In the following days, I asked one of my attendants, Sophie, to look out for books on raising children and taking care of babies. I knew I could trust her to be discreet, she was the only attendants that had come with me when I married, and she had been working for me since she was just a kid. The other attendants would try to insist in me letting them take care of the baby, but I didn’t want to let her alone even for a moment. And about the books, there wasn’t really anything that I didn’t already knew from my previous live, except maybe some first aid procedures that I took the time to memorize. The understanding of infant psychology in this world was… lacking, to say it in kind words. My own wasn’t that much better, though. I would have to figure things on my own.

At the moment, I was “confined” to my room, as my attendants had caught sight of me walking a bit too much, which they told me it was dangerous. The birth had been difficult, but I remember hearing one could walk after a day or two. I was feeding Violett, while trying to remember as much as I could do from my past live. Stories about people traveling to other worlds had the recurrent theme of them helping with their advanced knowledge, bringing machines and mechanism and such, so I consider doing it too, but it was more difficult than expected. I knew how several things worked, but there were lots of individual parts I didn’t know the specifics, or I was unaware of a few steps on their development. I was very grateful that sickness could be cured with magic, and that with my status getting a doctor wasn’t a problem, because I had no idea how to make soap or antibiotics.

I was getting lost on that train of thoughts, when a pain in my chest brought me back to reality. Violett was being too forceful, so to speak, and it was starting to hurt. I took her away and looked at her eyes; she seemed almost offended that I had interrupted her meal, and even started to shake her arms and legs in a little tantrum. She wasn’t even a week old, and she was already becoming a spoiled kid. I needed to be stricter with her, but… well, she was still just a baby. And she was absolutely adorable, even when burrowing her tiny eyebrows. I kissed her forehead and placed her so she could drink from my other breast. At that moment, someone knocked on the door.

—Madame, I brought your lunch —Sophie said from the other side.

—Come in, please.

I had thought she was going to bring me something light, like she had been doing these past days, but now she was pushing a trolley full of plates. She must have read the surprise in my face.

—Might you excuse me, madame, it looked like you weren’t being fulfilled by the amount of your previous meals, so I took the liberty of bringing you plenty this time. Should I return it to the kitchen?

—No way! —I said, almost drooling due to the delicious smell. I bit my tongue. She was right; I was practically starving at that point, only having eaten soft and mushy food in minuscule quantities. Even so, that wasn’t enough reason to regress to my previous life’s customs; I had been raised to always act like a lady— I mean, that won’t be necessary. If anything, you could have asked me to go to the dining hall, it is pretty far from here to have you push the trolley all the way from the kitchen.

There was also a set of stairs between both rooms, Sophie was incredible resourceful when she wanted to be.

—It was better than leaving the Madame walking all the way to there. Maybe after eating this you might recover enough strength.

—Then I’ll thank you for your consideration — I said with a smile.

Violett was already drowsy by that point, so I made her burp, and put her on the cradle that I had asked to be placed next to my bed. Sophie handed me a tray with legs, so I could eat without having to get up, but just after I had placed a few plates and a glass of water over it, I saw Violett throwing me a glare.

—Aren’t you forgetting something —she seemed to be saying with her expression.

—Ah, I got it, I got it —I said.

After moving the tray away, I took Violett once more and put her against my chest, so she could hear my heartbeat as I sang her a lullaby. I had found myself murmuring that tune when I was pregnant, and later found out she wouldn’t sleep until I sang it to her. She was deep sleep in less than a minute, so I placed her once more in her cradle. I look at her sleeping face for a moment, until the growl on my stomach made me remember I still hadn’t eaten anything, and more than anything, that Sophie was still on the room.

—F-forget what you just saw —I said, covering my face with a pillow.

—But Madame, your voice was lovely —she said, getting a bit too close—, and I have never heard a song like that, could have you came up with it?

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—No, it is… something my mother used to sing to me.

—Lady Teresa did? If I’m allowed to be honest, she didn’t seem to be the type to do such thing.

—Of course not, I’m talking about my mo… —I stopped mid-sentence.

I was speaking of the person who had raised me on my previous live. She was still alive when I died; I had called her just a few days before…

—No, never mind, I think I was remembering it wrong. A nanny might have sung it to me when I was very young.

—I see —Sophie said with a smile, and didn’t ask any further.

I told her she could leave, but she insisted on staying while I was eating, “just in case”. We talked about a few irrelevant things while I was eating and she was cleaning the room a bit. I couldn’t eat everything she had brought, but I tasted a bit of every plate, which was enough to satisfy my sense of taste. I felt bad for leaving leftovers, though.

—It will be a bit unsanitary to give it to other people, and we don’t have animals. I wonder if we could build a compost bin…

—A compost bin? —she asked.

I bit my tongue again. I wasn’t sure if that was something that already existed on this world or if it was completely unheard of. She had already heard me mentioned, so I still tried my best to explain what it was to Sophie.

—And once it decomposes, it serves to make flowers, plants, and trees more strong and beautiful.

—That sounds incredible, Madame —she said with a big smile, and then got lost on her thoughts for a moment— Now that I think about it, there is a greenhouse on the back of the property. If we restore it using that compost thing, we could take Violett there.

I almost jumped out of the bed.

—That sounds amazing! —I said, holding Sophie hands. I must have had a huge smile on my face.

—R-really?

—Yeah!

If Violett had a place like that, she could admire the beauty of nature. And once she grew up a bit, we could work on the garden together, and we could have tea parties over there. Having a special place like that will certainly help her to avoid becoming a villainess, right? What’s more, she would look adorable on both working clothes and pretty dresses.

—Ma-madame? —Sophie said, making me return to reality.

—Ah, excuse me —I said, letting go of her hands and returning to the hands.

—I don’t mind it; it’s just that I haven’t seen the Madame smile so happily before.

—I… never did, right?

Of course I hadn’t, I had been training to be the model of a noble woman ever since I had started walking and talking, so outburst like those were prohibited. I was taught how to have the perfect gentle smile, but I suppose it was never an honest smile. I could only deviate from my persona of Rossane because I had recently recovered my past life’s memories. There wasn’t too much information on the game about Violett’s mother, except the implications of her screwing the development of her child. I didn’t wanted to be like her, but how alike were we?

Sophie must have noticed my worries and held my hands.

—Madame, I was worried about you. You have always been doing your best, but you never have enjoyed yourself, haven’t you? So it really makes me happy to see you happy, and I have to thank our young lady Violett for that.

—Sophie… —I was moved by her words, and tried to say something. Before I could arrange my thoughts, however, the door was forced open rather suddenly.

—Madame —spoke the head maid of the mansion, Carmila, with that stern tone hat was so characteristic of her —I have been informed that you aren’t resting properly, and even are thinking of working on the old greenhouse. That is not acceptable for a lady of your position. I have tolerated your insistence of keeping Lady Violett next to you, but I’m afraid you might be letting your emotions blind your judgment. And you, Miss Sophie, had been ignoring your duties and doing whatever you please taking advantage of you being in good terms with the Madame, and on top of them you have been feeding her things that are too heavy for her.

—Well, I… —Sophie tried to defend herself, but couldn’t think of anything.

I could see five or six maids peaking through the door, murmuring and chatting. They were Carmila’s closet circle, and were especially loyal to her, even among all the maids that were working on that house before I married their previous lord. They must have been eavesdropping in our conversation and informed Carmila about it.

—It seems —the head maid said—, that we are going to have to be a bit sterner on this house, starting with moving Lady Violett to her own roo—

—That’s enough, Carmila —I said, with my voice raised enough to shock the head maid.

—M-madame, I’m only thinking of what is best for… —she attempted to rebuttal, but she stopped when our eyes met. She could probably see that I was pissed off, even when I was trying to disguise it.

—You are going over your limits, Carmila. I respect the work you have done for my late husband’s family for years, but don’t misunderstand your position, you are the head maid, and I’m the head of the family, your boss. I don’t want you or any of your troupe ever again attempt to tell me what I should do. And Sophie is my personal attendant, as she is someone I trust and care for, so she will respond only to me. Am I being clear?

—Y-yes, Madame.

I told her to get out of my room in the most civil way I could muster at that moment, and just after the door was closed, I practically melted again into my bed.

—I can’t deal with people…

—That was amazing! —Sophie said— I haven’t seen anyone talk back to her! And I also have never seen you get angry at anyone.

Of course I would get angry, she was trying to take away my baby. Well, she only wanted to move her to her own room, but soon would she also want me to let a Nanny raise her instead of me, and she would end up becoming a villainess. I couldn’t let that happen.

I was exhausted, so I asked Sophie to leave us alone for the moment. I got closer to Violet’s crib, and passed my hand through the bars until I reached her. Feeling her breathing made me relax. I closed my eyes, planning to visit the market to get everything I would need to revive the greenhouse, but I feel asleep at some point.