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Sanora's journey
32 – Don’t make me choose

32 – Don’t make me choose

“Ah- I-I meant it just as a saying you know? Like, don’t get me wrong I think you’re really cute and all- which doesn’t mean I want to, uh, its just … I don’t want you to think I’m coming at you or anything because we’re kind of in a party and that would be weird and all and I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable, which I probably am doing right now, and I guess I’ll just be quiet.” Sanora rambles with red cheeks, looking at around the room all while Mari looks at her.

“I see? No, never mind, I don’t think I do.” Mari scratches her head with an awkward smile. Sanora sighs.

“I’m sorry, just do me a favour and forget about this.” Her head sinks.

“What if I don’t want to?”

She looks at Mari.

“What if… maybe I wouldn’t dislike the idea of being, you know, closer with you.”

Sanora heart skips more than one beat. “That… would be really nice.” She smiles at the girl. “But I can’t lie to you. You’ll have nothing but trouble with me. I am a mess of emotions right now. I don’t get love at all. It’s just so… how does it even work? I mean, can you love more than one person? Does that make me awful? Weird? Disgusting? There is just so much always going on in my head. And I understand nothing about it. Not what I feel for Amni or you or Corvina. I just…” Sanora breathes a long sigh. “That’s what I mean. Nothing but trouble with me.” She looks at Mari again. But what she sees is nothing she would have expected to see in a hundred years.

Mari isn’t weirded out or disgusted, not even confused but her face only turned even redder.

“…You love me?” She whispers.

Sanora’s eyes grow as round as saucers.

‘Oh, ohhh no. I just said that for real.’ Suddenly death doesn’t seem so bad anymore. She gulps.

“I… guess so.” She says quietly and nods.

Mari turns away and says nothing. A storm of thoughts rages through Sanora’s mind, and not a single one manages to finish. The silence seems to stretch for a small eternity, the seconds feeling like hours as she waits for Mari to say something.

‘That’s it. I ruined it.‘

“I’m sorry.” Her head sinks. “I get it of you’d rather leave now. I guess this is on me.”

“I think I want…”

‘There it is.’ Sanora bracers herself, a sting running through her heart.

“-to try.”

Sanora looks up again as Mari locks eyes with her. “Sure it’s… odd. But if you really love me, I think I can, you know, share you, I guess.”

Sanora’s thoughts stop, the raging storm changing to a blank static in the blink of an eye.

“Huh.” Sanora blinks. “Did I die after all?”

Mari rolls her eyes. “You dummy. Over these last saints I got to know you really well and I think love doesn’t have to be something you can only have for one person. You’re so full of kindness and love, I don’t think it’s far-fetched to think you have enough for more than one person, Sanora.”

“But you don’t understand. You’ll have nothing but trouble with me. I can’t even sort out my feelings. What if I hurt you? Let alone all the other weird stuff around me.” Sanora says but Mari just smiles at her gently and cups Sanora’s face in her hands.

“I want to be closer to you, be with you. And if that means sharing you and dealing with some weird stuff, then I think I can live with that.”

Sanora’s heart throbs in her chest as Mari’s face slowly comes closer. Her vision is starting to spin, her mind grows hazy. She can feel Mari’s warm breath on her lips and with that the last string rips and her vision fades.

When she opens her eyes again Virelia and Mari are standing over her with worried faces.

‘Was that just a dream? You must be fucking kidding me. Guess it was too good to be true.’

Her throat tightens and she grips the blanket.

“Ah, she’s awake.” Virelia looks at her. “She should be fine now, just make sure she rests some more. Properly this time.” Virelia tells Mari who nods while Sanora’s eyes grow watery. The feeling of everything that just happened flowing down the drain is crushing her.

“Everything alright?” Virelia raises an eyebrow.

“It’s nothing.” Sanora says quietly and wipes her eyes.

“If you say so… Well, I have to go now. Mari, you know the drill. Anything happens you come to me.” Virelia says before leaving again.

“You really have to stop worrying me like that.” Mari sits down on the bed with a sigh. “Although I guess that one is on me.”

“What do you mean? It’s not like you told me to fling that spell.”

“Spell?” Mari tilts her head.

“Yeah, in the cave?”

“But that’s not what I’m talking about.” Mari turns away, her cheeks blushing. “I mean, you know…”

‘Wait.’

“That wasn’t a dream? That was real just now?”

“You thought?- Oh gods. No! That wasn’t a dream.” Mari smiles at her. “You passed out just when we were about to kiss.”

“Oh thank the gods.” Sanora lets out a long breath. “I was really scared I just dreamed that up.”

“I can imagine.” Mari chuckles. “No, that was real. And I meant every word. But we should take things slow for the time being.”

“I guess we should.” Sanora chuckles along.

They just sit in the bed, talking away the hours with Virelia occasionally checking up on them. Despite almost dying, Sanora couldn’t be happier right now. For the first time in what feels like an eternity she is finally happy again. Things are going in her favour for the first time since she has started to work at the Dancing Vixen. But the thought brings her back to something else.

“The Vixen!” She suddenly shouts. “I missed out on a shift of work.” She starts to scramble out of bed.

“What Vixen? Sanora, you need to slow down, stay in bed.” Mari tries to stop her.

“I need to check up on them. Something could have happened overnight.” She tries to walk to the door but collapses after a few steps. Her mind is yelling at her to make sure everyone at the Dancing Vixen is alright, but her right leg can barely hold her weight.

Mari hurries to her, supporting Sanora so she can stand.

“I know you’re worried but you can’t just jump around like that! Look at you, you can’t even walk. I don’t know where you work but what’s the worst thing that could happen from you missing a day of work?”

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“This is the absolute worst thing.” Kera growls with her face in her hands. “Any word from Sanora yet? Anyone?” She asks the girls who are all gathered in the lobby of the Dancing Vixen. Everyone save for Elle. They shake their heads.

“Fuck. Of all the days she isn’t here it had to be this one.”

“But I thought that’s why we pay those guys protection money. Why would they just come around and take Elle?” One of them asks.

“I don’t know.” Kera sighs. “For more money? Because someone else paid them more? Human trafficking? They’re fucking criminals what good reason do they need? And it doesn’t matter either way. What matters is that we get her back, and soon too. Go out again and find me our damn bouncer.” Kera dismisses the girls, and they leave the Dancing Vixen.

“I’m so taking that out of her pay.”

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A few hours and a long talk with Virelia later Sanora finally convinces her to let her leave the hospital of the flesh sect. She has to walk with a crutch for the time being since her right leg didn’t go unscathed. But it is still better than lying around in bed all day. Not even the tasty smelling food stalls manage to take Sanora’s mind of the girls at the Dancing Vixen. It was just one night, but the possibility of something having happened gnaws at her.

“Thanks for coming along this far, mind if I come by your place tomorrow?” Sanora says when they reach a crossing.

“You think I’m just gonna let you go alone?” Mari stems her hands into her sides.

“You won’t?”

“Of course not. I know you’ll just do something you aren’t supposed to if I let you. No. I’m coming along.” Mari shakes her head with finality in her voice.

Sanora sighs. “Well, time for you to see one of the reasons why dating me isn’t a good idea.”

“What do you mean?” Mari tilts her head.

“Come along, you’ll see.” She turns to walk down an almost empty street. Mari follows her as Sanora leads them to a part of the city Mari has never been to before.

“There we are.” Sanora sighs as they arrive at the door of…

“The Dancing Vixen?” Mari reads out. “Is this a…”

“Brothel yes.” Sanora nods. “I work here as a bouncer. Nothing more though.”

“So that’s why you wouldn’t tell us.”

“I know. It’s weird, but it’s how things played out.”

“I mean, it is a bit odd but if you are just the bouncer here, I don’t see a problem.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“What have I ever done to deserve you.” Sanora smiles at Mari as she opens the door. Kera is sitting at the front desk, her face buried in her hands.

“Kera, I’m back.”

Her head snaps up.

“Sorry for-“

“Motherfucker! Where in the tomb’s name have you been!?”

Sanora and Mari flinch when Kera shouts.

“Lords, I’m sorry for almost kicking the bucket. It was just one shift too.”

Kera eyes Sanora. Her eyes narrow and she clicks her tongue.

“Yeah, you really look the part. That makes matters even more complicated.”

“What matters? What happened?” Sanora asks as she limps to the counter.

“Good news, you’re being promoted to search and rescue. They’ve taken Elle.”

“Taken Elle?! Who has?” Sanora’s fists clench as she leans forward.

“A group of gangers. We even pay them to leave us alone and they usually do. But last night some of them came by, looking for trouble. And Elle, well, you know her and her stupid, loose mouth. They linger in a small, abandoned part of town in the southwestern district.”

“Got it.” Sanora nods and heads off to her room.

“Wait Sanora, where are you going?” Mari walks after her.

“To get some stuff from my room and after that the southwestern parts of the city.” She says without turning around.

“What? You can’t just go and fight a whole damn gang on your own. Are you insane? You’ll die! And for real this time!” Mari grabs her by the tunic.

“And leave them to do who knows what with Elle? Yeah no, I’m going.” She tears herself out of Mari’s grip.

Mari just stands there and looks back at Kera.

“Say something!” She urges the woman with a desperate voice.

“Yeah, because Sanora is known for how easily swayed she is.”

Mari clicks her tongue and hurries after Sanora.

“Why don’t you understand. You cannot do this right now!” She stands in the doorframe as Sanora gathers some stuff in her room.

“This isn’t about whether I can or can’t, Mari. A friend of mine has been kidnapped. You think I’d just sit by and watch?”

“So you just want to waltz in there and die instead? You won’t be helping anyone with that!”

Sanora looks at the daggers she bought a while back before fixing them to her belt.

“But I won’t be helping anyone either if I just sit around and do nothing.” She tries to leave the room but Mari blocks her way.

“I am not going to let you kill yourself. Not after I just got you back.”

“I won’t get myself killed. It will be a year and a half before some run of the mill thugs can take me on.”

“You are walking with a fucking crutch!” Mari screams with tears in her eyes. Sanora flinches. She has never seen Mari this angry. Or rather, she has never seen Mari angry at all.

“But I can’t just do nothing. Kera, Elle everyone here gave me a place to stay, hope when I had nothing left.”

“But what about me?” Mari whimpers. “What about my feelings for you?”

“Don’t do that. Please, don’t make me chose.” Sanora shakes her head, her eyes getting glassy as threads pull together around her heart.

“Oh but I am. You can’t just tell me you love me, promise me that we will be together and then run into your death right after.”

Sanora roughs through her hair, walking a circle in her room. Both of the girls are important to her. If either of them wasn’t in her life she wouldn’t be where is she is today. There is just no way she could choose one.

“Then come along.” She finally says. “This is neither the first nor the last time we’ll face danger. I told you I’m nothing but trouble, and this is exactly what I mean. If you don’t want me to die, make sure I don’t.”

Mari looks at her stumped, and sighs after a moment.

“There’s now way you won’t go?”

Sanora shakes her head.

“I guess this is what I signed up for.” Mari shakes her head. “Alright. Not what I imagined for a first date, but it is what it is. Just so you know, I’m not happy with this.”

“Thank you. Mari.” Sanora smiles at her and they head down into the lobby.

“Hey Kera, quick question. Any reasons why we can’t get the guards onto this?”

“Besides our daily tax evasion and the fact that we pay criminals on a regular basis?”

“Alright, just wanted to make sure. That takes Bullwind and Justicia out of the question too.”

They head on out to their way into the southwestern city. The buildings are falling apart, not in a single one is any sign of life to be seen safe for the rats. It doesn’t take long for them to find an obviously not so abandoned old building. The wood is cracked and a bit rotten, but there is the occasional person going in and out. Dim light shines through the windows. Mari and Sanora wait in an alley nearby, makeshift cloth masks on their faces, watching the place until the cover of night falls. Sanora looks at her hand, moving it. Every twitch of her muscles is agonising, but there is some fight left in it.

“Alright, you ready for this?” She looks at Mari. She is gripping her staff and swallows.

“As ready as I’ll get I suppose.”

“Alright, first things first.” Sanora takes a deep breath and casts flesh sense. The magic flows through her body rapidly, a resistance she didn’t even know was there now gone. The pain in her limbs easing as magic energy caresses them. She lets the magic flow directly into her right eye and her sense expands all the way into the building ahead of them. She can feel the signature of no less than sixteen people in there. They all seem to be part of the gang, save for one which she recognises as Elle. Fury boils up in her. She isn’t alone. Two more people are with her, and by their positions she doesn’t even have to guess what they are doing to the girl. She would bring wrath upon them even the gods couldn’t inflict.

She unsheathes one of the dull daggers. Since buying them she hasn’t bothered to try and course magic through the inlaid paths, but she figures it is high time to try. The blade glints as the edge sharpens and a faint metallic hum resounds from it.

‘So this is stone magic? Always imagined it differently.’ She wonders as she looks at the razor-sharp edge. Someone is approaching the door, and their window is opening. They quietly rush to the door and wait for it to open. A man comes out, dressed in leather armour. Sanora swiftly stabs him in the throat before he can scream. The blade sinks into his flesh as if it is paper. She pulls it out, the man grabs his blood-leaking throat with a gurgle before falling over. They step over his body into the empty room. Most people are spread throughout the building with some of them seemingly asleep. If things go well, they can do this quietly and avoid fighting the whole gang. But if Sanora has learned one thing from her adventures, then it is that things have a tendency to not go well.

Sanora leads them in. Elle is on the second floor of the building so they take the nearest flight of stairs they can find. They stop at a corner. Someone is about to round it. It goes like the entry. With a quick strike Sanora kills him. But the most difficult part lies ahead of them now. Down the hallway lies a small room with six people in it. They sneak up to the door and open it a crack. The flickering of flames and the sound voices come through it.

“-money’s practically flowing in. With the lord dead the guards are in disarray. Some idiots they are.” One of the men scoffs.

“Yeah. A complete joke.” Another laughs. “First time in years that business is going so well. Imagine selling to slavers two saints ago. Place would have been razed to the ground in no less than a day.”

“You name it. Can’t believe on how much money we missed out on. What’s that whore going out for again? Fifty?”

“Nah they’re paying sixty. And that for some brothel rat. Imagine what they’ll pay for a normal girl.” The man says with a sneer.

“Hah! I can already see myself retired in a cozy house in the second ring. I’ve got to say I expected her to be a lot more loose.”

“Right? Surprisingly tight for some brothel girl. Man, when are those guys gonna finish? I want another go before we sell her.”

“Ah don’t worry. There’s more where that came from.”

Sanora looks into the room with her bloodshot eyes torn wide open. Her jaw is clenching so hard she can feel her teeth starting to crack, the veins on her head bulge out.

“An early retirement? Oh, I can give you that.” She whispers and cracks her neck as she gets up. Magic rushes to her hand as she slowly opens the door.

“Huh? John you back from your… piss. Who the fuck is that?” One of the men says as Sanora steps into the room.

She waves her hand through the air, six long, sharp bone spears forming in the air.

“Shit!” The men jump up from their seats as the projectiles fly at them. Three are hit in the chest, one zips straight through one of the men’s head. One gets hit in the shoulder, and the other manages to take the spear with his arm. Sanora darts in, giving them no time to scream as she cuts one of the remaining two down. She draws the second dagger in a swift motion and throws it at the last man. He raises his hands to block it. It spins in the air and hits him with the hilt. Her knife throwing will need some practice.

“Oh now you fucked up.” He says angrily. But while he was busy shielding his face Sanora already came right at him.

“Did I?” She says cooly before making a clean cut right across his eyes. She grabs his mouth before he can scream and pushes him to the ground. She squeezes, the man clawing at her hand as he squirms below her. His jawbones give way with a sickening crack as Sanora crushes half of the man’s face in her grip.

“Had quite a fun time with Elle, did you?” She hisses at the man as blood oozes onto his face out of his destroyed eyes. “There isn’t enough torment in the whole world that I could inflict on you right now.” She lets go of his face. Mangled sounds come out of his mouth as he tries to scream. She delivers a quick punch to his throat, sending him into a bloody coughing fit.

Mari is sanding frozen in the door, looking at the massacre. Never had she thought Sanora capable of such gruesome deeds against other humans. Sure, they have killed countless monsters. But while these people are monsters in a sense, they are still humans. But Sanora is glaring at them with not a glint of empathy in her eyes. It sends a shiver down Mari’s spine. She thought she has seen Sanora’s rage before, but she was mistaken. She watches in horror as Sanora conjures a small fireball and forces it into the man’s mouth with a sizzle. His limbs flail in agony before his whole chest explodes outward, painting Sanora and the ceiling in blood and viscera.

“Come on, we don’t have time to spare.” Sanora says dryly as she picks up her second dagger. Mari swallows and quietly follows.

They walk down another hallway. Sanora conjures two bone spears which fly at the two men the moment they round a corner. Sanora steps over them without sparing them a second glance. Elle is in a room just ahead now; they almost made it.

Sanora opens the door and walks in when a hand holding a broken bottle comes right at her throat. Sanora grabs Elle’s wrist idly.

“Good to see you too.” Sanora pulls down her mask.

“Sanora!?” Elle drops the broken bottle and stumbles back, falling onto the floor. She looks awful. Her eyes read and teary, her clothes ripped and torn. Her face is covered in… Sanora banishes the thought.

“You ok?” She squats down, checking on the girl.

“What do you think? They made me work for free.” The girl says, forcing a smile on her quivering lips.

“I’m sorry. Of course you’re not.” Sanora says with a bitter voice. “Let’s get you out of here. Can you walk?”

“Yeah.” Elle gets up on wobbly legs. Mari rushes over, quickly pulsing a heal through the girl.

“Alright, let’s go.” Sanora pulls up her mask again before they make their way down the hall.

“Good gods…” Elle whispers when she sees the bloody common room. “What in the tombs name have you done here?” She looks at Sanora.

“Just repaid the favour.” She grabs a burning piece of wood from the hearth.

“I can see that.” Elle says with a faint smirk on her lips as Sanora walks to the curtain and lights it with the piece of burning wood. The dry, old cloth immediately flares into a bright fire. Sanora continues, setting everything she can find on the way out ablaze.

She drops the wood and grabs a chair when they walk through the entry hall and jams the door shut with it once they are outside. Flickering light spills through the windows as the old wood of the building catches on fire like a pile of brushwood. Sanora looks at it, relishing in the sight like a painter looking at their finished masterpiece.

“Time for you to go home.” She says to Elle before turning to walk back to the Dancing Vixen.

They walk through the streets in silence, avoiding any place that could have witnesses as Sanora is covered in blood and burnt shred of flesh.

“Are you alright?” Mari breaks the silence after a few minutes.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Sanora nods. Mari looks at her sceptically. She can tell that Sanora isn’t telling the whole truth. She can’t put her finger on it, the girl really looks like she means it. There is still a limp in her walk, and she seems exhausted but other than that she looks surprisingly fine. Mari doesn’t know how right she is, however. Sanora doesn’t let it on, but her body feels like its burning. Her arm is screaming, feeling like it is being shredded from the inside at every second while her skin is growing numb. Her heart is pounding painfully, trying to somehow keep up with the exhaustion. Her vision has started to swim halfway in, and she has lost all the feeling in her fingers. A metallic taste is spreading through her mouth as something besides saliva gathers in it.

“But I guess I wouldn’t mind a quick heal, just to be safe.” She tells Mari.

“Ah! Of course.” She steps up and a short wave of relief spreads through Sanora as the pain eases for a short moment.

“Thanks.” She gives Mari a smile.

“And you’re sure you’re fine?”

“I-“ Sanora starts but the worried eyes of Mari bore into her conscience.

“Sorry, no. I’m actually pretty beat up.” If the two of them are going to be a couple, then Sanora won’t start their relationship by lying to her, even if it is to not worry her. “But we’ll get to that once we’re back.”

“So you were hurting!”

“I didn’t want to worry you. And we’ve almost made it, just a little more and I’ll take it easy from there on.”

“Promise?” Mari looks at Sanora with worried eyes.

“Promise.” Sanora nods at her with a smile.

Mari sighs. “Fine.”

Kera is walking circles in the lobby. Sanora has been out since evening and the night is stretching painfully long. If things go awry, then not only will she lose her best card but they would also come for her next. She has bet everything on Sanora, and her success will decide the future of the Dancing Vixen as a whole. Her heart jumps when the door opens. For a moment she is horrified by the sight of a blood covered figure coming in.

“You better be paying extra for this.” Kera relaxes when Sanora pulls down her mask. Elle and Mari walk in after her.

“Thank the gods you made it.” Kera lets out a long breath and leans onto the counter. “What about the gang?” She asks nervous.

“Killed a bunch, burned down the building. No witnesses.”

“Tombs, you’re a fucking monster.”

Sanora shrugs. “When the situation calls for it. But let’s save the details for tomorrow, I need to bed.” Sanora is barely able to stand anymore. Her legs have almost given out a few times on the way back. She doesn’t listen to Kera anymore. Partly because she doesn’t care, and partly because she can barely hear her over the ringing in her ears. She drags herself upstairs with Mari in tow and falls into bed, still wearing her blood-soaked clothes, where she passes out in a second.

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