I woke up, brushed my teeth, ate breakfast, left for work, got ran over by a truck—a pretty bad morning by my standards.
Mostly because I had run out of coffee. Breakfast without coffee... It just feels deeply wrong. It’s like bread without butter, cereal without milk, isekai without the truck.
Oh yeah, the truck.
Well, as they say, it only stings once. The grief from the coffee was honestly greater.
Besides, I’d recently been reading a bunch of those “web-novel”-thingies my younger cousins were always harping on about. Those stories are all about trucks and the adventures that follow them. Seems farming stories are also decently popular, I don’t really see how cultivating connects with the fantasies of those other stories, but eh. I guess it’s nice that farming is getting hip again. I’ve always felt the youth should stay connected to our roots.
Right, back to the whole “Death by truck” -thing.
I was pretty excited about what kind of adventure I would end up on. Would I go slay dragons as a mighty hero? Would I get some comfy slice-of-life adventures where I start up a shop or something? Maybe I would even—dare I say it—get a harem of beautiful women pining after me?
Honestly, I would even be fine with getting reborn as a cute girl. Would be nice to try something different, and I had always thought I could make for a dashing beauty were circumstances different.
Anyways, all that to say, I was excited for this. I felt the divine energies coil around my body, molding my soul into something new, something better, unleashing the energies that had been trapped within by the dull mundanity of a 9-to-5 job.
I felt the energies peak, and then I lost consciousness.
----------------------------------------
I was not sure how long I slept, but eventually I felt the waking world draw closer. I felt wet ground beneath me and heard birds chirping in the trees above. A warm breeze brushed against my head, driving away the last dashes of sleep.
I slowly opened my eyes and rose up.
Something was wrong.
First of all, everything was too big. The trees, the grass, even the insects around me—they were all a lot bigger than they should have been. Either this was a world full of big things, or I had been reborn as something very small.
A panic started to hit me. Was I even human? Was I a monstrosity?
I felt at my form with my hands, and felt my claws brush against rigid fur.
Claws. Fur.
“Oh no, I’m not human at all!”
My fright was released with my shout and I felt myself calm down. At least I could still talk. Or maybe I just heard the growling of an animal as speech now? Something I could investigate later.
That, however, was when I noticed the box.
A curious, blue box floating right next to me.
I slowly read the contents, and dread settled in me.
Name: Otter
Species: Otter
Class: Otter
Sanity: 100%
Level: 1
Abilities: Otterly terrible puns
“Nooooo! Anything otter than this!”
Sanity: -20%
Current sanity: 80%
Despair filled me. There was nothing I hated more than grating, stupid animal puns. I would have given anything to make it stop. I felt my mind losing control.
“Hey there, would you like some copium to help with that?”
Suddenly, a clear voice rang out, giving me some hope. I lifted my head from the ground and brushed off the tears as best as I could with my claws. A person... thing? Something humanoid was standing in front of me. It looked... Heavenly. Celestial. A being of pure light and energy. I had to ask it.
“Are you... god?”
The stranger laughed, a rich sound that felt like heavenly bells. He quieted down, then looked at me with those wise, knowing eyes.
“Hardly anything like that. I’m just a lone traveler, giving struggling strangers a helping hand.”
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
“Help? That... copum thing? What is it, what does it do?”
“It’s just a little something that will help you cope with things.”
I could honestly use something like that. But strange visitors like these... There was always a price.
“What does it cost?”
The stranger quirked an eyebrow.
“A cost? Why, I require no payment for this service. I exist to help those in need.”
The being pulled a canister and a mask from somewhere, then offered them.
“Just take it—it’ll do no harm.”
I only hesitated for a split second before grabbing for the copium.
“Thank you, I really do need this—this is otter hell for me.”
Sanity: -20%
Current sanity: 60%
Gah! I took another severe hit to my sanity! These puns, they are just too much! I fumbled at the mask with my claws, just barely managing to get it on.
I opened the valve on the canister and felt the copium start to flow through. I huffed deeply at it, and felt my despair fade. It was helping me cope—at least for now.
Copium overdoes: 25%
The figure watched me huff the copium, an amused smile on its face. I nodded my thanks at him.
“You really are a lifesaver; this situation is tough.”
The figure glanced at my copium tank, the pulled out another from somewhere.
“Are you sure that one dose is going to be enough? You used all that already. Don’t worry, the second canister is free too.”
The figure pulled out a paper and pen and held them out to me.
“You’ll just need to sign this contract, and you won’t have to pay a dime for your second dose.”
I narrowed my otter-eyes and looked at the contract.
“This seems suspicious, I won’t sign any contract without seeing an otterney.”
Sanity: -20%
Current sanity: 40%
Gah! Another severe hit to my sanity! I’m not fine, I’m not fine at all! This is pure torture! I need more copium! I need it now!
I desperately clawed the mask back on, but it was futile—the tank was empty. I was all out of copium.
“Please, please! Give me another tank! I need more, I can’t handle this!”
The figure just smiled at me, and held out that contract. Damn it, I have no choice. I grasped at it desperately, trying to hold the pen in my claws. It was futile. Tears started flowing from my eyes.
“Please, I can’t sign this contract! I don’t have hands—I can’t hold this pen!”
“You are an otter, are you not? What kind of otter would use a pen to sign their name?”
I gasped—he was right. If I was to survive, I would need to think like an otter. I quickly placed the contract on the ground, and then slashed a few lines on it with my claws. A proper otter’s signature.
The figure smiled, then handed me the next canister of copium. I switched it to the mask, opened the valve, and at last I felt the sweet, oh-so-sweet copium flowing through. I huffed it greedily, as much as I could, until all my despair was a fleeting dream.
Copium overdoes: 50%
I sighed, then took the mask off. I looked at the stranger again, this time trying to seriously get a measure of it. This entity—it did not feel malevolent, but neither did it feel benevolent. That contract, I didn’t see it anymore, but it had to have done something. Well, at this point, I was willing to pay the cost.
“Thanks for the canister. That contract—I’ll make sure I fulfill it. I’ll do my ottermost.”
Sanity: -20%
Current sanity: 20%
GAAAAH. Seering pain hit my brain, and I was wracked by terrible spasms. The pun was just too terrible! How could I survive something like this? But the copium—it was gone. I needed more. I needed more.
I threw myself at the figure’s feet and begged beneath him desperately.
“Please! I need more copium! This situation—I just can’t! It’s too much! I’ll do anything!”
This time the figure drew out two canisters, and I felt my breath catch. All that sweet copium, it was so close, so close. I needed it, I had to have it, I would do anything for it. Anything to escape this awful reality.
“These are my last canisters of copium, are you sure you want them? Sometimes facing reality can be the best choice, you can’t just keep huffing copium forever.”
I stopped to think on his words. Were they true? Those were the last two canisters, while from what I could see, my situation was permanent.
However, this pain I felt; I needed a release. I needed that one sweet moment of clarity, that one moment away from the torture. I slowly gathered my courage.
“What will those two canisters cost?”
The enigmatic figure smiled again, that same smile as all the other times. It leaned closer, bringing its mouth near my ear. Its voice was now but a whisper.
“My friend, the cost has already been paid. A lifetime cost. These will be yours for free, do not worry.”
I did not know what those words meant, and I did not particularly care. The copium was free—that was all that mattered. I grabbed the canisters, this time ignoring the masks entirely. I stuffed my mouth at the valves of one and started huffing it directly from the canister.
Copium overdoes: 75%
Once again, I felt my despair falling, my mind returning to normal. But now I only had one canister left, one safeguard against the madness. I would need to conserve it, make sure it was not wasted.
The figure watched me huff the copium, then leaned closer. It whispered in my ear, breath tickling at my eardrums.
“Thank you for tonight, it was an otter pleasure working with you.”
Sanity: -20%
Current sanity: 0%
I felt the last shreds of my mind flee, and I lost control. I needed more. I tore into the last canister of copium, caring little for how the jagged metal shredded my skin. I needed it, and that was all that matters.
I managed to open it some, and a sweet fog of copium enveloped me. It felt like a mother’s embrace, and I felt my mind calming down. The sanity was not back, but neither was the panic. I just felt a calm emptiness, a gradually building sensation of energy. As I huffed more and more of the copium, I felt the energy reach a crescendo.
Copium overdose: 100%
I reached max copium, and my mind broke. I felt myself fading, and all I could hear was the laughter of that enigmatic person. My vision gradually faded to darkness.
----------------------------------------
I woke up with a start and fell out of bed. I felt at my face with my very human hands and felt the normal beard around my neck. I was back.
I needed to make sure, so I rushed to the mirror. It was true, I was back to myself.
“Thank God that’s over. Must have been just a dream. Hah. Isekai. As if it could actually happen. I mean, getting trapped in an otter worl—”
No.
Please no.
“No, no, this cannot be. This is otterocious. NO!”
I rushed through my apartment in a panic, trying to find any hidden stash of copium. There of course were none, in the real world there was no copium, and I would have to cope on my own.
I raged and cursed at the world. However, I could produce no curses.
Only otterly terrible puns came out.