CHAPTER 01: THE CHILD

Spring has arrived, the sun began to peek from the hilltop, turning the horizon orange. The rays of sunlight struck the windows of a large monastery that overlooked the village. The light poured in within its ancient and venerable halls…

The sound of a door opening broke the stillness.

A flock of women in white robes walked on cobblestones. Committed to their ritual, each of them dutifully lowered their buckets into the large well, carrying gallons of water back to the temple. As the rest disappeared back into the doors, only one remained behind.

Like them, she also wore robes of white. Like them, she had her hair tied in her headpiece.

Unlike them, she noticed something peculiar which made her stop her tracks.

A scent reached her nose, just as she was about to carry the bucket. If she was recoiling in disgust, she didn’t show it. Instead, she looked to where that stench was coming from, her blue eyes saw that it was beyond the stone wall. A thought in her mind began to fill her heart with unease. But curiosity weighed heavily.

Looking to see that the others have left, she placed her bucket down. She opened the gate and walked away from the temple, her duties quickly forgotten.

Memories flickered in her head, the things she saw could not describe it too well. The clicking noises were distant yet so close, the vision of the tunnel widening as she travelled, seeing life from her past…

She remembered the days when she was a little girl, her mother… oh her beloved mother, so fair and so frail… she remembered the warmth of her hands as she comforted her near the hearth.

“But mother, I’m scared.”

Her tears blurred her vision, yet she could still recognize her form. They are almost alike in ways...

The smile she gave to her was radiant, she stroked her daughter’s platinum locks. “You must sleep my darling, there are days yet to come.” she still remembered her last words… she could never forget…

Winter may have faded, but spring was still too early. Mud and grass stained her white cloth, the slope only making it difficult for her personal quest. The horrid stench was getting stronger, her stomach churning in disgust. She looked behind her, the temple that housed her. Turning back at the hill, a frown deepening into frustration. Still, with no amount of pleasure, she soldiered on, forward.

Forward…

She remembered him, spurned on by his smile. That sweet smile…

How could she have been so foolish. Being led on by passion and promises, now look where she ended up… where HE ended up… She hated how she was forced to watch…

Yet he still smiled, even when his head separated from his neck.

She knew not how many sleepless nights she had mourned in her room, she ignored the banging from the door, as she watched from the window. She looked down at the square… imagining… darker thoughts...

The door gave way.

She was near the peak, and there were only several steps to go. She slipped and hissed in pain as her left hand became wounded from a jagged stone. She stared at the top, feeling apprehensive it seemed like the hill was growing larger, but it couldn’t be, is it?

As she was about to give in and climb down, she heard a cry.

A cry of a babe.

She could feel her eyelids beginning to tear again, resentment, freedom, and grief gathered all together in her heart. She watched as the city she once called home disappeared from the horizon.

Away from father… at last.

She thought that she wouldn’t last at all. The smell felt intolerable, and the sight made it worse. She did not even hesitate to pull the dead body off the babe, the dreadful realization of seeing the little one smothered to death. She pulled them closer, wiping away the blood that covered the infant’s face.

She felt relieved when they were still crying out with healthy lungs.

She looked upon the corpse, it was that of a girl barely grown. No sign of any injury, yet also bathed in… unhealthy amounts of blood. It felt like hours when she stared at those cold dead eyes…

She broke out from her trance when she realized when she was still carrying a crying babe. With heavy heart knowing that she would have to leave the girl corpse behind. She turned back from where she came from, leaving behind a desolate peak in her wake.

‘o lord of dawn,

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gift us hope and light,

‘o lord of the sun

-x-x-x-

She told them of her encounter, a sense of mourning descended upon the monastery. They retrieved the girl’s corpse from the hill, and blessed her of heroism and gifted her the passage towards the brightest paradise. The oress placed responsibility on the sorim who have found the children, and to take care of their only surviving member.

Soon after taking the mantle of responsibility. A night in the dining hall saw her trying to give him a name.

She pointed a finger on his little nose, feeling herself smile as he grasped it. “You need a name…” she thought.

“Shall it be Roric?” she whispered.

He turned his head left.

“Shall it be Roys?”

He turned his head right.

“Hmm.., shall it be Borim?” she whispered yet again.

He kicked his right leg.

“Perhaps…, shall it be.., Varen?”

He opened his eyes and sneezed, she squealed inside.

“Varen?”

He turned to look at her, revealing focused eyes.

“Varen.” she smiled.

He tilted his head.

“Varen shall be your name.” she said to him.

The baby stared at her and sneezed.

“I’ll get you more blankets.”

She straightened her back and walked towards the door, staring back at the baby.

“I’ll return.” she said, opening the door.

…

…

…

*sneeze*

-x-x-x-

Days and days passed, duties were accomplished while daily rituals were attended to. She looked at the child, almost still the same when she last saw him, only bigger. A tuft of hair in his head and eyes that were… quite focused.

“Come Varen.”

The boy perked up to her voice. He walked closer, albeit tentatively, looking down at his little feet.

He stared at her hands, still too far to reach with his grasp. He took another step, this time with more confidence. He looked again, her face was holding so much back. Another step, he heard her breath holding in anticipation. Then..!

He felt her hands grasp his own, and was lifted from his feet.

He laughed, feeling the tickle in his tummy. Then, he was taken down, and fell on his behind.

“Ooo…”

“*chuckles* Let’s take you outside, sir.” he held the hand she offered, standing upright once more.

He followed her steps, as he was led towards the hallway. He looked at the passing windows, giving light to an otherwise tall room, at least to his eyes. A shiver ran up his fine. She looked down at him, and smiled. Kneeling, she patted his head, liking the sensation of his hair.

She unlocked the door, and he heard the knock of wood and the sliding of it. He peered his eyelids from the sheer light that entered the dim hallway.

…

…

*creak…*

The first thing he heard were the chirping of birds, the greens bloomed with vitality. He widened his little eyes in wonder. The blue sky dominated the world below, clear in its majesty and rule.

“Beautiful is it not?” he heard her whisper. “Oh!” she looked at him in surprise. Almost not realizing he collapsed on the cobble path. He felt her pick him up again, though he did not hear her concerns. His senses were overloaded, experiencing the outside in all its glory. He could only stare and stare, then his eyes fell on something strange.

“Ba..” he pointed at two distinct shapes in the sky, she looked up. “Those are the moons Varen, how lucky must we be that both of them are present, hm?” she said, expecting an answer from him.

She noticed him staring a bit longer,

“Are you in love with one of them, perhaps?” she murmured, remembering an old saying.

Without warning, he bursted into tears. “Oh no!” she said worryingly. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

She held him close as she started to rock him. “Hush, hush! I’m here, sister is here..” she whispered to his ears. That seemed to calm him, and lulled him into rest. She looked at the moons again, not knowing what to make of them, then back to her baby.

“Maybe…, he’s hungry..” she said to herself.

-x-x-x-

She took him to the dining hall, having a serving of green gruel. After of course, a prayer. She greeted her fellow sorim, though she never felt close to them despite being here for three winters. A loneliness that she endured, after… everything..

After their breakfast, they consigned their thanks to the lord. Participating in a humble ritual of the spring. Still, time marched on forward. A small torrent of rain arrived in the town, greying the skies above.

The orphan and the sorim laid on a rugged floor. A single candle being their only source of light.The nun pointed to herself, anticipating what she wanted to hear.

“Ten..sa. Tensa. Tensa?” he looked at her with hope in his eyes. “Yes, *giggle* I am Tensa.” she said, giving an air of amusement and playfulness. But also, pride. “And, you are…?” she pointed at him.

“Mm..” he looked down.

She raised and eyebrow, and figured… “You are Varen.”

Then she waited for him to repeat.

…

…

…

Still he did not respond. An indescribable fear began to take hold of her. “Varen…?” looking hopefully. He looked at her, his face held no emotion. She was quite taken aback by how he looked at her. Then he turned away.

Her throat tightened, old fears of inadequacy and powerlessness began to grow in full force. Then, she reflected how she found herself here, how she always felt… unfit for anything. Her siblings already have their own lives and their own family. How she yearned for the feeling of being cherished, like how her mother did, how… he did.

Guilt struck her heart. Her sin of being so naive, so foolish, so selfish, so… stupid!

Perhaps that’s why she insisted on the responsibility, the gaze of disgust she felt when she took him under her wretched wing. Then she realized that she was crying, with the way Varen was looking at her, his eyes glistening as well. She backed away, wanting not to be seen like this, not wanting to hurt him as she had hurt herself.

“I..-*sob*I’m.. sorry!*sob*” perhaps, this punishment was just, she told herself. To be hated for her sinful nature. To be humiliated, for such acts, the past taken away from her, the price of her failure, the price of..

She felt his arms wrap around her free hand. She looked up to see his eyes, just as grief stricken as she.

“Tensa…” he whined.

She couldn’t take it, and with all her will, hugged him close as could. The world slowly disappeared, there was no white-robed nun or an orphan toddler. There were only two lonesome souls, crying in each other’s arms.

Longing for the past left behind.

-x-x-x-

Many winters have passed, and the child who once was a toddler, now stood a boy.

His eyes focused on the sights and colors around him. Recognizing the smell of autumn leaves, the temperature of the winds seemed to be more chillier than before. The sounds of a migrant flock, flying south to warmer pastures. He looked beyond the gate. A town that was beginning to awaken.

Without a second thought, he grabbed the bars and pulled.

The gates were open, the path was just right ahead of him. He felt himself smiling and without hesitation ran with reckless abandon. He turned his head towards the monastery as it shrank further from his sight and could help but wonder.

The faint feeling ‘day cha vu’ that burned in his ‘new rons’

Whatever that meant.