Here I was face-to-face with the slain goddess that’d sent me on this wild adventure. She’d whisked me away from the safe life of an accountant and tossed me headfirst into the sensational life as the Wolf Goddess.
Of course, it’d be generous to call what I had a life, I thought. No friends, no real love to speak of, and not even a single hobby. Just work.
I had about a billion questions, not the least of which was about our current setting. This place looked so familiar. Obviously, it was from Lea’s world, but I couldn’t think of a reasonable explanation for why the original Ruka was sitting here of all places.
My glancing around must have betrayed the thoughts in my head because the original wolf goddess chuckled and motioned around her.
“You used to spend all your free time here, not that you had much,” she said. “I’ve spent the last few weeks combing through your memories of life in Boston, and there are so few spent outside of work environments, school, volunteering, more work, internships, and chores. For years, you weren’t allowed much time to yourself, and then when you finally were, you barely used it.”
She was right. I had thousands of memories of scrubbing toilets, studying for exams, working overtime without even being asked, and generally spending the minutes I’d been granted with my face buried in the mundane. Scratch that. The sub-mundane.
“But in those rare moments when your heart just wouldn’t let you stay buried for one more second, I watched you come here. It was right across the street from your apartment. You didn’t meet anyone or say a word outside of your order. Then you’d just. . . sit and watch folks live their lives all around you,” the slain goddess said.
I sighed. All of it was coming back to me now. There weren’t any friends in my life that I could call to meet me here. So when the burden of denying myself grew so heavy that it threatened to crush my subconsciousness, I’d order coffee and some bagel bites. Then I’d just watch everyone around me for an hour or two.
“Sad as it sounds, Ruka, I think surrounding myself with people who were busy talking to other people made me feel like I had friends of my own. Like… this counted as having a social life,” I said, scratching at some crumbs stuck on the table’s surface.
She nodded before getting up and walking behind the counter.
“Do you want a coffee and some bagel bites?” she asked.
A frown engulfed my face, and I clutched my fists tightly. Standing up and glaring at the slain goddess, I felt. . . rage. My ears flattened, and I bared my fangs.
That was Lea’s order. And I’d left her mundane life behind. That was her sad attempt at compromising between safe and sensational. Black coffee and plain bagel bites. Nothing too expensive or sweet or extravagant.
“Fuck no I don’t want those things!” I yelled, taking a step toward the glass case.
By now my claws were digging into the skin of my palms, and I continued to grind my teeth. I wasn’t sure I could narrow my eyes any more without going temporarily blind.
My divine mark started to glow silver, and the stools and tables around me rattled. A deep growl echoed from my chest to the glass containing enough pastries to feed a small army.
“And why not? You ate that order for years, since you were old enough to come here by yourself. So why stop now?”
I took a store-rattling step toward the slain goddess.
“Because I’m not that person anymore. I know that I’m allowed to exist, to have a life, to know that people love me, and to love them back. I run with the pack, I howl at the moon, and goddammit, I want four chocolate éclairs and a mocha cappuccino with extra whipped cream on top!”
A wide grin broke out over the original Ruka’s face as she started preparing my order.
“You got it, goddess,” she said, while I took a deep breath and tried to remember why I’d gotten so furious.
My hair and tail slunk back down as I grabbed a table behind me for support.
A few minutes later, I was tearing into cream-filled éclairs and sucking down the iced coffee as though it might vanish in a moment if I didn’t drink it fast enough.
“You’re not the same girl I met in that bathroom a few weeks back, ya know?” the slain goddess said, watching me eat. She slid me a napkin while I responded. And when I’d finished wiping my fingers and mouth, there wasn’t a clean spot left on the paper.
Before I could respond, the original Ruka spoke again.
“But you’re not the goddess I asked you to become, either,” she said.
Taking another drink of my coffee, I cleared my throat. She was right. On the first day we met, while I was scrubbing bathroom mirrors, Ruka asked me to reincarnate as her and travel to Gyrelle. She intended, as Red originally did, for me to become an exact copy of her. With each heart piece I devoured, I was supposed to gain more of Ruka’s thoughts, personality, and most importantly, power. Until there wasn’t a shred of Lea left within me.
But all that went out the window when the necromancer torched the last three pieces of my heart, I thought. And even before then. . . I’d decided to try and remain somewhat myself.
We locked eyes. And I realized at that moment hers were no longer identical to mine. They appeared to be quite faded. Whereas when she looked back into mine, I assumed the original Ruka saw pulsing magic and the divine vitality of what she used to be.
“Ruka, I’m sorry. I know you asked me to consume all the heart pieces and become you. But I failed. Most of your heart was reduced to ash, its magic stolen and—” I was interrupted.
“Implanted in the body of your descendant, making two Wolf Goddesses,” the original Ruka said.
I sputtered.
“How did you know that?” I asked.
“Because I watched it happen through your eyes. I’ve been inside you the entire time, remember? I watched you split amicably with my wife and fall in love with the vixen you added to the pack. And. . . really? A daughter of Tamylla? I can’t say I’ve ever found myself enamored with her or the demigod spawn she abandons.”
Heat rushed to my cheeks as I awkwardly took a bite of my last pastry.
And the slain goddess continued, “But I know how happy she makes you, how you let her name you, bind you. I watched her save your life. And I know you think she already understands that you love her. However, you need to get off your tail and say the words. Stop being such a. . . what’s the term they use on Earth? A useless lesbian?”
I might have choked for a moment on my pastry at the thought of having to tell the woman I loved that I love her.
“What’s your point?” I asked, finishing my coffee.
“My point is. . . you didn’t become the Wolf Goddess I asked you to. You became a better one. You learned and decided on your own to be exactly who the people of Decarth needed you to be, who the people of DuPais needed you to be. And I’ve realized that Gyrelle will be better off with two Wolf Goddesses than it ever was with me running around, trying to honor the hunt.”
What could I say to that? I’d expected to come here and grovel for the original Ruka’s forgiveness, and instead, she was here telling me I was a better Wolf Goddess than she ever had been. How did one react to that?
I took a breath in, held it for several seconds, and let it out.
“Thank you, Ruka. My heart. . . it swells hearing you say that. I expected this conversation to go very differently,” I said, taking another bite of my éclair. “But I can’t take credit for being the Wolf Goddess that I am. I have to thank you for your instincts and the power you gifted me with. And I owe Red for her steadfast loyalty. I owe Pyra for saving my life and making me realize I have value in the world as who I chose to be. I’m sure someday I’ll owe Cana as well. The pack makes the goddess, not the other way around.”
The slain goddess smiled at that. And it was a warm smile, one filled with pride and maybe even a little relief.
“You’re gonna do great. But my time here is almost up, and there’s still something important I need to tell you,” she said.
I finished my donut just in time for her to drop a bomb.
“Ruka, understand that you won’t have the same life as me. You will wander. You will protect your wolves. And you will honor the hunt. But the threat you face is so much greater than what ultimately claimed my life,” she said.
Her eyes, though faded, smoldered with a renewed intensity. Her shoulders hunched over, and the original Wolf Goddess leaned in close to speak with a low and grave tone.
“Despair is coming, Ruka. It is a blight upon the gods and their offspring that has claimed too many lives. I don’t know its origin. But it drove the Bear God to kill me. It’s still driving him to kill other gods and goddesses. You have to stop him. Divine beings are like nails in a house, holding the land of Gyrelle together. If you remove too many, this world will destabilize in the most violent ways. Then the magical place you’ve come to love and build a life in will come crashing down.”
Those pastries in my gut now felt as though they each weight 100 pounds, pushing down my guts as my stomach sank. It was almost a little harder to breathe. But I remembered purifying Red and seeing those eyes looking at me from across the continent, as though some primal evil was behind Despair. At that moment, it saw and knew me. A chill raced down my spine, coating each vertebra with a layer of frost.
“The Bear God is killing other divine beings?” I asked, as though he was just an isolated problem I’d face when I was good and ready, maybe years from now.
Fluorescent lights above us flickered, and for a moment, I saw the original Ruka fade a bit before restabilizing. Suddenly, it felt like we were back in that bathroom on day one without enough time together. History was a repetitive bitch.
“He’s killed so many over the last two centuries. The Eel Goddess, the Mole God, the Hawk God, the Turtle Goddess, and more. If too many fall to his claws, Gyrelle will start to destabilize. You must stop him. I wish there was more I could do to help you, but it’s time for me to finally cross over,” she said.
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I thought my stomach had fallen as far as it could, but those words took it down another mile or two. She was going to. . . cross over? So I wouldn’t have the original Ruka inside of me anymore?
My heart rate picked up, and I felt lightheaded.
“Ruka, I can find another way to bring you back. Don’t you want to live?” I asked, tears coming to my eyes.
And with a calmness I’d not prepared myself to witness, she just looked me over and gently said, “I already did. Now it’s your turn. Go live. Be loved, and love in return. Take care of your daughter. Make sure she has a better upbringing than I was able to give Rethalu.”
A few tears came to her eyes as well.
“I can only hope I see them on the other side. I’m sure Death isn’t exactly thrilled with my antics, but maybe they’ll show me some small mercy and reunite me with Mekyla and our son.”
At about that time, the glass doors slid open, and I looked to see we had another visitor. A woman covered in green scaly flesh walked into Sunken Donuts. She moved with a deliberate and gradual pace. But each step carried the weight of an iron-forged determination. Nothing but a leather apron covered the front half of her body. She was a few inches taller than me and must have weighed another 100 pounds easily.
Muscles bulged from her arms and legs. And I saw at once they were used to wield a giant hammer strapped to her back, polished and powerful as the day it came off the forge.
A smaller hammer hung from a belt on her right side. This one looked like it was used regularly on an anvil. It was covered in charred metal and soot. On the opposite hip, a large pair of blackened goggles dangled from her belt and swung back and forth with each step.
From her shoulders to her short tail, her back was covered with the shell of a turtle. I wondered how her hammer stayed clipped to the thing. But the way she moved didn’t seem to indicate any sort of struggle with the weapon’s placement.
The woman’s hairless head was covered in the same wrinkled green scales as her arms and legs. Her glowing tan eyes watched me as she approached the table, sizing up the replacement Wolf Goddess.
“Ruka, I’d like you to meet Kilowa, the Turtle Goddess. As you are goddess of the hunt, Kilowa was goddess of the forge. No one could craft a more powerful armor or blade.”
I bowed my head slightly toward Kilowa as she came to stand next to our table. She slowly nodded and spoke with a raspy voice earned by spending centuries inhaling smoke and other vapors of the forge.
“So this is the new Wolf Goddess. She wears your tail well,” Kilowa said, turning back to the original Ruka. “Are you ready? It’s almost time.”
More sinking in the pit of my stomach.
“Ruka, please. I don’t know how I’m going to do anything about Despair without you. I’ll never be as powerful as you were,” I said.
Slowly, patiently, the slain goddess stood from her stool and looked me over again. Then she cast a grin my way, revealing her canines to me for perhaps the final time.
“I had my full power when the Bear God killed me. Kilowa had her full power when she was murdered. Neither was enough. This leads me to believe the solution to defeating Despair and saving our world won’t be power alone, but some combination of everything you’re picking up day after day in Gyrelle. It’ll be a mix of wisdom, faith, love, the pack, and what power you manage to build going forward. But I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed by the very idea of this. So Kilowa has brought you a gift with the last of her power,” the slain goddess said.
Wiping my tears, I saw the Turtle Goddess reach across the table, and place a hand over my heart. Her touch was firm and contained warmth from the fires she’d built to shape metal throughout her long life.
“Ruka’s biggest problem in a battle was always her defense. She clung tightly to that spellbook of hers until the Bear God tore open her heart. So to the new Wolf Goddess, I grant you an evolving arcane armor to be summoned when you need it. The Bear God will not rip away your heart a second time when you’re wearing this.”
Taking a steady breath, Kilowa’s mark of divinity, the shell of a large turtle etched into her left forearm, glowed with a mighty emerald light. And for the last time, the Turtle Goddess burned up her magic at the forge, handing over a magnificent gift in the process.
In my chest, I felt the heart of the forge, and a giant hammer striking at my heart, building pressure, shaping armor with every clang of the metal. Sparks flew with each strike, and I ground my teeth to bear the pain and pressure of her gift.
It felt like she was building the armor right into my very spirit. Steadfast, she laid her magic over the top of mine, crafting a defense that would shield me for centuries to come. As she hit her peak, my ribs felt as though a giant wolf had turned its jaws sideways and bit down upon me with all its might. I was a nail gripped by steel pliers.
Groaning under the weight of this new power foisted upon me, I looked down at my mark of divinity and saw a new sketch being added to my arm with a green glow not dissimilar from Kilowa’s. Now under the wolf head howling at a moon, a small turtle shell rested nearby.
At last, Kilowa’s power exploded with a final burst of energy, and I closed my eyes because the shine was so bright.
Gradually, I opened them again and looked down to notice her hand was gone from my chest. And in its place, an agile, form-fitting bronze armor rested over my body. The plackart was carved to look like a bunch of sideways wolf teeth interlocked in a death grip, while the breastplate had a crescent moon design in the center with stars all around it on the other pieces.
Wolf’s fur outlined the gardbrace on both shoulders for a few inches. It matched my hair and rust-colored tail.
From the gardbrace, tightly-woven silver rings made up fitted sleeves that extended the full length of my arms. My palms and the base of my fingers were covered in a worn leather glove. Though the tops were fingerless so I could still use my claws.
Looking down below my waist, I saw flexible leather pieces forming the cuisse, poleyn, and greave on each leg.
Wearing this armor, I felt an additional weight covering my body. But I also knew I carried a great protection, one that layered over me with a tight grip of defense that would not fail. For it was the Turtle Goddess’ last and finest work.
I glanced up at her worn, sweating face and felt like I wanted to hug her. But her entire body was rather translucent now after shedding the last of her power. And I wasn’t sure if I’d pass right through.
So I bowed deeply with my whole body this time and said, “Thank you for your blessing, Kilowa. I am awash in gratitude. I wish there was a way for me to repay you.”
With a hoarse chuckle, the Turtle Goddess crossed her arms, cracked her neck left and right, and spoke her final words to me.
“You’ll be fine, Ruka. That armor will change and evolve as your magical abilities expand. Even I don’t have a clue what its final form will look like. But it’s the best piece of work I’ve shaped from metal in all my long years. You want to thank me, Wolf Goddess? Stop Despair. Save the world we all have so many wonderful memories from.”
I nodded as she faded a little more, almost beyond sight now. And the original Ruka wasn’t far behind.
“Guess this is it, Ruka,” the slain goddess said.
I resisted the urge to cry again, wanting to send her off with a smile.
“I don’t want you to leave this world with any regrets. So know that Red told me to tell you that she’s okay. And she’s going to be fine.”
Another tear, this time from the original Ruka.
“That’s good to know. Thank you. You take care of Cana. Give her a good life. Make sure Red finds something new to live for. And dammit, love that vixen with all you’ve got for as much time as you get together. And Ruka? When your time comes, a long, long way from now, don’t hesitate to go. Believe me. You don’t want to find yourself a ghost, wandering through the gray hallways of decaying memories long past the world. It’s a pain even a goddess cannot endure.”
Before she faded from sight, I said, “Maybe when my time comes, I’ll use what’s left of my power to travel to a different world and convince someone else to become the next Wolf Goddess. It certainly seemed to work well for you.”
She and Kilowa weren’t visible any longer, but I heard the Wolf Goddess’ last words echo through the donut shop. It was a soft laugh, followed by, “Yes. It certainly did.”
Then I was alone in Sunken Donuts, the quiet wrapping around me even tighter than my new armor, which I discovered could be instantly equipped or discarded by simply willing it. I’d be protected in the blink of an eye when my next battle came. And from what Ruka and Kilowa told me, it was fast approaching.
But I was a goddess. I’d handle that trouble when it found me and not a moment before. So I walked behind the counter, grabbed a Long John, and ate another pastry, all the while thinking about Ruka’s words and her final task for me.
***
An undefined time later, I found myself bolting up with a loud gasp of air, feeling like my lungs were inflating for the first time in weeks.
Looking around, I found I’d been lying in the grass, my head in Pyra’s lap. She leaped up as I did, tail bristled from the sudden shock.
“Rook! You made it back,” she started before pausing and looking me over, uncertainty in her voice. “You are my Rook, aren’t you?”
I smiled and said, “I promised you I’d return, didn’t I? And besides, if there’s one person in this world I wouldn’t want to break a promise to, it’s the vixen demigod who holds my heart.”
Moving in close and wrapping my arms around Pyra, I heard her gasp. Then our eyes locked, lips inches away from one another. She gasped again.
“I love you, Pyra,” I said before our lips met for the second time. We didn’t pull apart until I heard Cana clear her throat.
“That’s something no young goddess should have to see,” she said, gagging. “You both need to be doing that in the privacy of a room.”
Grinning, I turned toward the inn and said, “Fine. We’ll go to our room.”
But that plan was shot to pieces by Red walking outside with our gear, the inn’s door shutting behind her.
“Welcome back, Ruru. I’m afraid our stay at The Bushrabbit Inn has come to a close as we’re all out of money and checked out of our rooms,” she said, setting the packs down as the first rays of sunrise appeared above us. “But if you and Pyra really want to, I’m pretty sure I saw a large bush back around the—” I interrupted her waving my arms.
“Nope! No. No no no. Nada. Do not finish that sentence. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200,” I said, shaking my head.
Everyone laughed, despite having no earthly idea of that infamous board game.
Sighing, I walked over to Cana and kneeled.
“Cana, listen to me. I don’t know what kind of horrible life you had before our meeting. Before you passed out after we left Mykova, you mentioned that your parents were slain by the necromancer. I know it isn’t much, but if join you in my pack, I promise to fill in as much of the gap of a mother for you as I can, one reincarnated Wolf Goddess to a ritual-born Wolf Goddess,” I said.
At first, she looked to the ground, and my heart sank.
Shit, did I just make things worse? I thought.
Then Cana slowly raised her teary eyes to mine with a modest, quiet smile. It was the kind of reticent grin you wore while watching a newly-emerged butterfly expand its wings for the first time.
The young goddess didn’t say a word, just lifted her arms toward me. So I picked her up and sat her on my back, legs dangling from either side of my neck. She folded her arms on top of my head and rested her chin there. I didn’t know how she’d left enough room between her arms for my ears to keep from being smooshed.
Red and Pyra walked over to me while Grey Paws, Katira, and Streak followed behind.
“What’s the plan, Rook?” Pyra asked.
As we started walking back in the direction of the Sparrow Speaker, I said, “We return to the Great Oakhurst Forest. I want to revisit DuPais and see if they’ll erect a shrine for me after I tell them the Hawk God has been slain. Then we’ll revisit Decarth to reveal myself as the Wolf Goddess who summoned a pack to chase red deer into their enclosures, saving the village. I’m hoping that with every new believer’s faith in me, I’ll grow a little more powerful.”
Cana’s legs kicked lightly.
“And then what?” she asked.
“Then we get stronger and prepare ourselves for an inevitable confrontation with the corrupting force that is Despair,” I said.
As we left the town behind us and made our way from the river, silence fell over the group. I continued to carry my daughter while Streak and Katira double-teamed Grey Paws, tackling him into a pile of dead grass while they played. He chuffed from the betrayal.
“Hey, Ruru? Did you see her on the Astral Plane?” the berserker asked.
I took a breath and looked over to my former wife, nodding.
“I gave the original Wolf Goddess your message. She passed along a word in return. Red, she wants you to find something new to live for. And I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll help you search for it. Because you’re pack, and I love you.”
She nodded and gave me a small smile, resting a hand on my shoulder for a moment.
“Love you too, Ruru.”
We continued walking toward the mountain, and Cana thought for a moment.
“Hey! Did you tell Ruka I said hi?” she asked.
Grimacing, all I could do was pat my daughter’s leg.
“Shit. I knew I forgot something.”