Everything is dark and I can't feel anything. Fuck, I think I'm dying, or maybe I'm already dead. The last thing I remember, I was fighting an Arachne, a 7-foot-tall spider centaur alien covered in organic chitin plates. Ugly mother fuckers, even though their upper body is humanoid shaped, their head isn't. They sure as hell dont look like some spider monster waifu, more like if the love child of a xenomorph and Japanese spider crab had a sleep paralysis demon. Fuck I hate those things, thank god they weren't the first aliens we made contact with. No, not the time to go down that rabbit hole, need to think back on what exactly happened. I signed up to be security on a transport vessel, I didn't have any experience working security or even really being on a ship, but high grav species are always in demand for security jobs, and I really wanted to get out of that backwater colony I called home. No, stop with the tangents, focus. Two days into the job, two fucking days and an Arachne scout boarded the ship and started destroying the cargo hold, most aliens aren't all that hardy so kinetic weapons are outright banned by galactic law due to the sheer brutality a bullet can do, and standard issue plasma and laser weapons do fuck all to an Arachne's carapace, that left me with a knife. The only viable option when fighting an Arachne in CQC is to try and slip a knife into the joints between the plates where the chitin is the thinnest. After our first contact with them, we learned pretty quickly that just like spiders their legs work like hydraulic pistons, puncture it and that leg becomes useless since it can't build pressure. I managed to disable the two frontmost legs on its left side slowing it down considerably, on more leg on that side and it wouldn't be able to hold its own body weight upright anymore. I was close to taking it down but I was pretty battered at that point to. I was no longer aware of what was around me it was just me and the spider. so I had pretty much no time to react when one of the terrified laborers pulled the cargo hold emergency release lever from the other side of the bulkhead. Fucker spaced us both to get rid of the big scary monster, and I dont even get the satisfaction of knowing the Arachne went down with me since they can survive for like half an hour in space with no lasting aftereffects. Yep, that's what happened, I'm drifting through the void of space. My brain desperately firing off every neuron it can in a hopeless plea for survival as it slowly dies. The second I think I'm finally going to have a better life and I'm space debris, god fucking damn it. Why does my luck have to be this bad?

*System restart initializing*

what? Wait what system, and whose voice is that? Is it even a real voice, it sounds artificial.

*Emergency battery backup has been enabled

Warning: emergency battery backup damaged 14% power remaining *

What the fuck is going on?

*Main power generator: offline

Secondary power generator: offline *

Did they recover my body and hook it up to some crazy ass cybernetics to save my life?

*Life support: offline *

What do you mean by life support offline, how the hell am I supposed to survive without some sort of life support system?

*Scanning for life signs.......

Zero life signs detected

13% power remaining *

Zero life signs my ass! If I'm dead how the hell am I still thinking and interacting with this stupid fucking system!? Shit, wasn't the battery at fourteen percent a second ago?

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

*13% power remaining *

God fucking damn it, you stupid fucking piece of shit garbageware! Are you trying to tell me my brain is being kept alive by a fucking battery? What about my body?

Warning: hull integrity compromised

Warning: internal pressure has fallen below critical levels

Internal pressure, like blood pressure? Im fucking bleeding out? Cant you stop it? Aren't you supposed to be saving my life?

*Warning: bulkhead controls non-responsive *

Bulkhead? What do you mean by bulkhead? what is that even supposed to translate to? Did they rip this VI straight out of a ship? Help, anyone! Im dying, again!

*Emergency distress beacon launched

8% power remaining *

eight percent? Fuck fuck fuck fuck! Fuuuuuck! Just that used up five percent, and what do you mean by distress beacon? Does that mean I'm still floating through space? What the fuck happened to me?

*Security frigate designation (/null) suffered critical damage while engaged in combat with enemy (/unknown) *

Uuuuhhh no shit, I got sucked out of the cargo hold into the vacuum of space, and what's with the frigate part, couldnt they have tweaked this VI just a little bit so it doesn't keep spitting out ship terms?

*Custom settings locked

Please contact an Administrator for authorization *

Ugh, forget it

*Deleting logs..... *

What? No! No no no no no! Abort abort! Dont delete my memory!

*Log deletion aborted *

Ahh I would be sighing in relief right now if I thought I even could

*Communication systems: offline *

Yeah, that's about what I thought. Ok, so I'm pretty much floating here bleeding out while a battery and a Spaceship VI keep my brain working.

*Communication request received through emergency distress frequency

Communication system: offline

Transmitting coordinates

7% power remaining*

Coordinates? So I am still in space! What the fuck kinda alien tech is attached to my brain right now, and who the hell put it there?

Builder of security frigate designation (/null)

Name: unknown

Species of origin: unknown

Planet of origin: unknown

Warning: data corruption detected

Oh great, not only is it some alien spaceship VI but it's a busted VI at that. How the hell are you already broken?

Accessing logs.......

Fuck you protocol initiated upon the termination of the primary administrator

data wipe initiated

data wipe complete

Fuck you protocol uninstall initiated upon successful completion of (/fuck you protocol)

Uninstall complete

System restart initiated

End of logs.....

Are you kidding me? What kinda paranoid fuck programs their tech to delete their fingerprints, then the fingerprint wiping program when they die, can't you do something about it?

*Attempting data recovery.......

Data recovery unsuccessful *

Of course, it was unsuccessful, Is there anything that actually works?

*Emergency backup battery: Online

Power levels at 6% and falling

Primary mainframe: Online*

So, my brain and the battery, and pretty soon not even those. I'll just be a corpse floating around in space with some weird alien tech strapped to my head. Somebody will find my body eventually and dig my last few moments out of the VI logs. Maybe I should say something for posterity's sake....? Nah, fuck that. What was that little shit's name that spaced me? Steve something I think, computer access and write to logs!

*Accessing logs

Write access denied

Permission levels too low*

What the hell do you mean permission levels are too low? You already said the primary admin was dead, it's just you and me buddy. I am the captain now.

*Accessing user data

No user data found

Creating a new standard user profile

Profile created

Write access has been granted*

Good now write to logs

*Writing to logs

Standing by for input*

Fuck you, Steve, you piece of shit coward!

*Writing successful

WARNING 1% POWER REMAINING*

fuckin worth.