I can’t be said to have lived a fulfilling life thus far. Sure, i have had happy moments, mostly in my youth before being hospitalized, but that isn’t the point. I have never travelled farther than the neighbouring 4 countries, and i didn’t even manage to visit all of those.

The reason for my lack of travelling is not voluntary, but forced. i would have loved to go out there and see the world, meet people, experience foreign cultures, people and foods. But sadly, that is naught but a pipe dream.

I have never felt love, romantic, that is. My family loved, to an extent. They were always there, through thick and thin but i could see the underlying dark emotions whenever they laid their eyes upon me. The reasoning for that being the massive economic and emotional drain my very continued existence lay upon them.

I am ill.

Well, that’s partially true. My body is not well. It does not function the way it should. if a normal human’s body runs at 100%, im at 50-60% at best. Sometimes it dips into the 40-50% range and then i usually have to spend some time at the ICU (intensive care unit).

Its honestly quite baffling, not only to me or my family, but even the doctors and researchers are quite stumped on this. Technically, there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with me. No diseases, my immune system is running smoothly, Steady heart-rate, nothing wrong with my mind or brain either, as seen from this very monologue. Maybe some minor problems, meh.

Genetically, there is nothing wrong either. The doctors took quite an interest in seeing whether my condition is genetic or not. Apparently, there is nothing wrong in my DNA.

The good doctors then hypothesised that my illness might be psychological, and having an effect on my physical condition. A certain amount trips to the shrink, some experiments, and some shock-therapy leading to a heart attack later and they finally realised that it wasn’t that either. Good on them, the best and brightest, eh?

Anyway, guess i should give some basics. Current year: 2143, january if you must know, even inside the warmth of the hospital, i can sporadically feel a slight cold. Most likely coming from an open window or the main entrance of the hospital.

My name is Alan Morris, a bit generic, but with some 12 billion people out there, some names are bound to be reused over and over again. Part of a lovely little family of five. Two parents, three children including me. I have a little brother by 4 years and a little sister by 6 years. Apparently, my parents used me to test the waters of having children, found it easy, and had 2 more in rapid succession. Good on them.

My siblings, in stark contrast to me, are perfectly fine. Good looks, smart minds, healthy bodies, all of it. Almost no flaws whatsoever. Except…

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“Hello dear brother how are you holding up today? Do you need anything, a fresh pillow? Some ice cream? more of our family’s hard earned money to keep that useless body of yours alive?”

yeah, of all the problems they could have, it turned out to be shitty personalities. Apparently, due to me being hospitalized so often, a lot of money were being torched by medical bills. Now, in the present,  most countries have free healthcare, to an extent. Not for someone as sick as me though. Need specialized care, so it requires extra payment.

That money has to come from somewhere, and so, the rest of the family does not have the funds to buy whatever. my siblings, after having been ostracized and bullied by their classmates from being, quote on quote, “poor as shit”, both managed to get a lot of pent up frustrations. This resulted in me, being the “cause” of this, to receive a fair amount of bullying myself. sob sob.

“No” i said “for once, i don’t feel as though my body is about to expire, thank you very much.” i quipped. My brothers face darkened slightly, before recovering back into an expressionless mask.

“well, good on you” He said “mom and dad sent me over to tell you that we won’t be coming over to visit anymore. It’s apparently quite depressing watching you just lie there, and slowly wither, so they would rather spend the time of day on something with more meaning” He said, gaining a slight smirk as he talked.

Ok… Wow, did not quite see that one coming.

Well, that would be a lie, i did see that one coming. Actually, i saw it coming a few years ago, starting with the time my health dipped down and an emergency surgery was needed. drained a lot of money. At that time, my parents and siblings were preparing to go on a vacation, the first in many years, to the moon and sights and view. My surgery put a stop to that, as they even needed to sell their tickets.

Oh yeah, guess i didn’t mention that. Humanity did it! We colonized the moon and Mars, as well as some of Jupiter’s moons though life there is still tough as nails. Large cities powered by fusion reactors now exist on both the moon and Mars. There are also some orbital cities (more like overgrown space stations) floating around the solar system.

Sucks i’ll never see it though. (foreshadowing intensifies)

Anyway, after delivering that rather dreary notice, my brother swiftly left. I had to take a few moments to gather myself. Make no mistake, i was sad that my family was abandoning me, but since i had thought that something like this might happen one day, it didn’t hit me as hard as it could have. Preparing for the worst does pay off, even if only slightly.

Sinking back into my hospital bed, i began slowly easing into the reality i was presented with: One: my body was screwed and often required intensive care, with my remaining life span being unknown, i might even die tomorrow. Two: the doctors had no way to help me. Three: my family had completely abandoned me. I imagine that they also won’t pay for my medical bills anymore. Four: despite living in one of the most exciting eras ever, with humanity spreading throughout the solar system, i was locked in this tiny room, in this tiny hospital, on this tiny ball of dust.

F*ck my life….

Oh well, as said, my remaining life span is unknown, so i might not even have that long left to live. At least, i won’t have to continue this dull existence of being bound for that long. i might get to see the world freely as i want in my next life. As i thought that, i slowly descended into a peaceful slumber.

Oh, how wrong i was...