I had never seen my village in chaos before. It was like that time a fox got among the chickens: all panic, useless squawking and people running everywhere and nowhere.

“Don’t just stand there! Get to the barrows!” grandmother shouted at some hapless Yars.

The barrows were the name we had for the mounds where the goblins punched through the earth from their warrens. It was where the most killing and dying would be done, hence the name.

“If I see anyone standing without a weapon then they’ll be on the receiving end of mine!” she hissed.

As we knew would happen, the red moon came.

As we feared, we were nowhere near ready.

“Natilda, guard the entrance to the house. I’ve sent the youngest of the Yars there,” grandmother said to me.

“But I want to fight with you, grandmother. I want to fight at the barrows,” I pleaded.

“The Sars and the Kors will meet them at the barrows, and we will pray to the moon mother that we hold them there.” She looked as strong and steady as iron, but the iron of a pot that has seen the fire too many times.

“The Kors are useless, Sar S’mar! They will get themselves killed for nothing. I have trained. Let me fight!”

I felt abandoned by her. My legacy as the new defender of the household had been a lie.

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Grandmother touched my shoulder with more tenderness than I had ever felt from my guardian and mentor before. “You will fight, Yar S’mar Natilda no Ystra Sama. I have no doubt that when the Red Moon sets, not a soul among us will be unblooded.” Her smile was soft, and fragile. “And it is because I have trained you that you must stay with the other Yars. The Kors are a useless bunch, it’s true, but who among the Yars is capable of defending themselves?”

It was undeniable. Save me, there was not one Yar who could face down a goblin.

“I don’t want to leave you, grandmother,” I whispered. “I don’t want to lose you.”

I was surprised at how true it was. I had trained myself as best I could to be ready for death, but only my own. Now the time was here, I found I was not ready to say goodbye to those I loved.

I saw myself then for what I really was, and always had been: a coward. It’s far easier to die than to be alone.

“My sweet child. Do not fret. When all is said and done, we shall feast around the fire in the moon mother’s hall. We will be reunited again.” She made sure I met her eyes when she said this.

“We will be reunited again,” I echoed.

“Here.” She took my hand and wrapped it around her spear. “Take this. Use it to defend your sisters.”

“But grandmother, you need it!”

“It will serve me best in your hands, child.” For the first time I can ever recall, I saw my grandmother’s eyes damp with tears. “I have always been proud of you, Natilda. With this, you will make me the proudest Sar who ever lived. And the proudest grandmother.”

I held the spear as if it had been gifted by the moon mother herself. It was heavier than I was used to, but I knew it would lend me my strength when I needed it most.

“Thank you, grandmother. I love you,” I said before I could stop myself.

“This house will be our last bastion, Natilda,” she said to me. “If all else fails, the only hope for the survival of our people will be you, your sword, and that spear. Do you understand me?”

“I understand.”

With a final smile, she touched her forehead to mine, and departed for the barrows.

It would be the last time I saw her alive.