“I think it looks quite nice. What do you two think?” Latori turned towards Hundan and Malidy, awaiting their input.

Ten weeks of their endless toil stood before them. The wood cabin was plain and primitive. Mixed quality and color of logs made it look all the more shabby. The door had a wooden latch on the inside that the group would use to seal the cabin while they slept.

“Hundan, I thought you were a construction worker,” Malidy stifled a laugh and placed her hand on Hundan’s shoulder. “Why does the place have no windows, Hundy?”

Hundan buried his face in his hand out of embarrassment, like a rabbit burrowing itself underground for safety. The warm frivolity of the crew had returned after a week, but the incident still tugged at the back of their minds like a traumatic memory one never fully recovers from.

“Hey, Malidy, don’t make him feel bad. We can alway add the windows later. I can use Excaliburn to burn through the wood and carve some,” Latori drew his sword from its scabbard and used it like a cane to lean on.

“Latori, sometimes I can’t tell if you’re joking or if you’re just that stupid,” Malidy ridiculed him. A wry smile seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face whenever the two conversed.

“I would not mind if we tried out your idea, Latori,” Excaliburn suggested aloud. After the incident, he began to telepathically connect to the group as a whole to prevent Latori from being further embarrassed.

“Excaliburn, why are you encouraging this stupidity? What, are you that eager to kiss Latori’s ass?” Malidy mocked the sword.

“Yeah, kissing my ass isn’t going to get you anywhere,” Latori fueled the flame with more scathing remarks. “It’s not like you did anything. What, you wanna feel helpful? How about you just be a sword for now?”

Hundan took quick looks at both Latori and Malidy and took the hint. Hundan gestured to the sword through earnest nods that he was going to take the bullies’ side against it to avoid being the pair’s next victim.

“…..”

Excaliburn fell silent. Everyone stood and stared at the sword for a minute to give it a chance to respond. Latori was secretly waiting to give it another verbal thrashing.

“Alright, I think I’m turning in for today. Tired,” Latori wiped his hands on his sweater and started approaching the cabin.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don’t you think you should, I don’t know, shower? For Hundan’s sake. You look like you stink,” Malidy patronizingly pinched her nose with her fingers.

“Bro, you can’t even smell. Fine, I’ll do it for Hundan. You know, I wasn’t going to say anything, but you smell like shit, too, my lady. I was trying to be nice since you’re, you know, undead and all,” Latori squinted at Malidy and put one hand on his hip. He used the other to waft the putrid fumes from Malidy’s uncleansed under arms away from his nose.

“Oh, you wanna see me naked. Is that it? Gross, Latori. Any shred of respect I had for you just got more shredded.”

“Yeah, I am pretty shredded. I bet that’s why you suggested for me to shower in the first place,” Latori equipped the most contemptible smirk he could; it was a smile that you’d expect of someone that scams old people for a living.

“Fine, you win. We’ll shower together, Latori.”

“Wha-REALLY? Can I wash your back?”

“I was joking. See? You are a pervert,” Milady pulled her head to the up and to the side and visibly expressed her disgust. Latori’s palms sweat from a sliver of excitement. The expression the girl gave him emerged as a memory of a certain character he loved from his favorite show. Though almost all of his memories were lost, the indefatigable adoration he held for that 2D ginger-haired girl would never die.

After their standup bit for an audience of an effeminate man and a sword had finished, Malidy and Latori came to a firm agreement that they would shower separately for the time being.

Latori lost the rock-paper-scissors to determine who would go first, but his inner faux anarchist (or just obnoxious apathy), led him to the conclusion that he should go first anyway since he was more tired.

“Hey, what the hell-'' before Malidy could finish objecting, Latori was already slipping out of his clothes and hopping down the path to the river. In an expression of defeat as well as to shield her eyes, Malidy collided her palm with her face.

Hundan assumed no one was watching him, so he craned forward to peep between the articles of clothing being thrown in the air by the carefree himbo; Excaliburn noticed what Hundan was doing, though. Excaliburn sees it all.

A picnic basket of natural hygienic tools nestled itself safely in the indent of a large rock. It must have grown lonely over the past few days. Hundan’s arrival on the island and Latori’s subsequent “rescue” marked a new age in Latori’s life on the beach. He taught Latori to create soap using ash and animal fat or oil. Out of kindness, and to further repay Latori for helping him on the beach, Hundan crafted soap molds, a workstation to produce soap, and a basket where Latori could hold various hygiene items.

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

Previously, Latori’s only treatment for cleanliness was washing his clothes and body in the river. Not too long after, Latori had come across sticks with soft bristles at the end when snapped. He collected a few to convert into makeshift toothbrushes.

Latori was loudly boastful about many elements of his body and mind, but there were some that he was quietly proud of; there were some that turned his body into a hearth when they were commented on positively. One of those things was his smile. He’d often stare at his reflection in the pool in the cave, plastering artificial expressions to please himself; to stroke his own ego. Most of those expressions would garner an eye roll at best on any unfortunate beaut that Latori would meet, man or woman. But when he laughed, it was really as charming as he wanted it to be. Rooms would light up at the mere sight of it. People couldn’t help but enjoy the warmth in front of them. It must have been why people had put up with Latori’s bullshit for so long. He was occasionally genuinely funny, of course, so that must have helped.

His smile was something he wasn’t about to lose, no matter how bum-like he was going to be. He used mint and other herbs found around the forest to freshen his mouth. At the end of every month, he would gently scrub his teeth and gums with the ash covered chewing stick. During the week, Latori would brush his teeth with sea salt and swish bobonut oil in his mouth. He did this ritualistically every day he could. Some days, like when he was recovering from his injuries, he made do with gargling boiled salt water he had stored.

The river scorched Latori’s skin like a freezing flame.

“AHHH COLD!” the boy cried.

The longer he went without showering, the more gelid the river’s waters seemed to become. The evening felt like a late brumal night in an icy tundra. He almost forgot that he was on the island. Latori hastily scrubbed every crevice of his body and rinsed out the soap. The accumulated filth flowed down the river along with the fish. Some of the ill-omened finned river dwellers had the privilege of the soap flowing straight into them. As Latori washed between his legs, one of the fish seemed to coincidentally turn on its back. It lifelessly was carried downstream with the soap.

“Alright. All clean. Shit, I forgot to get Excaliburn. I need him to dry myself. I’ll just go near the cabin and tell Hundan to toss him to me behind a tree.”

Latori scraped off water droplets from his legs and feet with his hands and then slipped on his socks and shoes. Butt naked from the ankles up, he grabbed all of his clothes and waddled back.

A figure lurked behind a nearby tree and patiently waited for the boy’s approach.

“GRAH!” Malidy jumped out from her hiding spot and contorted her face into that of the cryptid after it was injured.

“AHHHHHH,” creatures shuffled and ran away at the harsh wailing from Latori. “FUCK. PLEASE. FUCK.”

The clothes in his hand became caked in mud when he flailed his hands in fright.

“Oh, yikes, geez. I know that I for sure like only girls now. That is um… yeah. Don’t wanna go for the easy jokes. It might stroke-I mean, boost your ego too much.” Malidy’s eyes altered back-and-forth from Latori’s face to his second, more concealed sword.

“What the hell, Malidy? Why did you do that?” Latori’s shaky breathing from the chilly air and fear reminded him of a time before he was a battle-hardened child of the wilds. Knees bent inward, he quickly tarped his mini-Excaliburn with his muddy sweater.

“What? It was funny. Come on. Laugh.”

“No! All my clothes are muddy. I just bathed and I had to walk back in the cold because I forgot my stupid sword. It’s a nice heater after everytime I wash myself.”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I just thought it would make me laugh. It did,” Malidy offered her half-assed condolences.

“Jokes aren’t funny if only one person is laughing, Malidy.”

“Oh? I’m surprised you think that. Because sometimes you’re the only one laughing, Latori.”

“My sense of humor is just different from everyone else’s… More superior. If you understood, you’d be laughing at more of my jokes, too.”

“Is that so? Maybe I’ll try making more jokes like YOU then.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary. One of me is more than enough.” Caught up in a moment of hubris, Latori put his hands to the back of his head and smirked, eyes shut. The cool air from the surrounding vegetation tickled him.

“Latori, put that away. No one wants to see it.”

“Shit, sorry. Forgot.”

***

After rinsing his clothes of mud, Latori made his way back to the piece of the woodland where the budding family’s cabin rested.

“Did you have a nice bath, Latori?” inquired Excaliburn.

Latori spread his damp cheeks in front of the burning sword. A tempest shot out from between them, filling the air with lethal war-grade gas.

Hundan meekly seated himself inside the cabin as Latori requested so the latter could dry off in the open.

“Yeah, it was alright until Malidy came and jumpscared me. I honestly feel a lot better now. Ready to pass out soon.”

“Good, good… I wanted to ask you something, a favor.”

“What’s up?”

“If we ever make it off this island, I want you to help me find the reason that I became a sword.”

“Uh, sure, I guess. Yeah, we can do that if we ever make it out of here. It’s not like I have anything else to do.”

“Can you promise me, boy?”

“Promise? Hey, I thought this was just a favor.”

“Please.”

“Yeah, I promise, Ex. And don’t worry, I never break my promises.”

“Thank you, Latori.”

“No problem, partner.”