To Whoever Gets Their Eyes (Or Ears) On This:

What I am pleased to present to you here is an excerpt from the superiorly practical existentialist publishing house known as the Knights Almanac. I’ve recently realized a formal working agreement with the lifestyle division of the Knights Almanac to aid in fostering the growth of a content base and readership on Earth’s collective reality space.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m surprised to have been given the position, and really there’s absolutely an unending list of better qualified, harder working, quicker witted people with more friends who would be able to dedicate more working time and achieve higher potency with that time that they must have reached out to. So I have to assume I maybe wasn’t their first choice.

Don’t let that undercut my sheer excitement at presenting the translation of an absolutely seminal article series published by the Knights Almanac, in their flagship magazine the Knight’s Almanac. This, of course, is the long ongoing article Regarding Goblins, by the immortal Gordon Cutquill. 

The translation is my own. Much of what’s published is created by and for audiences that have transcended language, so there aren’t a lot of reference points or touchstones for English, so please forgive some unsure prose.

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

In the 133rd post calamitous year of a calendar that didn’t exist, in a world that had no singular title or name, the then-famous Wooling1 author Gordon Cutquill turned himself into a goblin2 and walked among their kind. It’s a rare glimpse of a truly alien intelligence with that signature obtuse Cutquill wit. The reception of Regarding Goblins caused a substantial upheaval in the collected minds of the Knights Almanac, and they credit Cutquill’s window into this heinous world with the modern Knight’s Almanac.

With no more ado: The heavily speculated and edited Regarding Goblins.

1Woolings are a cozy, small species with comfort and society driven intelligence much like our own. They are known for their perniciousness and uptight behavior, and their diminutive size. Common and oft repeated Wooling idioms mention their horns primarily being for show or display and to try to use them to facilitate violence in any way would be folly.

2There are plenty of recognized varietals of goblin across pretty much every reality space out there. There seems to be a bizarre split where in worlds where they aren’t real, they exist in that world’s fictions and mythos, and in worlds where they do exist, they feature no role in such work. Perhaps that comes as no surprise.