The morning sun was doing its best to gift Seng Nu with light and warmth. It peeked through the curtains of her room and spread itself out on her bed like a present. But Seng Nu did not want to know about the world. Since the Battle of the Gate, a whole season had passed, the rains had come and gone, but she still felt the guilt weighing her down like a stone in the stomach. In a fit of anger she had killed.

She would only come out from under the bed covers for Zaw, who walked across the camp three times a day to bring her meals. Usually he brought them in steaming bowls and plates, but today, he was carrying a bundle of rice and snacks, wrapped up in banana leaf and tied with thin twine.

He himself was the second source of guilt. She liked him. She knew that he liked her. But she could not forget that she had made him forget. How much of this was real?

Outside, Zaw walked up the steps to what had been the former masters house, where Seng Nu now lived. She had made a token humble protest about being placed here, saying it was too big for one girl, but neither her nor the men would have tolerated her staying in the cramped dormitories. He climbed the thick beechwood stairs. This was the worst part of his day. He could walk perfectly fine on the flat ground, but climbing the stairs reminded his leg that it had been injured not that long ago and he had to slow himself all the way down to a near crawling pace as he took the stairs one at a time.

Finally he came to Seng Nu’s room and composed himself, putting on his most cheerful face as though he was putting on a tight yet well worn pair of boots. He knocked and opened the door.

“Come on” He said, doing his best to sound warm as he opened the door. “We’re going to see the elephants”

“Where do you think we are?” came the muffled voice from under the bedcovers. “I can look out the window anytime and see one.”

“Not like the ones I’m going to show you” said Zaw, trying resolutely cheery. He wondered if he should just whip the covers off and carry Seng Nu himself. then decided that would probably overstep the line.

“What’s so special about them?” Said Seng Nu. “Are they pink?” She sat up and let the cover fall revealing a face that was creased and torn around the eyes. She had been crying not long ago. Though Zaw himself was part of the reason, his presence helped to dissipate the guilt, as if his smile was the sun that cleared the morning fog.

“Well actually it’s the same elephants you know from here. Chyar will be there, and Jhabow of course, Pinkwetha too. It’s their off day today, you know. It’s not who they are, it’s what they are doing that is so special. Come on, you’ll love it. I’ve even cooked your favourite, greenhoof curry” He held the bundle wrapped in banana leaves up and the soft smell wafted through the room. Seng Nu sat up a little straighter.

“Just leave it here, Zaw .I don’t feel like going out. I’ll eat it from the leaf if there is no plate.”

“Seng Nu. You haven’t been out in a month. If you want it, you’re going to have to come out with me.” Zaw wafted the bundle even closer to Seng Nu’s face and then snatched it away as he made a quick turn. He stopped at the doorway and looked back. “I know you feel bad about what happened, Seng Nu. But I promise you won’t feel better if you stay here for the rest of your life. Come on, we all care about you. I care about you.”

The last words seemed to stir her and she sighed and sighed again, but slowly she moved up. “Fine.” she said, standing up and shaking herself with a shiver.

Zaw walked out and took the steps again “I’ll let you get ready. Hurry up.”

Soon they were both outside and walking out the north gate into the forest.

“I wasn’t going to stay in bed for the rest of my life, you know” said Seng Nu. “Just another month maybe.”

“I guess you like having me bring you breakfast in bed” said Zaw.

“And lunch and dinner too”

“I knew it!”

They walked silently for a while. At this time of year, it never was as cold here in the low forest as it was up on the eastern mountains, but even so, the bark on the trees seemed to hug itself a little tighter in this season, drawing their leaves in a little more snugly and saving their fruit for the new years. The birds too appeared to be more cautious and measured in their movements, only venturing down off their branches and nest to the ground when they were absolutely sure there was a worm or a ripe berry for the plucking. Petals and nectar were only winter dreams for most of the flowers who saved their energy for a summer bloom and yet there were a few plants who chose to flower at this time of year. The daisystars were out, tiny flowers of silver no bigger than a twinkle that bloomed in their thousands across the forest floor. There were orchids too here in the cold forest, that opened their cups at this time of year to sate the thirst of the furry legged moths who flew between the cold trees.

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“You said that I would feel better if I came out today.” Said Seng Nu. They had reached the river bank and were walking east along the banks. “And you’re right, it is good to breathe the air here. And to be with you. But that is what I was afraid of.”

“I don’t understand” said Zaw.

“It feels bad to be happy.” said Seng Nu and then looked at Zaw for the briefest of moments only to quickly turn her face away. “It feels bad to be happy when those men aren’t here.”

“Which men?” asked Zaw.

“The ones I killed!” Seng Nu dug the heels of her palms into her eyes to wipe away the tears that hadn’t yet formed and to hide herself from Zaw. “How can I be happy after what I have done? It can’t be right, Zaw. To do what I did, and to go on. While they are left behind as the world turns.”

Zaw knelt down beside her and placed an arm around her. He rubbed her back gently as she let go of the tears. They were still close, more close a pairing than any two souls in the forest. But Since the battle, Seng Nu’s withdrawal had put a hold on things going further. Zaw wished they could meet each other’s smiles again. “It’s not your fault Seng Nu. Gunthaw and those men, they would have done the same to us you know. You saw the way Gunthaw held that sword. How he spoke about us. You did what you had to do. For all of us.”

“I was angry at what they did to Pinkwetha, but it felt like I wasn’t myself, like I was watching myself doing something I couldn’t stop. What if it happens again? What if I can’t control myself?”

Seng Nu also knew that what had happened went against everything Nor Nor had taught her. She had commanded the trees, not asked them.

Zaw leaned in and hugged Seng Nu close. “It won’t. Because I know you aren’t that person.”

Zaw held Seng Nu and he held her for a long time. Zaw’s arms felt like a tight nest of comfort to Seng Nu, but she felt desire too. It came from the same roots as her early jealously, from the place that had told her to use the memory trick. But now, instead of the thickness of guilt, there was a dizzy feeling of floating.

After a while the silence was broken by a crashing, splashing sound coming from further down the river. Seng Nu wanted to ignore it, but after a short time, she heard it again. Normally only the timber hitting the river was large enough to make that sort of sound, but it was not the rainy season yet and the logs were not ready to travel.

“What is that?”

“That’s what I wanted to show you” Said Zaw. “Come on.” He took her by the hand and led her further up the river path.

They finally came to a curve in the river where a lagoon had formed by the banks. It was deep even in the dry season and the elephants came here to bathe and be bathed year round. Old grandfather Tai had propped himself up against the bank, his lower legs in the water. The position didn’t look comfortable to Seng Nu but he had his eyes closed and looked blissful enough. On the other side of the lagoon, some of the younger elephants were playing, squirting each other with water from their trunks and pushing and shoving each other in the merry way that only children can do.

“So what did you bring me here to see?” asked Seng Nu. In fact she was more than satisfied to have come to the forest with Zaw today and didn’t even care if the promise of something special had been just a trick to get her out the house. She had already shared something special with Zaw.

“Look over there.” Zaw pointed to the far end of the lagoon where the thick willow trees hung over the water like sentinels. Between them was another wooden structure, not a tree but a platform of sorts. “We built it for them.”

It was a huge piece of polished wood that must have been made from many trees put together. It was almost as wide as the huts and was held at a curving angle so that the bottom of it dipped just above the surface of the water while the other end stretched up and away into the forest almost reaching the very tops of the trees. It was polished smooth and was wet, even though it had not been raining.

Seng Nu frowned and tilted her head to try and understand “What is…?”

But at that moment her question was answered for her. At the very top of the platform she saw a black shadow in the unmistakable shape of an elephant. Her mouth dropped open.

“There’s a hill made of earth behind, so they can climb up” Said Zaw, anticipating her question.

And then the elephant, high upon the platform, sat his bottom down on the wood. And began to move towards them, sliding down the ramp, picking up speed. As he reached the end, the curve lifted him up and he sailed above the lagoon for a short distance before landing with a heavy splash in the centre, sending thick blooms of water into the air above the pool

He raised his trunk and squealed merrily.

Zaw had a proud expression as he turned to Seng Nu, after all the elephant lagoon slide had been his idea. “What do you think?” He asked.

But Seng Nu was already off, racing around the pool towards the slide. “I want to try it!” she yelled in delight.