Why me? O dear GOd up above why me?

Is this what being an adult means taxes, pay-days, unfulfilled dreams, nagging mothers, disaproving fathers, dependent siblings, crushed ambitions, working day in and day out without passion.

Is this all I get to have in my time on earth.

Is this the purpose God designed for me?

I hate being a teacher!!!

I know I know some folks say that being a teacher is a rewarding job. We shape the minds of future leaders. 

We are the guide to sucess... 

All i can say is if that is true why the hell do they pay us such meager salary.

If we really hold the future in our hands then i would assume that the futures worth is dirt cheap.

The worst part is being a teacher is a job you need to take home with you.

All the work in the classroom in explaining, presenting, entertaining questions and making all sorts of gimmicks to make the discussion lively is the better half of the job the shitty part is the researching topics, making the syllabus, planning activities, and by far the worst is checking papers projects and quizes along with grading them.

College never trained me to be an entertainer that needs to satisfy the dumb idiotic minds of these spoiled young masters. The saddest part being while checking their papers you see that most of your students didn't learn. While grading them after the finals you just realize how insignificant you are in the eyes of these brats. You put in the work expecting to see results but what do they give you a big fucking F. An uncaring F*** for all your hard work. A god damn F*** for your sleepless nights. A middle F****** finger for all the effort you put in just to give them a chance for sucess. Teaching is a job fo masochist with no sense for self care.

I was not born to be a saint that they could walk all over. 

God i hate their faces. They just sit there in their comfortable desks looking at me expecting me to spoon feed all the necessary knowledge for them to graduate. 

Why am I like this. Am i really a bad teacher. Why can't I be friends with my students like the other teachers? Why do they like them more than me? Why do they like a teacher that spoils them and give them grades they know they don't deserve? Do they even realize what being spoiled means? Isn't being spoiled mean being rotten? I'm no garammarian but rotting and spoiling are baisically synonymous? What should i really be doing? What is it?

Should I just roll over and give them what they want without earning it? 

Should i really compromise my priciples?

What have I become?

I was not always like these...

I once was a girl that thought being a teacher is cool and fullfilling.

Granted I didn't dream of becoming one.

I did all the things in life's check list.

I did what my parents said.

Wen't to a catholic school.

Studied hard in class.

Graduated as Summa cum Laude in BS Psychology and gave the boring speech at my graduation.

I even got a nomination for the Top Ten Most Outstanding Students in the country yet what am I now? 

A 24 year old lady with an unfulfilled career.

Yeah... I know this sounds like a tantrum.

I just graduated.

This is my first job and all. 

Not everybody can live the "Dream"

But you just hate what you hate and love what you love.

If psychology has taught me anything it's that there is rationality in emotion.

Every piece of action man makes always end up to one thing Happiness.

Everyone wants to be happy. 

Happiness takes a different form in different people.

As an American Psychologist Gordon Exner once said in his thesis "There are 6 Billion people in this world all of their psychological states and tendencies are vastly different meaning there are also 6 billion different psychological profiles making each of them unique and special" but later in life in his final book before he died he refuted this claim saying "In truth it is just 6 billion people expressing the same view of what is a PERSON"

The take away here is that what a person "IS" is dependent on what makes him happy. Killers, robbers, terrorist, politicians, ISIS, the Catholic Church, Jesus Christ, Helen Keller, activist, writers, rock stars, janitors, mothers, fuckers, fathers and children all of us act the way we do because we want to be happy. Saint or sinner we are all cut from the same cloth we all want to be Happy. 

Now the problem in that is what are you going to do to be happy?

The eternal question of existance itself. The search for your Purpose the thing that fills the void to make you complete. The one thing that can make you truly Happy.

Why are thoughts like this? Spiralling out of control withought break.

Well im getting ahead of my cute and sexy self.

Haaaa.

A futile atempt to console my self.

As I said earlier there is rationality in emotion. 

Here is the rationale of why i feel like this.

It's the end of the semester and in front of me is the finalized grading sheet of my students. Some made it some didn't.

The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

Only one click and and it will be submitted to the dean and be posted in the University server yet im hesitating because of one student with a D mark.

 I met her earlier this morning along with her mother. She knew that her grades were sub par in my class as I already gave back their final papers. They both came to talk to me to just raise her grade to a C crying almost begging me to do so.

They didn't bribe me or anything they just came to talk. The girl is a daughter of a poor family the eldest of 4 siblings and the first in their family to go to college. The father was a construction worker and the mother was a laundry lady working as hard as they can to make ends meet. You know the cliche poor family setting. She was able to attend college on a scholarship with that said the requirement for the continued support is that she must maintain a specific average and no subject would fall below C.

I understand their predicament.

Their backs are against the wall.

They see their daughter as a light at the end of the tunnel.

If she finished her education then they would have a sense of acomplishment.

It would be as if they themselves were the one going up that stage ang recieving that diploma and show to the world that they did it. That they made the life of their daughter better than their own.

And here I here I am with my principles and my pride as a teacher blocking their way.

Should I really compromise here.

Should I really shatter the image i have of a teacher that I held on for so long since child hood.

Should I give up my identity and pride as a just and fair teacher that only give what you earned.

Should i deprive this family of their happiness at the price of my own.

I know my self better than anyone this decision will haunt me for a long time.

This decision will make me lose the sense of ME that i have painstackingly made

After this decision i would often question who or what I am.

I will no longer be myself after this.

I hate being a teacher..

My time, my dreams and now even the last shred of pride I have left as a teacher.

I made my decision.

How crushing it is to realize that the pride you held on for so long can be destroyed by fe taps in the keyboard a click of the mouse.

I packed my thing a walked soulessly out of the teachers office.

I went by the bank and checked my account as i have already submitted the grades of my students my monthly pay was deposited along with my 13th monthpay.

Yeah the end of the 1st semester in my country is in December making the semestral break of the students coincide with the Christmas break.Yup there is no winter in this country.

I withdraw a few bills for emergency purposes then passed by a diner to order cofee and bread sticks to fill my apetite.

As I waited for my order I stared at my opaque reflection in the diner's window. Thingking over and over about the decisions I made through out my life.  I did not make the wrong choice I said to myself yet why does it feel horrible.

 I should be happy because i helped her. As i started that train of thought i immediately crushed it as i told myself that to pity her is arrogance on my part. Even I a teacher is just like her a person that want's to be happy. I will make myself happy without taking the hapiness of others.

As I was done contemplating I saw a store accros the diner with a long line in it.

As my bread sticks and hot cofee arrived i asked the waiter what is that line alll about

"Ah! That line in the game store. You don't know huh?"

In my mind i was cursing this son of  a bitch. How condescending can you be bastard I would not ask if i knew.

The insensitive waiter not noticing my irritation said.

"Ma'am you really dont know the greatest game of our generation. It's so overblown in social media that you have to be a hermit not to know. The campaign for it's release tomorrow  is going non-stop for the whole week be it in the tv, internet or any form of comunication even chainmails were sent for this game."

Well excuse me for being dead for a whole week that i was checking and computing the grades of my 230 or so students divided in 11 different classes. is what i wanted to shout to this man but I need to act civil as I'm already afull grown adult.

"Well its just a game? How can they stand outside in this cold weather"

"Just a game!" the bastard practically shouted

"Ma'am this is not just a game it's THE game "he said as he sat in front of me. Seriously how rude can you get and shouldn't you be working. This SOB should be fired.

He kept yamering on about how great the game is blah... blah... blah... works with the old NIntendo console I had as a teen, something about a guy named CHRAY being in charge. the guy just kept on talking about it's like making another you in another world or something like that. Hmmm well the thing about making another self is quite interesting. Well it beats being depressed.

"So how much is it?" I asked for curiosities sake and just to make the rude guy feel that I'm listening.

He paused momentarily eyeing me for a second while thingking to myself, yeah I'm that stunning strocking my self-inflated ego.Well with what happened today who could blame me.

He reached for a napkin and wrote something.

When he showed it to me I asked:

"If that's your phone number I'll pass. I'm not interested." I said in a slightly harsher tone who does he think he is although he's a bit cute that rude behavior is quite a turn-off plus his a waiter so no thanks.

"As much as I would like to humor you maam your not exactly my type"

Okay he's not just rude he's also an asshole.

"This is the price of the game on premium acess along with all the components, patches expansions as well as upkeep and maintenance"

Whaaaatttt???? 

I inwardly screamed that expensive is that thing made of silver to cost that much yet why is there still such a long line. I can't afford that it cost twice my monthly salary.

As I somehow recovered my bearing I stare to the children across the street thinking about how wasteful those people are spending that much money on a game.

Then I saw it the greatest shock of my Life.

I unconcsiously and abruptly stood up uncaring that i spiled my cofee over the waiter. i pressed my self against the glass window just to make sure about the reality of what I'm seeing.

And like a wailling siren i screamed without thinking.

"WHAAAATTTT??"

----------------------------------------

Yay! WOOHOO! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I finally got it. It's really here yes!! I finally have ROAR OF CONQUEST!

Shit i can't beleive it. 

The greatest game since the time games were made.

It's only an hour left till launch hahaha I need to hurry home.

I stare blankly at the box at my hands then looked at the elderly maid following me thingking how briliant I was in getting it.

My Dad is the CEO of a car manufacturing company but his quite stingy with spending money on games and the like he said that apropriate reward is earned by apropriate effort. He said he'll only buy me the game if my grades are good and not one of them will be lower than C.

Truth be told if were splitting hairs then i didn't meet dad's condition just because of that newbie psychology professor that our class got. The nerve of her standing between me and the game. Haaaaah no use getting mad.

I really got scared when i saw the results of my final exams if i factored my performance in class along with previous exams my chances of getting a C in it is to be honest would need  an act of divinty. Well its a bit of tradition in our scholl that in the week before the posting of the final grade we would butter up the teachers we feel would fail us and earn some good girl points with them so i asked my fellow students on her class how they aproached her. As they recounted their tales it felt as though ROAR OF CONQUEST was slipping between my fingers.  When I've all but given up I remember daddy saying "If going straight doesn't work throw a curve?".

Hahahahahahhaha I curved that  madam realy well. It's her fault really what kind of teacher doesn't even know her students if she even talked to us a little bit and get to know us she wouldn't be fooled that easily.  She really was a horrible teacher all she ever say is do this do that she is just a tyrant she never listens to any of us. She looks at us as though we are swines waiting to be fed. She is such a horrible meanie although she's quite hot and a bit charming the "I'm so pitiful" emo act of hers is quite repulsive. Well she bought the act hook line and sinker and here i thought psychologist are human lie detectors well she's just new afterall or maybe i just have a knack for this sort of thing the maid i brought with me sold it but my tears were the crown jewel if i say so myself.

woops the car to pick me up arrived.

As I was about to get in I saw my dearest teacher looking straight at me.... I dont need to be a psychologist to know what her facial expression is saying >>>>SHOCk all through out.

I strike a charming peace sign pose before getting in to the car.

I was not really scared what could she do she already submitted the grades and as a new teacher i only haw one subject under her also if she reported what i did then she would also be revealing the fact that she bumped grades up without basis affecting her integrity as a teacher.

In this game of ours dear teacher of mine its my victory.

It took the ride a little bit ove 40 minutes till i got home.

Almost time till the server lunch.

I went through the procedures instructed by the NDS then the screen said:

Load Roar of Conquest

YES / NO 

HELL YES

COQUER THE PEOPLE