[Xander – 12 years]

"Xander?" Mr. Trey calls through the door after knocking on it. Both his voice and the knock really quiet to me. "Are you awake?"

Am I awake? Um… am I? I think… I need to sit up a little, so I do that and start rubbing my eyes. What's the question? Did I want a shake? To be shaken? Or a milkshake? Or do I just want to shake something? Um… what was the question, again?

The door opens a little bit and Mr. Trey looks into the room.

"Did I wake you up?"

"Um… am I awake?"

"Looks like you're still waking up," he says. "Sorry for waking you. Is it alright if I come in, or do you want to go back to sleep?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you go back to sleep?" Mr. Trey asks. "You can have a longer nap if you want to. Sorry for waking you."

"I'm awake."

"I know," he says. "But you still look a little sleepy."

"I… I'm not sure if you woke me up," I tell him. "Maybe… I was already waking? I heard the knocking, at least…"

"You still look a bit sleepy," he says.

"Um… you can come in. It's your house."

"And your room," he says. "I just wanted to check if you were awake or even in here."

"I don't think I need more sleep… do I?"

"Xander, you-" Mr. Trey stops talking. "Oh. You're definitely a bit sleepy there, bud. You're answering questions delayed. Are you okay with me coming in while you finish waking up, or do you want to get some more sleep?"

"You can come in…"

Mr. Trey comes into the room and walks over, then asks about getting onto the bed. Once I tell him that I'm okay with him doing that, he climbs up and sits beside me.

"Did you sleep alright?" He asks.

"I-I think so," I answer. "My naps are usually fine."

"You still look really sleepy," he says. "Your head's rolling a bit. Are you sure you don't want to go back to sleep?"

"Um…" I try to think about if I need more sleep or not. "Analysis says I'm fine to stay awake and it's just post-nap sleepy."

"Alright," he says. "Are you up for talking a little? I had some stuff I wanted to discuss with you. If you need a few more minutes to finish waking up, you can have them."

"I-I'm sorry for being bad."

"What?" Mr. Trey says. "You weren't bad. You asked permission to go get caramels and head to the woods, and didn't argue when I said that Quinn would need to go with you into the woods. He says you let him follow you without arguing or resistance."

"He didn't tell you what I did?"

"I'm going to assume you ate the caramels?" Mr. Trey says. Or is it asks? I'm not sure. It sounds like both and that confuses my sleepy, stupid brain. "You're a pretty well-behaved boy, so I can't imagine you did more than that and go for a walk."

Mr. Quinn didn't tell Mr. Trey about what I did? Was he waiting to let me do it so that I'd be forced to admit what I did bad? It's not like I wasn't going to tell Mr. Trey, anyway.

"I… you know how it got really, really hot?" I look down at my hands and find that they're playing with the comforter. "Um… unusually hot?"

"Yeah," Mr. Trey says. "But you can't blame yourself for that, Xander. You might use magic subconsciously, but it takes some serious magic to mess with the weather. The area affected was too big to be a mage, anyway. It was probably just some strange fluctuation in Earth's mana flows."

"Um… it kind of was my fault, actually."

"You have to remember that you aren't to blame for bad things around you," Mr. Trey says.

"That's not what I mean!" I feel tears in my eyes as I look at him. "I thought they were just a hallucination so I didn't give them caramels this year because I thought it would be fine! But then the other boys were talking about the heat in the group chat and Donner said he wanted to talk to the fire elemental that was making it hot and I realized that I messed up and they weren't a hallucination and were making it really hot because I didn't give them caramels this year! And they like this really fancy kind, too… I'm sorry, Mr. Trey!"

"Well… you're more awake now," he says. "But you've lost me, Xander."

"I'm sorry!"

"Go back to the beginning," he says. "Who is this 'they' that apparently likes fancy caramels?"

"The fire elemental from the volcano nearby."

Mr. Trey starts to say something several times, but seems to be unable to figure out what it is. My punishment? This was a really bad thing I did and it affected a lot of people.

"How did you meet the fire elemental?"

"Um…" I try to remember. "Two years ago, I was, um… I was thinking about running away. I-I had my backpack and everything. And I went into the woods. I was-I was really scared! And while I was walking, I spotted what looked like a really big fire, like, bigger than this," I stretch out my arms. "So I thought 'maybe I can just burn up and die and no one will have to bother me' and it's not like the other attempts had worked yet so I thought maybe that one would since it was a really big, really hot-looking fire with lots of magic in it.

"But then the fire moved when I got close," I tell him, moving my arms to the side. "And again. And again. I couldn't burn myself up in it. And then the flame started talking… and after we talked about my hallucinations the other day, I realized that there was no way a real elemental would want to talk to me and so it was probably just a hallucination and the dork was picking up the caramels after I left! I swear! I didn't mean to make it make everything hotter! Though they said they were just bored while waiting and not mad at me…"

Mr. Trey pinches the bridge of his nose.

"So you were trying to run away a couple of summers ago," he says. "And ran into a fire elemental… that apparently lives in the volcano nearby?"

"Y-yeah."

"How did the caramel thing happen?"

"They said they heard about caramels from a friend of theirs and wanted to try some," I tell him. "But also that they didn't want to bother humans, so they had looked for one who was alone and approached me after seeing me alone.

"I-I made sure to get the best ones I could find and afford," I say. "There's a candy shop that makes them, but it's not the candy shop with the nice old man who owns it. This one's run by a nice woman who's not old. Her caramels cost twice as much as his. I'm not sure what makes them different. They don't taste better than the old man's, his have a special flavor in them that makes them extra-good. But more expensive means more quality, right?"

"Not always," Mr. Trey says. "But it's not important here. Go on."

"I unwrapped all of the caramels and put them on the ground because the elemental said that was fine," I continue. "And then after they tried them, they told me they would be back in a year for more. And then told me that last year, too. But then I thought they were just a hallucination and the dork was picking up the caramels! Or that it was the dork messing with me and he decided to play with the weather, so I texted him and asked him if it was him and if it was, if he could pretty please turn the temperature down!

"He told me that he was currently in the North Pole and I'm not sure I want to be as far down on the naughty list as he is for breaking into the North Pole again!" I tell Mr. Trey. "I'm still not sure why Santa won't fix the machine, since I'm always on the nice list even though I'm a really bad boy.

"Oh," I shift a bit in discomfort. "Um. I don't think he's actually breaking into Santa's workshop, just some research facility that's up there. I don't think Santa's workshop is actually at the North Pole."

Mr. Trey pinches the bridge of his nose again and lets out a sigh. Oh, no. I'm in a massive amount of trouble, aren't I? Me being stupid and thinking something was a hallucination caused a lot of people trouble.

"Xander," he says. "Let me try to get this all straight, okay?"

"O-okay."

"You tried to run away a couple of summers ago," he says. "And ran into an elemental that was looking for someone to buy caramels for them. You tried to kill yourself but but the powerful force of nature said 'don't do that' and then spoke with you. They'd heard about caramels from a friend and wanted to give them a try. You bought them some and they liked them enough they wanted to get them again every year. Then this year, you thought they were just a hallucination – and rightly so, it sounds pretty absurd – and after checking with the dork to see if it was just him and finding it wasn't, you went to get the caramels for the elemental and give them to him? And the reason for the sudden heatwave was because he got bored while waiting for you?"

"Y-yeah," I try to answer clearly, but my voice won't be louder than quiet. "S-sorry. Oh. Um. The dork also said he's jealous of me. That's weird, isn't it?"

"Why would it be weird?" Mr. Trey asks.

"Because why would there be any reason to be jealous of me?"

Mr. Trey starts laughing quietly, but gets louder and louder until he's shaking and his head is tilted back a little. This is scaring me, so I stare down at my hands and the blanket until he stops laughing.

"Xander," Mr. Trey says. "Elementals don't act kindly toward just anyone. Luke is the only other person I've met who's interacted with one and he had to fight it. And when he's asked directly about the battle, he's not really sure that it was a draw and not simply the elemental deciding to back off. They're living masses of an element with a mind. Most people consider them to be enigmas. We don't know how they exist or what goes through their minds. You've done what amounts to befriending an elemental."

"But… why would one want to be friends with me?"

"It probably doesn't see you as a friend," Mr. Trey gestures for me to look up and meet his gaze, so I do. "It was pure luck that caused this to happen and nothing more. You happened to be by yourself in the same area where it was looking for a person who was by himself. To the elemental, you're probably just a way for it to get caramels without bothering human society. That's all."

"Oh…" I find myself squirming a little and force my body to stop. "Um… Mr. Quinn said the same thing. Also that he's never found himself as scared in his life as when he realized there was a fire elemental there. He scared me, though… he pushed me behind him when he spotted them. And why would he be scared? They're not mean, they just wanted caramels. I don't know how an elemental can taste, though… especially one made out of fire."

The phone Mr. Trey is letting me use pings with the text alert I set for the dork, and Mr. Trey grabs the phone and hands it to me.

"Go ahead and check that," he tells me. "I need to… process things a little bit more.

I'm not sure what that last bit means, but I can at least understand the first part so I check the text, though it's not just one message as checking took long enough for him to send more stuff.

Icy Institution Infiltrator: Santa moved the entrance and I can't find it. I do believe that if I puncture a dimensional barrier I found earlier, I will be able to slip into the base that way, but it might set off any alarms which he will have put into place since the last time I visited.

Icy Institution Infiltrator: However, I did discover an arctic variant of griffin. Unfortunately, I do not believe they would be happy living down there. It is a shame, but I suppose I can come up here to ride them.

That message was followed by a picture of a snow-white griffin with silver eyes, rather than the normal yellow-tan coloring of their pelt and brownish coloring for their wings and golden coloring for their eyes. It's really a majestic beast.

I show Mr. Trey the picture.

"That's a beautiful griffin," Mr. Trey says.

"The dork is a little obsessed with them," I tell him. "It makes figuring out what to buy him for his birthday easy. The best gifts to make him happy is tech stuff or something with a griffin on it. I can't afford tech stuff, so I go with stuff that has griffins on them. Last year, it was a wallet. The year before that, it was a lanyard for school."

"Does he get you stuff for your birthday?"

"Cheesecake," I answer. "Oh. But he built the other phone I have for my last birthday. Um… please don't ask me the pecs for it. I'm not really sure what that means but the dork said I'm not allowed to tell anyone. Mr. Trey?"

"You want to know what pecs have to do with phones, don't you?"

"Y-yeah."

"I think he probably said 'specs'," Mr. Trey says. "It's short for 'specifications' and is the information on the components of the device."

That's a lot of big words.

"Oh."

"It probably means he put something illegal in the phone."

"That sounds like him," I say, then realize something. "Or maybe just something really good and he didn't want it stolen if someone found out."

"How often do you use the other phone?"

"Um…"

"Mostly when you run away?"

"He said it can't be tracked by anyone but him."

Mr. Trey is quiet for a bit again. Now comes the punishment for thinking the elemental was a hallucination?

"If you ever feel like running away," Mr. Trey says. "Could you try to talk with me first about what's making you feel that way? Tiffany said it usually happens when a lot of anxiety and fear builds up in you. It's your way of trying to deal with it. But I want to help you find a safer way to do that."

"Um… I can try," I tell him. "But I make no promises. Sometimes… my body just does stuff without my brain telling it no when I get really scared."

"I know," Mr. Trey says. "That's why we're trying to find ways for you to handle your fears and to help you learn what to do when you're scare. So that it doesn't build up to the point that you act without thinking. Okay?"

"O-okay," I look down at my hands again.

"Now," he says. "Did the dork say anything specific about why he's jealous of you?"

"Um…" I try to remember. "He says he tried getting the fire elemental from the volcano to help him with making an alloy a couple of years ago and they threatened to insta-rate him if he ever came to their volcano again. I don't understand why an elemental would want to insta-rate someone… or the difference between that and just rating. Um… sorry for being stupid."

"I think it was 'incinerate'," Mr. Trey says. "And it sounds like the dork may have annoyed the elemental. He's lucky it didn't incinerate him then. That's destroying something by burning it. From a fire elemental, it likely involves turning them into ash in an instant."

"Oh," I glance down for a moment. "Um… the dork messaged me again."

"You can check it."

Icy Institution Infiltrator: Santa noticed me! My emergency escape was successful, however, so everything has worked out in the end. I now have another three ice cores. They will prove most useful during my work.

That's followed by a picture of three canisters nine inches in length and three in thickness. Each one is made nearly entirely of glass, though the ends have silvery metal caps on them with runes and notches for connecting to other devices. Contained within the canisters is a sort of ice-white crystal that fills the entire thing, faintly tinted with blue, and frost patterns spread across the glass.

"What are those?" Mr. Trey asks.

"Oh," I say. "Um… I guess the dork steals the coolant for the computer. I just thought he made them. Well… at least it's not from Santa's workshop. Old Man Winter would turn him into an ice sculpture if he were doing that."

"There's a research facility up at the North Pole?"

"Top-secret," I nod. "They're researching-ack! No! Bad, bad, bad! I'm sorry! I was going to say but they're top-secret! I'm not even supposed to know about them! I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-sorry, M-M-Mr. T-T-Trey, b-b-but i-i-it w-w-w-would b-b-be r-r-r-really b-b-b-bad i-i-i-if I-I-I-"

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"Deep breaths, Xander," Mr. Trey interrupts me. "In… out… in… out… in… out… good. Did the dork tell you about the research facility?"

"He's mentioned it a few times," I say. "He breaks into it at least once every year, but he always calls it either just the North Pole or Santa's workshop. If he'd met the real Santa, he wouldn't have managed to escape. Trust me.

"But," I shift a little bit, uncomfortable. "I don't know how I know about it. I knew about it before I met the dork. Please don't tell anyone about it! It's top-secret! It was really bad of me to say about it! I'm sorry!"

"Nobody would believe me, anyway," Mr. Trey says. "Is it okay to ask about the computer you mentioned? The one that needs ice cores for cooling?"

"Oh, that," I say. "It's some weird computer the dork is working on, and it gets really hot when it's turned on. So he uses a magic coolant to keep it cool. He says it's going to change the world once it's done."

"Is that the thing he needs power cores for?"

"Some of them," I answer. "Others are used for different things. I think he has his workshop set up to run off of one, too. But the computer's on its own network 'case it uses lots and lots of power to run. Wait. How did you know about the power cores? Did I mention them? I don't remember doing so. Maybe I mentioned them another time. He said he pays for those. I didn't know he stole the coolant… I guess they're ice cores."

"Just a guess," Mr. Trey chuckles.

Silence falls for a few moments. I don't know what to say. Mr. Trey is probably going to tell me I can't do stuff with the dork anymore because he's a criminal who steals stuff from top-secret research facilities. And the military.

"Let's get away from the topic of your criminal friend," Mr. Trey says. "It sounds like you getting the fire elemental caramels is something we'll have to put on the calendar for next year. Do you have the receipt for the caramels you bought today?"

"Y-yeah," I nod. "I already put the cost on my allowance sheet. Or, um… the documents. Since it's not a printed sheet right now."

"You can take it off of there," Mr. Trey tells me. "I'll reimburse you for that, just give me the receipt. Appeasing a force of nature isn't something that should come out of your allowance."

"O-okay."

"On to the second thing I wanted to talk with you about," Mr. Trey says. "Remember how I said I wanted to look for a doctor who can maybe give us a better idea of treatment for the damage to your brain?"

"I… don't remember that. I'm sorry for being stupid."

"It's not stupid, it's forgetful," Mr. Trey says. "And your extra memory problems are caused by your brain damage. I know you don't like going to doctors or hospitals, but I found one who might be able to help. He said he can get us in for some scans on Friday.

"If you brave your way through it," Mr. Trey tells me. "I'll buy you an entire cheesecake of your choice, and we'll do one thing you want to do, even if it's something you normally wouldn't want to do. Within limits, so nothing illegal. You'll also be allowed to eat some of the cheesecake right before bed."

"I'm not sure if I can brave my way through it."

"Can you try?" Mr. Trey asks. "If you do this, we might be able to find a way to heal your brain. Then you'll be able to remember things better and not drop stuff as much. You want that, don't you?"

"Yeah… but doctors are really scary."

"Is Mr. Thompson scary?"

"Yes."

"Why is he scary?"

"Because he's a doctor."

"And why are doctors scary?"

"I-I don't know!" I cry. "But they are! They scare me lots! And the smells of their offices and the hospitals are scary and awful, too! I-"

"Xander," Mr. Trey interrupts. "Deep breaths. In… out… in… out… in… out… good, good. Feel calmer now?"

"A-a little," I look at my hands again. "Sorry."

"It's okay," he says. "Do you think you can brave it on Friday? For the sake of maybe finding a way to heal your brain?"

I'm not sure I can brave a doctor's office, even if it is to fix my stupid brain. But I do want my brain fixed, even if I'm not really worthy of it.

"I… can try," I tell him. "But I can't promise it. I'm sorry."

"That's okay," he gives me a small smile. I think that means he's happy with my response, not that he's going to hurt me. "Sorry for talking with you so much right after you woke from your nap, Xander. How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy," I answer. "A-and maybe a little bit hungry."

"Do you want me to fix you a snack?" He asks.

"Um… c-can I try going in the pool?" I shift a bit as I try to force myself to ask this. "T-the outdoor one? With the dragon floaties?"

He's probably going to say "no" because it's not the day for swimming lessons and other boys aren't here. But I want to do this… hanging out with S.G. and the others on Sunday made me want to try to work harder at not being scared of drowning.

"You want to go swimming?" Mr. Trey asks. "That's a surprise. Is there something in particular that caused this?"

"Um," I fidget more. "I… I don't like being scared. And I don't want to have to have help to get in without screaming. A-and-and-and… maybe if I did it with the floatie some, I can maybe do it without being too scared."

"Okay," Mr. Trey says. "You can if you want to. I'll be out back to watch you in case something happens. Would you be okay with me getting into the pool with you? We can toss one of the balls back and forth to help you not think about it."

In the pool… with Mr. Trey… an adult… this is scary! I don't want to do that! But the whole reason I want to go in the pool is to not be a scaredy-boy. But it's an adult!

"Deep breaths, Xander," Mr. Trey interrupts my panicking thoughts. "Take some deep breaths. In… out… in… out… in… out… good. You don't have to play with me if you don't want to, Xander. I know you aren't too comfortable in a situation like that. If you decline, I'll just stay nearby in case you need help, and I'll help you in and out of the pool. Okay?"

"O-okay," I nod. "Um… but you won't be close to me? I-if you get into the pool?"

That was bad to ask! Bad, bad, bad! Stupid fucking worthless piece of shit!

"Not unless I need to get closer," he tells me. "Like if your floatie pops and you need help. But that shouldn't happen, since it's magic and should be more durable."

He's not mad?

"O-okay," I nod. "T-then… maybe I can try and brave that, t-too."

"Why don't you get ready to swim," Mr. Trey tells me. "I'll go get changed, too."

Mr. Trey gets off of the bed and leaves the room, closing the door behind him as he goes. I change out of the pajamas and into some clothes, then head down to the indoor pool so I can change into the swim trunks. For a few moments, I think about putting on the other swim suit, but decide against it. Mr. Trey would probably be mad at me if I wear it.

Only partially ready for the pool, I head out back. Mr. Trey is inflating the floaties with a little pump he has, wearing only a pair of black swim trunks. He helps me put the floaties on, then helps me into the pool. My body stiffens up when he touches me for that, and it takes me a little bit to calm down once he's let go.

After he inflates the beach ball, Mr. Trey walks over to the deep end and tosses the ball in, then jumps in. That makes a bit of a wave but I'm on the other side, so I'm not splashed by it. It does make me drift a little, though.

"Alright!" Mr. Trey says after getting the ball. "Are you ready, Xander?"

"S-sort of."

"Alright," he says. "Can I toss the ball to you now?"

"Y-yeah."

Mr. Trey tosses the ball to me and I do my best to catch it. I even manage to catch it, but my throw back isn't that good and the ball only makes it halfway to Mr. Trey. He swims forward to grab it, then moves back a little before tossing it back to me.

"It's okay," Mr. Trey says after I miss the ball the first time. "Just get the ball and throw it. I'm trying to avoid having it hit your face if you don't catch it, so my aim isn't going to be the best every time. And this is just for fun, too, so don't be too upset if you don't throw it that well. Okay?"

"O…okay."

It feels good when Mr. Trey encourages me, but also weird. I'm still not sure what to think about it when he does that. He continues to as we keep playing, and Ms. Katie eventually comes out and starts setting up stuff to cook. That distracts me a little and I start messing up the catches. I can't see what she's making from here.

"Hey, Katie?" Mr. Trey calls after the fourth catch I miss because of me looking towards the deck.

Stupid worthless fucking piece of shit. You're making Mr. Trey mad, and now he's gonna tell her to make you something you hate for dinner.

"Yes?" Katie looks over.

"I think Xander's curious about what's for dinner," he says.

"Bratwursts with chips and fruit salad," Ms. Katie answers. "The chips and salad are made here, while the brats were bought at a butcher's. Since Xander's doing a bit extra and you guys are going bowling tonight, I'm using some magic brats."

"M-m-magic brats?" I ask. "A-a-a-are they gonna t-t-t-turn to snow i-i-i-if I eat them?"

"Uh… no," Mr. Trey gives me a weird look. "What kind of magic brats have you eaten?"

"The dork said it was an accident," I tell him. "B-b-but the other magic ones he had made me feel a-a-all tingly, like l-l-lightning g-going through m-me. S-s-so I'm not s-s-sure."

"That's not normal for magic brats," Mr. Trey gives me an even weirder look. "The dork sounds like he has some unusual tastes in food. You bought magic brats for Xander?"

"Went out after you told me he was going to go swimming," Ms. Katie confirms. "He always seems to be a bit extra tired after doing stuff like this, so I thought maybe he's using one of his subconscious spells constantly through it and ends up low very on magic. After a couple of weeks of physical activity training, he should at least have more stamina built up, so he shouldn't be as tired as he gets. I also bought some magic potatoes and magic fruit. And Xander? It just means that they have magic in them, not that they do magic."

Mr. Trey seems to think about something for a few moments.

"That's a fair point," he says. "I hadn't thought about that. Let's see if it works."

"I-if what works?" I find myself trembling. "A-a-are you doing an experiment on me? G-g-gonna turn m-m-me into a-"

"Xander," Mr. Trey says. "Food with magic in it naturally can help a mage recover their own magic faster than just eating a lot of food by itself. It's an experiment, yes, but the kind that either does nothing or boosts your energy. Just remember that the dork has unusual tastes. He ate an exploding muffin and thought it tasted good."

That… is probably a good point, and I feel stupid for not remembering that. It should have been obvious that normal magic food isn't food that does magic, that the dork just has special magic food.

Maybe I should stop thinking about that. It's just making me feel worse.

"He also likes chocolate," I whisper.

"A lot of people do," Mr. Trey chuckles. "Hey, would you be okay if Katie took some pictures for you to share with S.G. and the others? It's okay if you're not comfortable with it, I just thought I'd ask since you do like to send them pictures of what you're doing."

"Um…" but I'm shirtless. "Maybe? I don't know."

"How's this," Mr. Trey says. "She can take the pictures, and you can decide later if you want to send them or not. That's for if you want to take some time to decide. If you don't feel comfortable, you can say 'no'."

"Um… okay," I nod. "If… if I don't have to send them and can decide, t-then… okay."

"Alright," Mr. Trey says. "Want to go back to tossing the ball?"

I nod, so we return to doing that. Ms. Katie does take a few pictures with the phone Mr. Trey is letting me use, and it does make me uncomfortable. But I try to ignore it as best I can.

"Xander," Mr. Trey says after awhile. "Want to try getting out of the floaties? You don't have to if you don't want to, I just thought that since dinner is almost done, you might want to try before we stop."

I feel really comfortable right now even though Mr. Trey is in the pool with me.

"Maybe… maybe the scare is all tired and quiet," I nod. "I-I can try it."

"Okay," Mr. Trey says. "Let's get out of the pool."

Mr. Trey gets out of the pool, then helps me out once I get to the side. Once I'm out of the pool, Mr. Trey helps me take off the floaties, then I walk around to the shallow end and try to approach the water. As soon as I start, though, the panic starts coming back.

"No, no, no, no, no!" I shake my head as I back up. "I-I can't! It's bad! It's bad! I'm gonna drown!"

"You're not going to drown," Mr. Trey says softly. "I'm right here, Xander. You're fine. I won't let you drown. Do you want to try sitting on the edge with your legs in the water? I'll be right here the whole time so if you slip, I'll catch you."

Coach Evan wants me to try doing that, too. Sitting on the edge with my feet and legs in the water. But my panic is too big right now and I try to want to do it but I can't. Not without screaming and I know Mr. Trey doesn't want that and I don't want that and that's really bad.

"What if we did what Luke sort of suggested the first week?" Mr. Trey asks. "You close your eyes and get closer. I'll tell you when to stop, then you sit down. Once you're sitting, you extend your legs into the water, then adjust yourself so you can sit comfortably."

"I-I don't think I can sit comfortably like that. Sorry!"

"You'll probably think of it as 'not sitting awkwardly'," Mr. Trey tells me. "Do you want to try this? You don't have to if you don't want to."

This really scares me even though Mr. Trey promised to make sure I won't drown. I want to say I don't want to do this but at the same time, I don't want to be a scaredy-boy anymore and this is one of the things I should do to try for that. Thinking about it doesn't make me ask scared as getting into the water without the floaties.

"M-maybe…"

"If you give it a try and find that you can't," Mr. Trey says. "That's perfectly okay. You'd have tried, right?"

"Y-yeah," I close my eyes. "Um… please don't let me walk into the pool!"

"I won't," Mr. Trey says. "Are you okay with me putting my hands on your shoulders for this?"

"No."

Please don't be mad I said 'no'.

"Okay," Mr. Trey says. "Take a small step forward… maybe a little bit bigger than that. Too big, too big. Okay, there you go. Now bring your other one up next to it. Next step, and bring your other foot forward."

Mr. Trey keeps talking me through walking forward, then tells me to stop.

"Bring your butt down to sit," he says. "But don't move your feet from that spot. Go into a crouching position. I'm right here in case you fall. Put your hands down to brace yourself… okay, for this next step, Xander, remember that I'm right here in case something happens. Move one foot forward as if you're going to sit with your legs out."

I do that and find nothing for my foot to touch until it's low enough to reach the water in the pool and panic starts to fill me even more.

"It's okay, Xander," Mr. Trey says. "I'm right here. I won't let you drown. Do the other foot and you'll be sitting on the edge."

Very, very, very not comfortable, I move my other leg forward and let it go into the water. Breathing is hard. I need to hold onto something. I need-

"Good job, Xander," Mr. Trey says. "I'm proud of you. Try to breathe slowly, okay? Focus on that. I'm going to sit next to you now. Open your eyes when you're ready, or if you want to stop, let me know and I'll help you up and away from the water as fast as possible, okay?"

I nod but keep my eyes closed as I try to do slow breaths like he said. It helps me calm down a little, but I'm still scared. I want to get up. I want to run away. This is horrible!

"Xander?" Mr. Trey interrupts my panicking. "Katie's brought over dinner. We can eat here, but try not to drop anything into the water, okay?"

Before I realize it, I've opened my eyes and looked over to see Mr. Trey sitting closer than I'd thought he was and Ms. Katie here with a pair of plates, two cups already set down. That food looks really good, and the plastic cup by me has lemonade in it while Mr. Trey's glass has tea. He really likes tea. Some napkins are also on the ground, placed under a polished stone for some reason. There are two more of the stones there as well.

"O-okay," I nod, my body shaking a bit. "I-I can try that."

Ms. Katie gives me a plate and Mr. Trey takes the other from her, then she heads back to the deck. The plate I was given has two brats on it, a pile of still-greasy chips, and a small bowl of fruit.

"Oh!" I say. "I know these fruits!"

"You do?" Mr. Trey asks. "They're a magic breed, so they're a bit more expensive."

"I don't know their names," I tell him. "But the dork likes them. They have a special flavor."

"A special flavor?" He asks.

"Yeah," I nod. "I don't know how to describe it. Most of the food he buys or brings has them. Like the suckers he made. But he forgot that I don't like suckers so he took them back after dropping them off. That's why you never saw them."

"He… may be adding something to the food," Mr. Trey says. "Go ahead and eat, Xander."

I nod, then use the fork that was on the plate to get one of the pieces of cut fruit, then eat it. It has the special flavor. It's a really good one and I always like the food the dork has that has it.

After I eat all of the fruit, I take a bite of the chips. They're plain chips made from thinly-sliced potatoes and then fried in oil, no added flavorings, I don't think. But they have that special flavor, too. So do the brat and ketchup. The food is really delicious because of that, though the bun lacks the flavor. That doesn't ruin the taste, though. It still tastes good.

Even the lemonade has the special flavor to it!

"Even the lemonade?" Mr. Trey asks when I tell him, after eating four plates of brats, chips, and fruit. "The food all has the special flavor?"

"Except the bun," I tell him. "It was really good!"

"Everything except the bun was made with magic food," Ms. Katie says as she refills my lemonade. "Even the lemonade, actually. It all had that special flavor you like?"

"Yeah!" I nod.

"If you had a tail, you'd be wagging it right now," Mr. Trey chuckles.

"Huh?" I look back. "I don't have a tail."

"It's how happy you are," Mr. Trey says. "You like that 'special flavor' a lot, huh?"

"Yeah!" I nod. "I haven't tasted it since moving in here, though."

"Since you aren't hanging out with the dork at his workshop?"

"Well…" I shift a little. "There's… there's a safe place I like going to. There's a subs shop there and all of their food has the special flavor, too. Um. They had an arrangement with the boys' home and gave them a discount on food for me, up to once a weak. So it didn't come out of my allowance. And the candy shop run by the old man I told you about, they have it, too."

"Did you like going there?" Mr. Trey asks.

I did, but I don't want him to know where it is. That's why I haven't asked to go there. I can't be comfortable there if I'm being followed around.

"Ms. Johnson said they talked with the restaurant so that I could get more food," I tell him. "Since I didn't get to eat much at the home. I wasn't sure about it but she said it came out of a disk-disk-disk-ration-ear-yee fund? I think that was the word. Disk-ration-ear-yee. I'm not sure what yees or ears have to do with it. But maybe the disks are what the rations are put on? Ms. Johnson said it's money that they can put toward basically anything that's not important, and since I wasn't eating much at the home, it was okay to use some of it to make sure I got at least some good food once a week."

She was telling me the truth when she said that. She told me to look in her eyes first so I know she was honest.

"Discretionary fund?" Mr. Caldwell asks. "In simple terms, it's just money that you can use at your choice, without it being for something necessary or important. A lot of businesses have them. You know the Wolf's Dragon? How they're giving you the smoothies and milkshakes free?"

"Yeah."

"Each employee there has their own discretionary fund per customer," he tells me. "An amount that they can discount from a meal without needing a manager approval. The free treats they're giving you comes from that. They're only supposed to use it in case of a minor error, but they seem to like you enough to make an exception and use it to give you something extra."

"They're not gonna get into trouble, are they?"

"Emily is one of the managers," Mr. Trey chuckles. "And she's given you one, right? This past Saturday?"

"Um… yeah."

It was a banana-split milkshake, she said. There was banana, milk, ice cream, caramel syrup, and sprinkles. It was super good, but maybe could have used a little bit more caramel.

"Then it's okay," he says. "Do you know the name of the restaurant?"

"I don't," that's very true. I don't remember it's name. "B-but it's okay. You let me eat lots here."

It's true I don't remember the name, but I'm kind of glad for that so I didn't have to lie or avoid answering. I don't want him to know that area because if he knows it, then it won't be as safe anymore. Places are only safe if other people don't know I'm there.

"Alright," Mr. Trey says. "How are you feeling?"

"Still a little hungry," I rub my stomach. "But it's okay. Um. A little bit nervous."

"How come?"

That means "why", right? I'm still trying to figure out all of the weird phrasings, but I think that's what it means.

Answering this is hard. If I tell him the truth, he'll probably get mad at me. If I don't answer, then he'll get mad at me. If I lie, then he'll get mad at me. But it's better to get into trouble for being honest than for avoiding answering or for lying. I've already avoided answers lots since coming here and there's no telling how long it'll be before Mr. Trey gets super mad and doesn't want me anymore.

"Because you're wanting to know my safe place."

"So not because of the pool?"

"The pool?" I ask, and Mr. Trey points at the pool…

I completely forgot I was sitting on the edge of it with my feet in the water. How did that happen?

"I… I think my panic broke."

When did it break? And how did Mr. Trey manage to break it?

"Do you want to try getting into the pool without the floaties?" Mr. Trey asks. "I can get in first just to make sure, and you can grip the edge and lower yourself in."

My panic is definitely broke, because I don't feel scared at all when thinking about his suggestion.

"Okay," I nod.

Mr. Trey lowers himself into the water, then moves around so he's a little bit in front of me. Once he tells me he's ready, I hold my breath and start to lower myself down. The water only goes up to my neck here so I don't need to hold my breath, but my body made me do it.

"Exhale," Mr. Trey tells me once I'm standing in the pool. "And breathe slowly, okay. They don't need to be deep breaths, just try to breathe slowly."

I nod and listen to Mr. Trey, who starts to back up. Once he's taken about five steps back, he beckons to me.

"Want to try and come closer?" He asks.

I try and find myself still not panicking. My panic is definitely broken right now. How did he break it?

"Do you want to toss the ball around again?" Mr. Trey asks. "If you're okay with it, Quinn can even join us so there are three of us."

I don't want to be around another shirtless adult, but Mr. Quinn is Mr. Quinn. He's special magic forces and the dork says that special magic forces are the best of the best so I'm always safe around him. That if someone passes their basic training, they're fully trustworthy when it comes to not hurting boys like me. He's never hurt me when he's taken me out to places, like earlier. I was scared when he had to follow me into the woods, but he didn't do anything other than get scared of the fire elemental and push me behind him (though I really don't know why he did that).

But maybe throwing the ball with more than one other person would be fun?

"O-okay," I nod. "Um… I think maybe I'm okay with Mr. Quinn joining us."

"Katie," Mr. Trey looks at Ms. Katie, who's cleaning up our dinner dishes. "Could you let Quinn know?"

"Sure," she answers.

Ms. Katie heads inside with the dishes, then comes back out a minute later with Mr. Quinn, who's already wearing swim trunks. Was this talked about between them earlier? I wasn't going to be given a choice, was I?

Even though they were apparently going to do this anyway, it's still fun to throw the ball with both of them. I do get tired very fast, though, so we only play for about ten minutes before stopping.

"If you want to rest on one of the pool chairs for a bit before going inside to shower and change," Mr. Trey tells me. "You can. I'm going to talk with Quinn about leaving out information like encountering a fire elemental."

I am so glad I'm not Mr. Quinn right now.