image [https://i.imgur.com/9vsQ4WS.jpeg]

“Huh?!” I shouted.

As it echoed back to me, something was off. That wasn’t my voice. It was… a baby’s cry?

What in the hell?

And where even am I? As I looked around, all I could see was an endless, black void. I strained myself, yet couldn’t even turn my head. Suddenly, a thin vertical strip of white light appeared in front of me.

The light grew wider and closer. Panic set in as memories flooded back. Just like in manga, the last thing I remembered was a truck bearing down on me, its headlights blinding and the horn blaring.

Oh shit… I don’t want to move into the light!

I did everything I could, but my body simply wasn’t moving. I was, in essence, on a ride without any control of my destination.

As the light enveloped me, everything became clear.

A giant woman, dressed in what looked like a maid outfit, was holding me. No, seriously, she was a giant—easily ten or fifteen times my height.

As she pulled me in, I was spun around. I caught a glimpse of a man before seeing what I had just come out of. I’ll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say, I think I was just… born?

Wait, like reincarnation? I thought to myself.

Is this like one of those anime’s I used to watch where the protagonist dies and is reborn in another world? No, that’s fiction and—actually maybe I should think about this later. I need to figure out where I am first.

I noticed that the person I assume to be my mother appeared to be quite young, perhaps in her late teens or early twenties. She was blonde with blue eyes—a real beauty with some decently sized assets, if you know what I mean. I could certainly see the appeal.

She looked like your typical European, but as I took in my surroundings, something wasn’t quite right. This place was unlike any modern home I could imagine, with its rustic straw bed, flickering candlelight fixtures, and walls of rough-hewn stone masonry accented by sturdy wooden beams.

Had I actually been reincarnated in the past?

But as my mother spoke, this belief quickly vanished. She spoke a language that was unlike any I’d ever heard. I’m fluent in English, Spanish, and Japanese, and can pick up elements of similar languages like Cantonese, French, and German, but whatever they were saying was completely foreign to me.

To an extent, this resembled English; I remember reading that Old English would be difficult even for native speakers, but this was on a whole different level.

No, I’m definitely not in the past. I can’t be. It’d cause too many paradoxes.

As she spoke, she beamed with joy towards the man. Coincidentally, the maid, whom I assumed to be a wet nurse, spun me around to face him.

Damn, she hit the jackpot too. This guy had a jawline that could peel an apple and was clearly packing some dense muscles underneath his clothes. Unlike my mother, though, he had dirty brown hair. But he shared the same vibrant blue eyes—must be a regional trait.

He—dad, I presumed—was not so happy. As he got a better look at me, his smile began to fade. His eyes bulged, and his jaw dropped. He started yelling at my mother, pointing at me and then reaching for something above me.

The maid gently put me down and began trying to reason with him, or so it seemed. Glancing behind her, I spotted a mirror. And… ah. That explains it. My hair was bright auburn, and my eyes were distinctly green. Under normal circumstances, I’d probably agree with dad here and suspect something scandalous had occurred. However, this was definitely not a normal circumstance. This hair and eye color were the same as I had in my last life.

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I guess I’m forever cursed to be a ginger…

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My dad rushed out shortly after his outburst.

The maid cleaned me up as best she could while my mother recomposed herself. Understandably angered by the situation, she didn’t let that get in the way of holding me for the first time.

She mouthed and spoke what I assumed were baby words to me, but try as I might, I couldn’t understand a thing she said. Nonetheless, she was clearly over the moon with my existence and rocked me back and forth until my father came bursting back in, this time trailed by another man.

This newcomer was much older, perhaps in his late thirties. Clearly a touch overweight. He also had brown hair like my father, albeit with a noticeable bald spot. Every man’s worst fear.

Am I a guy? I began to wonder, albeit being unable to look down to confirm. Questions for later, I suppose.

The man was dressed in lavish, ornate robes that shimmered with intricate embroidery, reflecting the flickering candlelight. I’d call him a clergyman if I could spot any symbols of Christianity. Yet, I couldn’t. The only symbol I could make out was an Egyptian ankh. I guess that’s kind of like a Christian cross, but the distinct loop at the top ruled it out. Our skin color was also clearly Caucasian, ruling out us being in Egypt.

What sort of religion is this?

Just then, my father began pointing at me. The clergyman adjusted his spectacles and knelt down to get a better look at me. My mother had placed me on the bed by this point.

For the next few moments, the clergyman conversed with my mother and father. Dad was still furiously shouting about the situation. Mom had begun to say something, likely trying to ease the situation a bit, but ultimately gave up and allowed him continue to say whatever it was he was saying.

The maid, who must’ve slipped out during the chaos, returned with a kettle and a set of cups.

Oh, tea!

I’d almost assume we were in an Eastern country if I didn’t already know better.

As I got a better look at the maid, I realized she was quite the looker too. We’re three for four now—sorry you lost the genetic lottery, Mr. Clergyman.

She had a very elegant appearance, but it was clear she was easily S-tier in the looks department underneath all that refinement. I’d place her in her early twenties. Like me, her hair was a vibrant red. Although she still shared the blue eyes of my parents and the clergyman. Was green exceptionally rare or something?

My mom and the clergyman accepted the tea, but my dad refused. Instead, all his attention was on me.

The clergyman took a few sips and then gently set down his cup. He said a word, nodded to my parents, and then everything went silent.

He held out his hand towards me as if performing a blast attack from a manga or something and began slowly speaking a series of words, articulating each and every syllable.

And… well, that can’t be right… a dim, purple light began to emit from the palm of his hand.

I felt a sudden chill in the air and began to get a touch spooked as what little hair I had started to stand on end.

It was an extremely uneasy feeling, almost like knowing someone is looking at you from behind, but this was coming from everywhere at once.

The chanting, as I now assumed it to be, continued for several moments.

And then I saw it.

The clergyman’s face went from stern, calm, and collected to one of sheer terror. He fell back from his kneeling position, knocking over the teacup. It, of course, shattered on impact, yet nobody seemed to care.

The man scrambled to his feet, screaming a series of words, and quickly tried to make his exit, all the while pointing at me.

My dad and mom, obviously concerned, kept pointing at me and shouting something at him.

The clergyman fumbled, nearly tripping, a few times during his journey to the front door, but eventually got there.

Before he exited, he turned, said a few words, and left, slamming the door behind him.

In complete contrast to the clergyman’s exit, my parents, however, looked ecstatic. My father rushed over, hugged and passionately kissed my mom, and then turned his attention to me.

Suddenly, I was six feet up in the air, being coddled by my dad…

What in the hell just happened?

He went from pissed off to overly enthusiastic in nanoseconds, all while the clergyman had nearly peed his pants in terror.

I guess whatever he said confirmed that I am this guys child for him.

But what was that terror in relation to? It couldn’t have been because of me, could it? I mean I get it, birthing a child is a big deal, but this had been something else. Actually, here’s a better question: what was that purple light that the clergyman shot out from his hand?

I’m beyond lost for words. But hey, at least my parents aren’t fighting anymore. And while the maid looked a bit miffed over the whole tea cup situation, it was clear her expression was simply a facade for appearances’ sake.

Well, I may not like it, and I already miss the hell out of my previous life, but since I currently have no choice in the matter, I’d better buckle up and move forward with my new life.

Hold-up, I just peed myself.

And now I’m crying uncontrollably.

Lovely.