Posted: June 9, 2015

~~~~~~

On an island city, there lived an innocent boy named Tyrr who desired to go adventuring. Everyday, he pretended to slay evil, wooden monsters and dreamed about being a hero. One day, he finally had his chance.

His elder brother, Orr, came home from a long journey. Usually, he would tell Tyrr stories of his accomplishments and endeavors, but this time, he abruptly grabbed his brother's hand and said, “Come on, I'll take you on an adventure.”

“What?! Really?!” the young boy asked.

“Yeah, come on.” Orr turned to leave the house. “Hurry up!”

“Don't we need supplies?”

“Supplies are overrated.”

“Why the rush?”

“Not important,” the young man said. “I'm leaving without you!”

“Don't!”

“Then hurry up!” Orr yelled.

Tyrr dropped what he carried and quickly ran out, trying to catch up to Orr. He moved his short legs as quickly as he could, but he could not reach his brother. However, just as he rounded a corner, Tyrr smacked into his hesitating brother who then tumbled into the mud and cursed. The commotion attracted the attention of three nearby guards. Upon seeing Orr, one pointed and yelled, “There he is!”

Orr turned and bolted away while shoving a glob of mud into his brother's mouth. He tripped the boy and planned to use him as a sacrifice.

Tyrr innocently believed it was an accident, so he quickly dashed after his brother while half-choking to death. Coughing, he asked, “Are they after you?”

“Not important,” Orr said. “We are going adventuring!”

~~~

Meanwhile, upon seeing the young man flee, one of the guards asked, “Where is Orr going?”

“Maybe nature is calling,” another one said.

“Let's just wait for him, then.”

“Sounds good.” The third guard rubbed his chin. He smiled. “Soooo, anybody up for a game of tic-tac-toe?”

~~~

Ignorant of their nonexistent pursuers, the two brothers ran throughout the city. They crisscrossed through the streets, hid in pigsties, tripped over chickens, met an ostrich, scaled the castle walls, and eventually reached the bridge leading to Rockacrossthebridge.

“We are finally here!” Orr raised his hands up into the air and took a deep breath. He could smell the freedom that was just a really-long bridge's length away.

The sight exhilarated Tyrr and the young boy could not help but beam with joy. He said to himself, “Finally! I can become a great adventurer like my brother!”

“Okay, little brother, is there a toll for this bridge?”

“I don't know.” The boy looked around. “I've never left the city, and the bridge is the only way out. You've gone adventuring, don't you know about the toll?”

“That is,” the elder brother looked away, “of no importance.”

“So, you HAVE gone adventuring?”

“Of course n—I mean yes. Come on, there's no toll...I hope.” Orr was flustered, and to hide his current predicament, he pushed Tyrr onto the bridge. The little boy quickly grabbed onto the bridge's two posts and vehemently resisted.

Tyrr struggled and said, “It's so high. I don't want to cross the bridge.”

“Don't you want to go adventuring?”

“I don't like bridges.” The boy pouted. “They're not heroic. What if I fall?”

“So, you would rather be gutted alive by a troll and devoured piece by piece?”

The boy let go of the posts and crossed his arms. He said, “That's heroic. Drowning, not so much.”

“Don't be ridiculous! If you die, you die,” the elder brother laughed. He rolled his eyes. “Sheesh, if it makes you feel better, we're so high that the impact of hitting the water will most likely kill you; therefore, you won't drown.”

“...”

“Come on, let's go before the guards find us again.”

“That's not a heroic death either. I don't want to cross the bridge.”

“Show some courage.” Orr patted Tyrr's head. “How can you fight monsters? You're so cowardly.”

“It's brave to fear dying a cowardly death! True heroes embrace heroic deaths by doing really stupid, courageous things! I am a true hero!”

“Sure kid—I think your view on life is downright messed up. Come on, I've crossed this bridge many times before.”

Feeling that something was not right, Tyrr asked, “But, you didn't know about the toll? So, have you or have you not gone adventuring before?”

“Of course I've gone adventuring...sort of...just...not outside the city.”

“What? The city is tiny! It's like a mile in radius. There's no place to explore or fight monsters.”

Orr wryly smiled. “There's plenty of places to explore, if you know what I mean. There's lots~ of beautiful damsels.”

“What's that supposed to mean. I don't believe you.”

“No, it's true. I saw many beautiful ladies when we ran from those guards.” Orr thumped his chest. “I even ingeniously winked at them.”

“I thought you had something in your eyes.”

“Poor kid. Look, listen to me, your brother. Winking at ladies is a great thing to do, for various reasons. You know what's also a great thing to do?” The young man paused. “CROSSING BRIDGES!” He kicked his little brother, pushing him onto the bridge.

“No! I don't want to die a pathetic death!” Tyrr screamed. He pulled away from Orr and scurried off the bridge. As soon as he touched ground, he spotted the three guards from before. The sight of them startled him, and he yelped, “Never mind, a pathetic death is better than a villainous death.” He ran towards his brother as quickly as he had left the bridge.

Orr wondered what caused his brother's sudden change of heart. When he saw the approaching figures, he cursed and hustled after Tyrr.

Halfway across the bridge, Tyrr suddenly stopped running, causing Orr to tumble over him. The young man berated his little brother. “Why did you stop! I almost fell off the bridge and die a cowardly death! Not cool!”

Tyrr blanched and weakly said, “Fanatics.”

“What?”

“There are fanatics across the bridge.”

Orr looked and observed a group of half naked men circling around a large fish. The fish hung from a tall pole and swayed back and forth in the wind. Upon looking closer, Orr believed the people were celebrating their good catch. He told Tyrr, “They're just VERY hungry people who are REALLY happy to have caught such a gigantic fish.” Showing little concern for the group of people, he looked towards the city with a worried expression. The guards were playing poker, and he sighed in relief.

“Orr, are you listening to me?” Tyrr waved his hand in front of his brother. “I don't think the group of people plan to eat the fish.”

“Trust me. I'm never wrong.”

“No really. Listen. They're saying something, and I think they're speaking to the fish.”

The two boys stood still and listened.

“O mighty Fishy God! I love you!” a fanatic said.

“I love you more!”

“He lies! I love you the most!” A fanatic jumped up and spread out his arms. “Now grant my wish, mwahahahahaha!”

“No Almighty, grant mine!”

“No, bring back the Misses God!”

They all gasped. A fanatic grabbed his own hair and yelled to the fish, “We don't want her!”

The others vigorously nodded their heads in agreement.

“Not her!” one shrieked.

“She's evil!”

“The Misses God pecks Fishy God!”

“Not the Misses God!” A fanatic fell to his knees, kowtowed to the fish, and said, “I'll protect you, O Fishy God!”

The whole conversation flabbergasted Orr, but he denied it and whispered to Tyrr, “Okay, I guess they are a little crazy. You were right, but that is,” he paused, “not important.”

“Since it's not important,” Tyrr stepped to the side of the bridge, “you can go first.”

“Don't you want to die a heroic death by acting as your wonderful elder brother's shield? I won't make you eat mud this time.”

“No, that's lame.”

“Would you rather have me push you off the bridge?” Orr raised his arms.

“Help! Guards! He's blackmailing me!” Tyrr yelled. He refused to be the first to cross the bridge.

The guards were too busy playing poker. Upon hearing the boy, the three yelled back in unison, “Nah, I don't think he'll do that!” Ignoring the bombardment of subsequent complaints, curses, and insults, the three figures continued with their game.

Out of breath, Tyrr mumbled, “I'm so confused.” He looked at his brother and felt his soul crumble under Orr's piercing glare. Dejected, he quickly turned to face the fanatics. They gazed creepily at him.

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

A half naked man slowly and dramatically pointed toward the city. “It's Misses God!” he said. He dropped onto all fours and jumped onto the bridge. The others followed him while hollering phrases: “I love you, Misses God!”, “Lay my eggs!”, and “You're so beautiful!”

All life drained from the two brothers at the sight of the sudden stampede. Simultaneously, the younger one said, “I'm sorry! I'll go first!” and the elder one shrieked, “You were right; I'll go first!” In the confusion, they tumbled and tripped over each other while trying to return to the city.

The three guards, who were shooing away an ostrich eating their playing cards, glanced toward the fanatics on the bridge. They were stunned, and one of them cried out, “They're real! It's the Legendary Fanatics of Rockacrossthebridge!”

“What, I'm not walking across that bridge.” Another guard grabbed onto the one who cried out. “Don't you see the Legendary Fanatics of Rockacrossthebridge! Crap! You're one of them, aren't you! You can't fool me!” Bam! He punched the guard he held square in the jaw.

Meanwhile, the fanatics stampeded over the two brothers. A weak plea of help escaped Orr's mouth but went unnoticed. Feeling helpless, he resigned into being a pancake.

Afraid of the oncoming hoard, a guard commanded, “Quick, pretend to be statues.” The other two guards reacted quickly and stopped throwing punches at each other. They stood completely motionless as the fanatics rushed in the direction of the ostrich.

A few minutes passed, and Orr whispered to Tyrr, “Pretend to be a waffle.”

A few more minutes passed, and the guards finally started to move. One said, “I think they're gone.”

“Not this one.” A guard threw out another punch.

“He's not a fanatic.” The man shook his head. “Everyone knows that fanatics are always half naked.”

“Oh, okay,” the guard said and released the short guard.

Looking towards the bridge, one of them asked, “What should we do? It looks like the royal food taster turned into a pancake. The king and queen are hungry, and he doesn't look edible.”

“I have an idea. If we, noble guards, cook some food for the royal family, we won't need to check if it's poisoned. In fact, that darn Mrs. Cod the Ostrich can be the dish of the night.”

“That's no good,” a guard said while shaking his head. “She ate our playing cards. We don't know if they were poisoned. She's also the princess's pet.”

“Speaking of the princess, she loves cod. We might get a bonus if we bring her some.”

“Well then, let's go grab the giant cod hanging at Rockacrossthebridge.”

“We shouldn't. The Legendary Fanatics might return.” A guard looked toward the rock. “The cod over there looks kinda fishy.”

“True, it is a fishy cod. It might be poisoned.”

“We can go get another royal food taster.”

“Excellent idea. Do either of you know where we can buy one?”

“I don't think you can buy a royal food taster.”

“Don't be ridiculous. Haven't you heard of the Store of Rockacrossthebridge? You can buy anything there. That's where the princess bought Mrs. Cod, and we all know ostriches live in the snow. How crazy is that—an ostrich living here, on an island?”

“Interesting...so where's the Store of Rockacrossthebridge?”

“No idea. Let's go ask someone in the city. Hopefully it's not in Rockacrossthebridge.”

The three guards left, paying no heed to the two pancakes.

Tyrr stood up. He asked his brother, “You're a royal food taster?”

“Yep! You get free food and do nothing. There's also a young~ beautiful~ gorgeous~ princess you can feast your eyes on.” Orr happily said.

“...”

“What? Don't look at me like that.”

“Were you bought from the Store of Rockacrossthebridge?”

“That's ridiculous, but the princess did tell me that she bought a penguin there.” Orr straightened his clothes. “She named it Mrs. Cod.”

“Bought a penguin? The ostrich, too? And she gave them the same name?”

“Yes she did,” Orr nodded, “but I've only seen the ostrich.”

Tyrr scratched his head and asked, “Orr. Did you do something?”

“What?” The elder brother shrugged. “I didn't do anything. You heard the guards. They only wanted me to taste today's food.”

“Why didn't you?”

Orr immaturely pouted. “No matter how amazing the princess looks, I'm not eating eggplant.” He pointed at his little brother. “You can't make me!”

“Then...take me on an adventure.”

“I've never been on an adventure. Have someone else take you.”

“What do you mean? Wait! You lie!”

Orr turned his head away. “That is not important.”

“Fine then. Take me or I'll have the guards make you eat eggplant!”

“Sheesh, trying to blackmail your elder brother.” Orr walked onto the bridge. He sighed, “Come on, let's go across the bridge and take a ship.”

“NOOO! I don't want to walk across the bridge!”

“I thought you were an adventurer. Explore new places. Rockacrossthebridge isn't scary or anything. Why don't you want to go? They have really nice ships.”

“Walk across the bridge?” The boy shook his head. “Not doing it. Isn't there a ship we can take from the city?”

“Yes, but no can do.” Orr shrugged.

“Why not?”

“Let's just say I have bad history with the captain.”

“You do?” Tyrr tilted his head. “But she's such a nice lady.”

“Stellar body, but vicious personality—especially when she sees you with someone else.”

“Wait, what?”

“It's,” the elder brother looked away, “of no importance.”

Tyrr paused and scratched his head for a minute. Suddenly, a realization came to him. “Never mind,” he said, “A hero never travels with a villain. You want me to be your cute, little wingman, don't you? Well, you can go on your so-called adventures yourself! I'm leaving.”

“Tyrr! Where are you going?”

“I'm going to become a royal food taster. If I die, I die a heroic death.” The boy clenched his fist into a ball and a fire of desire burned in his eyes. “Eggplant is delicious. Maybe I'll get cookies, too.”

“You've got to be kidding me.”

“Nope, I'm dead serious.” Tyrr shook his head.

“What about adventuring?”

“You ruined it, and I'm not crossing that bridge.” The boy stomped his foot on the ground. “I'd rather die saving a princess than falling off a bridge.”

“That's not how it works!”

“Bye-bye! I want to see Mrs. Cod the Penguin.”

The boy left, and he never saw his elder brother again.

Or so he thought. An hour later, he ran back to his brother and grabbed his arm. He said, “Orr, I changed my mind. Let's go adventuring. I like bridges; let's go walk across the bridge.”

“Great!” Orr smiled. “What made you change your mind?”

“She's the crazy queen!”

“What?”

“The princess,” the boy said. “She's the queen of fanatics!”

“What makes you think that?”

“She walks around, calling out for Misses God! She says she has Fishy God, too! And the penguin,”--Tyrr looked into his brother's eyes-- “it's a lie! A lie! It's just Mrs. Cod the Ostrich! And most horribly, they won't let the royal food taster taste the cookies!”

“Wait, slow down. Are you sure the princess is one of those fanatics from across the bridge?”

“Yes!” The boy nodded. “Absolutely positive!”

“Is she half naked?”

“Of course not.”

“Dang it!” Orr snapped his fingers. “Let's just go adventuring.”

The two brothers set out to travel the world. Tyrr over came his fear of dying a non-heroic death and stepped onto the bridge. Orr followed suit, but as they reached the Rockacrossthebridge, the duo spotted the fanatics approaching from the city. Orr quickly cut the rope. The bridge fell, never to be seen again. The brothers rejoiced and continued on their way. Unfortunately, Rockacrossthebridge was truly just a rock. It did have ships, but neither Tyrr nor Orr could climb down the rock's crazily steep cliff to reach them. They were stranded and never to be seen again.

However, many heroes have heard their cries. They were encouraged to reach new heights. To save! To rescue! To help! Even today one can still hear those words of wisdom: “Save!” “Rescue!” “Help!”

...and so went the tale of the two Legendary Sages of Rockacrossnobridge.

The End