I was perched awkwardly on a floor mat. She hummed to herself as she finished brewing the tea leaving me to stew for a bit, probably for the best as it gave me time to collect myself.
“You’ve found yourself inhabiting a rather complicated body, reincarnator.” said the woman, as she brought the pot of tea to the table and sat it on a wooden stand to not mark the table. She elegantly poured two cups and handed me one.
I watched, silently, carefully planning my answer so as not to stumble at the first hurdle. “That does seem to be the case,” I answered. “Although, this is the nature of reincarnation. We take what we are given as, regardless or the circumstances, we have a new chance at life.”
“Then, you are not spiteful?” she asked as she looked at me, seemingly forgetting entirely about her grasp on the boiling cup of tea.
“I will not lie to you and say I was happy with this body and what it has taken part in, but I am accepting that if this is who I am now, then I must make the most of it.”
“Considering what this boy has done, have you not considered that keeping his face in this world will do more harm than good?” she asked, a crease in her eyebrows from a frown that had suddenly appeared on her face.
“I am a reincarnator. I can do enough good for this city to cover 1000 Lai Sen’o’s, let alone just one. I have limitless opportunities to make the lives of the people I have harmed better.”
“Ah, so now Lai Sen O has raped 1000 women, what is your plan? Do you go around to 1000 households kowtowing and offering your life as atonement?” she shouted, mockingly.
Turns out it was the third hurdle that brought me crashing down. “Sorry,” I said with a shake of my head. “There are some things that can’t be atoned for.”
“But I’m just one, it’s just one woman, you thought, I’m sure I can make it up to her.” she said even more scathingly.
“I came here ready to die.” I said, a little defensively.
“Lai Sen’o is already dead! You are not him! What sort of satisfaction could I possibly gain from killing you?” She shouted at first but sank back to the floor as she realised the emptiness of this interaction. “In the end, I am only one woman.” she said melancholically.
“I too am only one man. You’re right, there is a limit to what I can achieve even as a reincarnator. However, I do believe that this face and this name is redeemable. But my journey starts with you. I am stuck in a body that has committed something horrible unto you. I have inherited a name that has been spoken with nothing but venom for years and I have made a fool of myself in front of the very person I was aiming to provide closure for.
“It’s true that I am just one man and you are just one woman but together, well, I don’t know really. Maybe we could be something a little more than that.”
“Together? You really want to make amends don’t you?”
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“If you’ll allow me, I do believe that I can make what this boy has done a distant memory. At the very least for those who were affected by Lai Sen’o’s more forgivable sins.
“But why would you insist on doing so with the face and name of Lai Sen’o?” she asked, perplexed and a little angry.
“Because that is who I am.” I stated, calmly.
“But you’re not!” she shouted, slamming her hand on the table.
“Much as I do not understand how it feels to be in your position right now, you must accept that you do not understand mine. Like I said before, I am now Lai Sen’o: Past, present and future.”
She steamed for a while, a little of our tea had spilled onto the table but neither of us took notice. We only stared at one another. She slowly resumed her graceful sitting position whilst I finally let my shoulders relax a little bit.
“So, I must use his name to refer to you?” she finally asked.
“I’m afraid so.” I nodded, her head dropped a little.
“And I must look upon his face whenever I see you.”
I only nodded this time.
She suddenly looked up, her eyes containing a little glimmer now. “Well, I can’t kill you and as a reincarnator you’re far too valuable to let go. To specify without room for confusing. Your life is currently in my hands?”
“That is correct.” Finally, I can confirm with confidence.
“I don’t want much,” she began. “Just happiness.”
“Happiness?” I asked. She nodded her head. “Forgive my presumptuousness but I think I can accomplish for you far more than that.”
“Even if you do, happiness is the one I would be most grateful for. I have spent far too much of my life avoiding it.”
I took a sip of tea. She saw me and remembered her own. She drank as well, it was a little cold but tasted delicious.
“Forgive me, but, what is your name?”
She set her cup to the table and cocked her head to one side. “My name? I thought you had the memories of Sen’o?”
“I have some of them. Apparently not the one containing your name.” She finally laughed, just a little bit but it made my heart shake.
“Let me get this straight, the only memory you have of me is the one you are apologising for?”
“That is the case.”
“Well that’s unfortunate. At least now we have shared tea, I think even this should be a more pleasant memory.”
“Infinitely so,” I confirmed.
“My name is Safi Jaore,” she said as she reached her hand across the table. I took it and she shook my hand firmly. She took her hand back and went to find a cloth to wipe the tea from the table.
“Nice to meet you, Ms. Jaore.” I said.
“Hey, I’ve made you tea. The least you can do is call me Safi.” she said as she wiped the table. I helped by lifting the various pots and cups up, allowing her to wipe them underneath.
“Then Safi, will you allow me to redeem this name?” with a little bit of dramatism. I was not about to start joking around but if she’d lifted the mood a little the least I could do is not bring it back down.
“You can try,” she scoffed. “Though I still don’t understand why…”
“Call it moral principle,” I said.
“I’ll call it idiocy and be done with it.” she replied. She sat down at the table again. “Would you like to come again tomorrow?” she asked.
“I’d like that,” I said.
“I promise I won’t shout as much, nor pinch your face. Unless you say something stupid.”
“I can’t promise I won’t say something stupid.”
“You’re a man, of course you can’t!” she laughed, this time a little louder. Loud enough for me to feel comfortable doing so as well. “What a strange day,” she said wistfully.
“Agreed,” I said.