I sat at the edge of Oliver’s bed, watching as he now carried the leftover gauze and a bowl of water back to the dresser. He had spent the past ten minutes gently redressing my bandages and listening intently as I explained the events of the night to him. Though he never gave me a reason to be embarrassed, it was only now, when his back was turned as he cleaned up everything, that I could bring myself to apologize for burdening him with my breakdown.
“I’m sorry that you had to deal with this,” I said, wiping away a stray tear. “I was totally irrational about what happened with June’s family.”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked, looking over his shoulder with a quizzical expression. “You have nothing to apologize for. That was an entirely reasonable response to this situation.”
My outburst had felt like everything but reasonable, and it didn’t help my embarrassment that I’d never heard Oliver express the same sentiments I had felt. I couldn’t even remember a moment when I’d seen anything more than a flash of sadness from him. From every angle, it looked like he had adjusted perfectly, never once minding that his entire world had been turned upside down.
“How have you been able to handle this so well?” I asked, hints of envy lacing my question. “You’ve never seemed bothered by this.”
Oliver paused briefly before replying, “I’ve been a total mess, too. I just use my impeccable humor to cover for it.” A half-hearted laugh escaped my lips as he sat down at my side, propping himself up on his elbows. “I spent my first day here just assuming it was a dream, but as I was getting ready for bed, I stubbed my toe, and after cursing profusely, as one does, I remembered that you aren’t supposed to feel pain in dreams. I started to panic and then I also remembered that clocks aren’t supposed to work in dreams. So, I sat down on my bed and stared at the clock hanging in my room, waiting for it to make some mistake. After a few hours of watching each second pass by flawlessly, I ended up breaking down in tears. I spent the next couple of days in a complete haze, feeling more and more dejected every time I woke up back in the same gaudy room. I’d lost all sense of purpose, lost all sense of myself.
“And then… I met you. Everything changed the day you approached me at the Alterio’s mansion. I now had a plan to dedicate myself to, and more importantly, I’d realized that there was another person here who was like me. Whenever I’m stressed or upset about all of this, I think about you, and everything feels a little better. So, truthfully, I should be thanking you.”
For a split second, his words knocked the breath out of me. It had never occurred to me that I might mean the same to him as he meant to me, and hearing him say those words made my existence here seem a little more bearable.
“It’s the same for me,” I said, pressing my lips thin to stop my smile. It was true; he was my safety here. There was something so comforting about his presence, his smile. Opening up and crying in front of someone was something I would've never thought I would do, but with him, I hadn’t hesitated.
Oliver cleared his throat and looked away, a slight pink creeping across his face. “Do I get to ask a question now?” He asked, changing the topic of the conversation.
Curious as to what he’d want to know about me I obliged. “Go for it.”
“What was your life like before all… this?” He asked, gesturing to the room.
My stomach knotted. This was one of the very few things about myself that I actively disliked talking about. My brief stint as a college student hadn’t exactly been successful, and after only one semester, I’d decided to take some time off. I chewed the inside of my lip, part of me didn't want to admit to the embarrassing truth that I’d thrown my hands in the air and given up as soon as things had gotten difficult, but part of me trusted him to be kind.
“It’s not something I’m exactly proud of. I was 18 and was supposed to be in my second semester of college. But, I just struggled so much mentally and academically in the fall that I realized I wasn’t ready to handle the change in pace, so I decided to take a gap semester in the spring. My parents didn’t support my decision and wouldn’t let me live with them, so I rented a small apartment in the city while working as a corporate assistant. I don’t really like to think about it; it makes me feel like a bit of a… failure.” I admitted sheepishly, fidgeting with the fabric of my skirt.
There was no hesitation before his answer. “That’s the exact opposite of being a failure. It’s actually pretty amazing if you ask me.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” Hazel eyes looked up at me with nothing but sincerity. “You made a tough decision based on what was right for you, and you worked to support yourself. I don’t know many 18-year-olds who could live independently like you. I know I never could.”
I blinked; that was a new response. I’d received so much shame, both from my parents and myself, that it was nearly impossible for me to see my choice in a positive light. I sat in my thoughts for a moment before turning to face him.
“What about you? What was your life like before this?” I tossed him the same question, wanting to get some of the attention off myself. I’d been chastised for my choice for so long that I wasn’t sure how to handle being praised for it.
“I was 19 and had just finished my second year of college. I was studying to get my Bachelor of Science in aerospace engineering, actually.”
“You were an aerospace engineering major?” I asked, trying not to sound as surprised as I actually was. Sure, I figured he’d have to be some level of smart to plan ahead as well as he did, but it was hard to imagine him studying something so serious.
“You’re a little too surprised about that.” He nudged me but continued. “But it wasn’t because I was some genius. You see, I was no self-sufficient superstar like you. I lived at home and commuted.” I rolled my eyes but still grinned at his response. I wasn’t totally on board with the whole dropping out of college was actually a good thing narrative he had, but he was so genuine with his support that I almost wanted to believe what he was saying. “That was the major that allowed me to spend the most time in my room studying and away from my family.”
“Were you not close with them?” I asked, surprised by his answer. He’d never mentioned his parents before, but he’d talked a bit about having a step-sister. Even though I was never close with my parents, I just assumed he was different.
“Not particularly. My father wasn’t exactly the greatest guy out there; I’d lost all respect for him and only lived with him because I had nowhere else to go. He cheated on my mom when she was sick and then ended up marrying his mistress only two months after my mom died. She was the only person I was really close with, so the only person I would have missed was taken from me before I even came here.”
“I’m sorry, that sounds horrible.”
“It’s okay. It happened a few years ago. I still miss her a lot, but I’ve grown accustomed to it.” His dimming expression contradicted his words.
Not knowing how to respond, I silently nodded along. I’d never experienced pain like that, and finding words of solace felt like grasping at fragile straws.
Silence settled between us, but a startling knock dispelled it.
“Oliver, are you there? I’m coming in,” Lawrence called from outside. This may have been the one time I was actually thankful for his incredulous timing.
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“One second!” Oliver yelled back as he grabbed my arm. Within a second, he had pulled me to the nearest closet.
“Hey, what are you doing?” I hissed, shaking my arm free. He gestured for me to quiet down as he opened the closet door.
“I will never hear the end of this if Lawrence sees you here,” he whispered.
“You’re shoving me into a closet to avoid being harassed by Lawrence?” I sassed, turning to walk away. But I hesitated, Oliver was right; Lawrence walking in right now would mean endless taunting from Lawrence, but seeing how frantic he was about it made it impossible for me not to mess with him. “That sounds like a you problem.”
“You say that like he isn’t going to tell Ryia.”
I froze, then slowly turned back around. I wasn’t afraid of Lawrence’s reaction, but Ryia’s, on the other hand... Without a word, I stepped up into the closet and buried myself behind some clothes, but not before throwing him a nasty glare that he wasn’t nearly threatened enough by.
“Thought so,” he gloated before shutting the door. Unable to see what was going on, I pressed an ear to the closet as the door to the room opened.
“What brings you here so late?” Oliver asked Lawrence, straining not to sound as frantic as he actually was.
“I couldn’t find the jacket I need for tomorrow. I figured it might have gotten mixed in with your clothes when our things were unpacked.” Lawrence’s footsteps grew closer. “Mind if I check your closet?”
There was a quick scuffle, then a sudden bang against the closet door. I flinched at the sound and hit my head on a wooden panel. Oliver was so going to pay for this.
“What are you doing?” Lawrence asked, confusion evident in his tone.
“I work for you for a reason. Let me do this for you,” Oliver said with a nervous laugh. “Which one do you need?”
“The navy blue one with gold trimming.”
“Navy blue with gold trimming,” Oliver repeated to me as he opened the closet door.
“I'm so sorry,” he whispered, barely audible over the sound of rustling clothes.
“It’s fine,” I whispered back. Using what little light I had, I started flitting through the jackets and blazers around me. The faster we found it, the faster I could escape the stuffy cotton prison.
“You’ve been acting so… weird recently,” Lawrence said from outside. “Did you hit your head or something?”
I muffled a laugh as I riffled through the clothes. At least hiding in here was proving to be entertaining.
“If you keep complimenting me like that, I just might fall for you,” Oliver joked back as he continued looking through the closet.
A quick glint of gold came off the jacket to my left, and I immediately pulled it off the rack. I squirmed around till I could hand Oliver what I’d found. He pulled it out and gave it a quick once over.
He gave a quick nod. “Thank–”
“And here I thought you were falling for someone else,” Lawrence snickered from behind, cutting Oliver off.
Oliver’s eyes widened, and he quickly slammed the closet doors shut. Still, it wasn’t fast enough to keep me from seeing how red his face had gotten. I gave myself a moment to replay his flustered expression in my head, knowing it was something I didn’t want to forget. At the sound of them talking again, I leaned up against the door, creaking it open just enough to peer through.
“I told you, it’s nothing like that,” Oliver said, pushing off the closet and walking to Lawrence, “And stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” Lawrence taunted, his brows raised in disbelief. It was the exact same expression Ryia often used.
“Like you don’t believe me.”
“Oh, I don’t,” Lawrence smirked, taking a step toward Oliver. “But nothing I say is going to stop you from lying to yourself.”
Oliver hesitated as he shoved the jacket into Lawrence’s hands. When he finally responded, his voice wavered. “I like to make her smile…And that’s it, so stop making that face.”
A traitorous smile bloomed on my lips as a warmth rushed to my face. Oliver was, admittedly, great at making me smile. I would never allow myself to say it to his face, but hearing him say that made me want to.
“If you say so,” Lawrence said. He peered over Oliver’s shoulder, eyes landing exactly where I was hiding. “And next time, be a gentleman and hide her behind a curtain instead. It’s a lot more comfortable than the closet.”
I was torn between wanting to burst out in laughter and wanting to die on the spot.
“I hate you!” Oliver yelled as Lawrence reached for the door, but Lawrence simply brushed his words away.
“And here I thought you were falling for me.”
Even with Lawrence gone, Oliver stood silent in the room for a moment before coming to free me from my apparently not-so-hidden hiding spot. He opened the closet doors and offered his hand to help me out, never once meeting my eyes.
“I guess Ryia will be hearing about this anyway,” I joked, trying to break the ice. His face was somehow redder than it had been when he’d slammed the closet doors shut. It was to the point where his freckles were barely visible.
It took him a moment to respond. “I’m sorry for what Lawrence said. I hope it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.” Even as he mumbled his unnecessary apology, Oliver kept his focus glued to the floor.
“Not at all. Ryia bothers me about there being something between us all the time. I always just laugh and tell her that she’s…” His eyes finally lifted to meet mine, and I found myself hesitant to finish the sentence. “…Wrong.”
Nope.
“Good to know I’m not alone on that either.” He rubbed the back of his neck, sporting a sheepish grin.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
“I should probably head out,” I blurted. I immediately turned on my heel and started walking to the door, deciding that I absolutely needed to go to bed now and for no other reason. He may have started to say something, but for my own sanity, I didn’t stick around long enough to hear it.
I slid out the door, and as soon as it closed shut behind me, I leaned up against it and smacked my forehead. Crying in front of him was embarrassing enough, but whatever that little hesitation was was my breaking point. I wasn’t sure where it had come from, but I wasn’t going to let myself find out. I just hoped he hadn’t noticed.
“What is wrong with me,” I grumbled, dragging my hand down my face.
Behind me, there was a sudden click. Before I could think to brace myself, the door swung open. Strong arms caught me before I hit the ground and helped me to my feet. I turned around slowly, trying not to lose my mind over the fact that my face was beet red and there was nothing I could do to conceal it.
“Sorry, I was trying to catch you before you left.” Oliver, just as flustered as I was, held out a roll of gauze. “I figured you might need this more than I do.”
I laughed awkwardly as I grabbed it from his hands, only to drop it immediately. We watched silently as the gauze rolled across the ground, unfurling a few feet before it stopped. I refused to look at him to try and curb the embarrassment, but as I clumsily snatched it off the floor, a suppressed laugh on his end meant I didn’t need to see him to know his reaction.
Not wanting to give the universe another chance to make a mockery of me, I gave him a quick thank you while trying to contain the flimsy pile of gauze that threatened to spill out of my hands at any given second. The only dignified way of leaving now would be to crumble into a pile of dust and float away into oblivion, but seeing as I wasn’t lucky enough for that to happen to me, I opted for a mad dash back to my room instead.
I was already halfway down the hallway when I looked over my shoulder to say goodnight. He waved goodbye from the doorway, wearing that smile that almost made my embarrassment worth it.