Karim eventually does take the lead. He needs to, since Sira doesn’t know where they’re going. It’s a short walk, thankfully, to a two-story building that looks quite run-down, but the interior is of a nicer, more comforting quality.
Sira expects Karim to start questioning them as soon as they leave the clinic, but neither of them speaks, until after he guides them up a set of stairs and to the second floor of the building. He stops by a door with ‘206’ on the number plate.
“Hey,” he begins, turning around to face them. There’s a smile on his face, but he looks more tired - and more serious - than Sira has seen him all day. “Do you want to talk about what happened back there?”
Sira meets his eye, blinking rapidly. “What did happen?”
He shrugs. “I thought you’d tell me. All I saw was you turning into a statue with one of the most terrified looks on a face I’d ever seen. ‘A deer in headlights’ might be an understatement.”
“I didn’t pass out?”
"No. The doctor wouldn't have continued drawing blood if you did. If you're this scared of needles, though, well...I can't say things are going to be too pleasant for you from here on out. I can pull some strings here and there, but there’s only so much I can do.”
Great. So that’s not the end of it.
Sira clutches their head again. It still hurts, but it’s lessened to a dull ache. “I don’t think it was that. Being scared of needles, I mean.”
Not necessarily. The needle had triggered it, but that’s the only role it seemed to serve. The rest...no, a fear of needles isn’t the issue.
“Then what was it?”
They’ve had a hard enough time trying to come up with ways to describe a lot of things, but this is a whole new level - but It’s clear that Karim isn’t going to leave the issue be. They have to come up with something.
“I don’t know. It’s like…I was somewhere else for a second. And something was there.”
The look on his face is incredulous. “Can you explain a little more detail?”
Maybe he thinks they’re lying. Maybe he thinks they’re crazy. Maybe craziness would be a comfort. A convenient explanation behind what just happened. Something simple to deal with in comparison to everything else that Sira has witnessed today.
“I’m not sure that I can, sorry.”
“...that’s not helpful.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. His patience is starting to wear thin, they assume. He’s not the only one. “But it’s fine. Something we can investigate when we’re with the HQ medical staff, depending on what happens. You’ve been through a lot today, so I’m not expecting a lot.”
There’s a small twinge of guilt in Sira’s gut as they put something together that didn’t come to them before now: they’re a hassle. A jarring shift in everyone’s routine. They recall the way Karim swore when they first took off their respirator in front of him, the tired look he had during the drive over here, and Mikael’s invasive glaring. Everyone they’ve met but Lionel and maybe Rani has been apprehensive in one way or another regarding Sira's arrival.
There’s talk about Sira’s immunity and a potential cure or vaccine, but the way the others have overall behaved could hardly be called excitement, despite how accommodating Karim, Rani, and the doctor have tried to be. They must have picked up on that subconsciously with how much they’ve been refusing simple offers for help. They don’t want to be a hassle. A burden.
The bone-deep weariness and how spaced out Sira has felt since leaving the clinic quickly nullifies the creeping guilt. It’s not exactly reasonable anyway: everyone has been kind, but they barely know any person they’ve met today, and depending on what happens, Sira may not know them for much longer.
Karim and the rest are just doing their jobs. Sira doesn’t have any connection to them otherwise.
“They’re all in there," Karim says as he nods toward the door. “There’s a shower you can use and plenty of spare bunks, so just pick one and hop in when you’re ready to turn in for the night if it doesn’t have one of their bags in front of it. We’ll be leaving early in the morning, so get as much sleep as you can, alright?”
“Um, what about you?”
It's a stupid question, considering what Sira just thought about, but it slips out anyway.
Karim presses a fist to his mouth in an amused scoff. "Oh, unfortunately, my contract stipulates that I'm not allowed to sleep - I'll be fine. I just have a separate room and some more things I need to take care of before I can call it a day. Besides, I’m supposed to be looking after you, kid, not the other way around.”
Sira nods, ready to end the conversation. The food didn’t work out like they wanted, but a warm shower and bed still might. Even if imperfect. They’ll settle for a cold shower at this point if something was up with the water system.
“Right then. I’ll leave you to it.”
There’s that two-fingered salute again, before Karim passes by them to head back down the hallway and to the stairs.
When he's out of sight, Sira stares blankly at room 206. There's no audible noise from the other side. Once they left the clinic, it was almost pitch dark outside, if not for the base's lights. The others might be asleep by this hour, which would be a relief since Sira thinks they've had enough of other people today. If the team is still awake, they might get hit with another barrage of questioning. It would be well-intentioned questioning, sure, like the rest of it has been, but it would still be too much for them to handle.
Especially after...whatever it was that happened earlier. They don’t want to think about that.
Sira gently knocks, only two taps, then they open the door. They turn out to be half-right. Only a small lamp in the room is turned on, so there isn’t much light, but Sira can still make out that two of the four other adults appear to be asleep.
There are five bunk beds in the room, arranged in rows along the left and right, and with metal frames and thin mattresses. Not all that comfortable looking, but it must be better than the hard floor Sira napped on back at the outpost. Lionel’s form is slumped on one to the right, while Therese lies with half of herself draped over Rani in one on the left, closest to the door.
Oh.
Sira makes a mental note of that.
Rani is still awake, one hand threaded through Therese’s hair and the other holding a book, but her eyes snap to the door as soon as Sira is within view. Mikael sits on a chair off to the right, in the process of what looks like either cleaning or repairing a rifle in his hands, the various materials and tools for the job spread out in front of him on a short, wooden table.
Sira swallows. There’s silence as they - still facing forward - carefully shut the door behind them and turn the lock. Rani’s face blends in with the shadows too much, while Mikael, who is closer to the light, displays no emotion other than the slight crease of his brow. His stare still makes Sira’s skin crawl regardless.
Granted, they all look a lot less intimidating when out of their armor. Rani has on a loose tank top and sweats, with Therese in something similar, and she guesses Lionel’s clothes are equally as casual. Mikael, however, isn’t fully out of uniform; he wears a loose-fitting black t-shirt, but still has on black pants and combat boots. Sira doesn’t want to look at him for too long, but with the skin now bare, they can’t help but notice the sleeves of tattoos that cover his arms.
“Hey there, Sira,” Rani’s tone is friendly, if a bit worn.
Now that they’ve spent time with the captain, Sira can’t help but notice the similarity in how the two of them speak cadence-wise. It’s not exact, but it's noticeable.
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She places the book in her hand face-down to keep her page and gives Sira an awkward wave with her free hand, rather than getting up and waking the other woman fast asleep on top of her.
“To be honest, I didn’t fully expect the captain to stick you with us for tonight, but it makes sense. Are you doing okay? You look kind of...”
Shitty, Sira finishes in their head, but they don’t let that slip. Are you okay? Are you feeling alright? How are you doing? The relentless concern is getting old. Maybe what happened earlier has them looking more shaken than before, but it’s not like Sira can tell.
Mikael says nothing, but his eye – or eye – remains on Sira.
He’s just not a people person, Karim had said. Knowing that now doesn’t keep Sira from thinking of him as a bit of a jerk.
“I’m okay,” Sira decides to say. “Karim said there was a shower in here.”
Rani doesn’t press them any further. She carefully angles her arm to avoid waking Therese and points to a wooden door to Sira’s left, on a part of the wall that juts forward and makes up part of the entryway. “Bathroom’s in there. I don’t know how much soap and hair stuff we have left. You can use my towel if you want. It’s the red one.”
Sira nods, then goes to the door. They waste no time in putting the barrier between Mikael’s gaze and themself. Rani says something to Mikael after the door is shut, but it’s too muffled for Sira to catch.
This bathroom is tight, with most of the space taken up by the shower and bathtub, with a sink and mirror of more accommodating size than the ones in the clinic. Three towels hang on a small bar affixed to the wall, one of them a dark red color.
The tub almost feels mocking; sinking into a warm bath and soaking their aching body in the water for a while sounds like heaven, but that doesn’t seem viable with all that’s going on.
Sira settles for twisting the shower knob to the hottest setting.
They set to work getting the boots off, and this time, they go out of the way to avoid looking at their reflection as they undress. They avoid looking down at themself too since seeing things from that angle could be even worse. It’s counter-intuitive when they’re about to bathe, but they think they can manage.
They glance over the disorganized cluster of toiletries on the sink, many of the bottles and tubes carelessly left open, but they don’t care enough to sort through it. Sira turns down the temperature on the water slightly, removes the bandage that the doctor wrapped around the needle site, and gets under the stream, pulling the curtain closed.
A pleased sigh escapes them. It’s the perfect temperature, warm and relaxing. They’re drained of energy, they squeezed several experiences straight out of a nightmare into less than a day, and their stomach might still be mostly empty, but at least they can have this.
They can't sink into a warm bath, no, but they can settle. They lower themself to the smooth bottom of the tub, curl their legs to their chest, and rest their head on their folded arms as the water runs over them. Not all that comfortable, but it’s something.
Sira staves off all thoughts about the incident from just a short while ago. While they can’t recall the exact sensation of it, the memory of the pressure closing in on them - the paralyzing fear they felt - remains. It may have been a one-time thing. They hope against hope that it is. As for what Karim was saying, that’s not the last time they’ll be seeing a doctor, or having a needle stuck in their arm.
Dwelling on that, they think, is like poking around at a door that should stay firmly shut.
There’s the disease in the mist. There’s the fact that it doesn’t seem to affect Sira, and that they might be the only person granted that mercy. There’s the idea that this ‘CPC’ might be able to use Sira to create a cure.
They don’t know how that process works, but they’re sure it involves them being studied.
Sira grimaces. If they keep experiencing what happened earlier, that borders on torture. But what other choice do they have? They weren't lying to Karim when they told him they have nowhere else to go. Although the others said the CPC isn't the only group of people out there, that there are settlements of people living out their lives amid the desolation.
Could they run away and try to find shelter among those groups?
It’s an option, but highly unlikely. Based on the way they look and their case of amnesia, they're certain they need extended medical care, and there's no way of knowing what it's like if they were to find one of the other 'factions,' or if those factions would even be friendly or have the resources. Random settlements of people in this mess seem even less likely to have the latter. Plus, the immunity thing might be difficult to hide, and that wouldn't go unnoticed.
Sira couldn’t make it on their own. Not a chance. They need help. No matter where they go, they’ll have no choice but to be a hassle. For all they know, the other organizations or groups of people out there may make all this look gracious and merciful by comparison.
No, they’ll stay. They’ll endure...somehow. The unknowns with leaving are too daunting for them to risk, and unless the others are good at putting on a show, they don’t come off as being keen on putting Sira through more anguish than they’ve already dealt with.
Even if that might still happen anyway.
They lift their head a little to look over their bruised knees and watch rivulets of grayish-brown water flow down the drain. A small amount of red accompanies it, but they assume that's from Mikael blasting that one phantom's head to pieces in such close proximity. Some parts of their skin sting, but it’s more like that of a scrape or burn than anything fully open.
They lightly trace their fingers over the needle site. It’s sore, but when they took the bandage off earlier, it didn’t look like it was bleeding.
At least they’re getting clean.
Sira braces on the edge of the tub and tile wall to get to a standing position. Head directly under the stream, they run a hand back through their hair. It’s greasy and has small chunks of stuff caught up in it, but it’s thick, and maybe would be pleasantly fluffy if they got to properly take care of it. Aside from their eyes, it’s another part of their appearance they don’t quite hate, despite its unnatural color.
They continue to thread hair fingers back through the strands, getting as much of the foreign material out as they can, and then scrub at their skin with their bare hands for any smears of dirt that need more force than just the running water. Once satisfied, they turn the water off, grab Rani’s towel to dab themselves dry to the best of their ability, and get re-dressed.
Back in the room, Mikael is still occupied with the firearm and Therese remains fast asleep on top of Rani, but Lionel has stirred. He sits on a bottom bunk next to Rani’s and they appear to be quietly discussing something before Sira comes out of the bathroom, the two turning their heads as Sira opens the door.
Mikael pays no attention to Sira’s presence this time.
“...um, hey.” Sira holds the pair of boots in one hand and the dressing for the needle site in the other. It didn’t get wet while in the shower, thankfully. Their voice has less of an edge, thanks to the shower, although it’s still raspy. “Lionel, you said you know about medical stuff, right?”
He perks up like an excited puppy. “I do indeed.”
So far he's oddly…energetic, compared to the rest of them, though I don't think I have a right to call anyone else odd. "I don't want to trouble you, but could you redo this bandage for me? The doctor said I needed to keep it on, and I don’t think I can tie it myself.”
Lionel laughs a little. “Oh, that’s easy. No trouble at all.”
Before Sira can say anything else, he’s on his feet and heading to their side. They stiffen as he takes the dressing from them rather unceremoniously, presses the gauze to the appropriate spot, and wraps the bandage back around their arm to hold it in place.
He’s a little too close to comfort. Sira stays still as a statue, arm angled slightly outward for easier access, but Lionel seems oblivious to the awkwardness.
Unless it’s not actually that awkward and Sira is just being oversensitive to the invasion of space. This is part of what they hoped to avoid when it came to the others asking if they needed support to walk, but they doubt they could tie it themself.
“If you move this arm around too much, you risk getting a bruise. Probably shouldn't have taken a hot shower if they took your blood. Do you feel dizzy at all?"
They are a little lightheaded, but considering what happened in the clinic and that they’ve felt sick all day, it’s impossible to tell whether the shower made it worse or better.
Even more reason to pick a bed and lie down. “I might be. Hard to say.”
“I could run and grab you something from the cafeteria if you want. There should still be one or two folks there running it even if it’s late. It’s important to get fluids back and all that,” he says.
He finally secures the bandage and takes a step back. Sira ventures a glance at him, eyebrow raised as they gently return their arm to their side. This is the same Lionel that Karim described? The way he put it, generosity didn’t seem like it was in the equation.
Although, he displayed a similar kind of eagerness when he first approached them in that ruined building, or offered to help them stand from the floor, so maybe it’s not unusual.
“I think I’ll be okay, but...thanks,” Sira replies.
“Gotcha.” There isn’t any trace of disappointment in his voice or on his face this time.
They expect him to try and prod them for information, but Lionel only turns away, yawns, and goes back to the bunk he was asleep in earlier. It could be that he’s too tired. Rani, with her book now sitting neatly on the small bedside table beside her, has a small smile on her face.
“You look much better,” she says.
Sira only looks away and rubs their arm sheepishly in response. She could just be saying that to be nice. All they did was get some of the dirt off, but it’s not like they want to go back and look in the mirror to confirm. Rani’s smile sags a bit when Sira doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t comment any further as she rests her head back against the pillow and rests her free arm on Therese’s back.
Scanning the room again, the bunk closest to the balcony doors looks free. They quietly pass Mikael, set the pair of boots down next to the bed, and climb in, turning their back towards the rest of the room to face the glass doors. There's a thin blanket folded at the edge of it, but they opt to go without since the shower left them feeling warmer than they probably should.
The room is quiet, save for faint noises from where Mikael sits and works on the gun, which isn’t enough to bother them. As they lie there, Sira notices how much tension is still in their body even after all that warm water, and they deliberately force it out with an exhale.
With the view to the outside, they notice - for the first time tonight - the wealth of stars in the night sky. The first truly peaceful moment they’ve had all day.
Sira still feels physically terrible, the pain hasn’t left, and calling earlier events ‘disturbing’ doesn’t do them justice, but it's a nice thought: despite the world having 'ended,' despite the monsters that exist out there, and despite the confusing and scary situation they're in, there are still stars.