For the final months of the year, the focus once again shifted. While practical spellcasting remained a daily occurrence, training dragons in their innate spellcasting breath fell off in favor of massive lectures going over the laws and expected behavior for Renand and its allied countries.

"Many of you will be returning to homes unprepared for you, where dragons are strange and foreign. You must know your rights and responsibilities, and not bring shame upon this academy."

Alisa snorted; as if this academy had anything to recommend it any longer. They were obviously making things up as they went, their year never structured for the inclusion of dragons. Senior teachers left, new teachers taking their places, and the whole thing smacked of hurry and unpreparedness. She expected more, far more, from one of Renand’s Grand Academies.

At least they cared enough to give their students warning before sending them home for the break. But that decision also raised more questions. She'd assumed everyone would be required to stay here, that Renand would be claiming control over them all as a military force. But to allow even the foreign students to just... take their dragons with them and go home? That didn't make sense. What exactly was The Traitor trying to do here? Just how many misconceptions about this all was she laboring under? How much hadn’t they been told?

But these sessions on laws put Zen into an odd mood. She'd almost call it defiance if she didn't know better. Zen was headstrong, but didn't have a rebellious bone in his (incredibly long) body.

Today, as soon as the class ended, he flew off on his own, leaving Alisa to feel a bit lost. She hadn’t seen the twins around for a few weeks, as the second year class was off somewhere doing exercises away from the main academy grounds.

"Are you going to stand there all day?"

Alisa turned. "Sorry, am I in the way?"

"Just a little. But you seemed pensive." It was Enna Urden, a friend of Lia’s who Alisa had never spoken with directly but heard a lot about, her spike-covered korish towering over her.

"I'm thinking about Zen. I don't know how long he'll be off ... playing around."

"Call him back if you need him," Enna suggested.

"I don't need him. I just miss him."

"Sounds to me like you need him..."

"No, it's not like that." Alisa shook her head. "I don't want to drag him away, even if I could."

She'd noticed that no one else had quite as loose a reign on their dragons as she did. Zen could completely ignore her if he chose, while a firm enough command from Sadie was enough to bring Mirva - however reluctant - to her side regardless of what occupied her at the time.

A lot of the other students didn't keep their dragons tightly controlled, but they could when they so chose. Alisa didn't seem to have that option, probably as a result of the late bonding. Zen had developed his own stubborn personality far too strongly by then for her to ever usurp it.

And ... while she sometimes wished she could force him to obey, she also felt weird about it. Like it would be an unforgivable imposition, and she needed to keep from it. She wasn't sure she wanted to have full control over him, the knowledge that she could order him to leave off and he'd be forced to obey.

She always hated watching Gold play submissive to Francine, and had great respect for Gan Derris who let his Blaze run wild more often than holding it in check. Maybe she was just sentimental, but she thought her bond with Zen was just about perfect. Lia and Reen could keep their dragons under a tight mental leash as much as they wanted, and Lia could judge Alisa for her own failure to do so, but that wouldn't change her conviction. Zen deserved his freedom, and she had no opposition to giving it to him.

But… there was a difference between giving him freedom, and watching him leave her behind time and again. However many times she told herself she was glad she’d delayed, that she was doing the right thing…

"So you need someone else to talk to?" Enna asked.

"Sure. That’s what I need."

"How lucky that I happened by! What are you doing for lunch?"

Alisa shrugged. "Going to go to the dining hall."

The girl made a face. "Ew, no. You are coming with me."

Alisa hesitated. "Why would you invite me to go with you? We hardly know each other."

"Exactly. And it's high time that changed." The dragon behind Enna nodded, grunting in approval.

"Okay... but I'm not a going-places kind of person," Alisa hedged.

"It's fine. I know you can't afford it. I'll take care of it."

Alisa’s face heated, embarrassed at the reminder that her poverty was such common knowledge. It was, but did people have to bring it up? Still, she mumbled an obligatory 'Thanks," and followed Enna out into the city.

The whole academy district had been subsumed by more houses and dragon paddocks, the streets widened with whole swaths of buildings demolished at the Traitor's command. There were stalls in the markets marketing to dragons, trying to attract their notice with shiny baubles and exotic meats, but Alisa hadn't ever lingered long enough to really get to know what was available.

There were new open-air restaurants spread throughout the area, with tables spaced far enough apart to accommodate dragons sitting or lying by their bonded mages. Alisa felt weird sometimes, about how small Zen was. Even being extra large for an Aelanir his age, he was by far one of the smallest dragons by volume. Mirva had surpassed him long since, standing even with Sadie's head and still growing. Gold outshone everyone, now big enough that she couldn't even fit her head into the buildings any longer and needed her own entire section of the outer academy circle.

Enna’s korish may be shorter than Gold, but between her heavy build and copious spikes she looked bigger, and took up nearly as much space.

But despite the size of the dragon, they made their way through the streets easily with the new accommodation, and Alisa saw several other students with their dragons lounging about nearby. Apparently the open eateries were more popular than she'd at first assumed.

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She and Enna sat down and placed their orders, Alisa deliberately picking the cheapest things she could find. She didn't feel right taking too much advantage.

"So, here we are," she said. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Do I need to have a reason?"

"I suspect you do."

Enna smiled wryly. "I guess it makes sense. I'm not the best at being subtle."

"So, out with it."

"Your dragon. I want to borrow him."

Alisa blinked. That was definitely not where she'd imagined the conversation going.

"Not now, but in a year when he's more mature. My family has a few Aelaniri who could benefit from his traits."

"Uh... what?"

"For breeding. We'd like to borrow your dragon. He's exceptional in several ways, his size, his control, and his beautiful markings. We'll pay you for the privilege, of course."

"Uh, I'd have to ask Zen," Alisa said, but she somehow felt he wouldn't be terribly opposed to the idea. "When do you need an answer?"

"Oh, you don't need to promise anything like that, but I would appreciate it if you would give me first notification if anyone else tries to hire him out first. I'll match any offer you get."

"Oh, wow." Alisa suddenly wished she'd ordered more expensive food. This was more akin to a business meeting than a personal chat, and she felt out of place with her pedestrian dish.

"We can promise you excellent accommodations. We'll make all the arrangements for a leave of absence. I figure two weeks should be enough to ensure everything is done properly."

Alisa nodded. She'd never really thought about where dragons for mages came from, but it made sense that they'd have to be bred somewhere. And if Aelaniri were desirable but uncommon? Then she could see why Enna would want to borrow Zen.

"Have you asked the twins?"

"They're fully committed to their own pairing and won't allow it," she said, a bit sourly. "As if there's any reason to force monogamy on dragons."

‘They’? Alisa wondered. Or Lia? Reen had seemed interested in breeding Zen with Raxi; had that changed? Or was he just doing his usual thing of going along with whatever Lia suggested. Alisa still thought pairing Zen’s dark-silver with Raxi’s onyx black would result in beautiful little hatchlings. Riss had that ultra-rare pearl colour, which really should be paired with someone else who could let that come through in his children. Putting Riss and Raxi together merely because their owners were related seemed shortsighted.

The longer she knew Reen and the closer they grew, the more Lia’s attitude toward her brother infuriated Alisa. Reen was too sweet and protective and took on so much responsibility, too much; he tried to protect Lia even from things that she really needed to learn to face on her own. She understood why he felt he had to, but at a certain point he had to stop. He couldn’t really spend his whole life chasing her around, and always allowing her her own way was only going to make things worse in future.

She smiled at the irony of the thought; Lia had said something very similar about Zen.

“Alisa?”

“Yes. I’m open to the idea. I’ll talk it over with Zen, but I doubt he’d be troubled by it.” Knowing his wanton ways, he’d be overjoyed at the chance to show off to an appreciative aelanir audience.

“Thanks. You have no idea how bad I wanted that egg, when I saw they had an aelanir. But chance wasn’t kind to me.”

“No one else seemed to care about it.”

“Well, they wouldn’t. It’s not a native dragon to this region, and they’re not the flashiest. I only know so about them because our family breeds them.”

“Why didn’t you ask to trade? Everyone else was swapping and bribing like crazy.”

“Our year wasn't assigned any aelaniri.” Enna shrugged. “I'm lucky I didn't get stuck with a rajor like half my classmates. Anyway. Enough about me. What would you like to talk about?”

Alisa shrugged. “Nothing. Everything. I’ve been going through close confidants…” she had to choke back a sob that came out of nowhere. “Sadie and I were so close for so long, but now… she seems not to even care about me any more. Her little browning club are always doing activities together. Reen… Reen and Lia are off doing their year two stuff somewhere, and Zen… I don’t know what’s up with Zen. He’s stopped talking to me like he used to. Always off brooding by himself. I can get flickers of his thoughts when I try, but when he’s not trying to convey it to me it’s so confusing, I can’t…”

Alisa sniffed and turned away, wiping at the tears she couldn’t quite hold back any longer. “Sorry,” she mumbled, “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

Enna’s korish rumbled something and gently nudged Alisa’s arm with the tip of her snout.

“She says Zen will come back soon. Sometimes young dragons need some time away. Adrena once hid in a cave for three days, screaming loud enough to block out my calls.”

The dragon, Adrena apparently, grumbled deep in her massive throat and glared down at Enna.

“Yes, I’m sorry, but it’s relevant to the conversation.” She turned back to Alisa. “He’ll be back in a few days, ready to go back to normal.”

“You have a korish.”

Enna laughed. “I know aelaniri too. Did you forget who you’re talking to? I’ve been raising them since I was a kid. There’s no difference. Dragons are dragons.”

The korish, Adrena, grumbled something. Enna amended, “Mostly.” She turned to rub Adrena’s spiney knee fondly. “Even if some are more majestic than others.”

She tilted her head to the side, considering Alisa. “You know, I never felt as close to a dragon as I do with Adrena, however much we worked together. They never seemed as… real. I feel a little bad about how utilitarian our approach has been. But I know there’s a difference between bonded and unbonded dragons.”

“Just like there’s a difference between a bonded and unbonded mage.” Alisa tried not to sound bitter, but even after so many months it still seeped out, tainting her attempt at a joke.

Enna’s forehead creased as she squinted at Alisa. “You regret choosing to become a dragon mage?”

“Choosing! I never had a choice! No one told me. No one told me there was a choice until it was too late. I would never have chosen this!” Alisa didn’t mean to shout, the words burst out of her, turning to a sob, this time with an unstoppable stream of tears. “I never wanted this. I don’t want to fight. I never wanted a dragon. I just… I want my magic back, the way it used to be. The way it should be. I don’t hate Zen, I don’t, but I hate what happened.”

She hated this, hated how trapped she felt, how helpless. She hated how she couldn’t seem to get past this same holdup, how much her mind kept looping back to it again and again. Other people dealt with loss and got over it, why couldn’t she? Why did she have to be so weak, so vulnerable?

Enna’s eyes had widened and she seemed at a loss for words. Adrena, though, took a step forward and leaned down, nudging Alisa carefully with the side of her giant spiky head. The dragon made a deep rumble, more a purr than vocalization. Alisa wrapped her arms around his snout, feeling the stiff ridges of his scales, and not caring as she hid her face against his

“How did you not know?” Enna asked, her voice almost too faint to hear. “Half the students left. There were so many announcements, how…?”

Alisa shook her head helplessly. “I don’t know,” she mumbled. “Those weeks are a blur, I couldn’t think, couldn’t care about anything. I think I went to two classes all month, I just hid and slept and tried to convince myself it would get better…”

Had some of the classes she skipped been ones where the choice to leave was offered? Were some of the tutoring sessions she ignored offering options to stay as you were? She’d never know, the haze of depression lay heavy upon her memory, obscuring all but the sharpest detail.

“Has it? Gotten better?”

Alisa sniffed, then nodded. “It has, really. I don’t know why I keep coming back to this. I think… I think as long as Zen’s here to remind me, I can be okay with the trade. But every time I think I’m starting to make progress again, something sets it back.”

She was tempted to tell Enna about her problems with the doorway spell, the one too small to contain all the pieces it did, the one that she knew held the secret to something amazing if only she could crack it. Or the way her power fluctuated at random, and no matter how she measured and tracked it nothing made sense. But she stopped herself.

“If I’d made the choice, I might be able to live with it easier. But knowing I could have said no, knowing I might have been safely away from all this… it makes me so angry. I hate feeling helpless. Every other circumstance, I’ve known if I work hard enough, I can make it happen.” She laughed, a bit self-consciously. “I mean, look at me. A nobody from Leviir, and I’ve made it into Renand Grand Academy of Magic. I beat out rich kids and ancestral magical lines alike to make it here. And now… all of that was useless, and for no reason.” It made her tears start coming again and she blinked them away, defiantly rubbing her face dry in a single quick swipe. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I wish I could do something to help.”

“Thanks.” Though a useless gesture, Alisa did find herself feeling a bit better.

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