“Wow! That all really happened Ryan?” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, it truly was a bizarre adventure. But I think the real adventure was the friends we made along-”

The door behind them burst open. “The explosives have been dropped down the pipe.”

I turned to see Aris standing there. “Oh, hey Aris. Wanna hear-”

“Did you not hear me!? We have a limited amount of time before the bomb fuses light up the fumes and blow this place to the god’s domain!” Aris exclaimed

I grabbed Aris by the shoulders. “ARIS! We don’t have time for this! We can’t waste time standing around, we have a limited amount of time before the bombs blow this place sky high!”

Aris blinked, confused. “I just said-”

“No time!” I took off down the hall. I heard Ryan shout behind me, “Last one out is a smoldering carcass!”

Despite how maze-like the halls had been before, I easily navigated my way back to where we came. Whether it was my brain kicking into overdrive because of the adrenaline or I just had a better memory than I thought, I remembered the way back. Just like that time in-

I dashed around a corner and accidentally rammed into two guards, knocking them both over like bowling pins.

I landed on top of one, and we stared at each other for a good two seconds before his eyes widened. I was one step ahead of him, though. I reached for my pistol and-

Instead I found nothing.

I internally cursed. I had stashed all of my gear along with the body of the guard I had stolen the uniform from.

The guard and his buddy immediately grabbed me and tried to hold me down. However, I elbowed the one trying to grab me and grappled with the one below me. He was an older dude, experienced. His face was contorted in rage as we battled for the upper hand.

Cutting my losses, I tore myself away from him and stood up, now facing the both of them. I tried to stomp the older guard’s face in, but he rolled behind his friend and began to get up.

Sensing an opportunity, I rushed the guard still standing, grabbing his arm and thrusting my fist at his jaw with all of my might. My fist collided with his face, and my fist bloomed in pain. But, the guard had turned his face just before he was punched, lessening the damage from the blow.

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The older guard finished clambering to his feet and grabbed me from behind, pressing me into a chokehold. I struggled to break free, and his friend chimed in and began throwing punches into my gut. My vision blurred with each blow.

With the last of my resistance, I wildly flung out a kick, aimed at the guard punching my gut. I wasn’t expecting it to hit anything, but it, uh, kinda did.

He doubled over in pain, clutching his crotch like his balls had just been kicked. Well, they had. The older guard choking me out made the mistake of taking one arm off of my neck and trying to use it to contain my legs. My breathing eased, and now filled with determination, I bent over and FLIPPED the older guard over my body, slamming him down into the stone floor mercilessly. The impact resonated throughout the halls, and the older guard wheezed as his breath left him.

I turned to the guard whose nuts I had practically exploded, who was still doubled over. I grabbed his dagger from its place on his hip with ease and gutted him like a fish. His eyes widened in even more pain, and I yanked out the knife and stabbed him. Again. And again. And again. I would’ve stabbed him 28 times, but I was pressed for time.

I let his lifeless body slump to the ground as I turned to finish off the older guard. His tired eyes looked up at me with terror. I gripped the knife, and-

I heard a bang, and then a hole suddenly appeared on his forehead. I blinked in surprise at the anticlimactic end.

“Man, good thing we got here just in time, right Aris?” I heard Ryan’s voice drawl behind me. I turned and saw him holding a pistol with an outstretched hand, aiming at the now-deceased guard.

“Maybe don’t leave us in the dust and you won’t have to get double-teamed again,” Aris spitefully spat. Hey, that rhymed.

I ignored them both and instead took a right down the hall where I stashed my gear. As I approached, an awful stench overtook me. Throwing open the door, I encountered…

Barrels. Lots of em. As well as the crumpled, unconscious body of the kid that I had oh-so brutally taught a lesson in obedience a while ago.

Aris and Ryan caught up to me. Aris, in reaction to the stench, scrunched up her face, while Ryan was more, uh, ‘neutral’, taking a long whiff before saying, “I love the smell of low tide in the morning.”

I cracked open a barrel, causing the stench to become even worse. It revealed dozens and dozens of dead-eyed fish with dull, gray scales gazing mournfully at their walls, almost as if begging me to let them out and free them from their enclosed hellscape.

I cheerfully closed the lid without another thought and picked up my pack, which was behind the barrel. I didn’t bother changing, seeing as my good ol’ army uniform was trash at keeping its wearer cool. The clothes I was wearing were light in comparison, designed to be protective from the overbearing sun while still being thin enough to vent out the body heat.

All of those thoughts disappeared as I hoisted up my rifle. I would give it a name, but it feels like the kind of thing that’s only cool in movies.

We continued to wind our way through the passages until we reached the big door that me and Aris had closed shut to avoid our captors. I rattled the door handle, but it didn’t budge.

“Stuck. No way out.” I morbidly said. An arm decorated with medals that somehow managed to convey superiority pushed me aside.

“Allow me, silly man,” Ryan haughtily replied in a British accent. He pushed up his sleeves, spun his arm around like he was winding up a punch, and smacked the door. It didn’t budge. Ryan turned back towards us and shrugged.

Surprisingly, Aris gave a demeaning sigh and snapped her fingers. I would’ve ignored her existence but, uh, I didn’t. Sorry.

“Both of you are overthinking this. Why try to break an obstacle when you can go around it?” She overemphasized her words as if speaking to a toddler. Me and Ryan both made noises of acknowledgement.

“Makes sense.”

“Honestly, I should’ve thought of that.”

Aris slowly blinked in veiled frustration before pointing at a flight of stairs that we had conveniently missed. She gave us both a dirty look before turning on her heel and going up. Me and Ryan turned to each other and said in unison.

“Women.”