DAY 4: SATURDAY

Step one was a research step because I’m gonna be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure they even made monasteries anymore.

“I’m pretty sure those stopped being a thing at least a hundred years ago,” Joni said. “Monks with shaved heads and brown robes in stone castle buildings? How do you sell that to a modern guy?”

Her comments weren’t helpful, even if they were probably true. But right now she was all I had, since the other ghosts were still sleeping, as were Cara and Tina. I’d woken early from a nightmare about a car crash, and decided to get a jump on the research, so I’d look competent by the time the others woke up. Besides I couldn’t calm my brain and felt nauseous just lying down.

Joni had already been awake by the time I staggered out of my bedroom, cold and sweaty and shaking from the lingering mental images. I was so disoriented that if I was a cartoon character, I’d have a little halo of stars circling my head. Maybe a little halo of bloody and broken bodies would be more accurate, but that probably wouldn’t make it into a cartoon.

Regardless, my life wasn’t a cartoon, so instead of staggering around like Bugs Bunny drunk on carrot juice or something, I hurled up my dinner in the bathroom. Joni, who had been watching the sunrise, poked her head in and asked if I needed a distraction. It was probably the kindest thing she’d said since I killed her, and I also absolutely needed a distraction, so we’d jumped into googling monasteries on my phone.

“Stop scrolling through images,” Joni said. “You’re just getting pretty buildings. Try maps.”

“Good idea.” This was actually a lot like our old study sessions back in high school. Joni would tell me what to look up and I’d look it up, and then we’d get distracted both cracking jokes and making cynical comments about whatever we were looking up. It was kinda nice. Familiar.

“Oh shit,” Joni said as I pulled up the map's results. “Well I take it back then. Clearly there’s a monastery on every block.”

This was an exaggeration for sure, but there were at least three monasteries within a fifteen-minute drive. “These are so boring too,” I said, flicking through some of the images associated with each result. “Like, I just figured there weren’t any close cause I’d never seen a castle near the city, but these are just… just brown buildings with crosses and stuff out front.”

“They look like middle schools.” Joni leaned in. “Sisters of Carmel? Is that real? Or is this just a nun-themed candy shop?”

“Dude, I would fuck up a nun-themed candy shop.” My stomach rumbled a bit, which was a bit ironic given it was only empty cause it had decided against storing last night’s dinner. “Little candy necklace rosary beads or whatever?”

She snorted harder than I’d expected. “Chocolate crosses. No, no, chocolate crucifixes.”

I wasn’t exactly sure the difference, but she seemed tickled by it. “Maybe they sell sodas that’s like holy water or something.”

This got even more laughter from Joni. “It’s not a deadly sin if you pay for your indulgences,” she said. “Those gross necco wafers that are, like, communion wafers.” At this point she’d kinda lost me.

“I forgot you grew up Christian,” I said. “Am I even gonna be allowed on the property? Or is it a Christian-only thing?”

“Hmm? Uh, yeah, they should let you in.” Joni wiped a tear away from her eyes. “Like… well, yeah, like I said, I didn’t even know monasteries still existed. It’s not like we did field trips at Sunday School. But like, just say you’re Catholic if they ask. They don’t exactly give you an ID or something when you’re baptized.”

“What if the holy water burns me?” I asked.

“That’s literally not a thing, Sammi. That’s just stupid TV stuff.” The snickers had subsided in her voice at this point, and she was fixing me with a sardonic eyebrow raise. “Like ninety percent of all that crap about demons was made up, and the other stuff was just superstition. Demons were, like, code for mental health issues or temptation or shit. They don’t exist.”

“Neither do ghosts.” I tapped the side of my head. “Actually wait, now that I think about it, I probably have more to worry about being a rival God than I do being non-Catholic. Like what if actual God God comes down and is pissed at me for trying to steal his converts?”

Joni got halfway through an eyeroll before stopping to maybe consider my point. “I’m… I actually… yeah, I don’t know. If we covered that, I slept through it. I mean, until like, a few days ago, I’d have pretty comfortably said I was an atheist. Now? Shit, man, if actual Catholic God exists, I know a lotta people who are gonna be pretty bummed.”

I went back to the results, flicking through and looking for the closest guy monastery. “I mean, but if there are multiple Gods, maybe they’ll be fine. Like sure Catholic God is gonna throw my parents into hell for cheating on each other, but maybe the God of… uh, I dunno, do you suppose the Greek Gods exist? They all fucked each other and shit. If Mom can make a case that she fucked her married manager out of love or something, maybe she can go to Mount Olympia.”

“God, I just had a thought.” Joni’s eyes had gone huge. “What if you’re the only God and all the other religions were just invented as schemes.”

This made me pause, very uncomfortable. I’d also been an atheist until about three days ago, but for some reason there being no Gods was more comforting than being the only God. Like boy would we be screwed if that was the case.

My stomach started twisting again, the same way it twisted when you got about a month into the school year and realized you’d forgotten an entire class. Was I supposed to be doing more than just a few odd schemes here and there? Was I supposed to be forging galaxies? Creating new life? Judging the dead? Were there just backlogs of dead people waiting for entrance to the afterlife while I tried to steal a couch?

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“Well shit, Joni, you really harshed my mellow a bit.” My stomach was no longer craving candy. It was craving release.

“Huh?” She looked up from the phone, blinking at my grey face. “Why?”

“What if I was supposed to be doing more God stuff and it’s just all piling up?” I had started to sweat again, picturing a lengthy line of old ladies and grandpas and tragically young children standing impatiently while their grieving families blasted a cold, uncaring God with prayers.

“Jesus no.” Joni was so adamant that I felt better almost immediately. “The old God would have told you. Besides, you don’t have, like, any blinking ‘seven thousand unread messages’ tabs on your little Source thing, do you?”

I checked. I did not.

“See? You’re fine. Now pull up the webpage for the Little Brothers of Frances. They’re the closest to where the whole showdown with Noah happened, so if Henry blitzed straight to a monastery, he’s probably there.” She jabbed a finger through my phone screen.

The webpage was shockingly helpful. There were a buncha solemn quotes about giving unto the poor, and doing unto others, and prayer unto Jesus, and all kinds of untos, but there were also hours and locations listed, and even a sorta office hours thing with the monks. It seemed like it would almost be too easy to slide right in and ask about our violent town fence.

“Seems like the right place to look.” I grinned, saving the webpage and clicking my phone off. It was ten AM now, and the others would be waking soon. “I’m gonna make breakfast and then lay out the plan. Really impress them, you know?”

“All right, simmer down.” But Joni had a crooked smile on her face, and I could tell she was impressed with me. Maybe just a tiny bit, but impressed all the same.

–

It wasn’t always easy to tell what Tina thought of me. She felt bad for Cara, but I remained a mystery to her. I talked to thin air a bit, argued with thin air a lot, spent way too much time worrying about the police, occasionally expressed unprompted guilt about a college kid in a coma, and now had asked for a ride to a monastery.

“You said you’re looking for someone,” she asked for the third time as we pulled into the parking lot. “This got anything to do with that shooting you keep saying you’re not involved with?”

“Let me handle this,” I said, “and promise, I’ll let you know the full story when we get back tonight.” It was probably time she learned. She’d stuck through us for a decent amount of shenanigans and it seemed like her tolerance for bullshit was high. If she learned her new, definitely slightly wanted employer was also a God, she’d probably just sigh it off and pour herself a drink.

Tina’s eyebrows jumped at this. “Well okay then. Sure. Where do you want me to keep the car?”

“Uhh, anywhere is fine. I don’t see this going tits up.” Then I reconsidered. “Okay, maybe stay nearby, with the engine running.”

If Henry Miller was here, then we might need to get out quick. Who knew? Technically step 2 was just to get info (step 1 was getting here, we already did that) about Henry’s whereabouts. Maybe we could get as far as step 3, bring him in, but that was a real stretch goal. We’d think about that once we found him.

“Ah. So it’s probably gonna be fine, but keep the engine running.” Tina ran her fingers through the puff of hair at the end of her braid. “No chance I get shot here, right?”

“None at all.” God, how wild would it be if Henry had another gun on him. “Henry’s a pacifist.”

“Isn’t he the one that shot the kid?”

“A newly minted pacifist,” I corrected.

She sighed, but pulled the car to a stop in a spot near the building. “Whatever. Just don’t need to be getting shot is all.”

As my neon blue car came to a stop, I swung the door open and ushered for the ghosts to join me. Then I tossed a salute to Tina before turning towards the unassuming brown building. It was nice. Like it was. A bit of a mix between a school and senior living facility, but it had a nice lil winding pathway covered in autumn leaves and stuff. Some overgrown bushes encroached on the sidewalk a bit. Down the path to the left I could see a younger dude in a grey robe raking the path. He did have all his hair, so they clearly weren’t doing the shaved patch in the middle bit anymore, but it was a pretty neat looking getup. He even had a rope around the waist.

“He’s cute,” Blair said, twirling a lock of hair around her finger.

“He’s also a monk,” Joni said. “You know? Dedicated to God and all.”

“Plus he’s alive, and you’re not,” Christopher added.

Blair’s lip jutted in a pout. “I was just pointing out. Why you guys gotta remind me I can never fall in love again.” She flopped on her back, hair hanging down as I walked towards the building.

“Remember,” I said, whispering as we approached the door. “No powers. None. Zilch. Even I’m gonna be on my best behavior. We don’t need Capital G up there to notice us and bring down the lightning bolts.”

“That was Zeus,” Joni said. “This guy’s more about burning bushes or raining frogs”

Had I misremembered? Our high school hadn’t really had a class on world religions. Or if we did, I didn’t remember. “That doesn’t sound so bad,” I said. Then I grinned. “This place could probably use some bush burning. Maybe we oughta call down some plagues.”

Joni zapped me with a look strong enough to be lightning. “This is the guy that flooded the entire Earth. You wanna be responsible for Noah’s Arc 2.0?”

Right. I did know that one. I put up my hands. “Hey, I’m the one advocating for no powers. Sheesh.” With this, I turned back towards the entrance and opened the glass doors to find two concerned looking monks just on the other side.

“Good morning, ma’am,” the older one said, a bit slowly, eying the area to my left, where Joni was glaring accusatorially at me. I still had my hands up defensively.

“Ah.” I wedged myself in the threshold before gesturing at my airpods. “Sorry, just ending a phone call with my mother about, uh, forest fires.” I made an exaggerated tap on my left ear. “Call ended!”

The monk nodded, his unease diminished. “Of course. We thank you for finishing your call before entering. This is God’s house, after all.”

The younger one, a middle aged man with a smooth face, nodded his head at me. “Are you here to worship or is there something else we can assist you with?”

Thank God they were here to help. “Yeah, actually. I saw online there were some office hours things? Like, monk FAQs. Uh, there was a word for it, something where you sit with one of the brothers and ask them questions.”

“Counseling,” the younger one said. “Of course. Come this way.”

For a moment, I hesitated, one foot hovering over the threshold to the monastery. This would be fine. It would be fine.

“You just gotta go, Sammi,” Christopher said. “One step at a time. Just like a swimming pool.”

Just like a swimming pool. Right. I pushed myself forward and stepped into the building.