This chapter showcases a section with suicidal ideation, and any who struggle with such an issue may find this part disturbing. If this concerns you, consider skipping this chapter and rejoining on the next.

-------Regression 55, Northern Continent-------------

Avior's twenty-two-year-old fist smashed into his own reflection on the iced over puddle at his feet.

Tears ran down his face before quickly freezing. Despite the bitter cold, his body felt like it was burning up.

Losing his sense of control Avior felt his breathing continue to quicken and the edges of his vision begin to darken.

How had this happened? Avior couldn't believe he was showing such weakness. He thought he'd overcome his fears, anxiety, and base emotions after dying in his first few loops, but now he found himself acting like a child.

Even with the knowledge of how unproductive his current behavior was, he couldn't stop himself from continuing his tantrum. He threw his own fist into his forehead as if hoping to knock out the memories of what had just happened: the brutal shattering of the last illusion he had about just what kind of situation he was in.

Worst of all was just how glorious that last illusion had been.

It had held him together after his first few deaths, convinced him he would find another like him to share the pain of this eternal loop with, at least one person to share a memory that wouldn't vanish once a new loop began.

Just an hour ago he had been so, so happy. But it had all gone so wrong so fast.

-----One hour ago, the ship Orisica-----

Avior looked out at the frigid Northern Continent with a smile plastered across his face. The surrounding crew wore concerned faces at seeing the sudden change in their sole passenger after seeing him so emotionless the entire journey.

The mysterious young man had blackmailed their Captain into sailing his ship Orisica through the ever-dangerous waters to get here. Worse along the journey the young man fought off multiple high-level sea serpents even including a leviathan class one by himself. That was a feat even their famous Captain Roarke had no chance of replicating without a certain death, yet this powerful young man threw himself into battle while showing the composure of a fearless veteran who'd been living on battlefields for decades.

Now as the ship was a minute from entering the port city of Glasicallik, Captain Roarke himself stood beside the young man with his head at a constant half-bow like a servant before his master. His rotund belly which was usually allowed to flop freely out in the wind was tucked into belted trousers before being insulated even further with a coat lined with River Otter fur.

As for his crew, they manned their posts doing their best to drop off their unwanted passenger before fleeing back to warmer, safer weather as soon as they could. They only hoped he wouldn't demand they remain at Glasicallik until he wanted to leave, a demand recent events made them fear was an inevitable one.

Taking a risk for the crew their Captain raised his voice to probe the man, "Great Lord sir is there anything you'll be wanting of the crew after we come to port."

Avior's smile didn't drop, but he ignored Captain Roarke completely as Avior walked forward and raised his hands above his head. A massive earth spire punched out of the shallows before twisting in sync with Avior's own hand motions. In seconds the sculpture twisted into the image of a gargantuan tree with a multitude of branches spining off so far that it took up more space than the ship itself. A few of the Orisica's crew even paused their tasks as if stunned by the beautiful sculpture which seemed to come alive under Avior's expert hand.

But Avior was not done. Now sweating with concentration more and more details were added to the massive sculpture of earth. Age lines, a few sparse apples hanging from its low branches, even a stray bird or two native to the Northern Continent appeared nesting on the tree as more earth was carved. An additional smaller spire rose up next to the tree before turning into a beautiful lifelike woman with happiness on her face and the obvious features of a Northerner. After all that Avior finally added one last touch, a crudely drawn heart shape on the tree's trunk with the names Aurora&Avior as well as a symbol for eternity inside it.

The sailors who saw the childish romantic scribbles raised their eyebrows realizing their passenger apparently came all this way for his love. A few couldn't help but feel themselves begin to feel for the romantically estranged man as their own thoughts drifted to their own past unrequited loves. Some even looked at their whole journey differently seeing it now through the lens of a man chasing his lover across a dangerous sea while even more wondered why the woman depicted looked so familiar to them.

The sailor's misunderstandings were short-lived; however, as the next moment a dozen earth spires violently speared through their ship's underbelly before punching through the main deck itself. A few sailors found themselves impaled on the spires while many others immediately rushed to stem their and their colleague's wounds while simultaneously trying to take cover from whatever monster their passenger's actions had apparently pissed off.

Avior didn't even have time to question what was happening as his own focus was completely occupied with dodging the earth spires punching through the ship to impale him.

A woman's enraged voice sounded through the ship, "Die you creep!"

The ship's occupants turned towards the direction the sound had come from to find a woman, who looked like a younger version of the statue standing beside the tree Avior made, riding a moving earth pillar rapidly approaching the ship.

Undeterred Avior called out to the woman some sailors immediately recognized as Earth Princess Aurora, a powerhouse of the Northern Continent.

"Ari don't worry, I'm not a creep! It's me! Avior!" Avior's voice betrayed no doubt despite his continued efforts to dodge the incoming earth spires while he spoke, sending himself into the air atop his own earth pillar to help him do so.

Even Aurora seemed confused by Avior's confidence as she slowed while scanning his face. But she ended up only slowing for a moment, as after double-checking Avior's face to see if it was one she recognized she seemed to remember him. Unfortunately for Avior that familiarity only made her continue her assault even more furiously while verbally berating Avior.

"You're the same weirdo who's been sending weird me letters since I was a kid! Did ignoring you not convey the message that I AM NOT INTERESTED!" The enraged Aurora ended her sentence by sending a dozen more spires of earth towards Avior.

Avior's smile had now begun to fade although it hadn't gone completely. As if he was refusing to accept the reality he was being faced with. Still dodging Aurora's attacks Avior spoke with a slightly quavering tone, "Haha don't be silly Aurora it's me. Avior! We were married before we got trapped in this horrible neverending nightmare. I know you might be upset how long it took for me to finally reach you, but shouldn't we be celebrating?"

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"I don't know what world you live in, but you need to be stopped. You wrote love letters to me when I was nine!!!! What kind of freak does that?"

Avior's smile completely disappeared and his eyes began to dim as a brutal realization began to grow in him. "Ari please stop joking. I wasn't writing to a nine-year-old. I was writing you! You have memories from all our other lives just like I do." Avior's voice became more and more strained with emotion, "We were married! Don't you remember? Please! Please, you have to remember!"

Aurora didn't stop her assault even for a moment, "Our other lives? You mean those psycho fantasies you kept writing about in your unceasing letters! Just get a grip and die already you monster!"

Avior continued to absently dodge while his mind receded in on itself as his entire world collapsed around him.

"No...no you have to remember. Please. Please remember. I can't be alone. No. I CAN'T BE ALONE!" Avior's scream roared across the waves teeming with such grief it even shocked Aurora for a moment.

Avior continued speaking only becoming more desperate as he went on. "You see our tree!" Avior gestured to the tree he had made from earth. A tree Avior successfully protected from being damaged during the fight. "We made a promise under that tree to love one another forever."

Avior face contorted as snot and tears streaked down his face, "FOREVER! Did that mean anything to you? Did you really just forget? Did you really forget everything like all of the rest? Are yo- Are you just as fake as everyone else?" Avior gestured to the sailors terrified sailors who looked up from dressing their wounds and trying to save their friends to stare at their insane passenger.

"Please!" Avior's cry sounded out barely coming through his choked-up voice, "You have to remember! You can't be like everyone else! I can't be truly alone!"

Aurora's face hesitated for a moment before adopting a softer look and stopping her attacks. "Avior?" Her affectionate voice sounded so fake it made even the sailors on the verge of death roll their eyes, but a desperate Avior bought into it wholeheartedly as a smile returned to his tear-stricken face.

"Oh you do remember! Tha-" Avior's face of relief turned to one of confusion as he looked down at his chest where an earth spire emerged from his chest. Aurora had impaled him from behind the second he let his guard down.

Aurora's softer look remained; however, it turned to one of pity, not love. "I'm sorry you're so sick, but I can't have you existing in this world anymore. Don't worry I'm sure you'll find peace in the afterlife."

Avior's confused face turned to one of intense pain at hearing those words from the one person he was counting on. The one person he had always counted. The one who simply thinking of enabled him to continue pushing forward after each painful death. After meeting his friends for the tenth time and seeing nothing looking back at him but blank looks it was looking forward to this moment he'd held onto. The belief, the certainty that Aurora wouldn't have forgotten. That she wouldn't have forgotten him.

But she had. She had forgotten everything just like the rest and worse she taunted him with the afterlife. A place Avior now believed he would never reach, instead forced to relieve this infinite looping hell forever.

Faced with all this, Avior finally turned to an emotion he hadn't felt in a while. Rage.

Aurora's face paled as she felt her own earth spires being torn away from her control. "What-" Her voice was cut off as she was speared a hundred, no a thousand times by her own earth pillars. The sailors still on the ship faired little better. They, Captain Roarke, and their ship were shredded to pieces by waves of water which had become sharper than knives.

Avior's face fell as he realized what he'd just done. "NO!"

Impulsively he withdrew the earth spikes that had speared Aurora causing her to start falling limply toward the ocean. Flying forward with air mana Avior caught her in his arms while he tried to directly stem her bleeding he'd made worse by removing the impaling spires of earth. Frantically, he moved to replenish her blood with the help of water mana while using limited fire mana to cauterize areas where he found himself falling behind. At the same time, Avior flooded her with light mana, strengthing her body's organs and accelerating their own natural healing process. He even sent darkness mana into her mind to keep her conscious and numb her pain.

Aurora's eyes flickered open much to Avior's relief and her lips even moved weakly as if trying to tell him something. Avior put his ear to her mouth in an effort to hear her, yet the words he heard would forever haunt him.

"Leave me alone you monster."

Her words ricocheted inside Avior's head ripping to pieces any remaining coherent thoughts as his mind went blank. He barely comprehended Aurora's eyes glazing over. She'd died after delivering her last message.

Absently sending her body to rest among the sculptures of her favorite birds in the tree he'd made so full of hope earlier, Avior floated away from unrecognizable pieces of flesh and pieces of driftwood, which were all that remained of the Orisica and her crew, and made his way inland.

He didn't consciously notice the arrows and spells flying at him from the Northern port city of Glasicallik, before automatically replying with a barrage of his own. The city, or what was more appropriately called a smoldering ruin after his return fire became quiet after that.

Drifting further and further inland Avior couldn't help, but think of his first life. No matter how much pain it brought him.

Aurora had been so happy then. She married Avior, a simple farmer, after leaving her continent to fight evil. She told him endlessly about her home continent. She loved her people and homeland and couldn't wait to show it to Avior. Avior had been nervous to meet her family, but Aurora had adopted a solemn face and told him she would protect him from them, invoking laughter soon after from the both of them. They were going to leave their farm that summer to visit, the same summer the world had ended and Avior had begun this infinite hell.

Avior's gaze drifted down to a frozen puddle where he saw his own face reflected within. A face that woke him from his nostalgia and filled him with self-hate for what he'd done. Smashing it he lost control of his emotions once more.

Over the course of the next many minutes, Avior felt hopelessness overtake him. The only real ally he thought he had left in the world had told him to stay away from her. He would honor her request. He could at least do that much.

Avior knew the fastest way to get away from her at this moment just so happened to be the same way he could return her to life. Picking up a shard of ice from the frozen puddle he'd smashed Avior split the shard into thousands of tiny shards. Finally, he dropped his own wards and sent all the tiny ice shards shooting at his unprotected body. The pain was immense, but Avior felt like he deserved to feel at least this much pain.

The pain of the cuts faded as Avior found himself once more in the familiar scene of his birth.

Only now even the warm eyes of his mother no longer brought him the warmth it once had. She didn't remember. He was in a hell of his own and he no longer had the false hope of Aurora being stuck here with him. He was alone. He was all alone.

--------------

Avior woke up to the feeling of icicles on his skin. He opened his eyes to see shards of ice surrounding him and for a moment he forgot where he was. Which life he was in.

"Avior!" A warm hug hit Avior and snapped him out of his slump as the ice immediately turned to water and fell harmlessly to the ground.

Avior turned to a red-faced Christina surrounded by a few other students who had woken up from the sudden drop in temperature.

Avior sheepishly scratched the back of his head as he sat up from his bedroll.

"Sorry everyone just a bad dream," Avior tried to awkwardly laugh it off, to which the others gave looks with varying degrees of disbelief before deciding to return to their sleep.

Christina released Avior from her hug and gave him a look of concern, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Avior felt an odd moment of warmth at her question, "I think I'm alright Christina, but thank you."

Christina held his gaze for a moment longer before nodding to herself, "Ok, well if you ever need to I'm here for you Avi. After all, we're all in this together."

Avior stopped his half-hearted answer and froze as Christina's last words hit him. "What did you say?"

Christina looked surprised at her friend's intensity, "Oh? That we're all in this together?"

Avior didn't stop the smile from growing on his face, "Yeah that. I guess you're right. We are all in this together."

Christina nodded, confused but happy to have helped Avior, before going back to her bedroll to sleep.

Avior's thoughts were consumed by her words as his determination was reaffirmed.

This time everyone was truly in it together. He would stop the world from being destroyed. He would escape this infinitely looping hell and everyone would stop forgetting. This life would be one everyone would remember. This life would be real.