'Huh,' we say, upon realising we've been locked in this small, sparse cabin.

Mighty thumps on the door, denting it a little. 'Hey!' we call. 'What's going on?'

'Just make yourself comfortable,' Hawu's voice comes, piped through an interface beside the door. 'You won't be in there long.'

The faint sounds of receding footsteps comes through the door.

'Hey, Buddy,' we says to the Mixcycli data buddy in Sneaky's grip. 'Want to have some fun?'

'Insufficient context to question,' it says.

We let out a sigh, like Starfleet officers sometimes do when they’re exasperated. 'Why does everything capable of intelligent conversation want to kill us or lock us up?'

'Speculation: this is likely due to selection bias in...'

'That wasn't a real question,' we interrupt it. 'Can you open this door for us?

'Information: Door mechanism is not remotely accessible.'

'It doesn't look very complicated. Why can't you do your local-system thing to crack it?'

'Information: Door mechanism is sub-smart tech. Additional information: There are no subsystems with which to remotely interface.'

'Huh.'

We look about and immediately spot our way out, high on the wall. It's clear the crew of the Stony Tide know nothing about octopuses.

'We'll just squeeze out through this convenient air vent then.'

A minute later we're in the corridor outside, having pushed and pulled all our arms through inner and outer grates, Mighty snapping the blades off the internal fan as we went. We slide down the wall, then go back to the door. Pokey re-engages the power supply using the control panel. Then we go back inside and retrieve Buddy, who is much larger than our only solid part, our beak, and thus was unable to squeeze through the grating with us.

'Where are the crew?' we ask Buddy.

'Information: Unable to confirm.'

'The ship's brain is sub-smart too?'

'Negative. Information: Like the Dhrahugon, the Stony Tide is not directly crackable. Additional information: There are no networked local systems identifiable aboard this vessel. All controls are manual, require direct interface, or need Data Officer permissions. Speculation: This has been implemented by crew of the Stony Tide to prevent remote interrogation of vessel by law-enforcement and customs representatives, and to avoid remote deactivation of ship's systems by aforementioned agencies while performing sub-legal activities.'

'That's just how pirates rotate, huh? Okay. Let's find somewhere to plug you in.'

We shuffle down the short corridor and turn left. There are another couple of closed doors there, but we don’t look inside. The door at the end of the passage is open, and we see a small area with facilities for hygiene and ablutions. There is also a small terminal on the wall, and Feely holds Buddy up next to one of its ports.

Buddy starts making a tiny nano-filament bridge like it did the first time it interfaced with the Dhrahugon, and after a second Feely can release it and Buddy stays in place there.

'Local systems identified,' it tells us.

'Can you access environmental controls? Can we put the crew to sleep by changing the air?'

'Local system cracked and interfaced.'

'Without putting us to sleep too,' we clarify, just in case.

'Speculation: Analysis of language-knowledge implanted/imparted via Mixcycli experiment/augmentation suggest that your modified physiology will be capable of normal function in most environments frequented by speakers of said languages.'

'Huh,’ we say thoughtfully. Then, ‘What?’

‘Information: You will likely be capable of normal function in this unit’s suggested atmospheric mix.’

‘You could have just said that first.’

'Affirmative. Warning: Crew members will not survive extended durations in suggested atmospheric mix. Recommendation: After onset of crew unconsciousness original atmospheric conditions should be resumed. Crew will wake shortly thereafter.’

‘Okay. Anything else we need to know?’

‘Warning: In initial contact with Captain Hawu, crew was described as consisting of four, but only three members have been identified to present. Fourth crew member, referenced as 'Xy4' by crew member Yi-Ka may not be susceptible to environmental tampering.'

'Noted. Let's do it. And bring up a plan of the ship please.'

Mighty and Chokey have to pull us up to see the screen – it clearly wasn't designed for creatures like us – and as we're studying it and trying to work out where the crew are likely to be, we notice the taste of the air around us changing rapidly.

We have to leave Buddy plugged in so it can handle the air, but it informs us it can activate microphones so we can speak to it from anywhere aboard, and we rush off – to the best extent that our awkward out-of-water locomotion allows – towards the bridge.

We peer around the corner when we arrive, and see that the bridge is wide and spacious, taking up the upper-central portion of the ship. It has big data overlays, reclining seats in different shapes, consoles like on the Enterprise, and also a table and more food-preparation facilities towards the rear. It’s almost as if a mess, a common room and a bridge all awkwardly mated to produce this one room.

Just as we suspected, the crew are here. The captain is prone on the floor near the fore, the Duchess Yi-Ka is near the far wall, and apparently managed to get breathing apparatus out of a locker before unconsciousness set in, but the mask lies unused by its hand. Shscs is in the centre of the floor and looks like it passed out while crawling.

But there is something else on the bridge. It is a wide black annulus with a rapidly-rotating centre, a bit like the fan in the air vent we crawled through before we broke it. It hovers horizontally in the air next to one of the control panels. It has two arms extending from its upper edge and is directly interfacing with the controls.

'Buddy? What's that?' we ask, and immediately regret doing so when a bright red spot on the outer surface of the thing rotates towards us and weapon-like peripherals pop up from its inner surfaces.

'Information: Object is a mechanical life-form,' Buddy responds, and its voice comes out of speakers overhead somewhere. 'It is not broadcasting any identifying information.'

Meanwhile the weird floating thing has spun away from the control panel and levelled its armament at us.

'Um. Buddy?’ we ask, pulling ourselves back in retreat. ‘If this thing is mechanical can you please interface with it and stop it from pointing those guns at us?'

'Unable to interface with target system.'

'Is it sub-smart tech too?'

'Hey, screw you,' the flying thing says. 'I'm about to sub-smart shoot you in your sub-smart face.'

'Information:' Buddy continues. 'Moral protocols prevent access to target system. Supplementary information: Target system is sapient.'

'Yeah,' the spinny-thing says. 'And target system has a name, thanks very much. The name is Xy4. And Xy4 is going to shoot your many-armed friend in the face many extra times, unless you revert our environmental settings immediately.'

We realise it is talking to Buddy, not us. 'Or,' we suggest, 'how about you drop your guns, or our no-armed friend permanently disables the environmental controls, so all your friends die regardless of how shooty you decide to get?'

Xy4 doesn't even seem to consider it. It just stows its weapons away immediately. 'Stupid organics. Defeated by air. Ridiculous.'

'Buddy? Restore environmentals please. But be ready, in case we want it switched back again.'

'Information: Environmental conditions returning to vessel-nominal.'

'You must be the creature from the Ghutarn ship,' Xy4 says.

'That's us. Hello. Will you please help us get your friends restrained?'

‘And I thought it was going to be another boring day of watching them get drunk,’ Xy4 says, and sprouts new appendages, which it uses to lift Shscs’ torso.

Between us we move the crew members into their respective seats on the bridge. Yi-Ka and Shscs are of similar heights and body shapes, but Xy4 insists that very different seat designs are suited to them. Hawu's seat is different still, and it seems the captain rests on its ventral surface atop it. Xy4 then gets lengths of spare cable from a floor storage space and binds them to their seats. Finally Chokey checks the bindings to ensure it isn't trying to trick us. None of the bindings are loose, so we decide that Xy4 seems to be a thing of its word.

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

When we are done, we bind Xy4 to one of the seats around the table at the rear of the bridge, while it alternates saying, ‘Oh no, I am so very helpless, oh no,’ with giving us practical guidance on tying the knots, because apparently it can tell we’ve never made knots in anything but our own arms before.

Finally we rotate the occupied seats so they all face the same point, where we wait for the biological crew members to wake.

After a moment we decide to ask Xy4 about them. ‘Is Captain Hawu made of coral?’

‘Yes.’

‘How long has it been out of the sea?’

Xy4 reorients itself on its pedestal, despite our bindings. ‘No,’ it says. ‘Hawu is not made of coral.’

‘Huh.’ Our arms juggle our pilfered collection of the crew’s personal weapons. ‘Why did you say yes?’

‘I was being mean. You’ve never seen a Jyondon before?’

‘No. But we recognise that’s what it is, somehow.’

‘Do you recognise that he’s a mature male? Of stockier than average build?’

‘No, we can’t tell those things just by looking. It’s not… in us. The knowledge.’

‘Interesting. Your neural architecture has probably been trained to recognise common species, but that doesn’t equate much to familiarity.’

Xy4 turns to the lilac being. ‘Yi-Ka, then. She’s an adolescent Zoxaan polyp. She descends from a royal genetic line, simplifies her gender to female, like Shscs, and has self-modded with a number of info upgrades. She refuses to let me help maintain her implants, though.’ the machine adds. ‘It’s a complete mystery why she doesn’t trust me. Complete mystery.’

Lastly it turns to Shscs. ‘As for her, she’s a delinquent. A mature female Olian. She’s the member of this crew I hate the least. And the most.’

‘We like its – her – colours,’ we say, admiring again her gentle phosphorescence.

‘They didn’t always look like that,’ Xy4 says. ‘The Oli. They used to be blind and translucent and quite a bit smaller.’

‘Huh. Really? How did they get sight and colours?’

‘Trade.’

‘Swapping?’

‘Yeah. Their world was resource-rich, and they got eyes out of it. Anyway, now I suppose you want to know about me as well?’

‘Yes please.’

‘I’ll die before I talk.’

‘Huh. Buddy?’

‘Information:’ Buddy’s disembodied voice says. ‘Crew member Xy4 is the Stony Tide’s data officer, and is a mechanical life-form.’

‘You already said that,’ Xy4 points out.

‘Supplementary information: Crew member Xy4 is of indeterminate age and origin.’

‘That’s interesting.’ Xy4 says.

‘Is Xy4 more advanced than you, Buddy?' we ask.

'Speculation: Negative. Crew member Xy4 is likely to be less advanced in design, construction and computational/processing ability, and possessive of less extensive databases. However, it is likely to possess greater intelligence.'

'Huh. What?'

‘Your friend's a drone of some sort?’ Xy4 says. 'It probably seems smart, but knowledge and intelligence are different things.’

‘Huh.’

‘Also, there’s the free-will component of thought. I bet your friend has some literature about it in its libraries.'

'Buddy?'

'Affirmative. Information: Select core texts from a number of species/civs are available upon request.'

'We’ll look at those later,’ we say. ‘Thinking is interesting. Although we think we thought before all this, we weren't aware that we could think. But now we are, and we’re also thinking aloud. And now we know that all kinds of things think. Even things that don’t do anything, like inanimate objects. And some inanimate objects think and are animate. Which seems counter-intuitive.'

Xy4's red light blinks a few times. 'Even though I am – by the usual sorts of definition – intelligent, I have no idea what you just said.’

At that moment, the Duchess Yi-Ka lets out a groan.

'The crew are waking up,' we tell Buddy, in case it isn't able to view the bridge from the terminal where it’s interfaced.

After a few minutes all three of the organic crew members are awake and wriggling in their chairs. They try to pull and twist at the cables holding them in place, but Feely, Stealy and Cheeky cover them with a selection of their own weapons, in case they get free.

Over all the subsequent grunting and swearing, demanding and pleading, after our calls for quiet are ignored, we just shout, 'Shut up, or we'll shoot your all your faces off!'

We're pretty sure we have no plans to do that – although we are a little uncertain what Cheeky might do at any given time – but the crew fall silent anyway.

'Okay, that's better,' we tell them, and turn to Hawu. 'Captain. Perhaps you'd like to explain your lack of hospitality.'

Hawu spreads its pincers apart. 'What do you mean? You're an unknown life-form. I’m sorry if it seemed rude, but we had to quarantine you. I'm sure you understand.'

'Huh. Hmm. Buddy? What do you think?'

'Speculation: The captain is lying, or misguided in his knowledge of quarantine protocols.'

The crew members make various expressions that seem to indicate surprise, and Hawu glances up at the speakers. 'Who's that? Who's with you? Were we boarded?'

'Calm down you cretin,' Xy4 tells him. 'It's just a data assistant of some sort. You didn't even search it – sorry, them – properly when you brought them aboard.'

'That's right,' we say. 'And when our friend speculates, usually it speculates the truth. We think you're lying.'

Hawu turns towards Xy4. 'You've lost three lives already. You should address your captain a little more respectfully.'

'Apologies, Cr-Captain,' Xy4 says. 'As usual I meant no disrespect beyond the usual, assuredly hearty, amount of disrespect.'

Hawu glares at it, then back at us. 'The truth is, we thought you might be dangerous. We were going to keep you in isolation until we could find out more about you. And can you blame us? You were alone on a Ghutarn attack ship. In command! And look at us now. Prisoners on our own ship. We were correct, weren't we?'

'Well, we can see your point,' we admit, but we ask Buddy anyway. 'Does that sound like a lie too, Buddy?'

'Speculation: Positive. Information: The Dhrahugon, although in the service of the Ghutarn, is not of Ghutarn design. Home vessel the Shaxixith'th was unable to determine the origin of the Dhrahugon – therefore, Speculation: Captain Hawu would also be unable to do so. Yet he has just referred to the Dhrahugon as a “Ghutarn attack ship”. Speculation: The Stony Tide did not intercept the Dhrahugon solely in response to the distress beacon. Additional speculation: Captain Hawu has been in contact with the Ghutarn, and knew of the Dhrahugon beforehand.'

Fighty and Sneaky pound and slap the floor respectively. 'Hah,' we declare.

Mid-way through Buddy's speech the captain had renewed his struggles to escape his bindings, so it's clear that Buddy’s speculation is accurate.

At that moment a console at the fore of the bridge beeps.

'Warning:' Buddy says immediately. 'Crew member Yi-Ka's console subsystem indicates a Ghutarn vessel broadcasting as Khatuton is approaching this vessel on an intercept course.'

Feely, Stealy and Cheeky all point their stolen weapons at Hawu.

'All right, all right,' he says. 'I'll talk. A bounty has been put on your ship, and the live capture of anyone found on board. We were lucky enough to be in range of your distress beacon, and your course suggested you might be the subject of the bounty. We let the Ghutarn know we were responding, and arranged to deliver you to them. That's it, I swear.'

Yi-Ka and Shscs indicate agreement at this. They hadn't done so at the captain's other stories, so we think this a good sign of Hawu's current truthfulness.

'Can the Stony Tide outrun the Khatuton, Buddy?' we ask.

'Speculation: Negative.'

'You need a better ship,' we tell the crew, and Shscs wiggles its rearmost shoulders, which seems to indicate emphatic agreement.

'Information:' Buddy says. 'The Khatuton is a scattered-skirmish class vessel. Speculation: There may be more such vessels in the vicinity.'

We pace back and forth on four folded arms, thinking. We can't escape, so our options are limited anyway, but getting closer to the Ghutarn may give us the opportunity to find out who hired them to attack the Shaxixith'th.

We stop pacing. 'Captain, Duchess, crew members Shscs and Xy4. Your luck has matured. We wish to be taken aboard the Ghutarn vessel.'

Yi-Ka peers at us. 'Seriously?'

'Yes. You may hand us over to them, and collect your bounty.'

'No way,' Shscs says. 'Really?'

'Yes. But only if you swear not to attempt to harm us after we untie you.'

'Easy. I swear.' Shscs says.

'I swear on Takathi Prime's broken moon,' Yi-Ka says.

Xy4 speaks from its seat at the table behind us. 'Full disclosure – I'm a big proponent of lying,' it says. 'But I'll swear anyway, because, why not.'

After a lengthy pause Hawu nods. 'Fine. I swear too. No harm done.'

'Great.' We lower our weapons and go over to Xy4 first, only to see it protrude a small laser on an extendable arm, which makes neat segments out of the cable that had bound it to the table.

'Never a fan of that cable,' it says. 'Too noisy.' It floats across the bridge to help Yi-Ka. By the time we make it back to untie Hawu, Xy4 has already released all three of its crew-mates. We decide we need to get our ridable drone back as soon as possible. Dry surfaces really aren’t suitable for octopus speed.

The captain stretches each of his four limbs in turn. Then he detaches something from under his seat and pokes it at us. Chokey easily intercepts the device... but that turns out to be a very bad idea.

A huge jolt tears through us, and all eight of our arms go suddenly rigid.

'G-g-g-g-g-g...' we say.

Then our vision swims, and the bridge seems to get very small and very distant.