Arc 6. A seemingly endless loss
Road to a Hero:
Three Chances in another world
Chapter 44. What is a hero
With a little more than a week left in Constal, everyone is in a slump, to say the least. Gray, without his cloak, stays in his bed almost all day, with everyone else doing much of the same. Edward’s the only one training, but he’s working himself to the point of failure, and the thought of Peter being out there, hurt, sad, and broken has filled every bit of his mind. Rosemary went looking for him, but after two days of doing so, she gave up and now sits around hoping he’ll show up eventually. These emotions that are flowing through everyone are paired with the dark and cold rain flowing out of the clouds, making everything a bit worse.
Gray turns over to Rosemary, who’s reading a book while trying not to fall asleep and taps her arm. She quickly looks over at his extremely tired face, and it brings her already sad mood much farther down. On their trip here, he was the most excited, aside from herself of course, but now he’s the most depressed. His eyes are weighed down by heavy bags, his face is extremely pale, his mind yearns for the cloak of darkness, his OD burns, and everything else is spent.
Gray: “Have…you had fun?”
Rosemary: “Of course, we went to the park, saw some cool places, we even went to the Victoria Museum.”
Gray: “Yeah…but I mean in all…like since we met. I know we’ve talked about rushing into things…but maybe we shouldn’t push that under the rug. I’ve been so inconsistent it confuses me how you’ve put up with me… everyone’s gotten to the point where they’re almost unrecognizable from what they were… except me.”
Rosemary sets her book down and doesn't really have an answer. She agrees but hates the fact that she does, and Gray knows this and it’s eating at him.
Rosemary: “I don’t think anything makes me madder than when you talk like this…because it kills me inside. I’ve never been able to see what you see in yourself, this hate that you can’t seem to get away from. I’ve had fun ever since I met you, of course, we’ve been through some sucky things, and hell we’re still going through some, but I’ve stuck with it. Everyone has stuck with it, and we all have reasons not to.”
Gray suddenly sits up straight with an enraged tone in his voice, shocking Rosemary.
Gray: “THAT’S MY POINT! I DON’T HAVE ONE! THAT’S BEEN MY POINT EVERY TIME I TALK ABOUT THIS! I’VE YET TO FIND ONE IN THE ENTIRE TIME I’VE BEEN HERE! EVERYONE’S GOT ONE, EVEN PETER…AND I JUST DIDN’T WANNA EXCEPT IT! I just let Peter walk off because I wanted to act like he was mini me or something...and now where is he? Nowhere, anywhere but here, and he’s not gonna come back.”
He tilts his head up to look at Rosemary, and he expects her to be teary-eyed, but it’s the exact opposite.
Rosemary: “OH MY GOD! YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME! You get a little down in the dumps, and then you rage out that nobody understands you! How have you not realized this!? Or have you and you’re going to rant about that too!? I’m sorry but DAMN! You’ve done nothing to find Peter because you said he doesn't need to be found, so PICK ONE! DO SOMETHING! GO ON A WALK BEFORE YOU GIVE UP OVER THIS STUFF! DON’T PUSH IT OVER THE RUG FOR ONCE!”
Rosemary shoves past Gray and walks out the door, leaving him speechless. He shakes his head, grabs his clothes, and exits through the window. She watches him do this and slumps down on the wall, losing herself to her emotions, and breaks down, beginning to cry into her hands. He slides down the awning and lands outside the front door, right in front of Soku, who’s rocking back and forth while doodling something on a piece of paper with one of Peter's pens.
Soku: “Where you goin’?”
Gray: “Out.”
Soku stands up, about to go with Gray, but she sits back down, letting him walk off. He zips up his jacket, ties his drawstring, ties his shoes, pulls up his socks, and puts his hood on. She watches as his light gray jacket gets darker and darker as the rain begins to soak. Soku picks up her damp paper, looks at her drawing, and walks back inside.
As she walks into the nice small cottage, she wipes her feet and takes off her boots, but stops in her tracks when she hears the echoes of Rosemary’s cries. She looks out of the kitchen window, which she can see from the living room, and sees an armored Edward swinging his sword over and over, drenched in the rain. She quietly walks up the stairs, watching Rosemary caress the necklace that Gray had purchased for her when they had gone shopping the day after they got to Constal. She stares into the light blue crystal, disgusted with her reflection, but she quickly puts it away when she notices Soku, she also rubs the tears from her eyes as quickly as she can, trying to hide her sadness. But it’s far too late for that, and she knows this, so she stands up and tries to remain strong.
But with one look from Soku, a short glace that holds a thousand words causes Rosemary to tumble to her feet once more, causing Soku to sigh. Soku walks over to her, takes her soft, warm hand, and places it on her cold face. Soku then removes her hand from her face and stares at her nails, confusing Rosemary.
Soku: “Your nails are so well kept, heh…I bite mine.”
Rosemary: “You and Gray are the same in that matter then…as you are in a lot of manners on top of that…”
Soku sits on the floor with Rosemary, putting on a sweet smile along with it.
Soku: “Is that supposed to be an insult?”
Rosemary and Soku both begin to chuckle, but the glimpse of happiness is short-lived, as they both look out of the hall's window, staring at the loud rain.
Soku: “Do…do you want to talk…about what happened?”
Rosemary: “I…I got mad…and I really…”
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Rosemary choked on her words, so Soku simply hugged her while the sounds of rain hitting the roof echoed through the now silent hall.
Soku: “It’s okay…I get it… I’m good at reading people after all.”
Rosemary nuzzles up to Soku, drifting off into a short daydream while Soku stares off into space.
In the thunderstorm, Gray walks down the street filled with intent, a sense of intent he doesn't know he has. As he’s forcing himself through the crowded streets he looks above him, not to the sky but to the buildings, and how open the roofs are compared to the streets. He remembers how he and Soku had gone free-running.
Gray uses a small amount of mana to effortlessly scale to the wall while also inflicting the building with no damage. Gray isn’t sad or rageful, he’s filled with regret, and he’s planning on rectifying it. He begins running across the rooftops, being guided by something he can’t explain other than one's gut. It has absolutely nothing to do with spirits or anything like that, it’s almost as if he knows where he should go because every other way would be wrong.
He flies across the rooftops at vigorous speeds, doing everything on pure instinct until he feels as if he’s reached his location, which knocks his senses back into him. This causes him to step into a puddle, slipping and sliding down the dark tiled roof right into the street, barely missing a family walking on the sidewalk. They turn and look at him like he’s strange and pitiful, which he accepts and carries on. The stench of the street finally gets to him, it smelt a little off before, but the rain causes all of the animal droppings to float through the streets, creating this awful aroma that almost makes him vomit.
He’s about to puke right then and there, but he’s distracted by a familiar voice coming from the home he had just fallen from. He notices that it’s a blacksmith shop while the upstairs is a home, reminding him of apartments he had seen on trips to other cities back on Earth. He sits on a nearby bench, soaking his bottom, and is about to drift into his astral form, but he stares away from the idea fairly quickly.
Gray {This is just somebody's home…I can’t just fly into it, that’s weird…what am I doing out here?}
Gray begins walking away from the home, and inside such a home, is Peter who just finished dinner with Hubert and Juval.
Hubert: “That was a good first day!”
Juval: “I’d say, you’re better than us! Everyone that came into the store was really impressed with your work!”
Peter: “Thanks…but it’s people just being nice, just like you guys. I’m gonna head off to bed if that’s okay with you.”
Juval: “Of course it’s okay, we’re closed tomorrow so you can sleep in.”
Hubert: “But you’re still gonna practice right!?”
Peter: “Yeah I promise!”
Peter puts his dishes away and is about to clean them, but Juval walks up and smacks his hand.
Juval: “You go to sleep, I can do this, I like it.”
Peter: “Um, okay thanks. Alright, good night!”
Juval and Hubert: “Good night!”
Peter enters his room to find Gray, soaked in rain, leaning on his wall, staring at him. Peter almost screams, but he holds it in and shuts the door, never unlocking his eyes with Gray. Gray slumps down, cutting off eye contact. He puts his hand on the floor, takes a deep breath, and casts a new spell.
Gray: “Cornic.”
A wave of purple mana pulses around him and quickly vanishes, confusing Peter.
Peter: “What was that?”
Gray: “A new spell, one of the only ones I can use without killing off spirits, it mutes all sound within it. Now, I see you found a new place.”
Peter: “I’m not coming home with you, so you can cut whatever you’re up to.”
Gray: “That’s not why I’m here. I’m here to ask you something, and to make Rosemary feel better.”
Peter: “So what, what do you want to ask?”
Gray: “What is a hero to you, what does it mean, how do you become one.”
Peter: “That’s simple, you do good things and don’t expect anything from it.”
Gray: “Alright, now do you know anybody like this?”
Peter: “Of course, you, Edward, Rosemary, Soku, Lincoln, I could go on.”
Gray: “Okay. Now, what if I told you they all go against what you just told me? Edward feels he needs to use his strength for something, so he helps people, Soku stumbled into all of this and just does it because if she doesn't she’ll be looked down upon. Rosemary does it because it goes against what the Golden Knights taught her. And I do it because I want something out of it. I could go on and on with Lincoln, but I won’t.”
Peter: “What are you getting at!?”
Gray: “Do you mind if I tell you a story, it’s kinda lengthy, but it’ll get my point across.”
Peter walks over and sits on his bed, waving his hand to get Gray to start.
Gray: “My dad is the strongest guy I know. Not in actual strength, I mean you’ve seen all these guys moving faster than sound and destroying buildings with the force of their movement…no my dad was a man. There was this one time, when I was fifteen he forced me to go get a job because he wanted me to grow out of a shell I was forming. I was being a baby and didn’t wanna, but he kept pushing me. He forced me in the car, drove over to some random job, and forced me through that interview, hell he stood in the room the whole time…and yeah I didn’t get the job…”
Peter: “Did he get mad at you?”
Gray: Hell no, he was proud. He’s what shaped my idea of what a “Hero” is. When I was young, we were walking down the street and we saw this woman. She was fighting against this skinny dude, and the dude was trying to…y’know “get her” and I froze. I was only eight so it makes sense, but he froze too. He stood there and I swear I could see the gears moving in his head, trying to get his body to move.
Peter: “What happened next?”
Gray: “She screamed “Help me” and the six-four muscle head that he was, socked him right in the back of the head. And then he called the cops for her.”
Peter becomes filled with rage, feeling that Gray is swarmed in ignorance
Peter: “SEE! All of you are strong, your dad punched that guy down, Edwards is a monster, Soku speeds around, Julius is a genius, Rosemary has god-like strength, and you’ve got all that MANA! I CAN’T DO THAT, I’M WEAK!”
Gray turns to Peter, watching the tears flow down his brushed and bandaged face.
Gray: “You didn’t let me finish. After he called the cops, we sat there until they got there and comforted her. Now understand that my dad is like the shyest guy ever, he took anxiety meds, had panic attacks on the regular, and still acted. He would pull over and help people change their tires, give the neighbors eggs and an extra dollar, and go to a soup kitchen. He didn’t have a job so he could do all this stuff. Heroes aren’t all-powerful, they aren’t gods.”
Peter: “THEN WHAT ARE THEY!?”
Gray: “They are people that are able to act on a will to help, his will to help overpowered his want to run every single time. That’s what a Hero is. I wanted to be like him my whole life, but I wasn’t tall, I couldn’t build muscle, and I was more like my mom but with his anxiety. I feel bad now…but she knew I hated the day I got my glasses, she wanted me to feel happy `You're just like Mommy!” and I hated them because I wasn’t like dad. I love my mom, she was my light in the darkness, but my dad was a goal. I didn’t live in his shadow, but I wanted to.``
Peter slumps down, covering his face.
Peter: “I don’t…understand.”
Gray: “When I was twelve my dad got into a car accident…and that was the one of the scariest moments of my life…My mom and I were sitting in the hospital bed…and she was more scared than I was. I was born with a dad, but she had to find him. But she’s strong, stronger than me…and she sat me down and told me “You’re as strong as an Ox, as scared as a mouse, as gentle as a giant, and as fragile as you and me”. That’s when it was cemented in my mind, that we have to be strong enough to be gentle. And I have fallen from this, lost hope, lost sight of what I want. But I will get back on the road every single time.”
Peter: “Isn’t that what I said a hero was though!?”
Gray: “Your answer was lazy, misguided, and filled with misconceptions. Of course, it’s an opinion question, so somebody else could feel differently and think you and I are both stupid, but I’m just trying to state my peace. Rosemary, Edward, Soku, and I all started from different places but we all made it here, even if I’m not up to date with them. We are all different, we’ve all run from something, and we all found something. A good person is one who protects his loved ones, but a hero protects everyone who needs it. I might not be a good hero, but you can be, I believe it.”
Peter is speechless, and Gray leaves through the window right as the spell dissipates, leaving him by himself once more. Hubert and Juval then knock on the door, concerned for him.
Hubert: “Are you in there!?”
Juval: “It’s so quiet in there you could hear a dust float in the air!”
Peter: “Yeah…I’m in here.”
Peter looks out his window, noting that Gray has seemingly vanished, but he wants to keep talking to him. So Peter slowly exits through his window, dropping to the street below. He falls into a puddle, becoming soaked in the dirty street water, but he pays no mind to this and continues looking around for Gray. He’s about to call out for him, but in a flash, he’s swept up by something.
Gray looks behind him, but he sees nothing, so he continues moving back home.
End of Chapter Forty-four