"So..." the awkward silence scuttered away as the person before me spoke, "Why are you here? There's still time till the clothes are tailored."

She seemed a bit annoyed, which made sense since I came out of nowhere, even though she said it would take at least a week for the work to be done.

Moreover, I remained silent for so long without explaining the cause of my unexpected visit. The fact that I've not been yelled at shows her good nature, or perhaps it's because she sympathizes with the situation that she thinks Li Feng and I are in.

Either way, I have to speak up before I get kicked out. "Please..." I lowered my head to an almost 90-degree bow, and without giving Auntie Lin a chance to say anything, I continued, "I need your help."

"..."

Auntie Lin was silent, probably because the word "help" from an unfamiliar acquaintance is never the most pleasant thing. It often means a request for money or something annoying like that.

"Haa..." Auntie Lin sighed wearily. It was probably not the greatest experience to have some person you had a somewhat nice impression of come begging to you early in the morning. "What help do you need?"

The fact that she at least tried to listen to my side of the story showed that she was somewhere between understanding and gullible, which can be useful...

'The changes in my personality are quite drastic. But... I guess even now I still wouldn't want to use others for my sake...' This change was something that scared me a bit, but being able to tell another's true self from mere mannerisms and fluctuations in their voice was something I found quite useful. '...I guess you can call it the wisdom of the blind, huh?'

Anyway, I slowly raised my head, looked directly into her eyes, and spoke earnestly, "Can you give me some advice... relationship advice?"

As if her prior annoyance was all a farce, Auntie Lin smiled brightly. "Oh, you should have just said that earlier! Now, what do you want to know? This Auntie Lin will make sure to help you young ones out!"

Her eyes glittered with amusement. I guess she really enjoys love talk and stuff like that.

"I want her to know that I love her."

"Just tell her that you love her!"

Her answer was instant, and her expression was once again annoyed... as if asking, "Is that it?"

But for me...

'BUT HOW?!'

This wasn't that simple. First of all, she thinks we are married when all we have done is hold hands... However, explaining to her that we aren't married isn't an option either. After all...

'I don't want to...' I can use that to have closer interactions with Li Feng while we're visiting Auntie Lin. As bereft of honour and morality as it was, I simply couldn't give up on this.

In that case...

"I..." My voice was shaky, and I looked down as if I were afraid of the words I would speak next. "I am not the best at expressing my feelings... even when I try my best and 'tell her,' my expression remains just as dull. She is quite understanding and never mentions it, but..."

A bitter smile filled with self-depreciation formed on my face. "...I'm afraid that one day she might just have had enough of someone like me."

A truly masterful work of acting, if I do say so myself. Well, it wasn't all just an act... Perhaps it would have been that way a few days ago, but now that I remember how much a mere expression can affect another person, I do feel quite afraid. If the previous Haoren understood this completely, he would have felt the same.

"Oh..." Auntie Lin's voice was filled with pity. It's not exactly something I like, but if it helps me out, it doesn't really matter... 'I've become quite scummy, haven't I?'

"Don't worry, Xiao Ren! I am sure your sincerity will reach Feng'er!"

'...Xiao Ren? Isn't she being a bit too familiar?'

[AN- Xiao is used for someone younger, a bit like saying 'little Ren,' and 'er' for 'Feng'er' is also kind of the same. It's an endearing way to call someone, mostly children or girls.]

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Such behaviour was not something I really liked... not because I disliked such people, but because only a few had ever used nicknames with me. And now that they were gone, there was no one else to address me in such a manner.

Such names have now become something precious to me, something sacred that I'd rather not have others touch upon.

"...Then what should I do to make her understand my... feelings?"

I ignored the discomfort for now and asked Auntie Lin. However, shadowing the discomfort, another feeling arose within me...

Embarrassment!

It's embarrassing!

Having to confess that I have feelings for Li Feng! Pretending that we are married! And all that stuff,

IT'S ALL EMBARRASSING!

However, I did not let any of that show on my face. Or rather, as usual, I wasn't able to. Except for a faint reddish hue, there was no change in my expression.

"Ahem!" Auntie Lin coughed as she gathered her thoughts after seeing my 'sincere' appearance. "It's quite simple, actually. There are many things you can do to make your wife understand you!"

"Oh...!" The appearance of Auntie Lin before me seemed truly reliable, so much so that I truly began to feel glad that I approached her to seek advice.

"Firstly, you should try and have more intimate contact with her."

'DAMN IT!'

...

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...

'That took longer than I imagined...' Preparing the items needed for my next plans took most of my day, and the night's darkness had already begun to encroach upon the skies.

The busy day had left me tired, 'Auntie Lin talks a lot...' Auntie Lin liked gossiping... a lot. I now know a lot more about this place despite having lived here for more than half a decade. 'Social interactions are important, aren't they?'

I entered my courtyard by jumping over the walls, as I didn't really like the idea of having to meet the guards who were, well, kind of afraid of me (?), and I was too tired to deal with any human interactions!

"Huh?" But as usual, whenever there was something you wished to avoid, it would appear right before you. Except this time, it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. 'Beautiful...'

Objectively speaking, the sight before me was not nearly as beautiful as it felt to me. However, personally, to me, it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

As she gazed at the skies, sitting by the table in the courtyard, her appearance seemed celestial to me. Even though I couldn't see the skies properly, as the skies weren't truly an object that could gather remnant emotions from others, my mind hurriedly attempted to 're-create' the moon-adorned night skies from my faint memory from long ago. All in an attempt to engrave the beautiful scene before me deep into my memory.

"Haa..." A sigh leaked out of my lips as a moment of clarity reigned over my mind. It was truly baffling how I'd been so calm until now.

No, rather it's madness... I have changed so much... My already warped Dao heart has become even more twisted. I must stop whatever I'm doing and immediately seclude myself so that I can focus on stabilizing my Dao heart.

And yet...

"Ah..."

I could not halt my steps. And soon, she who sat under the soothing glow of the moon turned towards me.

"Ah... You've returned..." Her words seemed strained, yet I could tell there was a hint of loneliness within them. And that loneliness brought to me a wave of emotions.

I felt a bit of sorrow, I felt prideful that my absence could make her feel so, and I felt joyous. It was as if I could no longer lie to myself and my hideous self had begun to truly show— someone so twisted that they shouldn't exist. An abandoned child thrown away in hopes that it would perish, for it was such an ill-omened existence. A twisted child who, just to quench his thirst for vengeance, went against the wishes of the lost ones, becoming so tainted that even a malicious fiend would seem akin to a saint in comparison.

Those were the two beings who formed the foundation for my current self. I truly was an existence who shouldn't exist or at least one who shouldn't carelessly approach others, and yet...

"I am back." I smiled happily and approached her. Like a moth to flames, like the greedy to disasters, I approached her knowing all too well that this was the wrong choice.

....

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...

"So..." Having 'calmed down' a bit, I asked Li Feng as we moved inside, "Have you eaten already?"

"No, I was..." Li Feng began but soon paused as a blush crept onto her face, "...I was waiting for you."

"..."

Nirvana, a place of perfect peace and happiness, like heaven. In Buddhism, nirvana is the highest state that someone can attain, a state of enlightenment, meaning a person's individual desires and suffering go away.

Surely what I was feeling now must be Nirvana, I feel so enlightened and all my suffering has already begun to fade away. 'Ah, but my desires are all over the place tho.'

I amused such foolish thoughts trying to distract myself from the overwhelming desires and bliss.

'let's eat together then' Just as I was about to say those words, Li Feng spoke up.

"By the way," her voice suddenly changed, it was no longer filled with loneliness, yet it sent a chill down my spine, "The lady called Xia Fen had visited... She seemed to have wanted to meet you."

'Fuck...'