I hate sand.

No seriously, fuck sand.

I walk with a limp now, hoping that isn’t permanent.

Okay gonna level here, I was all for dying quickly and painlessly, you know what most people hope for when jumping from a thirty-story building, I was not hoping to die of fucking exposure in the fucking desert.

Speaking of which where the hell am I, was I hallucinating on the rooftop? What are the last things I remember before I woke up?

Burger King, the nice lady at the front desk who I think knew what I was doing, and the fall.

Yeah no I should be dead or dying right now, though the pain in my gut tells me I won’t last very long regardless. Internal bleeding is a bitch.

The fall was real, no denying that injuries are the best proof after all, so maybe I fell from a plane or something? An abduction and I misremembered the day prior?

I’m not exactly the highest target for a kidnapping but it’s not improbable, a lot of people still think I’m the guy who ruined their lives.

But if that’s the case why drop me here and not some ditch with a bullet in the back of my head? Or better yet assuming my would-be foes have access to a plane why not drop me in the ocean, do they want me to survive, some kind of fucked up karma thing?

Whatever. More important concerns.

First things first find a landmark and head in that direction wandering in circles would guarantee death.

Slowly surveying the horizon leaves me a staggering total of one whole option, a mountain range in the far distance.

So follow the mountain or wait until nightfall and try to find the North Star, it’s quite literally a hundred degrees and I need to move so fuck that, the mountain it is.

The sand is barren void of even cacti; only dunes break the monotony of walking flowing like the waves in the ocean. There’s a new pain in my stomach and it takes me far too long to realize just how hungry I am, if I do find a scorpion or something I’ll eat it.

Fun fact I’ve never been camping before, not once, my entire life was spent surrounded by concrete and city lights, my family had collectively agreed that the odd house plant was about the limit on our nature loving.

I’m so gonna die out here, at this point, I’m just hoping my body is found by someone rather than a vulture looking for its next dinner.

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By nightfall, I’m ready to collapse but I push onward for what feels like hours before I’m forced into unconsciousness. It gets very cold at night and I’m lucky I didn’t die in the freezing temperatures. The good news is that most of my wounds are no longer bleeding, having long since dried.

My feet hurt. Everything hurts.

I wanna go home.

The second day passes in a steady blur of sand and more walking, thrilling I know, my mind is starting to wander though and only my constant monologue is keeping me sane.

I hope.

It’s not that I distrust myself being the best example for perfect mental and all but I have sustained a little itty bitty major head injury within the past two days and have since then neither eaten nor had a drop of water.

So the fact that I’m seeing splotches of purple in my peripheral vision almost every minute now tells me something has to be going wrong. Not sure which would be worse me having a concussion or that I’m being hunted by the world's brightest… lion?

Huh, what animals are in deserts like this?

Camels, snakes, and vultures I think.

Is a snake following me?

Every time I try to look my pursuer it just runs away before I can catch a proper look. Could be a scavenger of some kind waiting for me to die.

Well listen here buddy I ain’t dead yet so you're going to wait for your turn like the rest of em.

The mountains seem to be getting closer not by a lot but enough that my efforts don’t seem a complete waste of time.

I’m bored.

And with boredom comes attentiveness which is why I’m starting to think this desert is pretty fucking weird.

It’s probably because of the pain that I hadn’t noticed it sooner but now that everything has settled to an ever-present ache I’m finding a distinct lack of wind.

Aren’t flat planes of nothing supposed to be windy as all hell? I may be wrong but aren’t dust storms i.e. major wind storms a very common thing in deserts?

I could be wrong about that but I’m positive there should still be wind, not this eerie silence as I walk endlessly.

The purple blur is back and more frequently I find myself instinctively snapping to look at it, but no luck yet.

My phone was shattered in my pocket this whole time, useless now but the SIM card looks intact and if I can find a phone it should help me find a way home.

Assuming I ever reach a phone again.

Tonight I stop to rest rather than collapse into the sand like I did last night, the sand gets warmer a little lower so I carve out a sleeping hole, noticeably less shivering tonight.

In the morning I have a great idea, sand sucks at holding in heat right? So, if at night the deeper stuff is warmer and during the day it’s a little cooler then just maybe there’s a bit of condensation but as I’m saying this and furiously digging with my bare hands I’m realizing that any water would be mud.

Fuck.

Why would I ruin my ideas like that?

The day drags on but the mountain range seems to be growing with each passing hour, please let the end be near I can’t take this much longer.

My stomach is in knots and my feet are bleeding but I keep walking.

This place keeps getting weirder and weirder, I can smell something, like honey and something rotten. I only gag once or twice before I acclimate to the latest change in my surroundings.

The smell is stronger now and has a hint of salt that lingers in my mind.

Isn’t salty air a sign of being near an ocean?

It only gets stronger the closer I get to the mountain which I guess is a good sign.

At last, I see it, crystal blue water, the ocean, and the best part? All along the beach are lines of palm trees just filled with coconuts waiting to be cracked open.