Disappointment and disgust. But why? What did I do that makes me feel like ripping my chest open just to squish my heart. It’s a strange feeling. It makes me feel uselessly angry, like nothing could be changed. A feeling of hopelessness.

I begin to feel annoyed. A feeling that makes me both uncomfortable and on edge becomes stronger. I’m angry at every small little thing. Why is it so dark? Why do I feel so uncomfortable? WHY!?

WHY AM I STILL WALKING!? WHY CANT I SEEM TO GET OUT OF HERE?!

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WHY DID I LEAVE HER BY HERSELF!?

I stopped.

For some reason, in that small moment, a small fraction of the seemingly endless amount of time I’ve been here, I stopped, I stopped walking.

A tear escapes my right eye and slides down my cheek.

Who did I leave by herself?

The feeling of being uncomfortable gets stronger. And a new feeling reveals itself, a feeling of sadness and of regret. “A guilty traitor”

I think someone told me that before I hate that it was said to me. But at the same time, I know I deserved it. Without any context, I know I was in the wrong. But I also know I’ll never admit that I was.