together with you all on this most sacred of days. Let us celebrate such a day by keeping this meeting as brief as possible. Today, we scoured the town of Dulthor, and discovered that religion does indeed play a vital role in the society. In fact, it plays on equal footing with the city government. In addition, there are many gods and denominations, each with wildly varying tenants. This is truly wonderful news for us, and though we have yet to gather an appropriate level of details, it is very likely that our plans will proceed as expected."

Light applause proceeded Poppy's announcement, which I deigned to join. The Pointy Hats were a large part of the overall Plan, and the news was truly a great relief. The high cleric stepped down after the applause faded, but not before giving a smirk to SlutMaster. The two were IRL friends, but had a deep rivalry when it came to gaming.

I prepared to call forth the last reporter, but Shitarius stepped forward before I could speak. I will admit to being slightly miffed at the last chance to lord my authority over the man, but it was a petty thing, so I'd probably just leave some flesh-eating insects in his gauntlets or something,

The armored warrior also tried to stand on the table, but it collapsed beneath him. It would have been amusing, if the man hadn't flinched at all, landing on his feet without even the slightest twitch. All who knew Shitarius reflexively plugged their ears. Undeterred, the man began his report while standing in the remains of the destroyed wooden furniture, his high-pitched, reedy voice the utter and complete opposite of what you'd expect from the large, muscular man. "GREETINGS, COMRADES IN ARMS. IT IS WITH GREAT HUMILITY THAT I, CAPTAIN SHITARIUS, ANNOUNCE THAT OUR FIRST DUNGEON DELVER HAS BEEN A COMPLETE SUCCESS. THANKS TO THE EVER RENOWNED TACTICS THAT I, CAPTAIN SHITARIUS, HAVE DEVELOPED OVER LONG YEARS, WE WERE ABLE TO SLAY TWO MONSTERS OF SUPERIOR LEVEL, ALL WITHOUT A SINGLE CASUALTY. WE DISCOVERED THE CAVERN A MILE AND AN HALF FROM HERE, WHERE WE PROCEEDED TO..."

I yawned, leaning back as I tuned out the second half of the man's report. I only allowed such a tirade because it was slightly amusing. Slightly. And to be fair, it was very much in character, something very much required in the clan, at least on most days. Besides, waiting for the completion of a 5-minute monologue is little to ask in exchange for the work the Blueberries got done.

FInally, the man finished, receiving plenty of applause from all around, though most was in sheer happiness the speech was as short as it was. And with that final report finished, the meeting was concluded. Not wanting to make things longer than they already had been, I stood, frowning at the lack of a table to gavel on, having to make due with my own voice. “Thank you, one and all. All have performed well, but there is plenty of fun out there, ready for the taking. Let’s go and HAVE SOME FUN!”

The shout triggered a mass explosion of excited whoops and war cries, followed by a stampede as most of the crowd rushed out the door, eager to taste the many joys of the new game. I shook my head at the fools, even as I slipped outside a window, followed by some of the more clever Rats. The others could never understand the wonders that come from a small form. No cage can hold you, no door keep you from the loot that lies on the other side. With a grin, I climbed to the third floor, retrieving an already-packed backpack. I retrieved my Steam Repeater Bow, loaded the extended clip, and slipped the shortsword in my belt. Raising my hood, I lept down to the ground, before rushing out into the wilderness. No need for the scout’s information, I already knew the perfect hunting ground.

With a grin, I started making my way to the nearby town on speedy little legs. It was time to requisition some funds from fools unable to keep ahold of their goodies. Nothing like a few PKs on the first day of release to put a smile on your face and a spring in your step.