Rarely has anything I learned truely come 'easy' to me.  Even things that should have been perfectly natural for me I still had to put forth a great deal of effort, you rarely pause to think about how hard it was to learn something once you've established how easy it is.  The comprehension of something as simple as the value of 1 is an astounding thing, it's a profound bit of knowledge that you take for granted but not me... I'll never forget the amount of effort I put into controling my body and into pushing myself the first foundation of my undying power of will started when I got back up after my first bout with hunger and insects.  The second portion of my foundation was right here where I learned that every failure is a lesson and if you persist long enough you can accomplish anything.

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I was being lazy.  I had woken hours ago yet I was content, spoiled even, with my current situation.  Here I lay half covered in dirt in the saftey of my burrowed home with a full belly and not a care in the world and despite the few hours I slept my body was still digesting and I didn't feel like exposing myself to danger while feeling lethargic.  I still yearned to do something though my fingers curling as I contemplated going out to hunt for other hidden creatures and evaluate their taste the only thing stopping me was the caution I learned from eating those bugs, so while content I waited a bit restlessly to see if I was in for an unfortunate experience.  It turns out I was not, well into the morning I was still perfectly fine and after making my decision last night I was about to begin my first steps in experimenting in my level of control.

In order to accomplish this I was forced to relive some of my experiences recalling exactly what it felt like to cause my eyes to change, to draw out that membrane that wrapped itself over my eye like a natural lens.  I widened my eyes as hard as I could and nothing happened so I waited until they dried out, but still nothing happened and despite the short amount of time I was already beginning to grow frustrated because even when casually blinking while I was relaxing my vision occasionally resulted in a change.  I tried to keep blinking until it changed but I found the more I blinked the less likely it was to happen I picked an object in the distance, a particularily long branch, as I focused on it I tilted my head from side to side as if maybe the lens would fall over my eyes and still nothing happened.  My gaze narrowed dangerously at the innocent tree in the distance and I felt my eyes blink before the membrane stretched out across my vision turning my world into a mix matched shades of black while everything that appeared to posess heat appeared to have different shades of brightness representing the level of heat each body gave off-- to my evident surprise the stick I had been watching was actually an animal!  A giant snake coiled across the branches of two trees blending in seamlessly to it's surroundings and awaiting prey.

I started to value the idea of caution and patience even more as had I left early in the morning I would have gone that direction, perhaps the snake would be eating me, most likely the same reason the snake chose it was because there were a lot of little lights hinting at something edible hidden away in burrows or under rocks tucked away into little nooks.  I repeated the experiment with my eyes, narrowing them a second time and the second lens flicked over my eye although I regretted it instantly sucking in my breath and quickly burying my face in the dirt as I clawed at my eyes, stinging in pain.  My second vision gave me the ability to see in the dark so I had pretty much blistered my eyes however the damage, if any, was quickly repaired.  This is how I spent the next several hours focusing entirely on my eyesight and swapping between each vision until I could do it reliably by then I was feeling particularily energetic and I could not contain myself so I crawled out of my hole and after brushing myself off I climbed up the hill onto a nearby rock to soak up some of the suns warmth while I stretched.  I had established I could move quickly when running but my balance was garbage, my hand and eye coordination was atrocious and the only thing keeping me on my feet was my momentum and as I teetered on my own two legs the motion seemingly unnatural as I got used to shifting my weight around my feet I stumbled forward a few times as I did a few laps around my hill, this was actually learned fairly quickly only about an hour of attempting various ways of standing and walking although I often switched back to my crouching gait since the terrain was easier to navigate on all fours.

With a newly forged confidence I began to skulk about what I had officially decided would be my new territory.  With warrented caution I surveyed the nearby area with my heat vision for any large threats although I quickly established I was in the clear so I began pushing myself to my limits I would practice leaping across rocks, fallen logs and running around and exploring the various types of animals that lived near my newly created domain.  The hill I lived under truely provided an excellent vantage from the top, my domain had several larger white rocks I could use to hide near along with a rather large one ontop of the hill itself letting the light of the sun drop down almost perfectly illuminating the nearby area despite the massive trees and their boughs vying for the suns attention there was a large enough gap in the clearing to filter in the sunlight.  The tall grass nearby was more blue than green there were all manner of flowers, weeds and vegitation, tiny flyers chirping, it was the second paradise I had found.  Another excellent find was a source of water, I had not found it before but I smelled water while I was out exploring and found a small creek roughly 400 to 500 feet from my hidey hole providing me with the three essentials for survival: food, water and shelter.

On occasion I still reminisce about moments like this, simple moments, when everything you need to do follows a set sequence of actions; eat, sleep, repeat. 

With my new found eye sight I was utterly spoiled with choices for things to eat, there were all kinds of creatures living nearby so sure of their ability to hide I could walk right up to their hiding place and they didn't even run away, so certain they would be overlooked.  It gave me an opportunity to inspect several animals ranging from tiny hairy creatures that leapt from tree to tree and ate nuts to larger fatter creatures that moved in bigger groups and ate anything in their path, they were hairless like myself and made lots of squealing noises, their teeth so large they poked out of their mouths.  There was the occasional short green animal that walked on two legs it was only three feet tall and it scurried about like it knew I was watching pausing to smell the air but unable to find me so it left quickly enough into some kind of cave I was not ready to explore.

So like this I began repeating this cycle, days would pass while I was practicing using my eyes, stalking the life around me for as long as possible all while ranging out a little further each and every time until I knew the extent of the life in my domain but never more then a mile or two since I knew I was near the territory of the flyers or the four legged creatures that had brutalized me and I wasn't prepared to draw their attention.  I was beginning to grow frustrated though because despite my best efforts to be silent and the fact I could smell my prey getting close to them was decidedly difficult and even in perfect silence they seemed to be alerted to my presence and bolted off, the effect seemed to be random sometimes they would catch me and other times they would be oblivious.  Once again you have to keep in mind I do not put two and two together all the time and I couldn't quite comprehend that if I could smell them than most likely they can smell me.  I was tracking things with the wind at my back all but blowing my vile, stinking presence to everything I stalked.

I didn't know the names of these things residing in my domain at the time but I had found worgs, goblins, snakes, hares, harpies, wild boar, squirrels, foxes, birds.. Assorted creatures large and small, you might wonder why such a large variety of creatures were living so close.  I did not know it at the time since I take my own needs for granted, I didn't bother to think that because I needed to eat and drink so too did all of these animals, sure I knew they needed to eat because they hunted me and chewed on me but I didn't put these two facts together.  I had been suffering under so much attention because I didn't know how to skulk properly and avoid predators that were simply seeking a bit of water and instead found a free meal.  No intelligent beast lives right next to a water source because they would suffer competition on a daily basis on animals just looking for something to slake their thirst.  While my new domain easily reached the nearby creek I had essentially set myself up for failure I just didn't know it yet.

One particular day I noticed a large group of little green creatures while I was out and about, trying to stalk a fox that kept somehow knowing I was nearby causing it to flee rapidly I had chased it down three times already and yet again I watched helplessly as it fled the moment I was within eye-shot of the damn thing.  That was when I smelled something on the wind causing me to turn around I followed my nose to find a group of eight of these little green creatures and I instantly thought of the pack of worgs that had ambushed me, the movements of the goblins were much less graceful however they were headed in my direction so I quickly moved in a seperate direction, likening after the fox that had fled before it dawned on me-- finally.  I scented the goblins and moved away from them I had been giving myself away!  I wanted to hit myself in the head at my own stupidity however I lacked the requisite time so I scaled some nearby rocks and squeezed between two of them before going motionless swapping to normal vision.

There was definatly some kind of pack mentality to them, the biggest of them constantly reaching out to strike its fellows the entire time they were.. Growling? Yipping.. They made a lot of noise and once one person was done growling the next started in a constant flow.  I shook my head, these things were never going to catch something like that however I had noted they were not moving after they reached the clearing instead they began gathering items like large sticks and rocks.  That was when I noticed they were even more strange because I had initially thought they had hair but when the biggest of them took their hair off and revealed their naked chest I was surprised.  I did not know animals could climb out of their fur.. I did not like the taste of hair.  Next they began piling wood into the center of the clearing stacking rocks around the pile I watched in fascination at what they were doing, hours had passed and the biggest of them would constantly strike them causing them to speed up until he turned his back.  As more time passed more of them started to arrive, eight turned into thirteen, thirteen turned into twenty.. Just how many of them were there!  I did not know so many animals lived together the longer I watched my fascination turned into irritation as I began to get hungry.  If there are so many of these things wont they eat everything in my domain?  What happens if they find that plump hare I was saving, or track down that fox?

Irritation turned into anger.  How dare they and I snorted as I felt my blood begin to boil.. I had been practicing and I was quite fast my strength surprising for my size however I had yet to truly test myself against anything and all I knew how to do was run away.  Aside from instinctively lashing out at those worgs I was lacking in my martial prowess.. Even the food I ate and killed was pathetically weak if not quite tasty so a small bit of reluctance crossed my mind.  Leave them to eat my domain or chase them off as I had been chased off.  The answer was obvious the more I thought about it.. I was already here, I had not run off.  I was going to go fight them and so I settled in and waited until it got dark.  As night fell I swapped to night vision.

Watching as they brought all manner of strange things with them sticks with fur stretched along it they wore fur that resembled many creatures I had seen as if they were pretending to be these animals by wearing them while others wore nothing at all.  They seemed enamored with sticks because they had so many of them, bent sticks, sticks with rocks on them the biggest of them had a particularily shiny object that glinted when it caught the sun it was rounded on one end and flat tapering to a point like a shiny stick only it was perfectly straight.  I wasn't ready to move yet however my hand was forced when three of these goblins had somehow made it to my hiding place they sat down and stretched out ontop of the rock merely inches from my hiding spot as I felt a brief tingling of cold fear.  How had they snuck up?  I had heard nothing from them and smelled nothing until they were right upon me.  I felt for the wind and noticed it had died my negligence hadn't noticed I was relying on it as an early warning system yet didn't even pay attention to the details of which direction it was blowing.  I made a mental note to always remember which way the wind was blowing.

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These goblins had snuck off to take a nap rather then work, although I didn't know that.. To me they were dangerously clever things on the verge of finding me so I darted out of my hiding place with all the energy I could muster my first goblin kill was quick as my hand tore it's throat open I spared no lingering glance to ensure it was dead.. there were two more one had watched me dart out and was in the midst of opening it's mouth to scream while grabbing a stick it had left on the ground but I had already tackled him and my jaws sunk into his throat as I held him down ripping a bloody mouthful away and licking at my lips as I regarded the third one.  It had bright yellow eyes that almost glowed in the moonlight unlike mine which were more like a dull gold, I noticed at this distance they did have hair although it was patchy and it only grew on their head this creature was utterly paralyzed.  I remembered the first time I saw violence, that deer in the headlights look before I was pounced on and my spine broken I darted forward and grabbed the goblin around it's neck releasing it from whatever stupor it was in as it grabbed my arm and I lifted it off the ground while squeezing until I heard a satisfying cracking.  Panting heavily I dropped the goblin and felt a wash of emotions hit me like a hammer I had felt more alive in this moment then ever before my heart was hammering my blood raging and my whole body felt like it was on fire I felt all the unknown rage and frustration at being helpless wash away as I realized I was not going to lose my domain, I could fight these things and claim what is mine. 

Kneeling down I thrust my hand into a goblins chest cavity and tore out it's heart.  I had found these things, hearts, held the most blood which I found to be the most tasty and took a large bite out of it, chewing the tough meat as blood poured down my chin still warm I felt a sensation to scream as loudly as possible as if announcing my presence, a direct challenge to them for daring to encroach on what I have deemed was mine.  Restraint was not my strong suit, nor was intelligence and I was drunk on the multitude of elation from my victory, feeling invulnerable I let out my challenging roar stomping my foot down as I stared down at the clearing from my rock. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" My voice was alarming even to myself, my tone was deep however it broke towards the end from the amount of force I put into it my stomach ached for a moment and my body shook.

I kicked the heartless corpse down letting it tumble towards their camp, towards all who had heard the noise trying to pinpoint it's origins as it echoed a crowd of six or seven had spotted me, the corpse and readied their weapons as I threw myself down after them, I had yet to vent properly and let out another cry this one even louder as I charged seven of them, three of which turned and fled my warcry the others terrified thrust their sticks out at me holding them still as if they thought I would run myself into them.  Before I lost my momentum I simply curled onto all fours and leapt forward my body spearlike as I tackled one of them in amidst their group my claws trying to tear it's throat out but it was determined to live blocking my attempts I gave up and sank my hand into it's stomach disembowling it.  I then felt something thrust against my back, it hurt but it didn't do much more then scratch the surface of my skin.  I turned and glowered at the goblin that had struck me, batting the stick to the side I leapt on it next this one had clung so tightly to it's stick it's throat was an easy target and it was dead in but a moment that is when I felt four more jabbing sensations.

It hurt but only barely so I lashed out at the sticks knocking some away only to have them replaced by more.. I was not killing them fast enough and the three that had run off came back with more.  Their weapons were not effective against me but while they couldn't peirce my skin with their feeble attempts my forward movement was kept in check by the same stick.  I had killed two in the first exchange five total counting the three slackers on my rock.  I don't know how it happened but now I had almost twelve of them surrounding me so I grabbed one of the sticks and yanked on it pulling a goblin too foolish to let go of its weapon into the circle I began to pull it apart, venting my frustrations on it to the abject horror of the other goblins around me they began shaking all of them growling more nonsense.  What truely scared them is when I licked my fingers clean and bared bloody teeth at them I let out another roar which gave them pause causing them to cease their tireless jabbing long enough for me to dart forward and curling into a ball I rolled under the spears and began pulling at the goblins legs.. The nearest ones simply gave up and fled while I had grabbed three different feet and pulled them down I suffered from countless jabs as I began to bleed my three new victims.  I was trained by wolves.. in a sense, not to play with my food each one of my strikes aiming for a throat, heart or lungs did the most damage although I did not know what they were I just knew if I struck at their chest often enough they would die faster.

By now I had over twenty of them surrounding me in a wide circle.  Too many for further tricks as the moment I moved forward they all pushed together and forced me back into the center, their primitive weapons was simply not sharp or strong enough to hurt me without more strength.  That is when they began to growl in unison, a single noise repeated again and again.

"Gaaju.."

"GAAju..!"

"GAAAJUU...!"

The momentum of the noise startled me and I had nothing better to do but stand in irritation searching for a way out.  What happened next bewlidered me as I saw something I had never seen before.  While I was busy fighting goblins far more then twenty had arrived to this clearing.. There were probably closer to eighty and I was dumb enough to think I had everything handled.  No, they sent a small group after me to simply hold me down while they prepared in the center of the clearing.  A bright light illuminated the area as someone lit the massive bonfire they had been building and I let out a scream of pain as I stared directly at the bright blooming of flame flicking back to normal vision as I shook my head blinking away the pain as my eyes healed themselves.  I felt something strike me but no speartips were nearby, a goblin had let loose an arrow and it struck me in the chest embedding an inch or so into my durable skin causing me to hiss and pull the arrow out.  More of them began to fall and continuously strike me, occasionaly they hit my particularily sensitive bits which made me charge the awaiting spears demanding blood but I was simply pushed back into the center.

The goblins were watching me with very clear fear.  Smarter then your average idiot they knew wounds don't simply heal, my skin was difficult to peirce and nothing they did kept me down while every wound I took simply vanished.  I had a small pile of arrows on the ground now pulling them out and glaring at the archers in the distance, they had given up trying to kill me.  Everyone was waiting on something, everyone except me who kept lashing out.  I managed to get one more goblin with the stick pulling trick the goblin so determined to keep its weapon it's fellows could do nothing but watch as he fell into the center.  They had tried to push me off with their jabs but I just dragged him with me and I made an example out of him by ripping his heart out and taking a bite out of it, letting the meal fall to the ground I picked the corpse up and threw it at a group hoping to break their wall but they just knocked the corpse out of the air with their sticks.  Clever little bastards.

After what felt like a long time but was only a couple of minutes, I got to confront what I would soon learn to be my very first nemisis.  Gaaju.

Gaaju was massive.  I'm talking five foot eleven and a half inches tall rippling with thick corded green muscle, he had a suit of shiny fur that clinked strangley while he lumbered forward.  Gaaju was a hobgoblin which meant he was smarter, stronger and faster then all of these goblins he also had shiny sticks just like the first big goblin I had seen only his stick was much longer.  They were swords.  When the massive hobgoblin arrived the crowd parted to let him pass before closing up behind him and ending any ideas of me escaping.  I was stuck starring up at possibly the biggest damn thing i've ever seen in my life and watched as he gestured and growled pointing his finger at me and then his growls got louder while all the surrounding goblins looks terrified.  He drew out his stick and yelled before swinging it at me, unphased I was under the impression these sticks simply couldn't hurt me although I still didn't stand still I darted to the side allowing the stick to draw a long graze diagonally down my all the way from my shoulder to my waist the single blow sliced my thick skin open by an inch or two and the hobgoblin laughed in amusement at how easy I was to dispatch and I reeled under the pain but pushing through I darted forward despite the pain and thrust my hand towards his chest, thinking victory within my grasp as I watched his eyes widen, I was caught by surprise as he began laughing again while I struck his chest.  He was wearing chainmail.  My only weapon was entirely ineffective against him.. He didn't even bother to defend himself as I threw all of my anger onto him punching, kicking clawing at his limbs he just howled in laughter at my ineffective attacks before swinging his sword again, this time he thrust it forward impaling me along the weapon he pinned me into the ground before grabbing a few of the goblins spears.  He used them to much better effect as he all but nailed me into the earth with the spears his superior strength showing it's ability to thrust the dull rock blades at the end of each spear through my tough skin.

Withdrawing his sword he watched as I healed and frowned before raising his sword and smashing it against me, again and again I screamed until he was fed up with my screams and chopped my head off.  That was why, when a minute had passed and I had regrown my head even the mighty Gaaju had a bit of fear in his eyes.  Barking loudly he immeadiatly sent the goblins off running, I wasn't even exhausted yet but I could do nothing, healing my wounds and regrowing my head so quickly had taken a lot of energy out of me and I began to feel the stirrings of hunger despite even my most recent meals.  I watched as the goblins began piling sticks around me, they didn't make a particularily large pile before the hobgoblin took out a foul smelling liquid and poured it over me and some of the logs and a goblin arrived next to him holding a torch.  He gave me a lingering, worried stare before tossing the torch onto my body.

My screams echoed well into the night.  To this day I hope each and every one of those goblins die a horrible death filled with agony and pain for what they did to me and I curse their entire legacy to death..  I was burning, flames licked at my skin as I roasted amdist the logs no part of me was free of this and I thrashed violently amidst the flame my whole world was pain my skin repairing itself as the flame rapidly burned through my resevoir of energy I had built up.  I had to wait until the fire caught the spears pinning me down.  It took almost fifteen minutes.  Fifteen minutes of eternity as far as I was concerned my body savagely burned while embers burying themselves into my flesh only to have my regenerative effect combat it with new flesh to burn.  It was hell.  I can't even explain how painful it was because it wouldn't do it justice and I understand that is a lame excuse but imagine every burn you've ever gotten now imagine stabbing your wound with a red hot knife covered in salt and twisting the knife, then do that all over your body.  On your privates, your face, mouth, eyes and anus.. all of these sensitive places.  Do it for fifteen minutes.

By the time I could finally begin to crawl away I had officially made Gaaju begin to sweat, how do you kill something that can't die?  He thought I was a troll and that with fire I would loose my regenerative abilities.  Oh it certainly slowed things down damage on such massive scale exhausted me down to the very basic level of regeneration meaning when I crawled out of the embers of the flame I was more bone and muscle then recognizeable flesh.  Pure willpower pushed me to drag myself from the flames waiting for muscles to regenerate long enough to push or pull myself into the clearing.  There was a moment of silence as my enemy regarded exaclty how to deal with me with yet another bark and series of growls goblins reappeared with yet more new and interesting items, although I couldn't appreciate them as I lie in the dirt waiting for my skin to regrow itself my eyes would have to wait.  I felt pain again as a powerful grip grabbed my arms and clasped chains around my limbs after that I lost conciousness as I felt that the edge of a sword on my neck the second time, with no reserve of energy to call on it would take hours to repair all the damage done to me.

I had lost control and paid the price.  I had no idea what was in store for me.