What made a good Duelist? You know, I wasn’t really sure. There were a lot of different theories and schools of thought, but, uh, I wasn’t familiar with any of them except Mom’s favorite.

The Theory of Higher Level.

Higher levels meant more Duel Points. A Duelist actually got a Duel Point for every 3 Levels and they could use those points to, uh, use their skills for a duel.

Boss Happy meticulously chose her skills, “I have 6 Points, I’ll spend all of them to use my Return Policy and Strict Theft Policy skills for this duel.”

Lara Happy's Chosen Skills

Return Policy

Strict Theft Policy

And higher level Duelists often had a lot more impressive skills than lower level ones. So, by the Theory of Higher Level, if you had a higher one, you were gonna win.

“Oh, uh, haha,” I giggled nervously, “I’ll just use…The Show Goes On.”

Jamboree Butler's Chosen Skills

The Show Goes On

I said it like I had a choice, but it was a Destined Skill. I didn’t even have the Duelist Points to spend on it for the duel! It just also got used, no matter what.

At least I wouldn’t be completely outmatched? Oh man, my self-delusions were getting really strong.

Strict Theft Policy wasn’t terrible for my deck, beyond one or two card effects, but Return Policy? A Rank 4 Skill was basically a game decider.

Boss Happy nodded, “Alright. No ante. Let the game begin.”

“Let…Let the game begin.” It was the least exuberant I had ever said the words.

And yet, even burdened by the world, I couldn’t help but feel that flicker of happiness and excitement inside of me as I watched the magic swirl between us and our decks.

Intertwining together on the surface of the table, the magic mapped out the room, our playmats, the entirety of the duel, before the world expanded.

“Woh!” I stumbled a bit as my chair vanished out from underneath me, a force keeping me from falling as the card shop was replaced with a much grander version of itself, “An arena? I’ve never seen one of these!”

Boss Happy motioned around, smiling, “Well, take a good look, kid. This is one of the perks of moving into the big leagues.”

Gone were the shelves of cards and colorful decorations around the shop, replaced with the resplendent gold and silvers of valuable treasure of a large ancient antique shop. In the distance, a man behind a bar was polishing an ancient relic and wisps of people moved around our battlefield, the sound of a fantasy market floating around us in a delightful ambience.

I mean, I knew it was all just a really impressive magical illusion, something that more powerful Duelists could basically install into their decks with a ritual, but it was still amazing!

“Alright,” She was back to all business now, “Draw your cards and get ready. I’ll go first.”

Drawing our cards, I barely got a chance to look at my own before she suddenly started, her hands blurring as she played her first card, “I’ll spend 1 Rune to play Retallion Fencer.”

A mysterious looking man leapt from the wisps of crowds around us, a bag of stolen goods in one hand with a long thin blade in the other.

“Wow.” He seemed like a cool guy, uh, but I couldn’t forget that he was the enemy.

“When Retallion Fencer enters the field,” My opponent continued, “I get to put the top three cards of my deck into the graveyard and then put a Retallion unit card from the grave into my hand.”

Boss Happy removed the top three cards and threw them into the air, barely watching as her monster sliced them to her graveyard.

With little fanfare, she took one of them out and put it back into her hand, “I’ll deploy a card and end my turn.”

Stolen novel; please report.

I drew for my turn. She hadn’t, uh, instantly won the game in the first turn so I guessed that that was pretty good. Still, I needed to win! To, uh, help her with her plan to save me! I still hadn’t figured this all out, but my life wouldn’t be a good joke if I knew the punchline already, right?

Haha!

I had 3 Runes to work with now. I could deploy one of my stronger cards, start feeding Runes into it to pay the higher cost, but I needed units on the field for my Show cards.

“I’ll use 2 Runes to play Carnivally Jug Juggler!” I said it with more pep than I felt, but this was my true skill! Making any duel a fun one for all involved!

Flipping out from a fake crowd behind me, Jug Juggler landed onto the battlefield, his bright and colorful outfit only outmatched by the array of objects that were quickly filling the air around him, his spectacular skintight outfit stretching as he effortlessly kept bowling pins, blades, and red balls flying through the air.

Striking a pose, juggling my cards alongside my monster, I pointed to the air, “When Jug Juggler comes out, his effect lets me draw a card and discard a card!”

Drawing the card, I discarded my Show Extravaganza card. I could play it from the graveyard later if I got enough Carnivally’s on the field anyway!

With that card out of the way, I struck a new pose, striking the air dynamically at my opponent just like Mom taught me, “Now! Jug Juggler! Attack Boss Happy directly!”

Dashing forward, the spectacular performer dodged around her Retallion Fencer and grabbed a bowling pin from the air, smashing it down onto Boss Happy’s form.

She skidded back, holding her arm, “Ugh, that was a good blow.”

“Uh, are you ok?” Duels really shouldn’t be hurting people, well, unless someone wanted to hurt the other, but I definitely didn’t want to!

Boss Happy gave me a look, “I felt that more than I thought I would. Maybe I need to start treating you a little nicer?”

She was eyeing me up like she’d just met me, which I felt was a bit unfair. I hadn’t wanted to hurt her at all! And she’d treated me nice! Super nice!

A little uncomfortable, I deployed a card, “Ok, uh, your turn.”

She looked at me all funny like, before she shook her head.

“You remind me of your mom,” She drew her card for the turn, before cutting off my question, “For 2 Runes I’ll play Retallion Discounty from deployment!”

Her deployed card lifted, revealing a sprawling kingdom of gold and resplendent fields, the card bursting into energy that overtook the market area our duel was taking place in. Soon, the crowd-filled market was replaced with a strange land that smelled of paper and gold.

“Welcome to Discounty.” Boss Happy motioned around, “While this card’s in play, all of my Retallion unit cards are treated as having a 1 Rune reduction on their play cost.”

I looked around, amazed at how blue the sky was, “Wow, I’ve never seen a field spell like this.”

Hambden made a big show of his skills, but his field spells were a lot more dingy and cagey. Nothing amazing like this! And I could even see the distant wisps of people walking around us, looking like strange and bizarre merchants or nobles!

“Now,” Boss Happy pulled a card from her hand, “I’ll play Retallion Loaner for free.”

A carriage came from the distance, pulling up and slowing down long enough for an official looking man with sophisticated clothing to step out, a bag at his side and a fierce look on his face as he looked around.

I shifted from foot to foot, not liking how crazy this turn was getting. My next turn wasn’t going to be that big either unless I drew the right card.

“”And now I’ll sacrifice Retallion Loaner,” Boss Happy smiled, watching as the fresh unit suddenly shattered into spectral energy, leaving behind his bag, “Giving me 2 extra Runes to use this turn.”

“Oh, wow.” I was feeling a giggle in the back of my throat. I had a really bad feeling about this play.

Boss Happy watched me for a moment, before she frowned, “I’ll play Retallion Count Maverick with my remaining 3 Runes.”

A distant organ played over the lands, a finely dressed nobleman suddenly slinking out onto the battlefield, his clothes looking ready for the battlefield. A saber at his side, the unit dusted himself off before drawing his blade and pointing it at me.

“When Retallion Count Maverick enters the battlefield,” My opponent said, “I put the top five cards of my deck into the graveyard and get to play one spell amongst them for free.”

I giggled. Yep, this was bad.

Throwing out her five cards, Count Maverick sliced each and every one one of them out of the air, just as Fencer had, sending them to the graveyard.

Boss Happy didn’t even give me a chance to react as she picked one of the cards, “I’ll choose Retallion Supply and Demand. I can either choose Supply, giving me extra Runes equal to how many I’ve spent this turn, or Demand, giving all Retallion units extra power equal to the number of Runes I’ve spent.”

I’d never seen so many high cost cards used on the same turn. Was this what higher tier play was like?

“I’ll choose,” She made a big show of thinking, before pointing at me, “Demand. Both of my units gain an additional 5 power for the turn. Fencer, Count Maverick, attack her directly.”

Both of the Retallion monsters readied their blade and blurred towards me faster than I could react. The feeling of two blades slicing through me, no matter how translucent and ethereal the pain truly was, meant nothing as a cold shiver went up my spine.

And yet, no pain. It was, uh, kind of relieving to know that Boss Happy didn’t want to actually hurt me. It even stung less than Hambden, who always had a bit of a pinch to his direct hits.

“And that’s my turn,” Boss Happy crossed her arms, “Do something with your turn to impress me or we’re going to have some long nights ahead of us.”

Forcing myself to grin, I looked down at the cards in my hand. Did I have enough to pull this off? My Life was dangerously low after such big hits and I really didn't think I could survive another turn.

I drew my card for the turn and my smile became just a little more natural. Maybe, well, maybe I wouldn’t go out without a little laugh of my own!