Day 45

I haven't got a clue what time it is down here without sunlight.

I do know I haven't felt exhausted or mentally drained in the last day or so I've been a bio-mechanical weapon. Perk?

I'm also at the limit of learning more about how my new digestion works. I'm not a physicist and the basic laws that are observable on Earth around here are gibberish. I just ran into proof of just how ridiculous some of these rooms really are; I found a room of reversed gravity.

Following the 'death' scented path I found a side tunnel branching away into a 'mushroom' scented path. From that path I found two additional offshoots, a 'moist' path and the path that lead toward this strangest of rooms.

Sure is seems normal walking around on the roof, since gravity is holding you there, but enter or exit and you fall on your head. Every. Single. Time.

The reason I have to come back and suffer this abuse, over and over? The scent of this room was MINERALS. Crystals, ores and sulfur.

The walls are a patchwork of rock types, bands of several different minerals. There are also limestone bands packed with fossilized creatures and marble. It is bizarre; this isn't natural. I'd almost think it was some kind of trick.

The ores are primarily copper. Disappointing.

I did find a shelf of coal, however. Without proper tools all I could do was claw at it. But the fist sized chunks were very useful. I ate them.

Not only were they converted into nourishment, they were very 'nutritious'. I gained a few hundred durability points by consuming all I could pull out with my hands. Not only that, my hip and arm are feeling a touch less painful. This leads to the understanding: the better suited materials significantly improve my recovery. The bug I caught and ate yesterday was inappropriate, coal however seems to have a distinct boost. I intend to try water next, to see the result. I have assumptions that this method of healing responds better to the base elements of life. I need replacement materials to repair. I don't have the ability to digest, so I need the raw elements. Coal is pure carbon.

Anyway, the room itself had only plant monsters. They tried to grapple me with vines and thorns. Pfft. A set of claws to the stem rips that idea to pieces. They are numerous and troublesome, enough that if three of four were to attack I'd be forced to retreat but they seem to be solitary and the vines are quite slow. So they're little more than a nuisance really.

So to sum up there are now four new rooms I know about since yesterday, bringing the Underground to a total of seven. I'm willing to bet one of the lethal caves has the path back up. With the way things work around here; there is probably a major boss monster guarding it. Which is why I'm not going to waltz into the 'death' room until I am thoroughly prepared. Preferably with knowledge of what the monster is and a healthy body.

It is still a fair way off: my current durability is seven hundred and ninety three.

So first things first. I build a pick, from the bronze dagger and a tree branch. It won't last long but then I can simply create more from other sources. The point is my precious food/fuel source.

Soon enough I have fully excavated the shelf, eaten the twenty pounds of coal.

Durability now equals two thousand three hundred.

Then I recall the words Mother used about collecting food and resources. Every time you enter a room new resources spawn.

So I am abusing the hell out of that mechanic!

Which is why I have a sore head from repeated face plants due to gravity.

The end result: full durability. Minus exit face-plant of two points.

Next I enter the 'mushroom room'. The name seems superfluous.

Naturally there are mushrooms. In fact it is ALL mushroom. The walls, the roof, the floor, all of it pulsating with glowing, throbbing mushrooms. Ugh. They look like mutant penises... I am getting out of here in a hurry. It looks like the setup for one seriously deranged hentai scene.

Then it quickly becomes weirder as I meet two armed figures.

They burble at me in a language I don't understand through hare-lips. Not that they are cute like a rabbit.

They are slugmen.

Just when I thought the creep factor was bad the maze dials it up to eleven.

Great, so boneless, hideous freaks stole my iron ore and weapons.

As they get an eye-stalk full of me they turn and run for it down an adjacent tunnel. Run? Yes they have legs... well technically they skate on slime.

Well there can't be too many of 'em, right? Famous last words.

The cavern that is their home is a fortified city. A quick guess at their numbers: three hundred?

But they aren't prepared for me.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

They barely have a moment or two before I arrive, claws scraping against the floor for traction. I get a good look at a cliff-side rising in a spiral. Homes dot the path and at the top a mansion. Even if it is a mansion of hardened slime, a vivid snot green.

Anyway, they started to get impertinent. Waving crystal edged glaives and spears they threatened me.

Enough of that.

I came closer to the nearest, who was using a glaive.

I caught the handle as he swung. The strength was not unimpressive, it was certainly on par for a humanoid. I'm just not that fair, now that I'm a cheat character.

A kick to the torso sends the slimy guy sliding back quite far. Almost no friction with all the slime. I manage a nice spin kick. Huh. My balance is pretty good now, too.

The glaive is left in my hand, since my hand isn't slimy. They certainly are easily disarmed.

Normally I'd use my own weapons but I figure that the slugs make weapons as useful against their own kind as they are against others. Unrest and intrigue seems like a norm for intelligent species.

Although the crystal looks kinda blunt. I'm not sure what it is made of.

I slash at the nearest slug humanoid... I technically can't call them slug men; they're hermaphrodites. As much men as women.

The weapon itself breaks under the hard blow, the crystal shattering and spraying. Pathetic.

…

Okay that's new. The guy is clawing at the wound and foaming all over. The crystals are apparently whole blocks of salt. The slugs probably use them like tasers on their own kind. Does that mean the only threat down here to them is OTHER slugs?

Huh. Well then I have to say, they aren't any kind of threat to me. They can't even kill me through blood pressure from excess salt. I don't have ventricles to burst.

Time-wise however I'm in a bit of a fix. I'd probably just settle in and try to come to a peaceful solution; however the clock is ticking and Niala's probably sick with worry. Right. Conquest it is.

It is actually quite fun to get around here, once you get used to it. It is like a giant slide from all the slime.

I can't say I have much experience at skating or ice hockey. Still the slugs aren't very agile, far too slow moving in general.

Using my decent grip due to my claws I already have a massive leverage advantage. Under the mucus, it is rough rock. I can utterly ignore the gentle slope, while the slugs need a running start to hurdle it.

On the slope they are a little annoying, they come sliding down from high above with spears, trying to lance me.

It was so pathetic I had a good laugh as I clothes-lined the first. Sent him tumbling head over heels twice before he reached the bottom, mid-air. The spear snapped as it hit me. The idiots were aiming dead center: ie. My armored chest. Salt doesn't pierce copper, much less iron.

Second slid straight into my fist. Didn't even punch, just held the arm rigid aiming for face. The slug in question deformed beautifully, like you see in slow motion. Ripples formed and the entire head bent. No bones, so I doubt it was fatal but it was impressive as hell.

Last I simply stuck a foot out.

Super effective!

Not only did it clean the 'knight' slug's clock as face met floor it turned him into a bowling ball that toppled the 'pursuers' from the entrance. Strike.

A few more knights gave me a seven/ten split, a spare and a gutterball. Literally one unlucky slug ended up on the edge of a lower house's roof near the bottom of the slope.

I proceeded unimpeded into the largest structure of the city, the mansion.

I've been looking, house by house for my stuff but so far nothing.

Inside isn't quite what I expected, I was thinking thrones and treasures... it is an senate hall.

They're a republic.

How about that.

No ruler, just a few charismatic elders.

No treasures, no throne. Damn disappointing.

As I enter they bow low, obvious fear on their alien features. They retract their eye stalks.

Shit, not only did I gain nothing from this but a few Funniest Home Video moments, they didn't even take my iron?!

They misinterpret my annoyance as reason to flee.

I grab one by an eye-stalk and drag it back, as I try to find somewhere dry to sit so I can work out what is wrong with this corner of the Maze.

Unless the boss monster is the culprit of the theft I'm stumped.

What we learned:

Civil unrest even occurs to slugs?!

Rick briefly did the Moonwalk in reverse gravity.

The Secret Boss Monster Penis Eruptus of Mushroom Cavern only awakes near women. (Tier 1!)