Chapter 4

I was expecting pitchforks and torches, perhaps bad looks. Plenty of yells and rocks thrown my way at best. I didn’t expect a gasp of shock that turned into a cheer. They were more shocked that ManBearPig was the thing terrorising the village. As for me they were confused a little but amazed by what I am to my surprise. They just recognised me for the stranger who came to help and not some monster myself. Obviously, they wondered how I still lived and why I kept it secret. However, they were very polite and respected my secrets. As for what I am they somehow very easily chopped it down to magic rather too quickly than what I expected. I suppose that kind of logic should be expected more often in this world to be honest.

The crowd then gathered looking at the town’s tormentor as I adjust my head back on my neck brace. Some were curious of it, and some were still interested in me. They gathered around me with a little curiosity in their eyes, I believe they have no fear of me because of my new status of village hero now. I then take notice of a small smell lingering over the excrement, alcohol… everyone is so cool because they are ether close to drunk or just drunk. That’s why there is no fear of me, alcoholism just dulls the normal survival instinct with confidence.

Better late than never the village guards finally arrive on the scene, and the town doctor appeared to take the monster corpse away to the morgue. They are to examine the body and write a report, they also assure me that I’ve got hunters rights over its head. Not an attractive head yet, killing a Lich king thrall most likely has a bounty five times more than what the village is paying me. So, I just had to wait till tomorrow for a report and confirmation I suppose. The village went ahead and paid me my reward with more then what was offered with whatever was in their pockets and dragged me into the tavern for a celebration.

I was a little nervous as everyone started making me the centre of attention. The party was loud, yet I was still bombarded with questions like, “What are you? How do you eat?” They asked but I didn’t have time to respond because they demanded an answer to an important question, “Can you drink?” I confirm this, the room then erupted with cheers as a number of drinks were thrust into my hand. Come to think of it I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since becoming a Dullahan. A part of me is saying I should have no part of this. I just finished a life threatening fight, yet I have been on my own for a year… Why the hell not?

First was real home brewed honey mead in horned mugs and more questions. Yes, I eat and yes, I drink I answer the first set of obvious questions. What followed was a drinking game. Now normally I dislike the activities that prevent or slowed my pursuit of relaxing and a good time. But the rules were simple for this one, first you drink, and you drink then the last one drunk loses. (And likely drives everyone home if this was England) holding my second drink I ask myself can I get drunk? That’s A question really on everyone’s minds.

Next comes regular beers in pint mugs, chilled and it tastes just like the pubs back home. I take my head off to demonstrate that I still live, my senses still function and like a party trick I pour the drink into my mouth while heading it. I switch my head and beer in my hands almost dropping my head and worse spilling my drink. Some of the guys ask if they could hold it.

“No, I don’t trust anyone to hold my drink. I’ll never see it again.” I say jokingly and they giggle drunk, but I know what they meant.

No, they say, your head one of them asked. Your head, as a group of them pointed to me.

My head is a touchy subject for myself really, I politely say no. Before they started pushing me again to let them try the girls suddenly asked to hold my head. Giving the fact they are girls my face flushed at the request then they notice my hesitation. As do the boys notice and encourage me saying “You know You want too.” I often never talked with girls really, not even in my past life. Also, this past year I’ve hardly talked to anyone let alone girls, so my social skills are rusty.

I shake my head in my hand as a no and say I didn’t hesitate I just can’t gesture no without a neck. Apparently, they found it amusing saying I’m drunk. I know I’m not but they are definitely all drunk, but I can’t feel a thing now. I just don’t trust anyone to hold something so important as your actual head.

Back to more immediate questions, I can drink but can I get drunk? Theory. my head takes in solids and liquid but settles in my body so the effects can’t reverse back to my severed head. So this would mean I have the joys of taste and sustenance. With the bonus of no consequences. fine by me as I take my fifth drink followed by a couple shots of pure spirits.

I sit with Louis’s mother and father as the tavern moves to casual conversation in small groups with me no longer in the middle of it. I notice Louis was in the other side of the room, I think he’s scared half to death by me. I apologise and explain to his parents what I did but they just laughed. That I put my literal head at risk to save him was amusing and then they thanked me and paid for another two drinks.

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Suddenly I felt lightheaded… then in a short moment it was gone like it had never happened… I forget about it then remembered that I left my sword in the monster corpse as they took it away. I’m sure I can get it in the morning as I take in my ninth drink.

The people in the tavern then asked about my epic battle with evil so I told the story as truthfully as I was currently sober. All the while finishing my tenth drink, honestly everyone is so hammered I could claim to be Willy Wonka and they would believe it. To begin I gave all the details I could remember. I told them that it started with the horse outside now dead in which I heard a poor man shrieking in the back yell “My horse! Oh No not my horse!” As he stumbles through a crowd of people drunkenly and ran out to likely see for himself, I had completely forgotten about that detail.

I spoke of how bravely I ran for my life and the struggle to use my weapon. Then a drunk guy I’ve not met suggested a blacksmith in the city, I’ll have to remember that. They were interested in how the monster fought and I explained as best I could, it was fast yet drunk movements. Clumsy but had moments of cleverness that surprised me. The people watch mesmerized as my head spoke sitting on the table while my body tried reacting the monster’s movements like a game of charades. A sudden burst of red faced laughing came from everyone as I spoke of the beehive I was thrown on.

Smiling and giving a thumbs up, I hold a glass as a toast to Louis and made a remark of how brave he was. Everybody gave him a round of lazy applause that prompted a small smile by Louis as he looked around the room. Then they all pointed and laughed at me again as I explain my brilliant plan to throw my head as bait. I laugh with them as I finish my drink. I then hiccup just a little that got me to pause in thought for a second…

Odd? Very odd. So, I grab another drink and notice that I’m the only sober man other than Louis. Between three more drinks I play a game of darts that turn into a game of cards that I win because I’m still sober. My smile is starting to hurt, as I come to realise that I’ve… never had fun like this before, not in this world or the last. I don’t think it’s the drink talking so I swallow that sad thought and shift my focus back to darts while everyone is vary hammered, I’m not letting history ruin today. In my current game my opponents are leaning on each other for balance. I smile pleased with myself as I finish my drink smoothly and hold a dart up. With confidence I throw, and I miss… Ok? I miss by a lot, then turn and the world turns the opposite way. “Oh no.” I say as I lose my balance a tiny bit and try to steady myself.

As realisation downed on me, original theory is false. The actual workings of my body are a mystery, however I can say for certain that whatever I take in, is returned in a delay of sorts. Every drink, all at once, came surging back in a mad rush. “NonoPLEASE No, Cod-God Let Me Die Instead PLeases No.” I slur now finally utterly smashed as my body tips side to side, my body tumbles to the right while my head falls off to the left as I commit the ultimate sin of spilling what’s left of my drink. At last, I blackout…

Later

My eyes… My eyes sting so much I can hardly open them. What happened? Where am I? I notice I’m sitting in the tavern chandelier… “I’m in the Chandelier!” I rasp a yell with great regret as the hangover kicks the inside of my skull. Ok, ok focus what happened? My head sits on a chandelier made of antlers and animal bones. The ceiling seems to be broken as the chandelier is tilted a little and slowly twisting left and right. So, what happened?

I vaguely remember that the celebration got out of hand after… my memory is hazy, yet it comes back to me, I can get drunk after all but worse than ordinary. All the alcoholic poison rushed to my brain all at once, I’m lucky to be still alive. I got knocked out then the tavern got trashed, I can see that the place may have had a fight or two. I sure hope I didn’t start it, I just got popular around here. I also see plenty of towns people still here, passed out asleep. I see Louis’s mother and father asleep on each other’s shoulders and they appear to have switched clothing probably as a bet? The father dressed as a milk maid and the mother as a wizard crossed with a beekeeper. Honestly it suits the mom better than the dad.

What else? What else? What else? MY BODY! I think and focus where’s my body? I begin to panic a little as I ask questions I never thought of before. Will I die if the body reaches a certain distance? Will my body stop working and fall like a puppet with its strings cut after a period of time away from my head? Can my body leave, get a job, start a family and build a life independently without my head?

I finally calm down as I see my body directly below me, flat down on my back. A tavern maid is also curled up hugging the body, I’d be worried by that sight however my armour is still fully equipped so I don’t believe anything really happened. Not that I remember.

The tavern door creeks open and my mind buzzes with the sound. “Sir Janus?” A voice called out my name. Two town guards walk to the tavern centre while looking at the aftermath.

“Just Janus. I am not a knight.” I say with my throat gritty from the hangover that it still somehow burns. The chandelier was broken and it was lowered down the room to be about Eye level with the guards. They both turn to look at the disembodied head sitting in front of them and their eyes light up. They likely heard of the rumours of some sort of Demi-human in the village by now. They look to one another and back to the head and jump with fright as my headless body stands up between them. The bar maid groaned as it moved, she rolled over to the other side and cupped her hands to make a pillow.

My body moves how my head feels, sluggish and off balance. The guards watch with hard eyes as it picks up my head and dust it side to side like an old hat then place it on my body. I rub my chin making sure it’s on straight and turn to the men. “How may I help you gentlemen?” I say as it occurred to me that the kind of Demi-human that I am might not be completely legal here and that they are here to detain me. Come to think of it, I look around the devastation of the tavern, they probably have a warrant for the damages.

“The autopsy is complete and the doctor requests your presence to claim the body.” One of the guards informs Janus.

Janus was surprised, a full autopsy and review done in one night. Typically they dreg the process and paperwork out by a few hours to charge the adventures guild a little more, than the guild usually deducts that from the adventures pocket.

“That must be an impressive doctor living here.” I try to say pleasantly with a dry throat while surveying the tavern damages for the first time. The guards notice Janus scratching his face looking around the room. He wipes sleep dust from his eyes and embarrassed at the mess. “I apologise for whatever damages We may have done.” Janus said to hopefully avoid full blame of the place. The guards look to one another with a moment of amusing. Janus continues apologetically. “And for my display last night. Try and understand, I didn’t think I could get drunk.” I chuckle a little.

The guards scoffed and shook their heads. “Last night?” They laugh to themselves a little, “Sir that fight you had, and the tavern party began the night before yesterday…”

Janus looked left and right trying to see if they were lying but saw no sign. Did Janus have a Hangover adventure like those movies? Hopefully Louis isn’t trapped atop a roof somewhere. Hopefully…