Chapter 10: Bulletins, Xenomorphs, and Sticky Buns

“Hey, there,” I said. My best opening line.

The redhead turned, looking for someone that she knew. “??”

“I saw you standing here, thought I’d say ‘Hi’.”

Her gaze finally found me. I was standing right next to her. It took a moment, but a hint of recognition eventually colored her gaze.

“Oh, hi. Ink-doused robes, right?”

“That’s me. You up-sold me the expensive, self-charging enchantment.”

“Up-sold?”

Right, Earth slang.

“Upgraded,” I explained. “More at first, but cheaper in the long run.”

“Uh, yeah.”

This was going greeaat. I was my normal, suave self. I guess there were some things bioengineering couldn’t wash from my genes.

“Yeah, you know,” I ran a hand across the back of my neck. Was it hot? “You’d said you would see me again when I picked up the new robes. Then I saw you from the other side of the courtyard, so I thought I’d move up the timeline.” I gave her my best grin.

“Sure, I guess.” She looked a little unnerved.

Probably because I was acting like a stalker. Point two, to me.

“Look ,um…”

“Book.”

“Book, OK. I don’t want to be rude, but,” her face disagreed, “I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

“Sure, sure. I get it.” Persistence was the key to success. “Checking the boards?”

“Yes,” she deadpanned. “What gave it away?”

I tried to grin, but I’m sure it was more of a grimace.

“Just browsing, or looking for something specific?” I kept on keeping on, with nothing to lose. I didn't even know her name, yet. That was goal number one.

She closed her eyes, more of a really long blink. “Just daydreaming, that’s all.”

I looked past her shoulder at the bulletin board, trying to see the notices she had been looking at. They were mostly listings by teams looking for new members. Some were rosters of individuals looking for a place in an established group, or to start a party from scratch.

“You want to be an adventurer?” I asked.

“Like I said, just a daydream.”

I used to dream of exciting adventures, wielding magic, and rescuing the princess. Except in my dreams, I did more than mix up ink by hand and make deliveries. There was still magic, and with more to come! Here’s to hoping for something other than flashlights. I could try [flash] bangs!

“I need to head back to work, so…” I could tell she was looking for a way out.

“Right, I’ll let you go. See you in a couple of days, then.”

She gave me her professional smile and turned to walk away. Please, look back over your shoulder, come on. Did she just hesitate? Ah, no. She didn’t want to run into the fur-clad warrior crossing in front of her, that’s all.

Her name! I forgot to ask for it. I would get it when I visited "Harmsson & Tak *enchanted tailors*" for my new robes. It was something to look forward to. And sweat about.

Sigh. It was time for me to see about some dinner and a snack. Something sugary.

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The sticky bun I clutched in one hand dripped molten caramel down the back of my knuckles. I licked it off, not wanting to waste a single drop of its—burning—goodness (Ow-ow-ow!). Worth it. I had another pair of the gooey treats in a takeout container, balanced on top of a second cardboard box full of dinner for Tess and me. The other two were for our dessert, this one was my walking snack.

I juggled my load up the stairs leading to our apartment. Reaching the front entrance, I stuffed that last bite in my mouth. I held the takeout boxes up, nestled under my tucked chin to secure them, and searched my pocket for the door key. My sticky fingers left a smear of caramel on my robes. Maybe I needed to head back to the tailor’s and get another set, hmm? I needed to pay Tess back, first.

Once inside, I kicked the door closed behind me. The food was still hot, so I put it in a stasis box, instead of the cooler. The stasis box preserved its contents ‘as is’, but only for a short time. If it went in hot, it came out hot. A simple concept with intricate functionality, and much better than the heating lamps used by the restaurants I’d frequented on campus. Everything inside just stopped; A moment frozen in time. There was no residual cooking, or cooling. It was only possible with time-based magic, so we didn’t use it much. Expensive as hell to recharge it. Time magic was very specialized, and to use it in a kitchen appliance cost more than a few coppers and silvers. They were cheap to manufacture, however, so they came as standard equipment. It was the snack bar to the theater ticket. You were already there, so you went ahead and paid for the overpriced popcorn. It was the same concept, here. There had to be kick-back shenanigans spicing up the local 'supply and demand'. Sign up for a lifetime subscription, and get your free pen and pencil set! Ten CD’s for the low, low price of one penny! If the kick-back had not already been invented (Yah, right, dude), well, another thing to add to my list of ‘modernizations’.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Columbia House can’t find me here in Elf-Home. Right? Another dated reference, yes. My Dad can be thanked for it. All those stories I’d had to sit through, waiting for the coming attractions at the movies to play out. ‘Elf-Home’? Just trying it out in my head.

I settled in for Tess to get home from work. There was no TV or Internet to keep my mind busy. I could practice my exercises, holding [mana] until I didn’t have to think about it anymore. That defeated the purpose, from my perspective. Succeeding meant that my mind was free to wander. And it tended to meander down some dark paths.

Instead, I was thinking about trying my hand at that novel I’d always wanted to write. The elves had some fiction, but not much. It was a lot of poetry and allegories, with an occasional tall tale thrown in. I bet there would be a place for an adventure story, or thriller. Science Fiction!

Lost in my internal world of xenomorphs and whodunits, time began to slip away from me.

Bang!

The front door crashed against the wall, and I jumped about half a foot off the lumpy couch.

“Cheezus Crackers!” Had the intergalactic police come for me? I wasn’t ready to go!

“Aargh!” Tess came in hot. “Why are men such idiots, Book? Why?!”

No way I was going to touch that.

“No, really, I want to know. I’m asking you, Book.”

Damn, I was caught. I wonder if Master Alric had any scrolls of [invisibility] and if I could afford one. And how much extra it would be for rapid delivery. My Master would love that idea; a delivery service for impromptu needs. I’d thought about floating the idea to him, before. I hadn’t because I knew who the runner would be. Me. He had already used me earlier today as a pack mule.

“It’s one of the great mysteries, Tess,” I shook my head in mock sadness. My platonic roommate was either going to laugh in my face or pop my eyeballs. I crossed my fingers, metaphorically speaking. Hell, I did it physically, too.

“Stonehenge; Roanoke; Nessie. None compare to men.” OK, I replaced it with ‘women’ in my head. I’d say ‘Mars and Venus’, but I’m sure we'd passed those on the way here. Not to worry too much, but I felt a vague sort of agreement from my Tusk Industries [Mark 0.7]. I’d need to unpack that, later. I had a situation to defuse.

Tess sputtered, eyes goggling in disbelief. Come on laughter, take the wheel.

“Book…?”

I was in for it, now.

“Ha!” She burst out, one great bark of laughter. It had caught her, and now she was firmly in its insidious grasp. I saw her shoulders drop clear of her neck, her anger-tightened muscles loosening as she fell under the spell of chortles.

Could I make a scroll of [laughter]? Imagine all of your foes, giggling so furious that they couldn’t get a spell off, or run you through with a length of sharpened steel. It made the list.

“You’re one of the good ones, Book.”

“Whew, I hope so. Just stay out of my mind, and you’ll continue to think that, Tess.”

I’d thought it, so I said it. Spin the truth with amusement, and I’m good to go.

“What happened?” I asked. “Some guy did some stupid, I take it?”

“Yeah, it was Kolin. Things were going good, and I thought, maybe, I was ready to move on from Steve. You know how I’ve been since he didn’t make it down with us.”

“Yeah. Carmen, too.”

“Right? Not knowing what happened to them is driving me insane. But, I was finally ready to make a new connection with someone.”

‘I’m right here’, I didn’t say.

“I could tell Kolin was working up to ask me out,” Kolin another of the runners working at “J&T”, Tess’s [courier] workplace. “I was all primed to say ‘yes’, so when he walked up to me, I was ready. Do you know what he said, then? What he told me?”

“Tell me,” I tried to be gentle.

“So, get this,” she said, while all I could think was, ‘Please, get on with it’. “Kolin tells me—you’ll never guess it—that he has joined up with an adventure party! ‘Team Brawn’, that’s what it was called. What a stupid name. More like ‘Team Scrawny Ass’, if they want him.”

I doubt it, not if Tess was interested in the guy. She tended towards a type.

“Now, he is probably going to get himself killed!”

I knew it was likely, too. There was a reason for all of the notices on the adventure bulletin boards. I had no interest in quests or bounties, except maybe supplying magic scrolls to the teams foolish enough to take on one of them. One of my earlier fears had been of Tess deciding that she wanted to go that route. If we weren’t so new to this world, she probably would have. She had spirit, yes she did! Cheerleader and track star, the athletics of a life of daring adventure would be right up her alley. Then I’d really lose her.

I had already lost too many people on this journey.

“Maybe it’s a good thing, you guys not being too close, yet.” Oops. Tess threw a squinted glance my way. I was smart enough not to tell her to ‘calm down.’ Yikes.

“You could still go out with him, though.” I backpedaled desperately. “Just keep it friends, for now.”

“Losing friends still hurts, Book. We both know that.”

I had distracted her, but at what cost?

“Yeah, we do. But we can not stop living our lives, Tess. Not now, not after going through what we did to escape.” And those we lost. Ricki, for sure. That image will never go away. And it shouldn’t. Where Steve and Carmen had ended up was one of those ‘great mysteries’ I hoped to solve, one day. I had no clue where to start, however. Digging into what I’d felt from my implant earlier would be my first stop.

“I know, I know.” She tried to wave it off with a show of bravado. I didn’t have the heart to call her out on it. I was one of the good ones.

We both tried hard to keep our conversations light, every night. Tonight’s was about as serious as we let ourselves get. We avoided too much depth, afraid we wouldn’t make it back from the dark places. We took turns having small—and not-so-small—meltdowns like Tess had the other night. As long as both of us didn’t lose it at the same time, one of us could be strong for the other. Denial was our love language.

Would it eventually be too much? Abso-fucking-lutely.

“I bought us some dinner,” that should perk her up. Neither of us would have to try cooking tonight. And I do mean ‘try’. Frankly, we both sucked at it. I was OK with breakfast, but that’s about it. “And sticky buns for dessert.” She was all mine, now. Her woes (it was just a date!) were forgotten, and she didn’t have to take her turn at cooking. What could be better?

Dessert!