Chapter 36

  A Human Heart (II)

Cain rang the bell, lazily yawning and flicking cigarette’s ash carelessly onto the tiled floor beneath. He grumbled, wondering what devil possessed him to wake up before eight in the morning, scratching his belly as he picked up on the approaching footsteps from the other side of the door.

Anger was quite evident on Emma’s face as she opened the doors, staring at him deadly, her ruffled hair haphazardly tied into a ponytail, faint traces of wrinkles present on her face. She wore a tank top and shorts, both black, strange, yellow stains visible here and there leading him to believe that it’s been a while since she’s changed them.

“... what do you want?” she asked angrily.

“Coffee,” he said, walking right in and past her as she grumbled, closing the doors. “You?”

“For you not to be here at eight-fucking-A.M?” she replied as the two headed into the kitchen. Cain quickly reached for the pot and poured some water into it, tossing it onto a stove as he turned around and sat down opposite of Emma. Black circles swirled beneath her slightly bloodshot-red eyes as she yawned.

“Early bird and all that crap,” Cain said, pulling an ashtray from a nearby drawer, settling the cigarette down. “Besides, your ass woke me up.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t ‘huh’ me,” he said. “Up there, it feels like there’s an old ghost of a scorned woman wailing every night. It scares a guy.”

“... sorry.”

“It’s a joke,” he said at her dispirited response. “You know that, right?”

“...”

“When was the last time you showered?”

“Why?” she quizzed. “You interested in joining?”

“You offering?” he fired back.

“... goddamn...”

“... you haven’t talked to me, Em’.”

“What’s there to talk about?” she said defensively.

"Oh, I don't know. How nice the weather has been," Cain said. "How birds are singing and, oh, of course, that tiny-little-detail that has you spiraling."

“I’m not spiraling.”

“You are spiraling,” Cain said. “As you should.”

“You’re not spiraling.” she glanced at him.

“I have, before,” he said. “The first time I went through what you guys have experienced... I went back to drinking. Actually, I drank a whole year of my life away.”

“... I’m more surprised you quit.”

“... nobody reached out to me, back then,” he said. “I don’t want the same to happen to you.”

“Oh? So this is you, reaching out?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t need your help, C’. I just need time.”

“We all need help from time to time, Em’,” he persisted as her annoyance grew apparent. “Today, it’s my turn. After thousands of yours, dragging me from hell back into the living time and again... I get to see this side now.”

“I’m serious, C’,” she said as Cain stood up and took coffee out of the cupboard, brewing two cups quickly. “I just need time. I’ll be fine. What? Are you worried that we’ll lag behind the rest if you don’t get to go back into that thing right away? If you’re here for permission -- you got it. Just go.”

“You still take it with sugar?” he asked as he poured himself a spoonful.

“... you’re not even listening, are you?” she sighed, shaking her head.

“... for all I care,” Cain said, pouring her two spoonfuls and setting the cup in front of her. “We don’t ever need to go back into that thing.”

“Pf, yeah, right.” she rolled her eyes at him.

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“I’m serious,” he said. “But... something tells me that it’s not what you want.”

“...”

“I know you’d be just fine with enough time, Em’,” he added, smiling gently. “No matter what, you would always find a way to crawl yourself back out onto the surface. And my whole life... all the time I was with you... I took that strength of yours for granted. Whatever happened, I always thought -- ‘ah, she’ll be just fine if I leave her alone. She doesn’t need me’.”

“... yeah.” she mumbled absentmindedly.

“And, if it will help, I can give you a selfish reason as to why I’m prodding and probing,” he said, smiling lightly. “You can see it like this -- it hurts me too much to see you like this... and to have you waking up in the middle of the night screaming... and not even ask me for help. I don’t blame you... but it really does hurt, having someone you care for trust you so little.”

“... it’s... it’s not that, Cain.” she said, biting her lip as she looked away. “It’s not that...”

“I know,” he said, reaching over suddenly and gently caressing her head. “We don’t need to do anything, Emma. You don’t need to talk, we don’t need to start bawling our eyes out or any of that. We can just... be. Like we used to.”

“... yeah,” she chuckled lightly. “Remember that time when that bitch Rita gave me an F for my essay on Pride and Prejudice? God, I was so miserable for like a whole week after. Everyone made fun of me, shit like ‘the fall of the nerd’, ‘the nerd gets served the respects’...”

“Ha ha ha, yeah...”

"But... you didn't," she added, looking up, meeting his gaze. "Not even once. You just... stood by me, all the time. I mean, you eventually made up the lost time by reaming me into the fucking ground, but for that week... not even once."

“Oh, yeah, I was pretty cool.”

“The coolest,” she chuckled. “You always were, C’. You always wore who you are proudly, shouting it at the world. That’s why... seeing you like that, in the Tower, scared me.”

“... it’s just how I learned to cope,” Cain said. “The healthiest solution? God no. But it did keep me sane, all things considered.”

“Ah, yes, but why do I have a feeling you won’t share this uber-secret that kept you sane with me?”

“’cause I won’t.” he said, grinning back at her. “You don’t need it, anyway.”

“... will the nightmares stop?” she asked.

“... no,” Cain shook his head. “They’ll... ease. With time. But ever so often, they’ll poke you just to remind you the demons are still there.”

“They’re never the same,” she added, taking a sip of coffee as Cain lit up another cigarette. “One night, it was just like this... movie of the events. Like I’m a big eye in the sky watching everything from above. The next night, it was me -- there, being killed. And other nights... it’s you. Or Lana. Or both of you. Those nights... are the scariest. The other night, I probably scarred the poor kid for life when I stormed into her room at like 3, looking like a bedeviled, raging cultist-boogeyman, terrified something happened to her.”

“... you didn’t scar her, Em’,” he said. “Lucky for us, she’s a whole lot like you than me. You just gave her a scare.”

“I shouldn’t even be doing that much, C’.”

“After nearly having the poor kid develop daddy issues that will have haunted her choice in men until her grave,” Cain said with a chuckle. “I think you get a few passes and fuck-ups.”

“It’s cute that you think she won’t be haunted by her choices in men,” Emma chuckled, stretching and yawning. “You were lucky you nabbed me so early on. Had you met me in my twenties, I’d likely have sucked you off behind Wendy’s and then puked all over you and never met you again.”

“... are you trying to give me an anxiety attack?”

“Just trying to bring you to my level, however little.” she grinned wryly at him.

“Ah, there’s that damned smile,” Cain said, taking a puff of the cigarette. “I mean, it is a bit yellow after having not washed them in days and I can definitely see some remnants of chip-binging in there... but boy, does it still floor me.”

“Oh, go fuck yourself,” she quickly closed her lips shut as her cheeks flushed red, causing Cain to laugh out loud. “God, you can still be a major-ass jackass from time to time...”

“That’s a nice flow you got there,” Cain said. “Major-ass jackass developing that sas to be called masta-of-disguise~~”

“Pfft, ha ha ha ha, that was awful, ha ha ha ha...”

“...” Cain remained silent as she threw a laughing fit, a warm, gentle smile creeping onto his lips. “Go on a date with me.”

“Ha ha ha... h-huh?”

“Tonight,” he added. “You and me and all that romantic crap you requested.”

“... do I look -- at all -- like a date you’d enjoy at the moment?”

“...” he remained silent for a moment, reaching over and gently touching her cheeks, causing her eyes to wander sideways. “You clearly don’t remember just how godawful you were during the last stretch of pregnancy...”

“...” the corners of Emma’s lips twitched for a moment as she held back her laughter, though her shaking shoulders betrayed her. She relented with a sigh and shook her head, an involuntary smile rising onto her lips. He always did this, she realized. Brought joy out of her, even if she was unable to see even an ounce of it herself. “There he is,” she said, raising her hand and clasping his gently. “That same, cool boy that had my heart in shambles so much I thought it’d never settle. I’d forgotten...” she mumbled. “How nice your hands are...”

“...” Cain swallowed, realizing things were getting a bit... heated. “Uh... y-yeah. They’re, they’re nice hands...”

“Pfft, what are you getting curled-up about now?” she chuckled, standing up and walking over, sitting onto his lap as she wrung her arms around his back, her head inches away from his. “Did you forget how this goes?”

“Can I be honest with you?” Cain asked with a strange expression.

"Of course." she answered with a grin.

“I think I might pass out from your breath...”

“...”

“...”

“--pass out from this, you cock-dicking-dicker!” she lunged at him with flushed cheeks and kissed him for a few seconds before jumping off and running away.

On the other hand, Cain found himself inside one of the strangest conundrums of his life. He wanted to enjoy that kiss, something he wanted to do for months now, but there was the little problem of barely maintaining his consciousness.

“God,” he exhaled deeply, recovering somewhat. “What in hell’s name did you eat, woman... nearly took my dear life right then...” as the stench slowly began to fade, the soft sensation returned, lifting his frown into a grin. “I guess date’s off, though... tsk, still a champion at pissing women off. One crown I’m never giving up...”