Chapter 7 – The true reason for suffering
Flashback
In a dark unventilated room, there sits a 25 year old man in front of a computer. Unshaved, he's only wearing an undershirt and shorts. It's Lucius Faber.
Currently, he's engulfed in a MMORPG and has been sitting there for the past 24 hours non-stop.
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“Dammit. What is this shit? Are you fucking kidding me? I was just getting to the boss of the dungeon.” He's throwing a tantrum, not even noticing the spit that's coming out of his mouth and landing on the monitor.
“Argh...gotta take a shower then. Haven't had one in days...”
After the one hour mark, he logged in again and nearly got a heart-attack.
“WHAT??? THERE WAS A LAG WHEN I DISCONNECTED AND I DIED?? BITCH!” He was forced to respawn at the nearest town. Still angry, he left it to vent some steam and found immediately the right target for it.
A number of new players were at the fields in front of the town and grinding levels.
“Noobs! There they are, just what I have been looking for!”
Right when he was about to unleash an AOE spell, that would let a rain of flames go down on a dozen players, a unexpected thing occurred. He watched the beginners, happily chatting with each other and fighting with rabbits, foxes, and other low-level creeps. Seeing this sparked a rare feeling of sentimentality in him. He remembered his first days in the game, when he was still overjoyed upon every level-up or item-drop.
It was a peaceful and honest scene of a beginning adventure. They were just like him, back when he started the game, and he somehow lost the will to PK (PlayerKill) them.
“Che...I'm not in the mood to show them the harshness of the gaming world, anymore.”
So he left for a high-level dungeon.
Flashback end
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Five months in hell, watching Aoi getting killed over and over again – it breaks my heart apart no matter how often I see it. I scream at the demons in anger, spewing out my hatred for them and promising them death. At times Aoi, me, and Crence, the other man who has awoken, would tune in into an aria of wrath.
The demons only snort at our behaviour and show an even greater passion in their activity of destroying our bodies. Somehow I wish, that if I could agitate them enough, they would only concentrate on me and let the others rest. Never though, have I witnessed a change in their routine. Always one demon 'processing' one soul.
But I am powerless. I can't protect her, nor am I able to stop the pain of the other tormented souls. The only thing I am able to do, is to pray for them. On the second day of her awakening, Aoi asked me to explain the nature of my actions:
“I hear you always reciting the same thing in your own language. What are you doing?”
“I am praying.”
“It sounds just, as if you'd perform an incantation. Didn't you say there was no magic in your world?”
“It's quite the opposite of magic. Magic follows the logic of action and reaction. I, on the other hand side, am doing quite the illogical thing. It is an action, so useless, that you'd laugh, if I explained it to you.”
“Then make me laugh. Seeing you 'praying' fascinates me.”
I smile at that compliment and decide to use a comparison.
“Often, we are screaming at the demons, sometimes in anger, sometimes while begging, to stop them from tormenting the other one, don't we?”
She nods at that.
“It's quite useless, as we have seen, nothing really changes upon us doing it, yet we are still not stopping with it. Why do you think, that is?”
“It is unjust. I will not be silenced because of the futility of our actions. And I am not going to beg anymore.” said Aoi.
“Exactly. It is a protest against the world.”
“Was it that, what you were doing?”
“No, the opposite. I was only thinking of you...and the others. Why should I damn the world, when it is so much more important to sanctify you instead?”
It was a discussion, born out of curiosity, but it saved me. Some time later, I realized that the guards would come for me, and destroy me on a regular basis. Calling it excruciating would be an understatement. I understood that they would specifically send in the younger demons for some time and then switch out with the guards, in an attempt to break me. It would have broken me, I believe, if not for the tranquillizing voice of Aoi that reached my ears. She prayed for me.
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There were also some things I learned during these five months. It surprised me that Aoi and Crence were both born in the same world, just as well as they were surprised by the fact that I came from another one, although Crence doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm just hiding my past.
Talking about him...first it was hard for us to communicate with him. He was speaking in a different language, called verol. Here you never sleep, though, and we taught each other our respective languages (on a rudimentary level). Aoi already knew two demon languages: 'Black tongue' and Demon-language (the imperial demons usually call that the vulgar tongue). Next to those three, their world also had another major language in the far western continent were humans mostly reign. Verol is somewhat of a transit-continent between the human continent and the demon-continent.
It was frightening. They both had knowledge of the demons in front of us. Their world was basically infested with them and judging from our talks they were able to evenly fight against them because of their magic. There was everything present: Mana, Adventurer's Guild, different races, medieval-style hack and slashing, and monsters manifesting themselves.
Monsters...their world, overflowing with Mana would give substance to living nightmares that would only act on instinct, as if nature was trying to keep the population in check. What surprised me the most, was the fact that demons weren't considered as monsters. Although hated by many, they are a not outlawed, and the same applies to the other races. Aoi even came from the 'original demon continent' (they call it like that because half the countries on Verol have demons as the reigning class after a massive incursion happened in the past)
Monsters are considered as natural disasters and most nations have laws that enforce their eradication, more or less. The strength of a person would be even measured by the amount of monsters, one had slain.
Truly a disturbing thing for me to find out, although, that explained their ability to swiftly adjust to the situation, when it took me so long.
What kind of connection had their world and this place? And what kind of connection had my origin and this place? I feared the answer and didn't want to think about it. Childish obstinacy? No, I had a reason for it.
Slowly but surely the information I accumulated, though, would force me to accept a truth that would destroy that reason, that pillar of support, I had created.
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“Crence, did you know you were a fairy?” (Lucius)
Somewhere along the lines we noticed that the demons were mockingly referring to us as fairies. The analogy was rather distasteful. It came from the fact that real fairies would give of a pleasant sound, when happily flying through the woods. Our screams are supposed to be the equivalent to that.
A very sadistic way to make fun of us.
“Lucius, did you know that your arm is about to break from that strike?” He retorted by pointing out the torment I was receiving at that moment.
“Yes, I did. There isn't even a need to look at him directly, anymore. I have seen so many deadly strikes aimed at me that I can immediately tell where it's going to hit and how high the damage to my body will be. Sometimes, I would move in a way to mess up their supposedly perfect strike. This chain is preventing that most of the time, though.”
“Don't get arrogant. Those are weaklings. They are just novices, honing their skills at us.” (Crence)
“I fathomed as much already. But look at the state we are in. We are the weakest, trapped in a body with muscles that aren't even able to support us without that chain around. Who else, other than novices should take care of us?”
“They are getting worse at it by the day, though. Their strikes are getting weaker and weaker.” (Aoi)
She said that in my original language. Although the demon guards enforce the rule to not talk to us quite strictly, they still hear in on our conversations. Aoi started to show interest in my language, because she felt obliged to learn it and I had the same reason to learn her mother tongue.
It brought the advantage to keep things confidential with it.
“Pah! It never hurt in the first place.” (Crence)
Crence isn't really a bad guy. When he told us how he died, he threw intense looks at us. The reason for his 'Blood Oath' seems comical to me, though: He swore to kill us, if Aoi and I ever betray each other. It's just bitterness speaking out of him, I know that. Otherwise I wouldn't have forgiven him for that threat.
He has a character that won't compromise. Life has forced him in that direction. From what I could gather, he won't take shit from anyone anymore.
The input he had given in our discussions only raised more questions. His and Aoi's death shared too many similarities to not be taken aback by it. If Aoi's case could still be considered an unfortunate incident, Crence's case was more obvious. It seems both of them were lured into an ambush and then finished off for some reason. The method used indicated the same party to be responsible for both incidents but none of us could come up with anything more than mere speculations.
I went on with the talk:
“I can't really tell. Whenever I think they got weaker a guard would show up and prove me otherwise.”
“But I can tell because I see it from the outside. Even the guards need to use more strength every time they come for you.” (Aoi)
I look at her. There's no need for me to tell her that she's the reason why I can hold up. She knows how I feel about her.
Signs of resistance are emerging and both of them seem overjoyed by it. My answer to that was of course:
“It's only natural. Physical pain means nothing.”
“There you go again with your philosophy.” It was Crence who answered. “A blade in the stomach is a blade in the stomach. Stop playing the tough guy. You are just saying that because we are experiencing it constantly, without ever completely dying.”
“Then would you back away from this pain if you'd know that the next swing would end it all forever? Cower in fear and unable to do what you need to do?”
“Grrr...are you calling me a coward?”
“I'm calling you a blockhead who's full of anger.”
“Now you've done it! 'Roar of the beast'” - and he fell into a state of exhaustion. Of course it only lasted until he was killed and revived again, but he didn't give up and tried it a second time. [He never learns...]
I enjoy these kind of exchanges. Having a lover and a companion. This is truly a remarkable thing. Crence's camaraderie towards us stems from his culture. They seem to put great value into communities of fate. He comes from a country with two races that banded together to fight against their enemies. A human-dwarven kingdom that brought both races together through the constant wars on Verol.
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[Who would've though that? Fun times in hell do exist...]
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And then that day came. What do you think true despair is? I'll give you an example:
It began with an innocent question from Aoi:
“Crence, what do you think was the level of the Endron-Elf that defeated you?”
“I can't say for sure, but he was a strong bastard. Atleast 20 or more levels higher than I, so around lvl80, I guess.”
I just listened in silence at this exchange. The implications this conversation held would have been just too nonsensical for me to simply believe it. Or...more like I feared them.
“Someone with this high of a level was attacking you?” (Aoi)
“Yeah, he didn't even needed to use any magic attacks on me.”
[This...I need to clarify it.]
“Aoi, Crence...when you told me that in your place strength could be even measured by the amount of monsters you defeated, you weren't talking about 'levels', were you?”
“Of course, we were.” (Crence)
[No...it can't be...]
“Please...this level-system...how would you explain it? And how would you measure it?”
Aoi answered to me in a lecturing tone:
“There is a magic spell that can be cast on a person. It reacts with the Manaflow running through your body. If cast correctly, it can be used to measure your strength. Then another spell is used to display that strength in a numerical value for everybody to see. Though it hurts to do so and we'd rather use rings, infused with the blood of the wearer, to display our strength through a 'light spell' into the air.”
“Levels...” [Is it that? Was I mistaken?]
Hell...you are sent here for your sins...the thought of being here gave me a weird sense of comfort, despite the constant pain. I thought there was a reason for my being here. It would have been much harder to think that the crime against mother went unpunished. I wanted to repent, to somehow make it up.
“It was all...for naught?”
There was no greater judgement going on. Being judged might sound scary, but in it's essence it is an act of healing. It is much more cruel to be left without judgement, because then you'd have to face the fact that you are beyond saving.
Utter and complete senselessness.
No greater justice was at work here. We were just slaughtered over and over again for the personal benefit of others. This place...it wasn't created for the sake of the souls to serve them justice. It was created for the demons to train!
[This was the reason why Aoi had to go through all of this? For something...something like raising your level? THIS WAS IT?]
Would you cry? Would you laugh? I did both, of course.
My actions disturbed Crence and Aoi; even the little demon girl who appeared in front of me was perplexed by it.
In an last attempt to keep my sanity from falling apart I tried to bargain, still somewhere hoping that it might be hell, after all. I told the blue little demon my story and ended it with:
“My soul, it's laid bare to you. I deserve to suffer here in hell.” [Please let the others go. I will take their place.]
I tried to play it cool, to not let my insecurity show.
But what she said made it unable to deny it any longer:
“I’m here for the experience.”
My eyes widened in pain.
“Ahh...so it was possible to feel a greater sorrow, after all.”
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That sorrow...it could destroy a person. The sorrow that your torture had no greater meaning; the sorrow that I was too preoccupied with my own self to see the greater injustice in front of me; the sorrow that I didn't move a finger for so long.
[How foolish I was to believe that justice will be served by itself, that it will all work out without me doing anything.]
I looked at the humans chained in here.
“You are not lost souls.”
I looked at Crence.
“I swear on my blood that is flowing through your veins: I will give you a chance to point your blade at them.”
Finally I looked at Aoi. [My angel, my love.] When I thought I wasn't allowed to be human any longer, she gave me love, peace, and my reason for existence. The one that healed my soul.
[How could they do this to her? How dare they?]
“Unforgivable.”
Flaming anger surged inside of me. Anger at the demons, anger at myself for not acting. Anger...
...Anger is a strong fuel in a fight, but it is not good enough. There is something greater, more powerful. Something that has brought doom to every known oppressor in the world: The wish for freedom, the will to free others from injustice and slavery, born out of love for her.
[There will be no more hesitation.]
I look at the demon - she has a look of euphoria. I order her in a low and demanding tone:
“Free her, you vile creature, or meet your end here.”
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Little demon girl's POV
There are two secrets to the strength of the Eternal Black Demon Empire that are kept hidden at all costs.
1st: The secret on how to forge cursed weapons.
2nd: A certain dungeon, they use as a training facility, were the young elites of the future are allowed to train on living humans. No matter how often you'd kill them, they would always reappear again. A seemingly endless supply of victims that would allow to hone one's skills in the shortest amount of time.
It is said, that this is a present from the Demon-God-Emperor to his people. The magic used to accomplish this feat is unknown to most and only serves to further show the greatness of this divine being.
Giving information about this national treasure to outsiders will not only result in death but also in the eradication of the whole traitor's house. Their names would be erased from all imperial annals and the graves of their ancestors would be opened to put salt on their bones.
Entry is only granted to the houses of trusted retainers of the black demons. Even then, there is still a fierce competition among the nobles to receive the permission to enter these wonderful grounds. That's why it has become a custom to bribe your way into there.
Father is one of those nobles that wishes to make the name of his house known to all people. For that he spared no expenses and paid the entry fee to the 'grounds' for all of his 7 children, using up a great amount of his personal fortune in the process.
But it was worth it, because all of my elder siblings received a high position in the imperial army at a young age, and now it was my turn to go through this school.
To be honest, I didn't want to go. I'd rather play and have fun. Irresponsible? - No way! I just don't want to become a military officer. The heart of this young maiden yearns for the fine arts. Beautiful pictures and captivating music. There is nothing greater than this. How I wished to be a maecenas and have my own private legion of artisans. [A handsome musician is what i want.]
Yet, here I am, forced to do this tedious task, going through the fast-paced regimen that is dominating this place.
Even though it's hard training, it was supposed to be without any risks.
[Then why is this happening?]
My brother told me about a place with really strange fairies (father doesn't like it, when I talk like this). All the other ones would only scream in terror and do nothing else. But there was a group of fairies in a secluded place, that would talk with each other or even with us demons. I wanted to see this. Strange and uncommon things are what true lovers of the art seek out, after all. What a mistake that was...
When I arrived, the fairy in question showed me a sight I wouldn't have expected. He was crying and laughing at the same time. [What a sight..] I thought. Wonderful and disturbing at the same time. [True art.]
Then he even spoke to me. It was a weird story about his life. I didn't really care about the contents, but I understood he was in great distress and didn't know a thing about this place.
Yes, it is forbidden to talk to the fairies, however I just had to witness the show he'd display upon realizing the truth. So I told him why I was here: For the experience that slaying living creatures would give to me.
At first, his face was truly an inspirational sight to behold...but then it became scary.
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Lucius's POV
“Free her!” An unreasonable demand but I won't budge.
[What power do I have to force her? Only my will.]
Slowly, the look on her face changed from one of euphoria into one of fright and wisps of smoke emerged from all over her body; signs of burns could suddenly be seen.
I ordered again, “Free her!”
Tears started to come out of her eyes, but I won't be fooled. [She still won't move.]
“FREE HER OR DIE!”
I didn't even pay any attention to the two demons who were striking at the other humans and started to cry out. Their bodies were set ablaze. They fell on the ground and tried to extinguish the flames but to no avail. Their death cries could be heard.
Purifying flames are oozing out me, stretching on the ground towards the demons. Those flames are listening to my will. They are my will.
Four demons are left here, full of fear because of what is happening. One tried to run away but with each step he took more flames started to engulf his body and he fell on his knees, dying miserably. The others didn't move.
“You won't move? Then die!”
Hearing this they ran towards Aoi, trying to free her from the chain. Touching it inflicted pain on them and they wanted to back off again, but I did not care.
“Do not let go of the chain.”
With sobs coming out of their mouths and tears out of their eyes, they began to unchain Aoi. I feared that she would despise me after knowing about my sin. However, there was only trust shown on her face, as if something happened which she had expected. She always believed I would free her.
Combining their efforts they freed one of her arms, then the leg, and then came her neck. It took them more than 1 hour to free the rest of her body and she was about to fall on the ground.
“If you let her fall you will die.” So they supported her.
Aoi told them to carry her towards me and they followed her command.
Her trembling arm reached out towards me, firstly touching my cheek but then embracing me. It was the first time we could caress each other, even so it felt so natural. It's as if we had embraced each other for a thousand times already, yet it felt like the first breath of my life. Everybody knows how to embrace others, but she knew how to hold me with her soul.
She let go of me again, looked into my eyes, and said with a strong voice, “You need to free the others.”
Aoi was right. This wasn't the time for this.
I pointed towards Crence.
“Now him.”
It was the same painstaking task and took them even longer to finish with it. This time I didn't need to remind the demons that they should support him but he didn't want any help and simply fell on the ground.
At last it was my turn to be freed.
End of Chapter 7
Afterwords:
Chapter 8 will have a skill description. Stats will be introduced three or four chapters later.
PS. I hope you'll feel bad the next time you go farming XP.