Ah, Paradise. Heaven, as some might call it. A wondrous place, tainted only by the arrogance of the beings that inhabit it.

As it turns out, paradise is not actually paradise, firstly. Paradise is the name for the home of the gods, but the word doesn’t deserve the pleasant connotations that mortals give it. Unless they have a fetish for white marble, that is, which is what almost all the buildings up here are made of.

Secondly, being a god necessitates massive amounts of otherworldly power, but tends to consist of sitting around in the higher planes until summoned by some insanely powerful arcane ritual (which only happens about every couple hundred years or so), or until enough faith has been sent the right way, to be able to affect the First World in minor ways (which happens only slightly more often than the summoning; say, about every hundred years or so). It’s no surprise that when they finally get down to Terra, gods are a little…tetchy. It gets a little boring, thanks to the rules.

But if I dislike them so much, why don’t I just break the rules? I’m a god, I’ve got the power.

That’s a bad idea. I mean, even for a troublemaker and general malcontent like me. You see, there was a great big War a while back, where no one was happy, there was a great deal of suffering for everyone, and suffice it to say, there were a bunch of shiny new rules made, that now govern the planes.

Shiny new rules, I say. Going on a millennium now, but compared to the hundreds of millennia the other rules have been in existence, they’re practically new.

I sigh and lay back on the green grass to stare at the blue sky.

Sometimes I’m still surprised by how much Paradise resembles the First World.

A cough interrupts my musings. “Are you done brooding?”

Ryphion. He knows me well. He was the one I talked to the most up here. We’re friends of a sort, I suppose. He’s somewhat of a mentor figure, but he’s also my confidant. When I actually confide in someone. I’m good at keeping things to myself.

“Nyros,” he singsongs. “Hellooooooo?”

I must have corrupted him with my language somehow. He never used to talk like that.

“What do you want, Ryphion?”

He sighs and sits down on the bench practically above my head. It’s only a few inches behind, in any case. Of course he wouldn’t actually sit on the grass; not since the time he did and got grass stains all over the back of his robes.

“Is this about the Festival again?”

“…No.”

He seems fairly put out at my response. “I thought you got over that already!”

“I did.”

“Clearly, you didn’t.”

Stolen novel; please report.

“What do you want me to do then? How can I prove to you,” I roll over and look up at him, “that I am absolutely fine and over it?”

“You could start by actually saying what it is.”

“Why bother? We both know what it is.”

“If that’s the way you’re talking about it, you clearly still haven’t come to terms with it.”

“It’s been centuries; of course I have.”

He raises one eyebrow at me.

…Damnit.

I plant my face in the grass and sigh.

“…You know, I never thought you’d be so much trouble,” he says.

I grunt halfheartedly.

There’s some silence, during which I hope that he’ll go away. No such luck.

“…Come on. Up you come. We’re going to go see Cyrmis.”

“Do we have to?” I groan.

He tugs me up by the arms and I don’t bother resisting.

“What we tried last time didn’t work. She’s got one more solution, and then she’s going to have to start brainstorming new ones.”

What a joy to hear. I couldn’t be more elated. I would complain, but honestly, this is probably for the best. Ryphion cares this much, even after all this time. I should count myself lucky.

…I wish we didn’t have to walk all the way to Cyrmis’ temple though. It’s always the longest walk.

----------------------------------------

The first thing the goddess says when she sees Ryphion enter is, “It didn’t work.”

Does he visit her often about me? I’m flattered. Slightly disturbed, but flattered.

“No, it didn’t,” he agrees. “Do you think you could…?”

She sighs. “The Festival will be coming up soon. That’s a good significant date. Less strain on me.”

Standing up, she looks straight at me. “You are one of the most troublesome cases I’ve ever had to deal with. But I can understand.”

Of course she can. I mean, she’s partially responsible for this, in my opinion.

Ryphion is a good distance away. Is this going to have a splash zone or som-

She pulls me into a hug. What?

“Troublesome child,” she whispers into my ear. “You must learn to let go one day. I can only hope that this will do you more good than it will bad.”

She gently ruffles my hair and steps back. What?

“I’ll give you a normal childhood. You’ll remember once your sixth birthday passes. Best to get it over with all at once.”

Wait, wha-