After the wolves had calmed and ceased their howling, after James had sent an announcement explaining that the wolves’ howling was good news rather than some kind of monster attack, and after he had described the situation with the neighbors and his thinking to all the monsters present, James returned to the apartment for a few minutes.
Even if he was certain he would come back either victorious or with a new ally, he wanted to let Mina know he was going somewhere. Otherwise she’d worry about him—which in this case would be unwarranted.
“We’re going to pay a little visit to the swamp,” he said as soon as he knew they were the only ones in the apartment besides the children. The kids were down for a post-meal nap, and Yulia had gone out to deal with some Child Rescue Committee business.
As he spoke, James roasted a bit of monster meat from his magic satchel. Mina had finished eating her lunch with Yulia and the children and was about to wash the dishes when he came in, but James was already hungry again. Thanks to Omnivore, he was confident that eating a meal would restore most of the power he had expended blessing the wolves. And he knew that he would need to be at full strength. He was invading another Ruler’s territory.
“By ‘a little visit,’ you mean you’re going to invade and wipe out another species?” She smiled thinly as she spoke. It rang false to James. For a moment, he almost wondered if there was some physical danger present that Mina was worried about. But no. She would certainly have told him. More likely, she was worried about him going.
“Well, hopefully not wipe them out, but you never know.” He gave a little shrug. “The Hunters, the wolves, the Mole People, and the Goblin Overlord are all going with me. We’ll do our best to make some sort of arrangement for the Kingdom’s future security.”
“I hope you have fun,” she said, clearly trying to affect nonchalance.
“You’re not worried?” he asked.
“I know you’re in your element. Go kill some big lizards.” Again, something about her voice gave away that all was not quite right. “Just have fun with it, don’t forget you are meeting with Yulia later about her committee, and you should probably take a shower after you come back from the swamp. I have a feeling you’ll be covered in blood, sweat, and mud. Love you!”
Mina stepped in, went on tiptoe, and kissed him on the cheek. She smiled as she pulled back, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She turned away, walked to the sink, silently conjured some water, and began washing dishes. It was a small movement of her shoulders that gave her away. A slight quiver.
James came up behind his wife and wrapped his arms around her. He felt tension running through her body, and he leaned down and pressed his cheek against hers. And confirmed that she was crying. As he felt her tears on his skin, he embraced her more tightly, almost lifting her off her feet. Her body felt so fragile.
Mina leaned back against him and relaxed as completely as she could, allowing him to support almost her full weight. She breathed slowly as she tried to calm herself, but he could still feel the occasional sob mixed in with her normal breathing.
“It’s alright that you’re not used to this,” he said, speaking softly right into her ear. “No one really is—”
“Except you.” She turned her head slightly to look at him before continuing. “And all these people who are already finding new ways to help build up your Kingdom. I keep thinking about what happened in Orientation. I feel like if I let you or Yulia too far out of my sight, I’ll lose you. I know that’s not right, at least about you. You can take care of yourself better than anyone. But I still remember the sounds of people screaming, when the Wendigos slaughtered buildings full of people. I know it could happen again.”
“It’s normal to feel that way. You’re just being human. You might think other people are okay. But most of them are just trying to pretend that their Orientations never happened. The reason they support us is because they think we can give them back some normalcy. Most of them would be homeless now if we weren’t putting up buildings for them. If you take an animal out of its environment, most wouldn’t know how to adapt to a new setting. I was just talking to Dave Matsumoto, and he was clearly still rattled thinking about his Orientation. And I think he’s stronger than most! You’re not doing worse than them or something. I would read the way they’re behaving this way: the more driven people are to make themselves useful, the more desperately they’re coping. You’re one of the people they’re leaning on to give themselves structure. You’re part of their sense of security. So they probably pretend harder when they’re around us than they do when they’re by themselves.”
Mina was nodding as James spoke those last couple of sentences, so he thought she might be starting to calm down.
“What about you?” she asked.
“I’m also part of their sense of security,” he replied, deliberately missing the point.
She let out a short laugh. “You know what I mean. Those other people are desperately coping. I’m barely still sane. I tried to protect Yulia as much as I could in our Orientation, so she might be okay. But no one looked out for you, and you’re moving forward. You’re even having fun!”
He spoke cautiously, listening carefully to her breathing to gauge her reactions as he spoke. “Well, I’m a bad example. I’m crazy in a way. Always have been. You know that. You signed up for it. I didn’t trick you. And yes, I’m kind of having the time of my life. Not a lot of people are going to be reacting like me. I’m probably psychologically abnormal in some kind of diagnosable way.”
There was a moment of silence while she weighed what James said.
“Yeah, you are a little crazy, aren’t you?”
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They both laughed. Quiet shivery laughs from Mina, a low chuckle from James. He felt a little sense of triumph at making her feel just a bit better.
“You know, when you were gone, I dreamed that you died,” Mina whispered. “I dreamed that you wound up just like those people the Wendigos killed. A big red-brown bloodstain smeared on a wall…”
James’s smile dried up. I should have visited her in her dreams…
“But I can’t let that stop me,” she continued. “I know you aren’t going to die like that. And I won’t be left behind and wind up useless.”
“You won’t,” he agreed.
“This swamp battle—I’m guessing it’s going to be a physical fight between you and some giant monsters—it probably won’t play to my strengths. I’m not as quick as you, I can’t hit particularly hard—” She snorted at the idea of her hitting a monster—“so I won’t ask you to take me with you. But promise me that when you face the next monster—if you invade the forest and face whatever lives there—you’ll take me with you. This mystical stuff is going to be my element. A goddess of magic gave me a blessing, and I’m a Witch. I might make the difference between you living and dying. I’m still developing my understanding, but I won’t have you go in there without me and make my nightmare come true.”
James took a long moment to think about it. I would really rather not take her. Even if it increases the odds of victory in the forest, it also increases the odds that we both end up dead. The image that popped up in his mind first as he thought about that was baby James’s tiny face, but following shortly after that, the images of Yulia’s and Abhi’s faces and then the faces of his siblings, Indira and Deepam. Being orphaned—probably orphaned again in the case of Abhi, Indira, and Deepam—would be no picnic for anyone.
But there was a values question at play too. What would it mean for Mina to survive and feel like she was useless for the purpose of protecting her family? That was the feeling she was conveying. He imagined there were, and had been, and would be, similar conversations taking place in many households both in the Fisher Kingdom and elsewhere. The System had introduced new kinds of disparities between human beings, as well as unique traumas.
And in the event that James died in the forest, how long would Mina and the children live anyway?
“I won’t leave you behind if we hit the forest,” he said finally. “But I’m not exactly eager to go in there right now. It is a spooky place. Dave and I both saw images of our dead Dads. And the idea of taking you in there with me is even scarier, because even if I don’t die, I could lose you. Then I—I don’t know what I would do. My first resort is going to be trying to figure out ways to deal with that place without going in. Maybe I can have the Mole People tunnel underneath it and collapse the place as a way of indirectly attacking, or we can use some kind of long range attack to kill whatever lives inside. In the meantime, I’d appreciate it if you could try to figure out some way of dealing with spirit type monsters. Right now, I’ve kind of got nothing. Your goddess didn’t give you a spellbook to study or anything—”
She was shaking her head as he spoke.
“—but if we can find something in the System Store, or you can get something in the new dungeon that helps, I think that might be the best angle for you to take. Hopefully one of us comes up with the right answer.”
“I’ll get to work on it,” she said, fixing him with a determined look.
James was happy to see that she seemed more herself. Maybe she just needed a tangible problem to solve to help give her a sense of normalcy. Though he doubted anyone would feel all the way normal again anytime soon. There was no more normal. They shared a long kiss before he left.
He avoided entering the room where the children were sleeping.
I won’t say goodbye to anyone else, he thought. Knowing Abhi, he’d just think I’m never coming back. Mina will know best what to say to Yulia if I’m out all night. And I’ll be home soon.
It was still only midday, and he didn’t think that this invasion would keep him out too late.
James rushed out of the apartment, taking the stairs two at a time. The sooner he left, the sooner he would be home again.
And there was a part of him that was looking forward to the possibility of a fight with the residents of this swamp. He remembered his last swamp fight. That had been a good time, and he’d acquired one of his stronger weapons. What could perhaps become his strongest weapon. He tried to keep his smile contained as he thought about this invasion.
He made a quick detour to meet with Harry Luntz, reshape the ground for easier planting, and bless the seeds and potato cuttings that were going to be planted. He had promised to do this, and it seemed this was the only time he was going to have today. Boosting agriculture was not the sort of thing he wanted to put off.
Fortunately, these tasks did not take nearly as much out of him as blessing monsters and humans did. The soil of the Fisher Kingdom responded to his Will with hardly any Mana needed. As if it had a desire to be shaped and molded by him.
James was surprised by how pleasurable working the soil actually was. Before he had magic, he never would have thought of himself as the type to take to farming or even gardening.
Finally, he shook hands with Harry and walked off to meet up with Dave and his Hunters in front of the Community Center. The Goblin Overlord and the wolfpack were waiting there too, while the Mole People were already underground, waiting on the border with the swamp, following James’s orders.
Several of the Hunters looked a bit apprehensive as he approached, as if they were a little more worried about the swamp trip than James would have expected. He wondered if it was the swamp that was worrying them, or if their minds were really on the forest where they might have to go later.
Most of the Hunters had previously killed their share of monsters, both in Orientation and even in the brief period when James was gone from the Fisher Kingdom. He thought of this as a fairly elite group, and as he recognized that some of them were nervous, he wondered what the effect on Kingdom morale would be if everyone else who lived here could see them right now.
Fortunately, most people have their own tasks they’re working on. But I need to do something about this.
“Let’s go,” James said, projecting confidence through his voice. “Let’s make the world just a little bit safer for our people!” He looked to a man he knew was married, Sean McGuire, and he added, “Maybe we’ll make a nice purse for your wife, Sean.” Then he turned to a woman who James knew was engaged, Veronica Hamilton. “Or we might make a pair of gator-skin boots for your fiancé, eh?”
Hunters began laughing uneasily.
“We’re ready to follow you, Your Majesty.” Damien’s low voice broke through the sound of laughter. His genuine eagerness to fight seemed to finish the shift in the mood that James had started.
“Come on, then,” James said. “Let’s get this done so we can get back before dinner’s cold.”