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Renegade
chapter 3

chapter 3

Along the walk toward the riverbank, my mind has begun to create a wild imagination with lots of questions. Even at this late night, the cold breeze couldn't make me tremble.

As we walk in this street, enlightened by the dim light of the moon and the stars… I find this night is rather a peace. Not that I dislike it, but with just the two of us here… I can only hear the leaves rustling, shaken by the gentle breeze, and our footsteps. It reminds me of the lonely world that I live in. And if she lives with me… her smile might fade forever.

I took a peek at her, who walk the same pace beside me. She seems calm… as she always is. She is also beautiful-- no-no… that’s given in the first place. But rather than that… I notice how soft her eyes look--

“Rayn, do I have something interesting on my face?”

“A-ah, no… it’s just I was wondering if you feeling cold…”

“Oh, haha… you such a worrywart. I’m wearing a cloak here, see?”-- she’s waving her cloak as she spins herself with joy

“I guess you’re right”-- I can’t help but smile after seeing her childish act

A few steps further from our stand, the view of the riverbank has appeared before us. With the light from the moon reflecting the river, along with the nice nature add to the scenery… it occurs to me how calm and beautiful that place is.

“Shall we sit at that bench?”-- she points her direction toward one of the empty benches, near the stone bridge

“Sure…”

Right after we sat… neither of us started the conversation. We just casually-- no, more like she just acts like her always be unlike me… who sit still with a straight back. With this staggering of mine, I find myself unable to speak to her.

Why not? Along the way before coming here… my mind has played a simulation about the question that she will likely ask. And all those questions were made me uneasy if happen… thus my mouth pay the price for this idiotic mind

“Are you cold? Because you look shivering right now”

“A-ah… no, I just wondering what matters that you want to discuss with”

“Oh, that? Well, it’s kinda like consult and I need to prepare my mind for it…”-- As she speaks, I notice that she slowly facing down with a low monotone

“Hmm… so this is some kind like ‘ I can’t even tell this to my parent or him, so it has to be you’ huh? You’re a girl at this stage after all”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”-- she shoots a glare at me

“It's literally what I just said”

“You… like to tease me, Aren't you?”-- she pinches up my side with sudden

“O-ouch…that hurt, hahaha”

I’m glad that I can act like usual. I shouldn’t think the unnecessary things and just overcome them with calm. Right now, she needs me, among all the people that she knows… to discuss something that even she can’t tell her parent and fiance. It means that she relies on me now more than ever!

“So… what’s the problem, Yilvia?”

She then pulls back her hand, sits with a straight back and releases a long sigh. I guess that she needs to prepare herself for it, “ I like this place”

“.….”-- I can only respond to it with silence. It must be something meaningful so I will let her talk without interrupting

“The atmosphere, the people, the scenery… everything about here, I adore it as much as myself. Even as a kid, I frequently play here… so this spot is my favourite. I also met you here for the first time”

“You sure? Because I remember that we both met inside of the bar”

“That’s when we talk to each other. But for me, it was not. We happen to cross each other that morning”

“And that’s five years ago. I’m surprised by your sharp mind”

“Hehe… praise me more~”

“Sure… you’re great”

Seeing her like this, makes me want to confess my feeling to her right this instant… but I prevent myself from acting so rashly like that. I’ll wait and decide after she’s done her business

Even so… it’s still painful for me to bear these feelings. I can’t choose among these mixed feelings… and here I thought that I had already made my stand.

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“Do you notice, Rayn? You’ve changed a lot”-- that statement caused me to stumble a bit

“Me… changed?”

“Ah… but not in a bad way, I assure you”

“I see. But what kind of change you spoke of?”

“If I have to say… mostly your eyes look and nature. It turns warm and gentle. And now you are even able to hold a long conversation which is what you not used to be. Oh, how I can remember that you can only reply to my words with “hmm”, “no’, “yes”, and “sorry’. And worst, there was a time when you only respond with the only shrug or nodding your head! It pisses me off!”

“Hahaha”-- I let out my laugh since it’s uncontrollable

She smiled at me, “ And now… you’re able to smile just like now. It makes my trouble worth the pay”

“Yeah… I thank you for that”

“No, Rayn. It was I who should thank you. Because of you, my days are sunny and blissful, and not to mention all the people around you that I know, they are such a good bunch. Even meeting with Saver was originally by you”

Saver huh? If I had to say, you would befriend him even without me since he’s a kind that likes radiant to the others. No… you both are radiant in my life.

“Hey, what’s with these talks about me--”

“It will most likely that I’ll leave this place and live in the central area with Saver. By the time after the marriage, according to the plan of his”

“What?”

That’s a fake reaction I just made. Of course, I already see this plan coming

“Yes… and my parent agreed to it as well”

“How about Saver? Is he forcing you--”

“No, nothing like that. More like his majesty’s order. Even Saver had to abide by it. For a grand knight such as he is, he probably had no other choice”

“Yeah, I believe he is…”

“ I always thought and dreamt that both I and Saver can live at the bar. And you could hang out with us once your job’s done, and we can be together like always”

“So… the thing that you want to discuss is…”

“What should I do, Rayn?”

So it’s not regarding my earlier story then, but the situation that she had to face in present. Her eyes showed concern as for now, she’s become dull and unable to find the solution for herself. Maybe these questions were bothering her all the time and she facade it with a fake smile and an innocent act.

It’s not like I can’t understand her feelings. She grew up in this district, she played with her friends in this very place… the spot that she claimed her favourite is also the same place. She fell in love with that person and met me… also in this very particular district. So… of course, she would hesitate. Because all of those will be left behind after she lives in the central area… for the sake of a man she loves and the royalty decree.

It’s a tough choice for her since the first and the second party were draw the same conclusion. And now she asks the third party… and likely the last hope that she could ask for direction.

I’m initially blamed for it too, in a sense. Hypothetically speaking, If I were more aggressive back in the past… things might change since I’m the one that she will vow to live. But because of fear of ‘him’… if it's for her future, happiness and safety… I choose to live in the dark and seek only the dim light of her.

It’s decided. I’ll make her living inside the central area. It’s the best course of action and nothing good comes to happen if she lives around me.

“Say… do you love Saver?”

--she only nods a little.

“then I can’t see any problem with that. Yilvia, right now… he needs your support. Not anyone else… but you. He loves you as you love him. That’s all you need. And besides… you can always come back here. This place will not simply change as a human’s feelings”

Oh Irura, how hurt my fragile heart when says these words

“But what about you, Rayn?”

“What… about me?”-- that’s strange. Why ask about me?

“Yes…”

“W-well… I’m always here for you… and I won’t go anywhere too. If you are worried about your parent, I’ll look after them for you. So please… be at ease”--I must say it with confidence

“Is that… so? Then I guess this is your answer”

Yes… that’s right. There’s nothing for you to be worried about. You will have the wealth, happiness, and most of all… Saver will look after your safety. and… your new home is in the central area, where all the grand knights and skillfully fighters reside.

“Rayn…”

“Hmm… yeah?”

“I dislike the bard’s story, it’s relatable”

“Huh? What--”

“Come on, let’s go home. It’s already late. Accompany me along the way, will you~?”-- she said with a smile as rising from sitting and doing some stretch

“V-very well…”

We left the place and headed to her house. The thing she said about the story has left me with quite the impression. I couldn’t comprehend it well because it is so sudden. What was that…

Along the walk, we only talk for a bit, and mostly about how dunce Saver can be… since Yilvia brought the topic in the first place. And it ended after she waved goodbye to me and disappear by entering her house.

After a few buildings, I walk past… until Gill’s bar can’t be seen… Velt suddenly appears upon me at a few steps' distances.

“That was a cruel way to end”-- he said

“Is that some kind of excuse for being late?”

“I was there first... before you and that girl headed to the stone bridge”

“Is that so? Not that I care”

“You should care, especially that girl’s feeling… if I had to say”

So he stalked us. I should end his life for good… if he’s not ‘his’ shadows--

“She loves you… that’s what I think”

“No, she’s in love with another guy… and not me.”

“Trust me, she does. Judging by her situation… she accepts--

I grasp her collar rough and at the same time, I place my dagger near his neck. It was my rage to act such a command, “Shut your damn mouth!!”

“Okay… I won’t so please sheathe back your dagger”-- he brushes me off with his joke tone

I slowly release him and sheathe back the dagger. My mind has returned to a calm state. And because of that, I was able to think clearly… about the conversation with Yilvia… and Velt.

I put together all the hints I get and put the same line with Yilvia’s word earlier. The answer I got made me waver but also triggered me to correct the mistake that I’ve done. It’s for the first time I convice myself… as I’m such a fool guy

I’m trying to head back… to explain to her… but Velt is in my way, stretching all the way his arm as a sign to stop me

“Your judgement was right. There’s no need for that”

“Move aside…”

“Your action saved her, do not be blind by your emotion… Rayn”

“I said move…!”

“You will endanger her life and the people in her surrounding. Care for that at the very least!”

His words are true… enough makes my legs lose the strength to stand. What was I thinking? I should have decided this a long time ago so I supposedly have an unbent will. But this…

“I respect you and your friends… that’s why I protect your life’s information from the ‘others’ and saying all of these. It will go to the south if you accomplished what you’re trying to do earlier. Please take it into your head for what about I’m trying to say right now…”

“.…...”

“Rayn… we live in a different world than them. A completely different one. A world that exchanges money for blood, a hatred for another… disregards our humanity for the mission… and it’s all for the sake of ‘him’. Serve means loyalty and leave means death… that’s how us, the Silver live”

“I… know…”

“And please remind yourself… you’re ‘his’ adopted son. Do not forget that”-- he volunteers his hand to help me rise

“Yeah… I… know…”-- I greet his hand. My eyes somehow feel numbing warm, as I touch my left cheek… it soaks a little.

Ah… it’s the tears